#girlstopapologizing

Today, after having to put it off for a couple of weeks, I am going to be talking about Excuse #5 from “Girl, Stop Apologizing”.  I think I felt hesitant to talk about this chapter because I have this excuse in the back of my mind, holding me back. So far, all the other excuses ring true, but it was an epiphany to feel that I have been using this one as well to justify why I can’t accomplish my dreams.

Excuse #5 is I can’t pursue my dream and still be a good mom/daughter/employee. However, I would like to mix it up a bit today. I forgot that at the back of the book, Rachel Hollis provided Discussion questions for each chapter. They can be used for anything.

I know, I should read cover-to-cover before I start typing! (Probably).

Anyway, I would like to take the time to answer the discussion questions based on my personal life as I dive into the chapter with you. Let’s go!

The first question asks you to fill in the blank, of the same excuse and to explain why you feel this way based on other’s expectations.

Here’s my fill in the blank:

I can’t pursue my dream and still be a good student, employee, and friend.

One of the things Hollis talks about is that there is no such thing as work-life balance, and I couldn’t agree more as I am in the middle of obtaining a bachelor’s degree. Work-life balance, from Hollis’s perspective, insinuates, “those two things live in harmony, perfectly divided up on the scale of your life” (pp.44). It’s a lie. 

A way I connected to this is the idea of trade-offs if we can reflect on taking Economics in high school or college. A trade-off is an exchange between two goods, where if one needs to be produced more, the other lacks behind. The only time the two goods can fulfill enough resources to demand is at equilibrium, and I think that’s why we hold onto the lie that we can balance our work and life. It’s just not possible. There’s always going to be a trade-off for what you have to do versus what you’ve always dreamed of achieving. 

Am I ringing some truth?

I used to think I could balance my life and work as well, but it never was the case. As a student, I know I am responsible to be present in class, physically and habitually when we transitioned to remote instruction, and complete the work on time. As an employee, the same thing applies. I tried to balance both of these expectations as a student and worker at a part-time job on my campus. From a career perspective,this job isn’t considered ideal, but it will look good on my resume, thus benefiting my future. However, working meant that I would lose some study time, such as completing assignments when I usually would, and I had to figure out how to have a life as I tried balance school, work, social time, and me-time. It felt like it was out of my control more than a balance. Then, I started to feel like I couldn’t be a good student for working, a good employee if I wanted to participate in extracurricular activities, or a friend because I didn’t have enough time to go out and have fun.

Again, there is no work-life balance, but I’m learning, now that I am taking a break from school until the next semester, that there is a way to achieve the dreams without it feeling like a trade-off out of your control. There is a way not to feel guilty for achieving something you want in life, and that is addressed in the next question.

Question two includes two parts as well to help the reader reflect on their well-being on pp. 213. It says,

“You cannot waste [your life] living only for everyone else” (pp. 42).

Do you feel it is selfish to put your well-being first? Why or why not?

After reflecting on the quote, I do sometimes feel like I am selfish to put my well-being before anyone else’s because I do not believe that it matters. Looking back over my life, I realize that I gave myself the role of a caregiver to others—accepting them regardless of their character—because I thought that would mean they would accept me. I put myself last because if I cared for someone else, I would get the love I would need to live.

I bet you’re shaking your head, maybe considering your own life as we go through these questions, but to be clear, I am slowly changing this belief about myself because I need to take of myself before I can take care of someone else. Living for others is not a healthy lifestyle.

I am thankful for the experiences I’ve had that have shown me it’s great to be kind to others, but I have learned that I need to be kind to myself and aware of others’ character before I get sucked into becoming manipulated. Presently, I am trying to take care of myself while being self-isolated, and I know I have the right people in my circle that have my best interests as I do for theirs. I can now start to focus on my well-being, life, and goals in 2020, gradually accepting that I am not selfish to have this excuse that I cannot be a good student, employee, and friend. 

I can achieve my goals, and so can you.

Please feel free to take the time to answer these questions and to read her book if you’re interested! I like following Rachel Hollis and her company because they are making a great impact on young women and girls alike to become the best version of themselves, so I highly recommend checking her out.

(Also, let’s be clear, still not getting paid to do this! I don’t need to because I enjoy sharing resources with others that I think would be helpful!)

As for other updates, I am planning out future book reviews. The next two books I plan to post here are the ones I had to read for the semester because they count, and I had to put time and energy into them for coursework! They pushed me ahead in my goal, so they’re getting reviewed. Let’s see if they made high marks, eh?

There are no currently reading updates today except that I finished another book yesterday, May 7. I finished reading “The Subtle Knife” by Phillip Pullman—I couldn’t resist, and it wasn’t that bad—and I’m planning to read a young adult romance novel alongside this book and “IT”.

As always, stay safe out there and thank you for checking out my blog. See you soon!

Excuse #4--I’m not enough to succeed

When I starting reading this chapter, who knows how long ago, I paid close attention. I’ve used this excuse cards plenty of times, along with ‘I don’t have time to do that’, to trick me into thinking I can’t do something I want to do. I enjoyed listening to Rachel Hollis talk about her personal journey, too, though I wasn’t expecting it.

On pp. 31, the biggest excuse she gave herself not to start her own company is that she wasn’t smart enough. I was shocked! Hollis had never studied business or entrepreneurship at a university before starting her business. I was amazed that through all the experience she acquired, especially mentioned in Excuse #3,  she could do it.

One thing that this chapter aims to teach you about can be summed up from one of my favorite quotes thus far, “Either piss or get off the pot” (Hollis, pp. 32).

When you want something, you just go for it. If you don’t have the passion, time to stop and find something you are in love with. I think that’s the softer version!

Finally, the big message from this chapter and Hollis is that you are enough. I need to know I am enough. I can listen to the facts of my accomplishments instead of the opinions of being ‘not good enough’. 

Now, get out there and make something of yourself!

Whew, let me cool down for a second, for I have an exercise you can try on your own. I’m going to try and write down mine later tomorrow to share with you.

Hollis explains an exercise to write a letter to yourself, from yourself (pp. 36). In this letter, the sender is the part of you that hasn’t given up and knows you are enough to succeed in your passions and projects.

Whenever you feel like you are not enough, write a letter to yourself. Even when you’ve written a hundred letters to yourself, keep going.

Hollis, your significant other, me, or anyone doesn’t always have to encourage you for the fact that you are enough to succeed.

It starts with you.