Hi lovely,

I am so sorry that you feel you are disgusting and are having issues with low self-worth. Let me start by saying that you are amazing! You are worth so much to so many people, and nobody wants to see you suffering like this; you are loved and deserve all the care and happiness in the world <3 

I completely understand where you are coming from; my struggles with anxiety and panic attacks have always been something that I felt made my bonds with people stronger because they would offer help and compassion. Once I started treatment and my symptoms started decreasing, I realised people didn’t ask me about it anymore, and frankly, it felt like nobody was interested in me any more because I was ordinary. It can definitely be hard to let go of something that has been a part of you for so long, it’s completely understandable!! To me it felt like I had to learn how to live and communicate all over again, because such a big part of me was now disappearing. But let me tell you, the other side is so much greener, love - recovery is honestly worth it! You are worth a lot, with or without mental illness. You are interesting and loved by many, with or without your illness. Your friends and family will not stop caring for you and spending time with you just because you are in recovery from a mental illness; their love for you is unconditional, and if anything they will be so so happy for you, so happy to see that you are not struggling so much anymore.

Something I didn’t realise until i’d been taking antidepressants for a month or two, is that getting treatment does not change who you are and it does not change your thoughts and feelings, it just makes everything so much easier to deal with. You are more than whatever your mental illness makes you feel; you are more than panic attacks if you suffer with them, you are more than depressive thoughts if that’s what is troubling you. You are more, and you are amazing <3

I am linking our page about getting help here, and a video we have here. Remember, your journey through recovery is dictated by you, ultimately you have complete control over it; if there is something you don’t want to do or try, let the professional you are dealing with know, and they will do their best to help you find something you are more comfortable with. Professionals can cater their treatment to your specific needs and teach you techniques to help you cope with your thoughts and feelings. I know how hard it can be to go to a professional, but their are a lot of people that could help you get there. You could talk to your parents or another trusted adult, a school counsellor, a camp leader, the list goes on. They will be able to help you in seeking further help, having someone there can make the whole process of getting help a lot easier. Is this something you could try? Seeing your GP is perhaps the most important step as they will do an initial assessment about what is going on, and will be able to cater effective methods for you. Our getting help page goes on to describe different forms of help available to you, and different types of therapy - it can be a lot of trial and error to find a treatment that works for you, but please don’t give up! Keep communicating with your doctor/psychiatrist and they will do their best to help you over the bump of recovery!

I suggest you have a look at our anxiety page series, specifically the self-help and calming down pages. Grounding techniques may also be really useful to you when your anxiety is increasing, we have a page about this here.

Again, I am so sorry that you are struggling so much right now, love, but you really really do deserve to get the help you need to recover. Everyone just wants the best for you! <3 If there is anything else we can help you with, please do not hesitate to get back in touch with us! Take care love,

HOWEVER’MST’VE

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