#godstories

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified” Isaiah 61:3 Life often brings brokenness, leaving us feeling shattered and hopeless. But God specializes in rewriting our stories from…

27, what a simple exciting age. Yet, how scary for if you know much about the age of 27 you know there’s a club. A club in which most famous actors, actresses and musicians have died… What a beautiful time to reflect and look at what dying to self means. Picking up my cross and following Him. That’s a heavy thing if you really, really think about it. Dying to self sounds so simply put and beautifully profound but it’s hard. I know that dying to myself means living life with hands wide open. Open to what God has in store, whatever that looks like.

I have lived my life in fear for way too long. I have been afraid of what others think of me, I have been living in the fear that what I think of myself is what God sees and that’s pretty scary… I haven’t thought very highly of myself in a long time. That has been very evident in who I have let come into my life and dictate it.

My identity has not been in Christ, I have not for one split moment since turning 21 until about 2 and a half months before 27 seen what God sees when He looks at me.

He sees daughter, of the King, the Utmost High.

Beauty, love & laughter.

My God has not forsaken me. He loves me. He knows what is best for me. He wants what is best for me.

My last post consisted of being in a prayer season and I will continue to live in prayer season for I know my desires;

Teaching, Foster Care, Missions in a foreign land, Girls ministry, Youth & College ministry, GAP year ministry, Camp ministry, Family, Living a Minimalist Lifestyle -- THIS LIST COULD GO ON FOREVER!!!

None of it is in vain. MY GOD IS GOOD. He is BIG, and because I am made in His image my heart is big. I want to do it all but all in His good, perfect timing. There’s no rushing God but there is a need to be aware of what life looks like right now.

Where am I? Where am I going? Where am I staying? Who’s in my community? Who do I need to invite into community alongside me?

You know something I find extremely comical but also super sad? It’s been over a year since I’ve posted on my Tumblr. I realize that some wouldn’t think much of it but for me I know it’s not a good thing. It means I’ve been overly busy, trying to perfect my writing when I’m not called to write perfectly. I am point blank called to write. Write without hesitation. I think I always say something about God’s calling on my life to write. Well, that is still true the difference this time is I want you to walk with me on a journey. I’m going to be really vulnerable on this journey, it’s going to be a prayer journey. That’s at least going to be the main focus.

Update and rundown of this, I just was talking (texting) my best friend explaining to her that I know I am in a season of prayer in my life. I know we should always be praying but I haven’t been so good about conversation with my Heavenly Father, I wasn’t mad at Him. I just didn’t like what He had to say. I didn’t want to listen, I wanted my cake and to eat it too. I wanted this world and Him, and I know fully that we cannot have both, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Matthew 6:24. I haven’t really cared about what God wanted for my life since I was 20 years old, I’m about to turn 27 in 14 days. Man what a wreck I have been the past 7 years…

  Father God, thank you for rescuing me. Thank you for never letting me go. Thank you for grace upon grace. Thank you Jesus for going to a cross to die a brutal, horrific, shameful death just so that your Father, my Heavenly Father could see you and only you not my sin but your beauty, your white as snow cloak. AMEN.

 God has placed a million things on my heart over the past 7 years though, things I need to talk to Him about, I need to know why I am developing these desires and a heart for certain people, for certain aspects of life. I know that He has GREAT plans for me, I know He will call me deeper and higher every day. I am so excited. I am so scared. I am so fearfully and wonderfully made, and God is good so nothing bad could ever happen to me. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan and I don’t know what that is just yet but I want you to know about it. I going to tell you stories, of past and present. I am going to tell you hard things, stuff I am really embarrassed about, stuff I am so ashamed about that I didn’t want to go on living anymore, stuff that I laugh about now.

 I will you tell you stories of hope, stories of God being God so expect big things because I am. I serve a BIG GOD!!! My God loves me, He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. I hope you will share your stories with me. I hope you will pray for me. I hope you will reach out and challenge me to pray for you.

If you happen to read these stories and are in them, I hope you will reach out and tell me about your feelings. I hope you will forgive me just as my Heavenly Father forgives me and you. I am a broken vessel looking for God in the mess of life.

Yesterday, six students gathered to tell their story. Real stories of the struggles, challenges, victories, and joys in their life. And for the hour meeting, all masks were off.

These students are the six story tellers for next week’s “God Stories” event. As each story was shared, I couldn’t help but get a small glimpse of what real community looks like… maybe even a glimpse of what heaven looks like. Because, for that hour, God got all glory.

It’s this whole idea of storytelling. The often terrifying idea of having to be real with someone. For whatever reason, I think we as Samford students feel like we have to paint this perfect picture of ourselves. I know I’m guilty of it. I find myself being “okay” or “good” all the time. And honestly, sometimes I’m not…. And I don’t think I’m alone.

But something beautiful happens when we share those stories that we so often try to keep covered up. Something beautiful happens when we rest in our stories, our struggles, and become okay with not being perfect. Something powerful happens when we recognize that maybe, just maybe, our stories aren’t even ours in the first place.

What I saw yesterday, was God’s bigger story of Hope. His story of redemption, love, and rescue. What I’ve come to realize is that when we withhold our stories, we rob God of his glory. Essentially, we cover-up and hide what he’s done. We diminish his work in our life, and selfishly avoid the potential discomfort of actually being vulnerable.

So I challenge you to come to God Stories. To listen to the stories of friends and peers, and watch as they courageously take off their masks. My prayer is that you might leave, wanting yours off too.