#gl analysis

Prem is the Narrator and Protagonist - This is Her Love Story

Poisonous Love begins with a soft image. Prem holding Pat close, Pat looking up at Prem as Prem softly kisses Pat's forehead and then her lips as Prem narrates.

The English translation is "A woman who was once the poison in my veins, becomes the love my heart could never breathe without." At first glance, this sounds toxic. Poison turning into reliance. But there are a few caveats to consider here.

Firstly, "poisonous love" reads instantly as dangerous and destructive but there is another way this sort of concept is understood. From my understanding, in Thai Buddhist principle, poison can also be characterized as an intensity that must be metabolized, processed and understood in order to grow from it. We have something similar in western medicine. The Rod of Asclepius is a symbol well-known in medical practice. A snake around a rod to indicate that healing can come from something dangerous if given in the right context and circumstances. We even have an emoji for it ⚕️

Secondly, Prem is a cardiologist. Anything she says about the heart is deeply understood professionally and personally. She does not say this lightly. She says it having processed the love in the context of knowing how hearts function.

Thirdly, if Prem is narrating this story, and since she is narrating the final episode as well, it is therefore logical to imagine that this first scene would take place after the events of the main story. Possibly once they're married.

As such, this soft holding, gentle forehead kissing and expression of chosen deliberate love reads to me as a daily reassurance they share together. You're still here. I'm still here. We get to love each other.

Alright anon, you made me feel more confident so I’ll do it <3

Here is ‘White Flowers’ by Olivia Rodrigo, analyzed by yours truly.

This was done hastily just now so it might not be that good. I didn’t proofread or anything.

Little disclaimer tho: In no way am I saying this is the actual intention behind the lyrics and that it’s what Olivia is singing about. When I say ‘she’ or ‘he’ (important in this case) I’m not referring to Olivia herself or anyone particular in that manner. This is simply how I, as a bi person and as someone who has felt this way, interpret the song. Music is subjective.

Let’s gooo.

_________

“white flowers and love letters, you say i’m yours forever, but it don’t feel romantic somehow” 

love letters and flowers are considered to be something romantic and have been referenced in pop culture as a symbol for romance many times for example the famous trilogy ‘to all the boys’ has love letters as the focal point and everything is about a heterosexual relationship. so flowers and love letters? it implies a straight couple and it’s supposed to be cheesy yet the person in the song does not find this romantic at all because yeah, that person is not straight. heterosexual things just don’t work for them.

“i’m pacing and i’m losing sleep” 

the relationship is making the person anxious and possibly a little paranoid too. she can’t sleep and she’s constantly worrying-- this isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like and she could be overthinking if it’s right for them to be in the relationship. but she knows something is wrong.

“if you don’t call i start to weep” 

at this point she is aware something isn’t right with her/ she just doesn’t feel right. the relationship isn’t to blame. if the other person doesn’t call, she seems to think it’s her fault and she's doing something wrong -- not being straight. she feels out of place.

“you’re everything i cannot live without”

“i don’t know who i would be if i wasn’t your baby”  

the other person-- aka guy is the only thing validating her conviction that she’s straight and she needs him to erase her denial and insecurity so if they break up, she knows she’ll actually have to accept that she really isn’t straight.

“i built my life on your attention, i’m being an object of your affection”  

she makes her whole personality about him and focuses only on what he wants and needs. she is being ‘an object’, she craves his attention and desires while completely ignoring her own. all of this is a coping mechanism. she doesn’t want to deal with her feelings and her actual identity so she’s projecting onto him basically.

“now crazy in love don’t feel sweet, I’m with you but i miss me” 

suddenly she is realizing how toxic this is and how not in love she feels. she understands this isn’t what love is supposed to feel like and she knows something is missing. and that something is her.

“wish someone had told me what i know now” 

she went through all the anxiety and denial and all she could’ve done is just simply accept herself. but she was so busy trying to make this straight relationship perfect because she didn’t know who she is and the thought of having to face it scared her so much she was willing to risk her happiness just so she feels normal and gets the white-flowers and love-letters romance she has seen in movies.

“losing yourself in someone isn’t heaven it’s hell” 

she purposely focused on the guy and his attention just so she can deny she’s not straight. and in the end all she really felt was lost and out of place. and she knows it now.

it is funny how she starts the song with ‘white flowers and love letters’ but ends it with ‘hell’. those two correlate because for her, the heteronormaitive depictions of romance like flowers and letters aren’t romantic at all-- they are hell because they make her feel invalidated as she's not straight. 

and a side note: the use of  ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ here is interesting because considering the discrimination lgbtq+ community has faced, those words are very specific. ‘gay people go to hell’? i think she is assuring herself in the last line. she knows not being who you are means hell. but being proud of it? it feels like heaven.

____