#gooddayderma

Came close a few times, not gonna lie, but pulled myself away and immediately tried to give my brain a task. I have a lot of projects going on atm, so that’s not difficult. I also have some friends inadvertently helping motivate me (competition can be fun sometimes, haha). Plus I really want to improve in certain aspects of my life as well, and recently that has been a nice push.

To be honest, I’ve found myself being a light picker recently. Even before this challenge was presented to me. I attribute some of it in my dabblings of psychology and testing out different ways of making myself feel and think happier.

To what I attribute most of it, from what I can gather right now, is implementing a schedule to my routine. I don’t have a job, I work on my own projects and occasionally freelance. I used to be rather lax and my productivity was low. I changed it a while back to having a daily set of tasks. I’d plan a week or two ahead and do my best to get each thing listed every day complete. It started off okay, but that prior laxness caught up with me and I ended up getting behind. I stressed myself out when I found myself sitting there at the end of the day, things still on my to-do list. I couldn’t keep up, it clearly wasn’t working. I was only feeling like crap and I was being lazy, the opposite of what that was supposed to do.

So I changed it. And I changed it fairly recently. I started a new method on the fourth of this month, and the results have been STAGGERING! I not only am being WAY more productive, I’m WAY more happier! I /feel/ both mentally and physically better and healthier.

Instead of daily to-dos, I would have specific times where I would do a specific /general/ subject. I like to draw, so from 12-1, I will practice drawing. I have a 30 minute break, and then from 130-2, I write, etc. I don’t have any /exact/ thing to do, I can do whatever I want in those time slots as long as it relates to the purpose of the time slot. I will only focus on drawing from 12-1. I will avoid checking messages/emails/etc., I won’t write, I won’t do anything BUT draw. It can be a specific project, or it can be practice, whatever it is, it has to be drawing. I even threw in a 30 minute gym session at the end of the day since I’ve been wanting to go to the gym more. (Exercise is good for both mental and physical health.)

Alongside that new schedule, I’ve still been keeping up with the standing/walking around every 20 minutes for two minutes. It’s terrible for your body to sit for so long, plus walking around gives your brain time to rest and do something different. I usually stretch, clean up a little, make a snack, etc.

I have to say, the difference is just...beyond what I could’ve expected. I don’t know if this could apply to anyone, but I’d recommend giving it a shot if you could. Finding what works for you is totally worth experimenting and exploring different options.

That all being said, there is /definitely/ a correlation with my happiness and decreased picking. I know stress/anxiety/etc. increase it, but I was never sure if positive emotions did the opposite. I /feel/ like it has. I don’t feel the need to pick. I look at the wounds I have, and sure the feeling is still there, but it’s not as strong. I can fight it off easier. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m still picking, but there is a noticeable improvement!)

I think it was for a mix of reasons. I was freezing this morning (forgot to turn on the heat last night OOPS haha) and my interest in picking was nil. I even “attempted” to pick by teasing my nails on some scabs but my brain immediately went “NO STOP GAH” as I’ve described before.

I’ve also been extremely busy today. Walking around a lot in the apt, doing a lot of work online, etc. So keeping my hands (and brain) at work is definitely a surefire way to prevent picking. Unfortunately, in order to /get/ busy, I have to /want/ to work, and that’s a lot of effort in itself :P

I’ve been trying to stay positive. Looking at the positive sides of life. Knowing that my life isn’t really as shitty as I used to make it out to be.

I had a good day today. I had a fucking damn great day. I only picked twice. I was insanely productive, I got a lot done. Nothing bad happened. (I didn’t go to the gym because I forgot, too caught up in work, but not the end of the world xD)

I don’t want to sound pessimistic or cynical and be like “it’s not gonna last,” because, fuck it. Sure it’s not gonna last, but I’m gonna enjoy it while I can. Not only that, but the future doesn’t have to be as dark as the past. It’s whatever I wanna make it out to be.