#ghost janus

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“Well, that coulda gone better.” Remus gasped out, trying to hide his shaking hands behind his back.

 “What in the name of the universe did you do, Remus?” Logan asked, clearly shaken. Remus shrugged, smile trembling, eyes tired.

 “I pushed him. Wanted to see what would happen. What was going on behind those deep, dark balls of gelatin in his eyeholes. Didn’t expect… that.” He muttered, flushing slightly as Logan hesitantly reached out, resting a hand on his.  

 “are you ok?” Remus hesitated, taking a moment to catalogue himself. The fear was already fading out, it was more the images that still flickered behind his eyes.

 “Think so. Just gave me quite a good… scare.” He said, lingering on the last word. It felt odd, on his tongue. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had really truly scared him. Only Virgil, it seemed, could shake him to his core, and it was maddening that he couldn’t predict it.

 “It hurt. He’s hurting. I… there was so much buildup. That kind of power doesn’t come out of nowhere, Lo. His negativity is spiraling. Growing. Someone needs to get through to him, or he’s going to be completely consumed by his own darkness. He’ll turn into a shade or a shadow person, he’ll be completely lost.” Logan’s eyes widened and his face paled.  

 “We need to speak to Patton and Roman immediately. We need to make a plan, we need to figure something out, we need-“

 “Easy, teach. If you start panicking, everyone’ll start panicking, and that’ll make me lose what little self control I have, and no wants to be a part of that shit show.” A small smile slipped across Logan’s face as he rolled his eyes, getting to his feet before reaching a hand out to help pull Remus up. Instead, Remus took his hand, and pulled Logan back down, vanishing in a swirl of neon green and midnight blue, reappearing moments later in the living room.

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“Patton?” They both looked up at the sound of the door opening, Janus slipping inside, surveying the scene. Virgil was still curled against Patton, eyes red and hands a bit shaky, though he seemed alright otherwise.

 “H-hi." Virgil managed, voice hoarse, though his sobs had died out hours ago.

 “Virgil. How are you feeling, love?” Janus asked, voice warm with relief and concern.

 “better. I think.” He mumbled, fidgeting with his hoodie strings, dark eyes barely visible from the depths of his hood. “which isn’t really saying much, considering anything is probably better than where I was.”

 “Any progress is progress, darling. It doesn’t have to be a huge revelation, to be important. Sometimes, you hear something so often it becomes a fact of life in your head, regardless of the truth of the matter. Sometimes you just need to hear the opposite enough times from enough people to start believing in your own worth again.” Janus said, leaning in the doorway. Virgil huffed, looking away.

 “you’re all so much… smarter, than me. No wonder I stayed with Him. I’m so… just… stupid.”

 “You’re not, love. You’re not the only one, who died because of an unhealthy, abusive, relationship. You’re not the only one who loved someone who wasn’t good for you. If I seem smarter, it’s only because I’ve had longer to comes to terms with it. I’ve had the others, to help break down all of what was taught to me. There’s nothing stupid about it, Virgil. People like that… they know what they’re doing, when they manipulate you, and they’re damn good at it. It isn’t your fault, darling, and you aren’t stupid for it. You’re just… human.” Janus smiled wryly, and something about his words struck so close to home that Virgil almost burst into tears again, barely containing them with a deep breath and hard swallow.

 “Do you wanna go properly meet Roman and Logan?” Patton asked softly, and Virgil seemed to shrink in on himself more.

 “He’d add Remus to the group of people you need to ‘properly meet’, but you’ve met him at about his best.” Janus added dryly, half smirking in victory as Virgil let out a small, shaky laugh.

 “ok. If… if you’re sure they don’t h-hate me. For h-hurting them. Hurting you.”

 “They don’t, honey.” Patton reassured, kissing the top of his head, before helping him to his feet, Virgil a little wobbly, though he waved away Patton’s concern.

…

Roman was pacing the living room once more, unable to cease his motion or risk flying  apart at the seams. He knew, it wasn’t Virgil’s fault, but that darkness, that power… it scared him.

 And now Patton was alone with him, alone with the being that had very nearly sapped him dry. He was so conflicted. On the one hand, he felt sorry for Virgil, he had watched him, after all, they had, seen how he struggled with depression and anxiety, and on top of that an abusive relationship. He knew Virgil didn’t mean any harm, was extremely strong to have pulled back from the brink.

 But the protective side of him was screaming that Patton was in danger, they were all in danger, as long as Virgil stuck around. At least Janus had left, a few minutes ago, to check on them.

 “Roman. Would you please cease?” Logan asked, looking up from his book, frowning slightly at the noise of his pacing.

 “How can you be so calm about this?” He asked, rounding on Logan, who merely raised a brow.

 “Virgil has agreed to let Patton, at least, help him manage his issues, and Janus has personal experience recovering from the kind of trauma Virgil has endured. I am confident that we will not have another issue. Why are you still panicking?” Logan’s tone made him want to scream, so frustratingly even, and he threw up his hands.

 “Why wouldn’t I be? He nearly destroyed us, Logan, and he wasn’t even trying! We both know he’s prone to fits of panic! What if during one of them he snaps, and hurts all of us? What if he loses control? It wasn’t even fully formed, and it nearly-“

 “Roman-“

 “And he wasn’t even trying, Logan! What happens if he decides to use it? He has almost as much power as Remus, what if he decides he wants the place to himself, what if he decides he’s tired of us, what if he decides to hurt you, or Patton, or Janus? He could end us, Logan, and I refuse to let that happen. I won’t sit idly by and let him tear all of this apart. We have to… to do something! Something to make sure he can’t!”

 “Roman.” Janus’s voice, sharp and cold as ice, and it cut him to his very core. His eyes widened and he had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what he would find when he turned around. He desperately met Logan’s eyes, who shook his head, disapproval written across his face. Slowly, he turned, taking it in one at a time.

 Janus, face cold and eerily impassive, eyes burning a hole through him, with how hard and sharp his gaze was. Patton, mouth open in a silent O, turning to Virgil, who was squeezing his hand as if his afterlife depended on it.

 And Virgil. Virgil was shaking like a leaf, face pale and eyes wide, starting to fizzle into darkness at the edges of his being.

 “Virgil I-“ He took a step forwards, eyes wide and pleading, trying to meet Virgil’s. “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry- That’s not-“ Virgil shook his head, stumbling back a step for his one forwards, arms wrapping around his middle.

 “it’s fine. It’s… I g-get it, I…”

 “Virgil. Please. It is alright. He was just worried.” Virgil laughed at Logan’s words, a harsh, gasping thing, that shook his thin frame harder.

 “Right. Worried. Ab-out me. H-hurting you. All of y-you. And you know what? He’s right! I c-can’t control myself, I p-anic, I-“

 “Darling.” He looked up at Janus, who was reaching out a beseeching hand, asking him, begging him, with his eyes to take it.

 The moment seemed suspended in time.

 Logan was watching him carefully, calculating odds in his head, he could see it. Roman was struggling for words, trying to find something to say, stance defensive. Patton was looking closely at him, eyes echoing Janus’s sentiment, warm and soft and kind. Janus was almost desperate, almost… afraid.

 He could see it. He could see it in each of their eyes. No matter what they said, no matter how much they wanted to help him, wanted to trust him, each of them were afraid of him. Afraid of what he could do. Afraid of what he would do. That’s the only reason Patton and Janus were reaching out, the only reason Roman had stepped between him and the wraith, the only reason Logan had gathered the others to come help, the only reason Remus had let them all in.

 Fear.

 He was all too acquainted with fear. And for the first time, he wondered, what exactly that fear would lead them to do to him, if he lost control once more. He had the suddenly sinking feeling that he knew, that Roman, at least, wouldn’t hesitate, and Logan wouldn’t be far behind. They would do what they had to, to keep their family safe, and if it destroyed him, then that was the cost. He found he couldn’t blame them. Not when Patton and Janus were so… good.

 “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Then he was gone.

…

“No!” Janus cried out, lunging forwards, but he wasn’t fast enough, his hand closed on empty air, and he spun, punching the wall with a curse, head hanging low as he tried to fight back the upwelling of emotions, the desperate crushing defeat filling his chest. “dammit.” He whispered, spinning at a hand on his shoulder.

 “Dammit, Roman! He was listening, he was understanding, he was letting us in, and who are you, who are you to make him more afraid of himself than he already was? You think he doesn’t know, what he’s capable of? You think he doesn’t know what’s at stake? And you… You!” He growled, stalking forwards, not sure what he was moving towards, perhaps punching Roman in the face, but Remus caught his arm before he got there, and he hissed at him, trying to pull out of his grip.

 “Janny. Don’t. It won’t fix anything. It’s not what you want.” He nearly pulls away, snarling, surprised as he finds himself folding against Remus instead, angry tears slipping down his face.

 “we had him. we were so close, we had him.” He whispered, voice hoarse and drawn, as he felt Remus hug him tight.

 “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… God, I’m sorry.” Roman, voice cracking, looking helplessly between Patton and Logan, shame and self loathing welling in his chest.

 “I know. I know, kiddo. I know you’re just worried about us, and I understand. But… but you have to give him a chance. We almost had a chance.” Patton whispers the last sentence, his own tears slipping down his face. He had a feeling Virgil wouldn’t be so easy to find this time, that he’d hide away well and truly.

 But at least they’d gotten through to him. At least he was thinking on it, on his relationship being unhealthy, at least he’d gotten that far. He hoped it was enough.

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