Kurt Hummel, domestic work and the socialization of young girls
Kurt Hummel spent over half his life (basically since his mom died) doing domestic and emotional labor for the people in his life. Like everything from cooking, cleaning, furnishing, emotionally regulating for others and even being the person with the "mental load" of making sure that everything was done effectively. He not only made all of Burt's lunches, but he also made sure to make healthy recipes for the sake of his dad's health. He was the person Finn lashed out at when he was getting bullied by jocks in s01e20. He was Rachel's main shoulder to cry on in New York (where he was also working two different jobs as well as studying in NYADA).
When the show says Kurt's an "honorary girl" it's supposed to be a joke, but it's also kind of true. Kurt does the work that's expected of women in all of his relationships. He's been doing the work expected of women since he was eight.
There's a general assumption that girls mature faster than boys, and while on a biological level that is complete bullshit, on a social level it's actually pretty true. Young girls are taught more about household chores than young boys, they are given toy kitchens and babydolls to play with. Young girls are also taught (maybe not intentionally) to be responsible for boys emotions and behaviors. Obviously as kids grow up we want both girls and boys to be emotionally mature and competent enough to live by themselves, but it's usually girls that are taught how (although hopefully that starts to change).
What makes Kurt so interesting to me is that while he was always into girly things, and I assume that Mrs. Hummel did teach him some kitchen skills (probably because he asked her too) I don't think he would have been as mature and competent had Mrs. Hummel still been alive, because he wouldn't have been suddenly socialized as a girl at home. He wouldn't have been the person in charge of emotional labor and domestic housework. And it's because Kurt was basically treated as a girl at home in the social sense (obviously not in a cruel or homophobic way, just in the "there's a role that needs to be filled and Kurt's the one that fills it) that he fits in better with the girls in new directions. It's not that Kurt is gay (cos Blaine is constantly with the guys) or even that he's girlier than the other guys. It's that he was taught to carry the same mental load and have the same emotional maturity as the girls in his life.
This is gonna get klaine and Blaine critical so skip this and the next paragraph if you don't wanna read that. This is also one of the main reasons I don't ship Klaine. Blaine is generally more masculine, and connects more with the guys in new directions, and there's all these times (especially in season 5) where Kurt is doing emotional labor for Blaine and is even giving up on himself for Blaine's sake- like with wss, with how he's the one consoling Blaine after the breakup during Thanksgiving and Christmas (even though Blaine cheated on him) and just the entirety of season 5 episode 16 and Kurt needing to comfort Blaine and reassure him even though Blaine was the one who attacked Kurt in stage combat and kept trying to sabotage his diet (also notice how in this episode Blaine even says that Kurt was always with the girls. And how later he talks about how much he loved being able to protect Kurt, which is similar to how traditionally men see themselves as protectors of women).
When he's with Blaine, Kurt continues to take over the role of "housewife", even though we know that he wants to be a star and work in fashion and/or Broadway. Kurt can't achieve these things and commit to the hours it would take to do it all if he's also busy with domestic work and handling all the feeling of his friends and husband. And Blaine reenforces the idea that Kurt shouldn't get to live his dream. Not intentionally, of course, but by subtlety seeing Kurt in the domestic role, and by how jealous he gets when Kurt's doing better than him professionally, he's continuing the pattern of all of Kurt's relationships; Kurt's in the background, supporting everyone else.
Honestly Kurt's ideal partner would be someone who would let Kurt shine. It'd be someone who is willing to take the load of Kurt and do the domestic and emotional work with him. Someone who would also acknowledge all the work that Kurt does and show genuine gratitude for it. Because other than maybe Burt, most of the people in Kurt's life don't even seem to realize how much he's done and given up for them.
Why do you think Rose's turn was his best performance?? It was Kurt's anger at always being in the background, giving everyone love and sacrificing his dreams only to not get anything back for it.
Anyways! Tl;dr from the age of eight Kurt was socialized very similarly to how young girls are, and I think it's something so fundamental to his character that you can't really discuss any of his long term archs (his relation to masculinity and femininity, his love life, his (lack of) autonomy and his space in the queer community) without understanding how he adapted to his mom dying by taking over her role in the home.
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in honor of me starting my 2947829184th glee rewatch i wanted to post a light analysis of finn hudson vs mike wheeler that i was reminded i wrote down in a time i was (sadly) much more convinced of a byler endgame than i am now,, cuz i kinda had a point
here she is:
i would love for someone to do an analysis of byler vs kurt hummel and finn hudson (would like to interject here to say someone should definitely do this and do it better with like actually siting stuff) like how a show (also explicitly about outsiders) purposefully creates an unrequited gay man to straight dynamic and how entirely different that is from how stranger things sets up mike and wills dynamic.
i mean they’re completely different shows and glee is a satire so it might be hard to compare them 1 to 1 because glee doesn’t tend to give that much weight to any relationship in its like first twoish seasons but i think its a good example for how it would be so easy to just make mike so obviously straight and not at all into will (it wouldn’t even have to be about el, with finn its not about quin or rachel, its just that hes not into men and is into women) and they’re choosing not to, they are choosing to lean into that dynamic and (this is important for this comparison) NOT in a brotherly way, not in a familial way, their relationship is never once compared to that (mike and el’s is but thats not entirely relevant here). In glee kurt liking finn is much more about his identity than it is about a romantic relationship with finn, they explore their relationship in depth in seasons 1 and 2 (and never again we dont have to talk about it yes i am bitter) but it is never not once implied that kurt’s feelings could be reciprocated, no lingering shots on finn’s face while hes watching kurt, nothing flirty, finn shuts him down multiple times, finn knows kurt likes him, its not used as a big reveal because that is NOT WHAT IS PLOT RELEVANT!!
what is relevant is kurt coming out to his dad and kurt’s overall identity and learning to stick up for himself and finn helping him do that in a BROTHERLY way (by the end of season 2 their parents are married and they are literal step brothers, there is no way to misconstrue their relationship) if wills feelings for mike were not reciprocated or at least impactful on their relationship there is no reason to make the audience anticipate mikes reaction to them, to save them for a reveal with an incredibly plot relevant lie that has to be uncovered, this has to alter their relationship in some way and literally what purpose would it serve if it was just a rejection?? why would you wait to reveal that if its only purpose is then essentially will’s identity? if the point of season 4 was to build back up mike and wills friendship, why not use that is something they have to overcome in the beginning of that season? why save it as a reveal? the actors have harped on the fact that mike doesn’t know about wills feelings so when they are rebuilding their friendship this is at least not a factor for him. (back to glee) when finn and kurt were building their relationship as brothers and friends, kurt’s romantic feelings were acknowledged as something they had to work through, they were not saved as a big aha moment because they wouldn’t have changed things. bottom line is that the reveal of wills feelings will change the nature of mike and wills relationship and there is no reason (besides like a villain origin story? thats all i can think of. cuz his arch isn’t about figuring out he doesn’t need romance or that he has the love of his family and boys arent important, he doesn’t have romance and the entirety of seasons 1 and 2 were about how much his family love him and the whole boys are stupid thing is for el) for that shift to be in the form of a rejection
I guess I've been wanting to do this for a while and put all my ramblings in once place, and my very good friend @hopefulobjectmiracle recently encouraged me to do this, so here goes!
Brittana
Why I love Brittana
Yin & Yang Dynamic
Falling in Love
First Times
2x15 Britt “rejecting” Santana analysis
3x04 “Are we dating?” analysis
Mine (aka my fav song ever)
Filling in the gaps of Dani
Kurt interrupting Santana’s proposal to Brittany
Wedding Anniversaries
Full circle and parallels S1-S6
Musical Choices pt 1
Musical Choices pt 2
Songs I associate with Brittana
Why Brittana stood the test of time and weren’t just settling
Love Languages
Brittany and jealousy
Co-dependancy
Brittana Favourites
Underrated Brittana Moments
Santana Lopez
Santana: Why I love her
Santana and compatibility
Santana getting over Brittany
Fav Santana Looks
Brittany S.Pierce
Brittany: Why I love her
Brittany and Santana’s Abuela
Other
Quinntana
Kurtana
Pezberry
Top 10 Pezberry Moments
Personal
Why Brittana were so important to my coming out process
A little late and this is maybe gonna be long, but here's my thoughts on why more than a woman is underrated and I love it and it's so good I don't even know where to start (just know I'm praising all couples lol).
First of all, Saturday night gleever is in my comfort episodes, not like story wise but mostly for the music, unlike the new directions, I love disco, and the music is soooo good it makes me forget all the garbage going on in this episode, and that it barely has Klaine on it...
I'm gonna talk outfit wise, dance moves, setting, mood and context, bts, vocals and ugh THE COUPLES (mostly Klaine tho, there's a lot of underrated Klaine moments here).
Gonna talk about Klaine first cause they're my boo's, outfit wise will be covered later with the rest of the couples.
I love Kurt leading the dance, I'm guessing cause he's taller, either way it's perfect.
I love how Kurt first appears being held by Blaine and as he extends his arm, he vocalizes that (Para-dise) 'diiiiise' and his face singing it, that little head twirl 🥺.
Them just caressing each other's hands reminds me of: 'the touch of a fingertip is as sexy as it gets' 🥺, since I can't describe steps, I'm gonna let the gifs talks, just know every single move they make I worship (like a dog at the shrine of your lies okno).
It's hard to pick a favorite moment from them here but I think I'll choose Kurt spinning Blaine and then lowering him and then PUPPY DOG EYES 🥺🥺🥺 this guy is so in love with his man I think I would diiiie, and when Blaine's down, it's just a millisecond but you can see his hand resting so comfortably in Kurt's shoulder.
Now that I thought I picked a fav moment, this two start to spin and jump around like two pretty ponies 😠, Yeah, I love Kurt jumping, he's just soooo happy, and prob this wasn't in the choreo or who knows, cause no one else did it, but it makes me think it's improvised by Blaine's look, his smile becomes bigger the minute he begins to jump, like he wants to laugh, he just thinks it's so cute, or either way it just could be him happy that he's happy 🥺🥺
BLAINE TOUCHING KURT'S SHOULDER'S AND KURT'S FACE (YOU'RE KILLING ME 😩, slay me, kill me, RIP me, I died dead), let's ignore they're really looking at the camera man when spinning lol, Kurt's just having a blast and Blaine's really feeling the music.
Now vocals, this is just made for Chris's range. I find it funny how in the YouTube comments they said Cory's struggling a little with the song this high, and Chris is just vibing using his regular voice, this man's range, I'm still astoundished.
If really the low voices are Darren and Naya, like the comments said then wow, I think it's him singing the 'my only chance for happiness, and if I loose you now...' Chris is also singing that part but higher so it's kinda like a duet right? Lol.
And ugh the chorus, MORE THAN A WOMAN TO MEEE, Chris's voice is soooo smooth, is the whole reason the song was my most listened, just the whole chorus, imagine him singing this in your ear 😍
Okay outfits, I love the 70's vibes, the colors, not a fan of Kurt's hairstyle in this, a little too s1 for my taste, apart from that they all look great, I love the guys wearing those gold necklace things, Finn and Mike's outfits are pretty similar and they're fine, but Kurt and Blaine steal the show, I love red for Blaine, makes him look more in love.
But the girls are the one who really steal the spotlight... I really can't decide which is my fav dress, Rachel is just glowing, her face looks like it's been glittered or something, purple looks so good on her and the tail, now Brittany's, that double colored dress and her necklace and hair, so pretty. Santana, ugh that light blue dress with ruffles (not really good at describing fashion sorry) I think is my second favorite dress, but I gotta say that my number 1 fav look is Tina's, pink dress, with that shoulder thingy, and in this it's easier to appreciate her hair and it looks like she has highlights so yeah, gorgeous Tina for the win, Santana second close, and Brittany and Rachel's looks are tied for me, they all look great otherwise, this is just my taste if I had to chose lol. Woo, that was just for the outfits, this is gonna be a long one, prob nobody will read lmao.
For the setting, I love the dance floor of course, the lights and obviously the fog, it makes it look more romantic, I'm not great at technical stuff but everything about this gives it such a warm relaxing vibe filled with love.
For the bts, I love how much fun everyone had on this, I love that part where it seems like Darren missed a step and he looks at Chris to see how the step goes, and the best part, filming the spinning around, it's so funny how Cory explains that viewers actually think he's looking at Lea, and it's so awkward for him to look at a camera guy this lovingly, it was really fun, and I think everyone did a great job looking like they're in love.
So context wise, despite not knowing what to do with his life, and the assignment having to be about him and his future, Finn instead turns it into a serenade for Rachel, I don't think he sings to her very often (correct me if I'm wrong), and choosing this song is so lovely (the first lines are a little inappropriate but that's not his fault lol), the rest is just so fitting for them, and I love Finn for having a dream sequence picturing all of his friends dancing around them, I only wish it wasn't a dream, but oh well it's still sweet, Rachel's little look before he starts, she looks a little shy and overwhelmed 🥺.
You can really feel the love, and I think that's just cause it's really Lea and Cory radiating real love. How they don't take their eyes from each other and both have this huge grins on their faces, and when they do have to look away they're still smiling 🥺, and the whole dance, really the whole dance, Finn just won't look anything else but Rachel, in some parts she's just feeling herself, but that's not a bad thing, I think is really sweet how Finn is making her feel pretty and loved and it shows, so he lets her be the center.
I really don't wanna discuss much how the lyrics fit them, cause it's bittersweet ('and if I loose you now I think I would die, Oh say you'll always be my baby') but let's discuss the sweet lyrics like the chorus, again about Finn's future, he's unsure about everything except for one thing: Rachel, she's more than a woman to him, she's everything and he's trying to be everything for her ('just trynna get a hold on you'). I love the part where he lowers her and when he brings her back up, ugh somebody look at me like that, I can't describe it, it's such a comfy look sorta like: I can't believe you're mine, and I'm yours, he's just admiring her as he slowly brings her back up 🥺. Rachel's little touches on Finn's shoulders 🥺.
We don't hear Finn this high very often, found it very interesting the first time, I read somewhere once they autotuned him a little, I'm not sure tho, however it was, he sounds amazing, makes him sound more beamy. Highlights: that high note in those ah ah ahhhh before the last chorus. And the ooh, ooh, ooh's.
So that's it for Finchel I think, let's move on to Tike.
Tike is underrated by themselves, the show tends to be more Finchel, Klaine and Brittana, so I loved they included them in this. I don't know if Mike or Tina sing backup on this, I couldn't hear it, but I'm not great at that lol.
Tina's dress steals the show everytime she spins, my fav part of them is when Mike spins her very fast and then lowers her (terrible at describing dance moves I know), Mike's moves when spinning, he's really having the time of his life lol. Unfortunately, that's it for them, cause the camera was barely on them 😔.
So Brittana, Brittany's smile when the camera first focuses on her 🥺, that part when Brittany is holding Santana's hips and they're just like moving sideways Idk how to call it lol, that's my fav part of them in the song.
How they hold hands when the first chorus starts 🥺. I've seen some opinions that either Brittany or Heather's not really good at portraying emotion, but in this, really, her eyes make hearts all the time, for me this is the time when she looked at Santana the most lovingly. Someone pointed at YouTube (I didn't noticed it at first but it's cute to share) that when the second chorus starts, everyone is letting go their partner for the step, but Brittany is still holding onto Santana's hips, the YouTube section of this was full of Brittana, and they're right when they pointed out they're really radiating chemistry here, so underrated performance for Brittana fans also. Can't stop staring at Britt's hair 😳😍 srsly omg, so dance and vibe wise Brittany wins here, but let's talk about Naya's vocals omg. That oh uh wow uh 🤯,for being my most listened song on Spotify last year, I'm finding out new things each time, thanks to YouTube again, did anyone else knew Naya is the one singing the lower voice of "you're more than a woman to me" 😳? I was shocked. So if it's Chris and Naya singing those lines together, well that's an interesting mix, I wish they sang together more often (do they have a song together? Remind me please).
Vocals in general, kudos to whoever did those ah ah ah ah's after the choruses.
Also kudos to the band, specially the violin's omg.
Despite being the same coreography for everyone, you can really see how each couple makes them their own, like when the one's leading first spins their partner and then lowers them, Kurt does it more slowly than Mike.
Don't know if this was a choice or part of the choreo but love how each couple reflects their personality through the dance moves, it still shocks me only two people did every single choreo so thank you Zack and Brooke.
It was fun looking and overanalyzing the other couples, cause I'm usually just staring at Klaine lol, but thanks to this,
I found out new things to love about this performance.
I just think this performance as a whole could give world fandom peace, all the couples look happy and lovely, the vibes are so chill and romantic, if we forget for a minute about their mistakes or whatever, either you hate or love some couple, I think this has something for everyone to enjoy, you can't deny they all look very much in love and everyone did an amazing job and this is so underrated, total serotonin boost, I close my case.
Really appreciating this moment very early in the Kurt/Blaine friendship where it is Kurt who is the touchy feely one, who is reaching out for contact.
Kurt is in full crush mode and I find it so adorable 💞
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I spend like... an awful lot of time thinking about Brittana hugs. Specifically this one from 'Sexy'
I'm not entirely sure what it is about it but somehow this feels more authentically affectionate than even most of their kisses do (like I love their kisses don't get me wrong) but like... I think it has something to do with the build up.
this is a little long so bear with me!
Santana has just had what is probably, up to that point, the most emotionally vulnerable moment of her life (Landslide) - she spends pretty much the entire song staring at Britt and then afterwards we get this and it's just... The way that she's already reaching out before Britt even stands up
Like she just gravitates straight towards Britt because in the end that will always be Santana's person and so even though she's scared and everyone is watching she just throws her arms around her and draws Brittany impossibly close -
- and they just fit. Somehow, to me, it manages to feel like a declaration and an apology and a cry for approval and comfort all at once.
I think maybe the way that they hide Santana's face and have all you can really see of her be a clenched fist has something to do with it too. She's turned away from the rest of the club and hidden from the audience so she just seems so timid - which is so unlike what people are used to from her - and she just loses herself in Britt and tries not to think about what could happen when she lets go. (And even when she does turn round she keeps their faces close together.) Yes, they’re in public, probably as public as they’ve ever been but this still feels private and safe and gentle I guess - because you have to imagine what Santana’s face is doing. Is she whispering something? Is she still full on crying? Or does she just bury her face in Brittany’s shoulder and try to steady herself for what comes next?
This hug is Vulnerable and Intimate and everything that Santana tries so hard not to seem and Britt just smiles into it because this is progress and this is love and really that's all she ever wanted from Santana.
I've never made a post like this before but it was nagging at my brain and wouldn't let me sleep until I made it so feel free to add your own thoughts!
Maggie and Brittany both tilt their chin up towards their loves, although Maggie’s is far more obvious. They are asserting their dominance while flirting.
According to body language experts: “Jutting out the chin towards a person exposes it and says ‘Go on, I dare you, try to hit me and see what happens!’ This can thus be a signal of defiance, if not towards the other person then instead towards some situation or person in the conversation.Often, when a person is feeling confident, their chin will jut out slightly as they hold their head up and maybe tilted slightly back.Jutting may also exposes the teeth and is a thus a threat to bite which may be added to an aggressive display.”
Like some wlw MAGIC, Alex and Santana are both complimenting their loves with submissive actions; lowering the chin and maintaining eye contact.
Lowering the head whilst maintaining eye contact can also be a strong flirting signal, typically by women. It says ‘You are superior and I just can’t take my eyes off you’.
In a BOLD conclusion,
Maggie Sawyer and Brittany Pierce are more dominant/tops
Alex Danvers and Santana Lopez are more submissive/bottoms
