#gonelove

i don’t even know if you still read my entrys. my posts. but anyways. you seem to be happy, and that is good. cause all i ever wanted you to be was happy. i am sad and disappointed that it’s not me who makes you happy...but i guess my problems were too much, i guess i got a bit too selfish. and i’m sorry for my behavior. like really, really sorry. if i knew that i made you unhappy i wouldn’t have acted the way i did. i would’ve done everything to make you happy again. so that you can smile, without its being a lie. so that you can look at yourself again and see the beautiful young woman that i still see and will be forever seeing.

it makes me sad. the thought that you just forgot me. within a week, even though we promised ourselves to spend a whole lifetime together. maybe not as girlfriend and girlfriend, but as friends. i wonder if you still think about me like i do. every free second in my mind it’s still you. ever time before i go to bed, it’s you again on my mind. with your beautiful laugh, your beautiful body. your beautiful character. everything. i replay the moments we had. i replay so much, that in the end i torture myself. and i do not want to stop. because it makes me happy in some kind of way. i know there will never be an “us” again, because you don’t want that. and that is fine. but answer me; so you still think about me, like i think about you? or is it all just a case of bad memories for you? everything we did. like the thousands of miles we drove together, just because you liked it to drive next to me. like the thousands of kisses, just because i liked to sneak myself so many, afraid to maybe never be able to kiss you again.

so, again. i’m asking. do your mind sometimes still wander off to me? or am i completely gone out of your life?

i know you want me to hate you, but how can i hate someone so precious like you?

how could i hate you, when everything i feel for you is a heart full of love?