#ginnie-writes

a calm morning.

a bomb breakfast. actually feeling 90% well-rested instead of 45%.

feeling lighter than I ever have since, well, winter break. since January 1, 2016.  when my approach to the doom and catastrophe that was February was still coming slowly, but not quite there yet...

beach. shopping. buying a cute black off-shoulder wavy romper. instead of a grey jumpsuit though that was cute too.

sight of the beach. the cool wind lacing through my fingers and hair like soothing hands, whispering voices.

green grassy lawn. a lemon tree for free to pluck from. flowers and a striped canopy roof. steak. bomb costco lawn with white vinigiarette dressing. grilled corn. steamed potatoes mixed with A1 steak sauce, minced garlic, butter, and cream cheese, chopped into cubes. kimchi. chocolate chip ice cream. blueberry cheesecake cupcakes. huge oranges. hot coffee from a pack from san fran. non-stop nom nom nom and chitty-chitty-chat-chat with Steven, Anna, Eunice, Hanna, et al. feeling more comfortable with Joyce, Joanne and Hyesung. oh and Henry ofc. he did a great job today.

just lazing around. appreciating the aesthetics of chips and salsa, or shadows coming through a curtain against someone's auburn hair. worship. quick lesson on how much God loved us, and had once said "It is good" not to credit himself but because it was good for us, His creation, which He knew would screw up against Him but decided to save us anyway. and that we should ultimately have a Christ-like love.

doing nothing for a while as the temprature slowly waned to a crisp coolness and the sunset turned the sky into a lovely gradient that signaled the approaching spring.

yami tea station for some almond milk tea with 3/4 sweetness, boba and mango mochi for $5.54. more convo, more fun. fellowship. loose ends tightening up to form a closer circle. really meeting Laura and having fun. and having my best friend and roomie-for-the-weekend-just-so-I-can-join-her-for-this sista Alicia. cannot ever thank you enough.

and now, after a storm of youtube videos and laughing and spazzing and a shower and refining myself with some amazeballs nature republic 92% aloe vera soothing cream/gel, sitting on the bed with my laptop just surfing, browsing, not really feeling as tightly the guilt and worry of weight, homework, anxiety, money issues... just turning on the Spotify "Mellow Beats" playlist, surfing through tumblr, writing this down as the memories play in the insides of my eyes like a side rearview mirror. for the first time in a while, I wish I can go all the way back to this morning and just do it again. really. truly. I'm finally appreciating life somewhat again. chilled like I never would've at my campus apartment in Northridge...with my sister on a normal saturday and...I am so thankful..I just chilled today. it was so nice. a large part has to do with of course God's blessings of placing me to GCJC but also being with Alicia here....I wish I was rooming with her. rather than my sister. I'm so much freer to be myself and just enjoy myself, go at my own pace. her house already feels like my 2nd home. lately with my older sister of 7 years there has been so. so. much. friction, apathy, coldness towards one another. although mine is only a reaction to hers. I can't believe all the true colors of hers that have now apparently fully formed are coming out but of course I am powerless especailly during this period of "discipline initiation" where I am 90% independent than just 50%. life is hard, and it will continue to be hard after tomorrow, too. but I am glad that for one weekend at least, I got to find myself and enjoy my situation.

thank You, God.