So, related personal anecdote (stay tuned for good news later in the post):
The abot raid came at . perhaps the worst time it could have? I was already having a major depressive episode; bad enough that I pulled away from my friends, bad enough that i went on hiatus, bad enough i didnโt eat much of anything for 2-3 days, like. worst episode of the yearย bad. Rest assured, the root cause had nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the fact that I was very soon to move back into my abuserโs home for an undetermined amount of time. and none of my usual coping methods were working.
Iโm in that home as of yesterday. Like, timeline wise it was gonna happen this soon.ย I was actually supposed to go back July 25th but the furniture folks wanted to retrieve their stuff early, and I didnโt fancy camping out on the floor surrounded by laundry for 3 days.
.
So when I saw what happened, it was more or less just a rotten cherry on top of a bigger, fuller, already long existing shit cake.ย โThis may as well happen nowโ kind of deal. And it kind of .. gave me perspective in a roundabout way.
That maybe it was time to reach for help for those other things. Maybe it was time to admit, to own up that Iโve always had a real hard time, even if thatโs old news to folks whoโve been with me for a while. That I can stop putting holds on trying to quantify when something I experienced counted asย โbad enoughโ to warrant asking for help.ย
So honestly? these fiascoes got me to :
- come off hiatus, start speaking with friends and people again because
- actually ask for direct help on tumblr again for the first time in years - get me hype for directly engaging my followers again, which in turnย had me see... just how many good, loving, givingย folks there are out there. kind messages came in bucket loads.
like, thatโs so many lovely people ... that i was lucky enough to be blessed by. i want the emphasis here to be on look how many sweet folks there are, kind people exist on here. - make more excited to establish the kind of back and forth i used to have with followers a while back, before these shenaniganizersย
so .. not total loss
And I wanna just give a big
Thank You
to everyone out there who have contributed to making this space a kinder one for me. you all deserve a gentle evening listening to relaxing rain, cuddled comfortably in soft blankets, with a food ya like โฅ













