#gibralto

i Babies insurance. I dont love nobody. that’s my policy. least of all Gibralto. the swine. he walked out on me. picked up his hard butt and walled me up here. and when I’m alone any four walls close in on me. ballroom bathroom any room at all. ceilings pull down. yeah ceilings. I’ve looked up at plenty under him. is he really gone? am I really alone? am I good for nothing? I can’t keep my mind on anything. I keep pacing forth and back. timepice. the smokes and nescafe is all that keeps me intact. who invented the hot plate? rare genius. compact. mine is constantly fired. pass me that deck of kools. ah menthol. another refreshing invention. oh that’s good, with nescafe thick as sauce in my gut and a butt hanging from my lip I feel whole again. ii dishes crank on my nerves iii Well I’m pissed and when I’m pissed I’m up for anything. I’ll get his ugly mug out of my system. I’ll draw his face down. that will fix him. he keeps his soul clean. camera shy bastard. but I’ll capture him. I’m artistic see. as cold-eyed as the national geographic. shall I make his physique classic. shall I make him colorful. that’s a laugh. what color is a crawling louse? I’ll draw me in to. beautiful dreamers. I’ll make them tongue kiss. ahh now they’re hot. the pencil jiggles. they ball. together. oh man. I can’t draw it down. I’m no draftsman. I’m no fucking draftsman. and my cast eye escapes perspective. eye. I. baby I got my one blue eye on you. you’re my devils food cake. CRACK. iv get me emergency. I’ve fucked my fist on my shiny new cupboard. he’s real romantic see. he gets me a cupboard see. he says look toots it’s cleverly designed. everything fits except the kitchen sink. put a little order in yer life. put a little blood on my knuckle. a few splinters in my fist. my cups falleth to the floor. v I wanna crack somebody good. ya need to feel somebody’s face under yer fist. knuckles get yellow. shaky yellow fist. so pissed. feel to kill. if nothing just to kill time. time the betrayer. my timex ticks slow motion. you ask for love you get horseshit. you get too much you don’t get any. sooner or later everyone takes a rap in this racket. this racket called love. my numbers come up. you can bet if you’re a loser. long long hours pacing the floor. call myself every name in the book and a few extra. excuse me while I tear myself to pieces. must be someway I can repay that bastard. I killed a roach as big as my hand. my fucking hand is killing me. vi christ. the crap you write when somebody gives you the sack. sick of faking it. want to settle down. with him. have bambinos wash his socks. its getting me down. trying. to pretend. oh baby I know you don’t want to own me but why don’t you come back anyway. baby get me out of the dark here baby I need you here. baby. eyeball failing. hardship. vii rhum heart sick heart shit heart shit hearts pounding. mad ticker. I write with excitement. I imagine it’s you mounting the stairs. viii the ivory soap cleanses my sins.