#gingerwerk

Snafu asked, breath hot against the right side of Gene’s face.

Gene’s cheeks flush at either the completion of anotherglass of champagne or Snafu’s proximity. His brain was a bit too fuzzy at themoment to determine the cause, but he was grateful for both.

He turns his face, regretting it almost immediately because hehad underestimated how close Snafu was and he was so close he could count theother man’s flecks of blue and green in his eyes.

“I-I’m not sure. There are things I’m supposed to do, thingsI need to do, and things I want to do.”

“Only one of those mattah, Sledge.”

Snafu looks at him directly, biting his bottom lip like he’sdone since the day they met. It still drove Gene just as crazy as it did thatday, perhaps more.

He swallows heavily, eyes locked onto Snafu’s lips.

“Yeah?” He whispers and leans close, wondering why he’s hadso much to drink, and whether the success of the war or the alcohol or beingso close to home has made him so bold. They’d all talked about it of course.Countless and endless conversations of “when I get home, I’m going to…” Somehow,though, at this moment, Gene can’t remember what either of them said and as hisentire being shifts its focus solely on Snafu, he can’t be bothered toremember.

“All that mattahs is what ya want, Gene.” Snafu blinksslowly, like he’s readjusting his line of sight to take a perfect shot.

Gene forgets where they are and the fact that they’resurrounded by strangers and friends alike, Snafu’s tipsy cajun drawl accentinghis speech and making Gene drunker than he already his.

“So, Eugene Sledge, what is it that you want?”

Snafu’s so close, Gene feels the words on his lips beforehis brain registers what was asked of him.

He knows what he wants. What he’s wanted since he arrived inthe Pacific, since he laid eyes on the tanned, sweaty, endless skin of the manbeside, but he never dreamed that he would ever get what he wanted. Hell, henever dreamed he’d make it out of the war alive. Yet, here he was. Here theyboth were. Drunk, cheeks flushed, and leaning into one another like they’d soonermelt into one another then pull apart.

Gene wants to kiss Snafu and do nothing else for the rest ofhis life.

He realizes he hasn’t answered Snafu and he notices theother man is still waiting patiently for an answer.

Gene wants Snafu. Plain and simple.

But something inside him stops him from pulling in closer. Somethingreminds him that he can’t have what he wants. That though he’s lost so much tothe war and though he’s never had or will have someone know him so fully anddeeply as the man beside him, he still can’t ignore the voice that says it cannever be. Whoever said it’s better to have loved and lost than to never lovedat all, was full of shit.

Gene could’ve gone his whole life without feeling like hisheart was being ripped out of his chest as he pulls away from Snafu.

“I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”

He watches as Snafu realizes Gene taken his out. Despitesurviving hell, Gene was somehow still a coward. He’d taken an out rather than takena risk and as Snafu pulls further away an unmistakable chill fills Gene’s chest.

Still Snafu smiles, small and fragile but still there, “Alright,Gene.”

The further Snafu draws away, the more Gene feels like hecan’t breathe.

“Sna-,” Gene tries, voice breaking and breath racing.

“Don’t.” Snafu warns, strained vocals the only sign thatSnafu was feeling the same way.

Snafu gets up and disappears among the crowd on the train.

Gene blinks harshly, fists burrowing into his eyes. Hisheart is racing, and breath is coming in fast and shallow.

He feels like he’s just missed something vital to his survival.

He grips his duffel bag beside him as his vision starts toblur.

He looks around for Snafu, butcan see nothing as he blacks out.

Snafu spent the last of the train ride, in the back car,smoking cigarette after cigarette into the warm, humid air letting him know howclose he was to getting to home. He could smell the Louisianan air get moreprominent with every smoke he stubbed out.

His head was racing and he needed to gather himself before hecould face Gene again. They had been so close that Snafu could taste the sweet-sournessof the champagne on Gene’s breath. He could see the want and need waring insideGene’s eyes, along with something holding him back.

They were so close and Snafu couldn’t have cared if theywere in front of the goddamn President himself. Nothing was going to stop him fromkissing Gene.

Except for Gene himself.

“I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”

Snafu’s heart sank and his vision had blurred slightly as hepulled away.

He needed to get away before he said something he’d regret.Gene didn’t want him and Snafu’s heart broke into pieces at that, but he couldn’tlet Gene know. He couldn’t let him see because, despite every part of Snafuwanting to be with Gene for as long as he’d have him, he would rather have Geneas a friend than nothing at all.

Then Gene tries to stop him from leaving and Snafu isn’t sureif he can handle looking at Gene again and not closing the distance fully.

So, he says, “Don’t,” firmly and forces his way through the crowdedcars until he finds a quiet corner where he can think.

He knows it’s cowardly, but he fought in the goddamn war. Hecan be cowardly now if he wants to.

“New Orleans! Approaching! Next Stop! New Orleans, Louisiana!”

Snafu jumps up. He hadn’t realized how long he’d spent chain-smoking in the back of a train car. Now he was pushing his way back to where heand Gene had set themselves up before the train reached the station. He onlyhad so much time now before they split ways and Snafu was determined for themto part are good terms, not awkward ones.

Only, once he reaches where they were, Gene’s fast asleepagainst his duffle bag, oblivious to the world around him.

Snafu stares for a long minute before adjusting his side capand hauling his own duffle onto his back.

Strangers and other soldiers mill passed him as the trainreaches a stop, excitement, and desperation clinging in the air as they allreturn home.

But Snafu stands to the side, watching Gene sleep, innocentand peaceful, and something cements his feet to the ground.

He knows this is his stop, but he can’t tear his eyes away.He doesn’t want to leave Gene without saying goodbye. But then the image ofGene pulling away from him floods his thoughts and is that only thing he cansee.

He readjusts the heavy bag on his back, feeling the weightof his world on his shoulders as he looks at Gene one last time.

He feels like he’s trudging through quicksand with each stephe takes closer to the door.

Once he takes the final step of the train and onto the platform, he feels his chest tighten with an immense loss but he continues on.

If Gene had wanted anything to do with him, he could’ve foundhim on the train, not pulled away, said what he wanted…but he didn’t.

He’s halfway down the platform when he hears, “Last call!Last call for New Orleans, Louisiana! Last call!”

Though every step hurts him, Snafu keeps walking, determinedto get as much space between him and Gene as possible.

“Next stop Montgomery, Alabama! Last call to board!”

He stops. His fingers itch and his feet are stuck to the platform.He heart is pounding, and he can’t see clearly through the saltwater threateningto escape from his eyes.

Suddenly, ever memory of Gene flashes before his eyes. Everytouch of his fingers either during combat or simply to get Snafu’s attention. Thewarmth of his breath when he spoke softly on all of the nights they couldn’tsleep. His smile and gentle laugh that spoke of the kind soul the war had triedto rob him of. The way he’d managed to captivate Snafu from the moment theylocked eyes. Snafu had never wanted and loved someone so much in his life. Andhere he was literally walking away from Gene without telling him so.

Then, the train whistle blows and Snafu crashes to theground.

The train was already headed down the platform and with it, Snafu’sheart.

He watches the large clouds of smoke disperse with paralyzeddisinterest.

“I told you I was slightly more drunk than I thought I was.”

He hears a familiar voice declare from behind him and hegasps.

“I can’t believe you left me on that train.”

Snafu gets up slowly, afraid he’s officially lost his mindand when he turns around Gene won’t be there.

But he turns to see the familiar smile and soft gaze that’shaunted Snafu’s every spare thought.

Slowly, they’re drawn into one another’s space, like magnetsmoving through sand.

He feels Gene reach for his hand, fingers gentlyintertwining with his own.

He stares at their hands before looking back up with wideeyes and a wider smile.

“Did ya finally decide what it is ya want, Gene?”

He watches as Gene step impossibly closer into his space andtenderly holds Snafu’s head in his hands.

“You.”

Gene closes the gap between them, lips only just grazing hisown, but it’s enough to electrify Snafu’s entire body and send a whole host ofshivers down his spine.

Gene pulls back as little as possible to hold his foreheadagainst Snafu’s, the intimacy of the action, reddening Snafu’s cheeks.

“Always you.”