I swear, some of these "goth is whatever you want it to be" people act like telling them they're not goth means the Federal Bureau of Goths is going to break down their door and confiscate all their black clothes.
Loves, no one is gatekeeping what you wear. No one is even gatekeeping goth events! You can still go to goth clubs as a non-goth--you just may not enjoy it as much if you don't like the music. All we ask is that you not use the label, which is shorthand for "fan of goth music," to describe yourself if you are not, in fact, a fan of goth music.
We love seeing your cool outfits and gorgeous makeup and flawlessly-dyed hair, and we love sharing aspects of our subculture! But the second you try to redefine it and take away the ONE requirement, we get protective. Darkly-inclined is a wonderful label--use it! Use alternative! Don't use goth, emo, punk, or grunge if you aren't fans of the corresponding music genres. Can you imagine if I, who's never listened to K-pop, only heard of two K-pop bands, and couldn't name a single member of BTS called myself a K-pop stan? (Punk is probably the only one here that's a little more flexible, since it's also rooted in a political movement and protesting, but it still found its birthplace in the music--music which then led to post-punk and goth rock, might I add).
Subcultures have to have a barrier of entry to be a subculture. There has to be a way to set apart the people who are in it and those who aren't. Saying someone isn't goth is not an insult! We don't look down upon you. We get annoyed with poseurs, but not someone who's just into the fashion and makeup aspect and doesn't try to redefine what a goth is. I guarantee there's probably a spooky, black-clad non-goth that I've followed a makeup or DIY tutorial from, and I think that's wonderful. I love that we have this shared interest, even if we have different taste in music.
We're not trying to be mean when we enforce the one rule to be a goth (there is a second unspoken rule, to not be a bigot, but that's a rule that goes without saying for most groups--please know that when you see a so-called "goth" spewing racist bullshit or other kinds of hatred, the rest of us are NOT in agreement with them and want them evicted from our subculture). We love welcoming new people in, and we love seeing the goth scene thriving. It's just that our subculture means a lot to us, and although fashion is a big part of it, it has always truly been about the music. The music came first (watch old videos of 80's goth clubs--hardly anyone there looks recognizable as a goth today!), and it's the backbone of goth. When you call yourself goth, you're telling fellow goths "we like the same kinds of music." I want to get music recommendations from you, dang it, and share some of mine! I've had so many people insult the music I like and tell me my taste is shit, so it's nice to find someone who likes the same sounds and connects with the same lyrics, you know? Music is the strong glue that holds us together and unites us all. It brought us together in the 80's and has kept us together up until now. So when you try to take that away, to mold the goth label into whatever it takes to fit you because you didn't fit it, that's when we've got a problem.
And if you're into the fashion but don't like goth music now, do not despair, because that doesn't mean you'll never be a goth! Give it a listen. Check out different subgenres and bands. You might like what you hear. Synth and EBM were what bridged the gap for me. I started off being super into the fashion, but would be hard-pressed to name a goth band other than Bauhaus or Siouxsie and the Banshees. I was listening to Halloween Vocaloid songs and Lady Gaga, for the most part. I tried a few goth rock songs and didn't like them. And then I found The Birthday Massacre, and suddenly, those goth rock songs didn't sound so bad anymore. They sounded beautiful, atmospheric, ethereal, melancholy in a way you can still dance to. It wasn't long before I was devouring every subgenre of goth music I could get my hands on and making an ever-growing list of bands to check out and songs I liked. I was digging goth music like a grave, and all it took was a band that fit somewhere in the middle of the upbeat, techno dance-worthy music I was used to, the spooky lyrics I liked, and a gothy sound that got me craving more. Sometimes that's all it takes. Goth music is noticeably different from other genres, and hearing the unfamiliar sometimes results in dislike. It's an acquired taste for some, kind of like coffee, but once you get into it, you'll wonder how you even hated it at all in the first place.
Goth is my home, my family, and although I welcome all who show an interest, there's a difference between someone who actually wants to get involved in the subculture and those who wear a mask so they can pretend to be because they like the sound of the label, the allure, how cool it makes them feel, and insist they must be goth and all who tell them otherwise are just elitists. We call those people "poseurs," friend--don't be like them. If goth music just isn't for you, but you love the fashion, that's cool. Just don't call yourself "goth" if you're not a fan of goth music, since that's what the word means in the first place.
