#gingers fics

TW: Child Loss & Depression

Husband!SylusQinXWife!Reader

Because Sylus would do anything to take this pain from you.

The heartache, the emptiness, the guilt and the feeling that all of this, the loss of your child, was your fault. He wanted to take all of it away. And what breaks him the most is seeing his love cry quietly in the middle of the night while hugging the stuffed toy version of Mephisto that you both had created with a sound box inside that every time it’s hugged, it’s the both of you and the twins saying “We love you, Birdy” come from it. Every squeeze making the loss harder seeing how excited you all were and how many takes it took to have it sound just right. It was heartbreaking to see,m and he felt not just helpless but useless.

Useless because every time he tried to talk to you, you would turn away and or look completely empty inside, void of feeling. Useless because when the doctors gave you the news that the possibility of having another was slim, he couldn’t stop the shooting pain in your chest from happening as your dreams of having a family were shattered. Useless in a way that he felt like less of a man because he as your husband wasn’t able to shield you from all of this and it took a lot of convincing and talking from others who care for the both of you for him to realize that he wasn’t useless and that you both needed each other more than ever.

He would give his life for you to not feel this way and for you to be able to understand that it wasn’t and that life simply isn’t fair but he know that no matter how many times friend, family, doctors and himself say it, you’ll never not feel this way and it hurts. He wants you scream, shout, break things and cling onto him for support but knowing that grief is different for everyone, he can’t force you. And he won’t. So the next best thing?

He will wait.

Wait on you beck and call while respecting your need for space. Being there even if it’s in the other room while you bawl your eyes out in the very room you both painstakingly and happily planned for your baby to live in for the fifth time that day. Love you when you no longer want or have the capacity to love for yourself. He will wait And while he waits, he will also mourn so that then when you’re ready, he can be there and you both can mourn and grow together because that is what must be done and what he wants and needs to do.

Now that there’s a possibility he will lose you.

Having faith in people is one thing but in a person who he can’t even see nor feel? He can barely believe in mankind and the little belief he has is because of you. But a god? Up until this point that was impossible but again, the possibility of losing you is making him do and believe things he never thought in a million years he would believe in and it’s startling him but what else can he do? He’s brought in the best doctors and has you, his beloved wife and reason for his existence, in the best facility money can buy. Even with all these things, his faith is slim and he’s desperate so now…he’s here.

Inside a building that once held no prevalence, on his knees praying to a god he has no relationship with. And hell, he doesn’t even know if this is the right god. He does know that he would pray to every god or goddess possible and devote his life and soul to whoever saves you because quite honestly, you’re the only person keeping him alive and sane. He’s seen you pray once before but not to whom and the face you make after is one of pure peace so why not?

“I’m not a person who prays so excuse me for the lack of…manners. My sincerity, however, is genuine and I only have one thing to ask….” His breath hitches only a tad before he speaks again, trying to keep himself together. “Let her live. I’ll do anything just-just let her live…please.”

Silence engulfs the room, allowing his pleas to echo within. He slowly stands to his feet, dust lightly coating his pant legs where he knelt. Even though he had a lot more he wanted to say, he knew that was all he could muster. Will god answer? He does not know. But he does hope. Hope that you’ll get better and that the hands he entrusted and paid for to make sure you come out better than you went in do their jobs. As he turns to walk out, a single ray of light comes through the stain glass window pitched at the very top Jesus head and lands gently on his shoulder as if god himself laid his hand on his shoulder and on que, his phone rings.

“Hello?” He says while peaking over his shoulder. A brief silence follows before he slowly lowers the phone. He turns slightly and looks back at the statue and smiles. He nods and exits the church.