#genosidal

He Tian admits to possessing some vices, like smoking and drinking, some indescribable need to make others bend to his will, some insurmountable loathing for his family. He admits to possessing some strange fascination at a certain red-haired boy, a curiosity so insatiable that borders sort-of obsession.

Except it's not that strange, he realizes belatedly. He knows all too well what's going on, from brawls in deserted hallways to saving each other's asses, late night conversations under the moon, whispering a plea about not letting go.

Too many nights spent wide awake, bothered, frustrated, and longing, and sometimes all at once. He Tian knows the severity of it, won't even deny it even if confronted.

But he won't say it. Not now, perhaps not ever, he's not sure. The calls from his father and older brother have become more frequent lately, and He Tian knows he's running out of time.

And so, from the dining table he watches Guan Shan move about, washing his hands, wiping the counter, slicing vegetables, one mundane task to the other. He feels an inexplicable sort of relaxation in just simply observing.

He watches as Guan Shan bends down to grab one of the pots, and damn He Tian if he thought that wasn't sexy. He briefly considers throwing something at the other boy's direction, just so he can watch him pick it up (not without a biting remark), maybe chance a glance at that redhead's backside once more.

The other boy works wordlessly, probably still pissed at him for annoying him in class, and among many other reasons He Tian cannot name or count. But he's not apologetic though, not even in the slightest bit. It's not some pride thing, perhaps he's just cruel the way he is.

And yet ironically, he swallows a hard lump in his throat, the thought of someone laying a hand on Guan Shan...even he himself doesn't know what he would do, what he can do. To what lengths he would go, just to...just to what, exactly?

He Tian knows, with detached resignation, that he may never be able to hear what the other boy has to say, about all of this. May never be able to get what he wants, if he even has the guts to say it in the first place. I'm scared? Fuck that's hilarious.

And yet.

-

Guan Shan covers the stew with the lid to let it simmer, having momentarily forgotten the reason for his absurd predicament- the one presence behind him, all dark, wild, and imposing.

He sets the stove to low fire and turns around to lean on the counter. He finds He Tian looking at him with an unreadable expression, so unlike his usual.

"The fuck you looking at?" He blurts out, confusion laced in his voice, because why the hell was he looking at him like that?

Slowly, He Tian's features morph into a teasing smile. "Nothing, just thought about how cute you look like in that apron."

Guan Shan bares his teeth at that, thinks of two or three curses to fire back, but chooses not to say anything. Too used at receiving weird comments from the other boy, too used to losing verbal battles (and physical, he admits bitterly). Cute? Tch, stop fucking teasing me.

But things have become more confusing lately. Glances taking a second too long, the gift of a new earring, the constant weight of a hand on his nape. The sudden phone call he received in the dead of the night, the sound of He Tian's uneven breathing breaking the silence in the room.

He hates not being able to read the other boy's thoughts. Every time he looks at those onyx eyes, he fails to find answers. Instead, he discovers himself with an unsettling feeling in his gut, the image of a sharp jaw and the curl of a smirk forever burned in the crevices of his mind.

He Tian stands and walks languidly towards him. Guan Shan unconsciously braces himself, leaning further back, hands gripping tight on the counter. He Tian stops a hair's breadth away, one tanned hand settling adjacent to where his hip touches the counter. Guan Shan's mind short-circuits, with the other boy so close to him he has no choice but to avert his gaze somewhere else.

"W-what now ?" Guan Shan curses himself inwardly for the stutter. "Stop it, why are you like this?" He tries to calm himself a little, tries to let out a small wary breath, nerves still spiking all the way up along with the beating of his heart. It's just one of He Tian's dumb antics, it's not like he's trying to tell you somethin-

He Tian's hand shoots up to cradle his jaw, fingers pressing firmly on his cheek. Guan Shan's eyes widen in surprise, forced to shift back up to meet the other in a heated stare.

"Why am I like this?" He Tian drawls out lowly, completely and utterly transfixed by the pair of lips before him. He darts out a tongue to lick his own, mind jumping to theorize how the other boy would taste like.

hey beautiful ;)

And sent. He Tian can't help but anticipate the reply with bated breath. Physics class is less than halfway through, the voice of his teacher droning on and on about some concept, and already does he feel like opening the nearest window and jumping out, broken bones be damned. His grades are more than fine though, normally he pays enough attention to seem like the outstanding student that he is, but right now he doesn't give a rat's ass about any of that. It's just that he's thinking a lot lately...about angry snarls, porcelain skin, red hair...

Yeah, fuck Guan Shan for being a distraction. A very pleasant one, if He Tian might add. Damn if he gives a shit about being distracted in class. On the contrary, anything that keeps him off from the redhead is a nuisance. The scrape of the chalk, the humming of the A/C, the soft pitter patter of the rain outside...everything is exceedingly dull next to the redhead's vitality.

He watches Guan Shan, who was seated near the front, as he discreetly moves to check the message he received. He Tian can almost see the scowl that twists on the other boy's face. Guan Shan replies almost automatically.

fuck off, asshole

Inwardly, He Tian snickers. Yeah, yeah, he expected nothing else. The redhead never really established himself as a creative trash-talker. He promptly types out a reply, his seat from the back row enabling him to use his phone freely.

your annoying carrot head is blocking the board. mind crashing your face on the desk for me?

He watches as Guan Shan reads the message. He pockets his phone back without typing a reply.

Ah damn, he ignored me. Feeling the slightest twinge of disappointment, He Tian decides to devote his undivided attention to pissing the redhead off.

awww come on red. im bored

let's skip the next class

oh yeah i want beef stew later

if you try bailing out again, just know that it won't be any less easier for you

He intentionally sends the messages one by one, for good effect. Guan Shan hurriedly picks his phone out again, obviously annoyed by the consecutive vibrations. Even from his position, He Tian can see the angry way Guan Shan's hands types on his phone.

what the chicken dick is wrong with you? stop texting me, unlike you im trying to pay attention and i dont want to get caught by the witch

Cute. He Tian was about to type his reply when suddenly the teacher cleared her throat and made a snide remark about "a certain rude student who's using his phone, how dare he waste time in attending school classes, he should just leave the room for being an ungrateful child".

He Tian barely stopped himself from chuckling audibly. One, he was absolutely floored by her dramatics. And two, despite being the instigator, he was definitely not the one being scolded, judging by the very nasty glare that the teacher is giving the redhead. He guesses that the other boy must be seething at him right now.

Ah damn. The dumbass called it. He Tian sighed, his amusement being incredibly short-lived. He knows Guan Shan will try a fight with him later, for getting him in trouble when it wasn't even his fault or shit, whatever. Literally anything that Guan Shan throws at his way is very amusing for him, threats that the redhead is too scared to follow through, his redundant insults, gritted teeth, clenched fists.

He enjoys riling the other up, can't help but eagerly watch every reaction he makes at all of his provocations. Can't help but catch his pale wrists almost too naturally, arms straining to hit and escape from him at the same time. Can't help but tease, and anger, and aggravate the other boy at any opportunity. He finds some sort of absurd enjoyment in that.

But damn, He Tian knows himself. Really, he can't deny the emotions that threaten to bubble out from inside, there's no use in pretending it doesn't exist. He knows what it is, he knows what it means to dream about bony hips underneath his fingertips, slim legs spread out on his black sheets, red strands the shade of sunsets and persimmons, all drenched from perspiration. He doesn't feel sick at the realization of it, not at all, but only sick satisfaction at every release he reaches. Guilt and embarrassment do not come to him, and He Tian laughs mirthlessly, at how fuckin unashamed he was being.

Yeah, he wants Guan Shan. He wants Guan Shan under his fists, under his caresses. Fuck if he knows which. Maybe both at the same time. Not that he isn't giving enough nonverbal cues for the other boy to pick up, fuck if that idiot still doesn't get it.

For now he waits and bids his time. There's a strange feeling from his gut at the prospect of revealing himself to the redhead. Is that fear?  He's not sure if he feels apprehensive from finding out what the other boy might think, or if he feels hesitant to speak his desires into existence.

It's all fun and games until you tell him you wanna push him down on your bed and do this and that.

Minutes tick by and the bell rings, relief washing over the class almost tangibly. He Tian stands and quickly strides to reach the redhead, ignoring the incessant calls of the girls behind him.

He slings an arm around Guan Shan's shoulder, pressing down heavily so he can't budge.

"Get the fuck off me, He Tian!"

"Tangina nung Keith na yun ah!" Biglang bulalas ni Lance at ihinagis ang kanyang kwaderno sa sahig. Napatingin ang ilang mga patron sa Starbucks.

"Nakita na ba niya pagmumukha niya sa salamen? Porket may motor lang kala mo sobrang pogi na? Hampas ko pa sa kanya tong laptop ko eh!"

Tinitigan lang siya ng dalawa niyang kasama.

"Dude. Ano nanaman ba ginawa sayo ni Keith?" Sagot ni Hunk habang isa-isang iniinuman ang frappucino ng mga kasama. "Kakaupo lang natin tapos siya na kaagad bukambibig mo?"

"Hunk, di ko pa talaga nasisimulan yung akin eh." Sambit naman ni Pidge sa tabi at iniayos ang salamin. "At isa pa Lance, puro Keith na lang sinasabi mo palagi. Keith ganyan, Keith ganito. Ano ba talaga? Pagkagalit o pagkagusto? Mamili ka."

Napanganga si Lance at dramatikong iniligay ang kamay sa dibdib. "Anong sinasabi mo Pidge?! I thought we were friends! Sino bang magkakagusto sa basagulerong yun?"

"Ikaw." Magkasabay na sagot ni Pidge at Hunk.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Lance. "Dude. Are you guys fucking serious?"

Napakibit-balikat si Hunk habang isinusubo ang choco-butternut na tinake-out mula sa Dunkin. "Ewan namin. In denial ka kasi eh. Sabi mo ayaw mo sa kanya pero lahat ng bagay tungkol sa kanya alam mo."

"At isa pa." Dagdag ni Pidge tsaka idiniretso ang tingin kay Lance. "Kung makatingin ka kay Keith sa classroom eh parang gusto mo nang iuwi. 'I fucking hate Keith' my ass, DONT US ha."

Napaatras ng bahagya si Lance mula sa mesa. "Pinagsasabi niyo? Wag nga kayong ano....wala naman talaga eh! Si Keith? Wow ha, ano...HINDI NAMAN TALAGA EH! Bakit..kasi hindi naman...pano niyo nasabe?"

Muli, tinitigan na lang siya ng dalawa.

"Parang nasira yata natin siya." Sabi ni Pidge, at sabay nilang pinapanood ang parang naging estatwa nilang kaibigan na nakatayo.

"Tignan mo. Parang lumipad na ata yung kaluluwa niya papalayo." Sambit ni Hunk.

At iyon na nga ang paglipad ng isipan ni Lance, na ngayo'y umiikot sa isang lalaking tila hinding hindi niya maaalis, hindi lamang sa isip, kundi sa panaginip, sa damdamin.

Si Keith, na kamakailan lamang ay hinila siya sa isang sulok sa AS para ipagpatuloy ang kanilang argumento. Tandang tanda niya ang mga bisig na nagkulong sa kanya habang siya ay nakasandal sa dingding, walang magawa kundi titigan ang mga mata na mainit na nakatingin sa kanya.

Teka? Ano nga ba ulit sinabi ni Keith nun....bakit hindi ko maalala?

Tandang tanda pa niya ang mahigpit na hawak ni Keith sa kanyang panga habang nagsasalita ito, mga labi ng binatang gumagalaw, napakalapit sa kanyang paningin.

Pero bakit parang wala akong narinig?

"Huy Lance. Upo."

Si Keith, kaninang umaga ay pumasok sa kanilang large class sa Math, nagmamadali sapagkat muntikan malate. Medyo pawis ang binata, pansin ni Lance, at pinanood niya ang paghawi ni Keith sa kanyang buhok at ang pagdaan ng kanyang kamay sa kanyang leeg. Bahagya silang nagkatinginan tsaka umupo sa kanyang tabi.

Medyo nahirapan si Lance makinig nung klase na yun, sapagkat di niya maalis-alis ang kanyang paningin sa kanyang katabi.

Bagay pala sa kanya ang sleeveless.

Ang cute din ng ponytail sa kanya.

Pawis pero ang bango pa rin.

"Lance. Andito ka pa ba?"

Ohmygod. Legit ba? Totoo nga ba na may crush siya kay Keith? Ang kanyang karibal? Yung gagong laging crush ng crush niya? Yung gago na kapag nagsalita ay kay lalim at kay gaspang ng boses na para bang nakakatindig balahibo lalo na kung malapit ito sa tainga--

"Tangina."

"Mukhang malala to Hunk. Limang minuto na siyang nakatunganga tapos "tangina" lang nasabi niya."

"Lance. Upo na kasi. Nawala ka na ata sa wisyo eh." Sabi ni Hunk habang hinihila papalapit ang jacket ni Lance.

At ayun na ngang biglang pagupo ni Lance sa sofa, at uminom sa frappe niyang medyo natunaw na, na parang isang robot.

"Guys. Oo nga."

"Hm? Ano?" Tanong naman ni Pidge na sinusubukang pigilan ang kanyang pagngisi.

"Oo nga." Sagot ni Lance na nakatingin pa rin sa kawalan.

"Oo nga, ano?" Nagugulong tanong ni Hunk, na sinagot naman ni Pidge ng, "Oo nga daw."

Medyo hindi pa rin gets ni Hunk, sapagkat may pagka-slow siya minsan. Pero walang bahid ng kabagalan ang kanyang sumunod na kilos.

"Guys. Kalma. Tingin sa kanan. Si Prince Charming at ang kanyang motorsiklo."

Tumingin ang dalawa sa labas ng bintana at iyon na nga ang biglang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ni Lance, sa sinabayan naman ng pilit na patagong tawa ni Pidge.

"Kalma ka lang Boy Lusot. Wag ka magpahalata masyado." Sabi ni Pidge at nagkunwaring tumingin sa dingding.

Girl hindi ko kaya. Sabi ni Lance sa kanyang sarili, habang nagaalala kung pano na siya ngayon kikilos kapag nandiyan na si Keith--

Na ngayo'y nakatitig sa kanya habang naglalakad papasok sa Starbucks, nakangisi ng bahagya na para bang model na slowmotion na naglalakad, suot-suot ang kanyang pulang leather jacket.

Wala na.

Finish na.

Talagang nahulog na nga ang kanyang puso para sa binata.

A/N:

Spot how many filipino memes i used HAHAHA