#talkaboutit

Please listen to us. Please hear about our sorrow.

In processing the recent news about Asian hate crimes and the authorities who are humanizing the criminals responsible... I have a few thoughts.

First, this has been ongoing. It may be shocking to some who don’t read or hear about hate crimes, but it is never too late to condemn hateful and evil actions.

Second, for the families impacted, I can only hope and pray they find peace because not only are they grieving but they must go through the agonizing legal and judicial process of proving the criminal had hatred for their race.

Third, my heart aches. I have personally grown up around racial bias and discrimination. I have been harassed as an adult. I have been silenced by members of the unbelieving majority. But I have risen above and here, I stand, not with blame or hatred for any of the people who have wronged me or members of my race, but with empowerment to speak out because I absolutely hate the model minority myth that perpetuates the stereotypes that Asians are to be successful yet subdued, or that Asians are not true citizens and have homes in Asia or that Asian men are weaker or Asian women are acceptable sexual fetishes, or that Asians cannot and should not defend themselves when mistreated.

And for the record, I am 100% American - born and raised in Texas, and my first language is English. I have also never been diagnosed with COVID-19 nor have I ever even traveled to Asia. I, too, go to church and I am a Christian.

Als twaalfjarig meisje had ik heel veel last van acne, ik gebruikte geen make-up naar school. Ik had al geëxperimenteerd met make-up maar had besloten voor mezelf dit niet naar school te dragen.

Ik ging al even naar school en had enorm veel last van mijn acne, ik had ook een probleem aan mijn tanden. Ik had namelijk een open beet.

Ik liep naar de ene kant van de weg om mijn bus te kunnen nemen en ik moest wandelen door de mensen, het school was net gedaan waardoor het vrij druk was.

Toen ik plots passeerde langs een oudere groep jongens. Ik hoorde de jongens heel luid zeggen (zodat ik het zeker hoorde) :’DRAAK!!’.

Mijn eerste reflex was natuurlijk zorgen dat ik zo rap mogelijk wegliep van die groep jongens.

Maar ik herhaalde hun woorden continu in mijn hoofd, waardoor ik me enorm slecht begon te voelen over mijn zelfbeeld.

Dit had ik ook toen zogenaamde goede vrienden enkele jaren na het voorval roddelden over me.

Dit waren zelfs geen roddels meer maar echt persoonlijke aanvallen op IK als persoon. Ze zeiden dat ik zelfs niet met een zak over mijn hoofd naar buiten kon komen, etc.

Als de naïeve persoon die ik was, was ik er natuurlijk helemaal kapot van. Omdat ik enorm veel om deze mensen gaf, en deze zag als beste vrienden.

Ik stortte in en uitte dit door heel hard te huilen. Ik wou niet meer buitenkomen, als het van mij afhing zou ik voor de rest van m’n leven binnen zitten.

De gevoelens die ik toen had, kan ik in 1 knip terug voelen wanneer ik terug denk aan dat moment. Ik zie me nog zitten in de badkamer met mijn rug leunend tegen het douche raam.

Zo’n zaken waren redenen in mijn leven dat ik enorm onzeker werd en dus niet graag in de spotlight stond. Ik kon niet kijken naar mezelf in de spiegel want ik zag wat iedereen zag. Een lelijk meisje, die beter niet meer buitenkwam.

Met dit bericht wil ik aantonen dat woorden enorm veel impact kunnen hebben. Dat mensen het recht niet hebben elkaar aan te pakken op uiterlijk en dat als je aan jezelf werkt op uiterlijk vlak, dat je dit doet omdat jij zelf dit wilt, niet om anderen een plezier te doen.

Ik heb meer meegemaakt dat mijn onzekerheid hebben veroorzaakt, maar dit waren toch wel dingen die nog altijd blijven hangen.

Nu omarm ik mezelf helemaal! Natuurlijk heb ik nog onzekerheden, wie heeft dit niet? Maar ik geef niet meer om wat mensen van me denken.

Geloof me ik verander mezelf nog maar ik doet dit voor mezelf!

My baby was just a few weeks when I lost him. I say "him" because the moment I found out I was pregnant I imagined a little boy. I went to get my first ultrasound, I was so excited but that excitement quickly faded when the doctor did not find a heart beat. Everything that happened next is so blurry. How can you feel so much pain but feel so numb at the same time ? I was given a pill along with a little container. I vaguely remember being told that after taking the pill I would experience contractions until " a little ball like" would come out and to put it in the container which was to be brought back to the doctors the next day. I laid in bed all night crying like I've never cried before, contractions all night until it finally happened. I put my baby in the little container and headed back to the doctors in the following morning. I was scheduled for a D & C to extract whatever was left to avoid any infections. The local anesthesia did not work, I was way too scared I could not "relax" like the doctors kept asking me to. I laid there and felt everything.

I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Typically the babys parents share the same pain but he's perfectly fine, I'd even say almost relieved. So I feel alone and Im sharing this all because this happens to 1 in 4 of us, if you're one of those 1s, you're not alone. I'm so sorry that you experienced this painful heart wrenching unimaginable loss.

So disappointed in some of my people and I'm not okay. It's not okay that some people STILL have said nothing about what's happened in the last 3 weeks but are extremely vocal about the Pandemic.

Your silence about the death of George Floyd and countless others, police brutality and just plain murder, have been hard to take, and at least once a day I've thought about it. I usually wouldn't voice my opinion about this particular topic because I've always been an advocate for people being entitled to their opinion, to do whatever feels good for them. But this time, the silence is too loud. There's an elephant 🐘 in the room.

I don't like to make up a story in my head so I've started trying to not guess and create excuses for people, but this time I'm going to give it a shot and say it's any number of the reasons below:

- That's nothing to do with me

- I just can't..I need to keep my sanity

- I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to get involved in these awkward discussions

- This happens all the time, what can I do?

- I don't want to say the wrong thing so I'll just be quiet

- I'm not going to say anything so we can move on 'cause we should be off this topic already

- This is depressing so we need to move onto the fun stuff again

-I can't be around all of that negativity

-I've got law enforcement in my family/circle so...

And any number of other reasons that are likely personal to you. I can give these examples because I know I've felt a couple of them in the past myself. This time though, with the unrest extending all over the world I'd think it would be something we'd all talk about. COVID was all you spoke about until a few weeks ago, and then, nothing.

It's been amazingly eye-opening, albeit saddening, that there are still family and friends of people with mixed heritage who have still not even acknowledged this, not only black people.

You realize this, not because they don't post on their social media, or don't check in on you when they can see it affects you, but because it's never even mentioned in conversations! And please don't mention it in a group conversation or when they ask how you are collectively and you bring up how you feel about this because, there will be nothing from certain people! No real response to it. It floors me that someone would choose to not say anything about it at all!

Now, I understand that we're still in a pandemic and that it's been harder for some than others, mentally. But let's be honest - racism has been the Pandemic forever. Is our capacity for growth and love so damn small that they can't exist together? If it's because you feel like it doesn't affect you, well...it does. If you have a black person in your family or in your circle period, it really does. Why would you feel it doesn't? Perhaps you still have the mindset of not wanting to be seen as siding with the people who are being treated this way?

Whatever it is, I'd like to counter this, can you examine yourself and why you really aren't addressing it? Then, why you hold the opinion that you do? Is it time for a change? Can you do that without feeling attacked that you're even being asked about this?

Listen, seeing the same thing happen, over and over again can be numbing. You start to believe that this always happens, it's sad to hear but what can you do about it. You've got to get on with your life. Well of course you do, we all do, but iygnoring and just living with this no longer works. Not for me or the people that are in your life. Doing, the same thing over and over again without addressing what's behind this aversion to talk about it, well, it's not working for me or those people you know either.

So here's what you actually can do:

Listen when it's brought up and acknowledge it.

Talk about it, bring it up even, because the only way out is through.

Through having conversations that may be awkward and freaking uncomfortable.

Through discomfort there can be serious understanding and growth.

Through understanding there is empathy and connection.

We can together, be present, and make space for each other's humanity.

Otherwise, your silence is deafening to me and others who are your family and friends. For me personally, it's all I hear and from now on, I see you.