#gerussi

She didn’t remember if she fell asleep, but surely, what was happening was just a messed up dream. Tiny fingers found their way to the edge of the chain, clasping tight against a pendant that felt too familiar to be imagination run wild. Through the sudden chill that took her room by storm, she clung to the teddy bear all too tight, puffy eyes watching the shining metal as her index finger slipped over the clip holding it shut. 

It was the worst decision of her life. 

The migraine that followed out beat the aches from her body finalizing what was to come, the memories more than just a quick flash but she stayed utterly still, biting her tongue until it bled, tears fresh burning her cheeks as they fell to the blanket below. There, she sat, surrounded by a reel of lives lost and restarts beginning. There she sat, a breath held as her heart ached, her senses overtaken by the pendant that laid in quaking hands. 

Her heart rate pattered all too quickly as she swore she saw death happen before her, saw the blood pool against the ground. A feeling of burning made her snap out of it for just a moment, a hand going to her chest to see speckles of blood seeping through her shirt. Looking farther, tendrils crawled up the ledges of the bed, values displayed above them that she tried to ignore as they gripped her leg. Every time a pound of the migraine came, so did the shadow pull at her, her hand dropping the pendant, gripping onto the teddy bear with one hand, the other digging into her throat trying so desperately to stop the sensation of being choked. 

It went on for hours, or so it seemed. Warm blood graced her fingertips, drenching them enough to let the liquid drip against the blond - brown fur of a ( stuffed ) animal cherished. Yet she paid no heed, all until she felt a hand grip firmly around her wrist.  At first, she squirmed out of natural flight or fight, her ears unable to catch the soft voice whispering to her as she shouted and swatted. For a few moments, she pounded tiny fists against the chest of a man trying to soothe her, her eyes puffy with the emotion that gripped her tight, vision cloudy because she only knew fear in that moment of weakness.

The fear of losing everyone again. Of having to restart the timeline again. Of failing him again.

 But, her nightmare ended when her ear touched his chest when a soft ‘shh’ filled the air and a light turned on to scare the despair away. For just a few seconds, she sat their, numb, the feeling of fear, pain, and guilt went only to be replaced by the chilling numbness of emotionlessness.

With a soft kiss to the forehead, it flooded back. The waterworks got turned on again as she felt something warm against her neck. She went to move, to grab at it, but stopped, eyes locked with the ones looking down to her, pleading for her to give in just this once.

She did.

Choking on a breath, she tried to speak out anything to calm his woes over her own, yet, nothing escaped besides a squeak or a raspy huff. She tried, only to be hushed and pulled in tighter to a hold that she didn’t believe she deserved. In all the thoughts that drowned her in self-pity, she never noticed the soft touches against her back, the tiny ruffle of the hair as a hand stayed against her neck to stop the blood she spilled. She hadn’t noticed his soft mumbling, the unstable breathing within the man’s chest, the lullaby that always seemed to pull her out of her daze . . . 

Only did she notice the clap of thunder and the soft patter of raindrops against the apartment window after her heart calmed itself. Her eyes wandering to the glass, seeing the droplets pitter patter but slowly, her attention was drawn back to the man she called father in this line, but in others - 

Fingers clung to cloth before she could finish the thought, a choked sob leaving her lips, her forehead drenching bangs in sweat before placing it against his chest once more, finally letting out a whimper, cracking and crumbling into pieces. 

“ why?  “  her voice cracked, tightening her grip against the cloth as her head buried itself within his chest. “ why do I have to remember every time? “ it was barely a whisper but, with how close, there was no doubt he could hear it. Every breath she took made her shake more, warmth leaving her skin, being replaced by the chill and riddled with scales. “ ... every life it’s the same dance. It ends badly. But no one remembers - 

                            so why do I have to remember  -  that no matter what I do . . . 

                                                                   you always die.  “

The sting in her chest subsided, her mind already clicking with what that meant. That she was a god and not some child. She was never a child, and that fact was too harsh against the soul older than earth.