#getoffofme

The funniest night last night at my friends house. A guy was trying to, in the saddest ways, get in my pants. He started by putting his head on my knee, kissing my leg, and gently grazing the outside of my pants everywhere he could while we were talking for hours upon hours. I had to keep moving his hand away from my shit, and he didn't get the hint regardless of how much I said "no" or "stop". I was trying to distract him from wanting me. I started pulling up old videos on YouTube to watch, showing him old songs I liked that I was certain he never listened to before, and just rambling. He was clearly uninterested by those things and still wanted to smash. I thought, what would be the best way to get rid of this dude? And then it came to me. I will read him some dark, demented, and fucked up poetry I've written about my ex boyfriends. I'm a writer and use it as therapy, if you did not know, and I am a wordsmith that can scrape daggers into your heart. I even said "when I read this to you, you're going to literally run and never come back. I'm so fucking crazy" and started manically laughing. He proceeded to laugh with me, probably assuming I didn't have it in me to scare him away from this dope ass pussy. I read it with all the depth I could and even choked up a couple times because I'm drunk and in my feels. And he literally left in 5 minutes without saying goodbye to anyone in the house. It worked. Duly noted as a recommended way to ensure a fuckboy slides out of my life before he slides in me. 1/1 results. I say fuckboy because I found out after he has a wife and a kid. What a fucking asshole. If anyone needs the script, I got you ❤️

#dubsmash #getoffofme #asif