Akashi Seijurou is used to the idea of an arranged marriage. He is used to the idea of a marriage of convenience, to a choice that is not his. So it's not that much harder to get used to the idea of having a soulmate.
After all, not all people have soulmate marks. Not all people with soulmate marks actually find each other. And in that small group of people... not all fall in love.
Love is a broad term. Respect is so much easier to understand.
Yet, and he only ever thinks about this in his most vulnerable moments, he loved his mother. And though it's sometimes hard to understand, he knows he will not be able to hold back against this feeling. If he marries someone he does not love, he does not know if he will be able to keep up the facade in the face of love.
So he does what he does best. He researches the shit out of every possible option - if he were to use Ryota's language.
-
What he doesn't expect in all his calculations, is to meet you on his first day at Rakuzan, clipboard pressed against your chest as you listen to his speech.
It's cliche as hell. He's the Captain and you're the Manager. His father is one of Rakuzan's biggest sponsors and you're here on a scholarship. He's confident and you're not... He's in love and you're pretty much clueless.
Akashi knows, weeks before he spots the familiar mark on your neck, that he doesn't care.
He thought himself a rational thinker, not overly emotional, yet he's fallen so hard for you he's forgotten how to get up.
"You need to drink more water," he tells you gently as the heat beats down on all of them. "It's no good if our manager succumbs to dehydration."
"Of course, Captain," you respond, seemingly unaffected as your hands touch when you hand him his water bottle.
God, he's hopeless.
Flirting is hard when you've never had to do it before.
Everyone else already loved him for who they expected him to be. All he had to do was keep up the expectations.
-x-
"Are you okay?" You ask.
The rest of the team had advised against it. Losing the Winter Cup, especially against an Underdog Team like Seirin, had shaken the Captain pretty hard. He'd still been in there when Mibuchi left as the last of the team, gentle hand on your shoulder trying to lead you away.
"He needs to be alone for a moment," he'd told you but you just smiled and nodded and told him you'd see him in school.
Akashi is... exceptional. Probably always has been.
You'd been unable to keep from researching him, watching hours after hours of old Teiko games, heart beating faster every time you spotted his blurry red hair.
There's something about him that keeps you on your toes, heart beating faster, breath catching in your throat.
It's not just his looks, you know, because you'd hoped it'd only be that. No one, not even the guys on the team, can deny that he's attractive. Your hand had brushed his hair barely once and you're still unable to forget it, the silky texture, the bright red.
There's also the fact that he doesn't ask for attention, he just gets it. He never gets flustered, or nervous, or scared. Even faced with the harsh reality of half the team quitting because they didn't want a first-year as a Captain he didn't despair.
He treats everyone with respect and you, the manager, with kindness.
How could you not fall in love with him?
And then there's the fact that he's your soulmate.
-
His fingers twitch in his lap. The strap of your bag is digging into your shoulder.
"You haven't lost often, have you?" You ask, lump in your throat. "I know your stats."
His soulmate mark is on his left shoulder. You'd seen it once by accident, at your second-ever training when some ass "accidentally" poured his sports drink over Akashi's jersey.
You wonder if it tingles right now like yours does whenever he's near. You wonder if he'd care if he knew. Not that it matters right now.
"This is my first." He says, eyes on his hands. His voice is empty.
You take a seat on the bench opposite to his, heart quivering in your chest.
"I'm sorry," you tell him, because you are. "I know it must hurt. It hurts me too. But..." You swallow. "I don't think it's that bad. Everyone loses sometimes. And it's better to lose one game than your life, right?" You're not sure what convinces you to say the next words. But they're out of your mouth before you realize it.
"I heard bad luck in games makes you lucky at love..."
His head shoots up so fast you fear it's going to give him whiplash.
His eyes zero in on you and you have half a mind to wonder how they seem to have changed color - or at least one of them did - before he speaks.
"Do you mean that?"
"Huh?!" You ask, surprised by the intensity of his tone.
"Do you mean that? That I'd be lucky at love?"
You blink.
"You're Akashi Seijurou," you tell him, voice quivering with emotion, "Who could not love you?"
He says nothing for a long moment. Then, the movement so painstakingly slow it hurts, he pulls his shirt off his shoulder.
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pairings: murasakibara atsushi x ex!female reader x gojou satoru
genre: angst, bittersweet ending (no happy ending in my halal household hahahah i refuse it. i deny it.)
words: 2.726
warnings: depressive periods of time, mentions of makeup sex, breakup.
request: Anonymous said: first at all, i love your blog and your writing. Well, my request is angst, Murasakibara (or all you want) been invited to the wedding of his ex s/o. They have a bitter ending in their relationship. They loved each other but the stress, and really bad arguing make her leave. What happen? try opposing the wedding? S/O cancel the wedding for her own decision? Or make the wedding to the end and marry? I hope you have a great day.
atsushi kept staring at the invitation card in his hands. the material of the fine art paper only catching the moisture from his now sweaty palms and turning a bit soggy at the spots where his fingertips touched the card. the quality of the paper is really good but atsushi is also going through a weird rush of nervousness.
the embellished ink, the brusher font, the gold and silver fragments adorning the text; all indicate that it is a lavish event and it is one.
you are getting married after all and atsushi would not have expected otherwise. your aesthetic is unmatched and he cannot help but smile softly to himself (even through the nervousness) at the minimal yet eye-catching invitation card.
albeit, he keeps pondering on one question: why the hell are you inviting him, your ex, to your wedding?
︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
being in a relationship with atsushi is a huge undertaking. it is not just an emotional investment but a bigger mental one where one always has to be okay with their boyfriend being gone for days and weeks on end. on top of that, even when he is with you, it does not necessarily feel like he is with you, owing to his daydreaming nature. he is often lost in his own thoughts, more often than not replies in weird analogies to even a simple ‘do you want to watch a movie tonight?’ question. one might think that his obsession with food would pose a threat in any kind of romantic relationship that he will be involved in but rather, it is his personality which often metes out cold and unwelcoming responses to which, even a warm person grows desensitized.
it was painful to watch how the relationship turned so sour. life would have been better if he just had a simple tsundere personality but he does not. it is a more ‘i cannot be bothered’ personality which, unfortunately, rubs off the wrong way in most situations, even when you try your best to not let it affect you much.
he loved you, still does today. the only issue being: he is so bad at emotions that he makes a tsundere look like the most romantic person on earth. he has no hobbies or any kind of general goal in his life. atsushi only ever gets excited when he is facing a particularly strong opponent during a match; basketball being the only thing which burns any kind of flame of passion inside him. even in that field he is usually faced with disappointment because not a lot of people can overcome his level. even if they overpower him with techniques, they usually fail in front of his physical stature. which brings us to a six feet ten inches creature with little to nothing to live for.
one might wonder that he has love in his life so that is a reason to live for, it is one but not a very strong one to keep you going in life. atsushi does not crave for death or any such pessimistic things but he is also not equipped with a lot of optimism every morning that he wakes up.
you are usually by his side, your naked form sprawled next to him, the white sheet on top of your body slipping with every movement your soft actions make and he cannot help but stare. he adores you deeply, is truly in love with you but boy is he lost. he is lost in life, he has no path to go on, has no goal to fulfill, no aspirations to look up to. it is all just a huge question mark and no matter how much he tries to fill the voids in his life with things to do, they always fall short.
basketball has stopped being a sport to him, it is more like a daily workout that his body has grown used to. he does not care about what the coach says or what his teammates expect from him, do they even talk to him? he is not sure anymore, and it certainly does not help much that himuro is gone back to the states.
you on the other side, feel the same way. being with a person who has no inspiration in his life feels counterproductive because it robs you off the energy to work too. you wake up in the morning in an empty bed, the soft rhythmic flow of the washroom shower filling up the ambience. when you first started dating, you two used to stay up all night in each others’ arms talking. talking about everything and nothing, from NASA’s new mars expedition to the new flavour of boba tea unveiling at the local store downstairs, the two of you just had something to talk about but with time everything just faded away into thin lines and soon they disappeared to the point where when you remember the memories of your conversations with him, they feel like fever dreams and not the past reality. the atsushi then and now are two different people but i guess that is what happens when people lose their will to move on in life.
being naturally talented, atsushi has always tasted nothing but victory from the very beginning and that has robbed him of a lot of opportunities for growth; leaving him as an unproductive mess.
most instances, you are supportive of him. you always support him in whatever he decides to do or not do, irrespective of what it is about which kept the relationship alive, really.
the worst part was the arguments which became inevitable day by day. arguments with him were dumb, down right stupid because he never knows what you are upset or angry or frustrated about. it is times like this when his cold behavior really makes an appearance because if he does not care about you or your feelings, why exactly are you in this relationship? why are you constantly trying so hard to accommodate him in any way so he can also find a resolution someday? why are you trying so hard to inspire him, lending him your energy and then coming up as void yourself?
well, every argument ends with him picking you up and throwing you on the bed as you both tear each others’ clothes off. that is the only solace left in the relationship; crazy monkey sex. if it were not for the condoms, one would think you two breed like rabbits. but sex has an expiry date, the physical urges die down and sometimes need the emotional push to go back to the old sexual equation.
which was never present in your relationship in the first place so when you both got tired of makeup sex, the relationship fell apart like a house of cards built on a sandcastle. it was noiseless, weightless. a glance of his eyes told you, he has lost the energy to even fuck you. physically he can, but he cannot look you in the eyes with love and adoration in his eyes like he has always.
so you left; no words, no pleasantries, no painful goodbyes. you woke up one day and just left after moving out your stuff from your shared apartment.
at first you thought life would be hard without atsushi around. your giant of a boyfriend had really grown on you but it was ironically, very easy. you soon fell into a schedule: working, going out with friends, partying in the weekends, going on vacation trips to exotic countries — life kept throwing different experiences at you and you grabbed at them like a man in a dead desert. you were hungry for experiences, for newer things to try and hence never wasted any time to try everything out which effectively kept you quite busy in life, even happy with the buzz. atsushi soon became a past, a past which had kept you chained but now you were free like a bird.
that is how you met your now fiancé, gojou satoru. he was your seatmate on an airplane to the maldives. by the time the plane landed on foreign soil, gojou had you on a laughing train owing to his never ending goofiness. his striking personality amused you to no end. after deboarding the plane, you kept looking at the back of his slender figure waiting for his cab. your hands clutched on the handle of your bag tighter as you fought between the urge to approach him again or quietly walk away.
you have not even been on a date after your break up with atsushi although a lot of people did approach you but you turned them all down claiming that you needed time to replenish your energy that you lost. it was not a lie but it was not the entire truth either. a part of you was also afraid that you would never come to love another man as much as you loved atsushi. but at the moment, standing there at the terminal on either side of the roadway, clearly destined to opposite directions, you could not help but let your feet carry you towards the charming magnet that was gojou satoru.
a slight tap on his shoulder and gentle pleasantries later, you found yourself in his hotel room at night. yes things were moving too fast but nothing in life has ever felt more right than being in the same room as satoru. the actions that followed till the wee hours of the night became a routine during the rest of your trip which went from a solo trip to a couple trip soon, filling up your camera roll faster than any beautiful scenery ever has. he was a ball of joy and you could not help but keep him to yourself, hell with the world if one chooses to call you selfish. you were selfish when it came to satoru.
︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
atsushi walked in the wedding venue with kuroko. he convinced kuroko to accompany him to the wedding because he had no courage to show up alone, simultaneously he did not want to miss your wedding either. how can he miss it, you are the love of his life, after all.
on a side note, he partly wishes to win you back right before when you and your fiancé exchange vows and then run away with you. where? he does not know but he owes it to you to at least try once, to repay you for all the times that you have tried for him.
he was dressed in a dapper suit that he had to get tailored because of his unusual body specifications. it cost a fortune because of the short time of notice but he looked like the life of a party, contrary to how he last looked like to you: lifeless.
atsushi had tied his long locks back in a low ponytail, the shorter strands in the front falling gracefully near his eyes, lending him a darker yet powerful aura.
he guessed you would in one of the green rooms, still getting ready for the big day ahead. so he excused himself from his blue haired companion who diligently reminded him to not end up doing anything regrettable. the cautious words fell on deaf ears as atsushi walked towards the back of the building with conviction in his eyes, to win you back. yes, he has a goal finally. this is what he needs to do and he will not rest till he achieves it. atsushi felt a rush of adrenaline, a smile on his lips to commemorate the high flow of epinephrine through his veins.
however, instead in one of the changing rooms, he found you sitting in front of the bar. his eyes fell on your figure sat on the bar stool, a glass of what he assumes is gin and tonic in your hand.
a face full of makeup and yet your natural beauty outshining every product that was sitting atop your skin right now. you were dressed in complete white from head to toe. the dress hugged your figure perfectly, the cleavage though subtle but owing to your sitting position, it let on a deeper delve and he was not complaining. all he could think at the moment was how you would feel now. how would your soft skin feel against his, underneath him again. he is too impatient to find out as he rushed his feet nearer to the bar.
you were laughing, your hand one hand on the bar counter supporting your titled head which was directed at another figure sitting in front of you. atsushi was unable to see who it was because of a huge pillar right in front of his field of vision but he assumes it is probably one of your friends.
he cannot help but feel the same butterflies that he had felt when he first saw you back on the first day of university. you had crashed into him and while he helped you up, all you did was gawk at him because of his height. he was quick to apologize and you were quick to smile back, and the way your eyes crinkled, his heart clenched tighter and it is clenching tightly even at the moment when he noticed the same crinkles forming near the crescents of your smiling eyes, your lips never losing the soft smile.
atsushi feels like he is complete again but as he nears closer to you, instead of one of your girlfriends sitting in front of you, he finds a man there. sitting on a barstool, his figure directed towards you and his knees touching yours. he was dressed in a black suit, the bow tie still undone and just lying around his neck. his silver hair was pushed back, his blue eyes shone like sapphire as they only maintained their gaze at you.
atsushi felt a sudden wave of disheartenment but kept walking till he was in earshot range and heard your laughter. it filled him with absolute joy but what followed the laughter brought him back to the reality.
“satoru that’s enough!” you exclaimed at your fiancé who kept listing the sex position he wants to try with you after marriage. satoru was legit counting on his fingers as he kept thinking of different positions. you kept laughing, embarrassed, hitting his chest when he spews out something dirty.
that is when it hit atsushi who the guy was. he did not miss the name of your fiancé on the wedding card, rather it was etched on the back of his mind. as he was brought back to reality, he started wondering why you were sitting in the bar before your wedding ceremony, talking with your fiancé. you two did not even look like you were getting married in less than a few hours, rather two lovebirds who merely came to attend another’s wedding and that is when atsushi realized, that you are not meant for him.
he suddenly cannot even remember the last time he made you laugh like that or when he had a proper conversation with you.
sitting in front of him, you looked like everything he wanted and needed in life but alas, he does not deserve you. you deserve happiness, you deserve wearing the smile that satoru was giving you, not the hopelessness atsushi ever brought you.
he watched you for a few more moments, your hand slapping satoru’s arm as you blushed uncontrollably at something the man must have said. atsushi inserted his hands in his trouser pockets and turned on his heels, joining kuroko.
“what happened?” kuroko asked, seeing his friend.
“nothing. i am glad i came,” atsushi flashed him a smile, a warm one as his slender fingers undid the hair tie keeping his hair together. with a short shake of his head, he let his hair fall back near his shoulders, running a hand through them to make sure they were untangled.
he has a new goal now: to clap the loudest with a huge smile on his face when you tie the knot with the love of your life because that is what he owes you for all the love that you have bestowed on him. he is blessed to call you the love of his life.
