#ghosts exist

Throughout explorations and writing as well as conversations many questions get asked of people. Most of these questions expect only short light answers. No one really expects details, much less an answer that spans fifteen minutes and turns into a mini-lecture.

Since I can only write so many times that the world as we know it is far stranger and has more secrets of well known, or should be well known things. I’ll post a few questions I’ve been asked and answers I’ve given versus what I’ve thought.

Question 1: Why do you look so mad all the time?

Answer I give: I’m not mad, just a mix of tired, aching and hungry as well as having a natural relaxed ‘mad’ look.

Answer in my head:

I’m not mad, my eyebrows are just naturally dark and furrow down towards the bridge of my nose, on top of having a slightly more pronounced brow line bone than most. It’s a family trait of near equal measures from my father’s side and mother’s side of my heritage. As most of my family is from irish/scottish/english decent as well as germanic with maybe a dash of french. It’s an eclectic blend already prior to arriving in the US near about the latter 1600s to early 1700s, at least for my father’s side. Where upon many decades of getting into skirmishes with natives, other colonists and themselves from upper new haven down the coast to florida and part way back. With all the marriages and children to match and probably likely enfolding a bit of native linage because why not clap native booty a little before killing them? Then near the mid to generally late 1800s enter my mother’s side of the family to the US from their native Ireland/Scottland/England and the eventual meeting and joining of my mom and dad, you get me. Dark eyebrows and slightly thicker brown bone. Also I squint a lot because light hurts my eyes and I need new glasses.

Question 2: What do you think about (insert recent news event/tragic thing/country talking smack)?

Answer I give: I dunno, I’d need to look at ir more to tell you what.

Answer in my head:

This would be largely a contextual thing. I can’t give a single answer because I tend to argue both sides of an argument to what I think is equal measure. But in so far as my personal opinion? I have no solid statement to make based on my current understand or lack of understanding that stems from not having paid attention to current events. Much less cared enough to look, but now that you’ve asked, I’ll at least make a token effort to get even slightly knowledgeable of the subject. Which when i do get this slight knowledge it’ll hone it to a razor edge using experience and deductive reasoning and logic instead of emotions. Just know that I have a general dislike of the public at large as I get disappointed very often by a general lack of people paying even a hint of attention to what is obvious.and clearly on display yet no one seems to be willing to consider minimal effort to look at a damn sign or take a wild guess as to why doors are not opening for them.

Question 3: Did you see the game lastnight?

Answer I give: Nah, I was doing something else and didn’t have time.

Answer in my head:

I enjoy sports as much as I enjoy grabbing briars. I can listen to people talk about them and have a decent enough knowledge of the various sports to follow conversations but in so far as my interest enough to watch, willingly, any sport? Yeah, no. I get that sports is entertaining and lends a sense of pride to join in with those that have similar or greater pride because you have some sort of camaraderie to point at between two different people. Likewise viewing sports strokes your endorphin centers in a way that mine are not. Thus, in short, I don’t watch or really enjoy sports at all, I played some in school, hated them then because being constantly berated by others that were no better but felt compelled to belittle as they needed a target to unleash frustrations upon. This coupled with much of my childhood being dominated by harsh punishment for being an interruption of just watching sports on TV has made all reference to sports a net negative for me.

Question 4: What do you do on your days off?

Answer I give: Sleep, wash clothes and relax.

Answer in my head:

I sit and play on text based role play settings, if not watch hours of slightly interesting subjects that cover a broad range of topics. Failing that I write disjointed lines of dialog and ideas that cross my mind while I stand at work being bored out of my head. I then work out ho to link those disjointed things into something worthy of being read by others and possibly enjoyed by the same, or, I craft them into a small role play session that I have hope will be even mildly enlightening for those that participate even while the pessimist in me says that it’ll be forgotten within hours because that is just the nature of the flighty mind of people. I also make note of the evr looming end of my life that creep minute by minute, day by day ever closer, I then think about what will happen to the cute and nice things I have acquired over my life. Who will get them, will they treat them as kindly as I have while they were mine. It makes me sad to think about these things not being loved, just tossed into the garbage by uncaring hands.Yet I would be unable to stop it from happening as I’d be dead and gone,the things I so careful held and showed so much care just discarded without a second thought. Much like things I’ve written, viewed once then dismissed. The ideas not shared, Rp adventures not had and concepts not explored. All of that makes me hopeful that there is some sort of post being, where you get to do these things, all the things you cared about in your life come back to you as they are discarded or otherwise destroyed so you never actually lose them, just have to be without for a while. People reenter and connect again and you get to be the adventurer taking those directions unexplored in games or whatever other pleasure you had.

Question 5: What is your comment about this person?

Answer I give: My thoughts about them are that I don’t think that much about them. They are there and what they are doing doesn't effect me directly or indirectly by what I can figure.

Answer in my head:

You’re asking me a weighted question to confirm your own thoughts. it’s transparent and I find it irritating that you do this, I find it more so when they do this about you. it’s a never ending cycle of trying to draw me to your ‘side’ no matter who the you is. I don’t care about them enough to tell myself that they are just one more person that is going to possibly want to talk to me instead of merely mildly annoying me with constantly walking back and forth in front of me. I have enough personal irritation from people constantly walking in and out of a building that I’m tasked with keeping secure by the occupants of, seem bound and determined not to have secure for their safety. I get even more annoyed that I have to be subject to their whims and forgo my comfort in all forms just so they can have a seamless time and not have to think about keeping themselves safe, so they can enjoy their blissful little bubbles to the point they look down on and talk down to me. I understand clearly why some people just get fed up enough to harm others to the point it makes me laugh in a gallows humor sort of way.

Question 6: Have you ever seen or heard of a ghost?

Answer I give: Ghosts are probably just a strange manifestation of imaginative projection and a situational reference unique to the person.

Answer in my head: