#genophobe

I'm fearing. I am afraid that I won't ever have this after this. This isn't sexual or romantic. This is a cry for help. When you haven't had help before, when you think this moment may be your final chance to get it for once. Finally, a feeling of a father figure. Not a scary one. Not a disgusting one. Not an unreal one. It is exactly what you want and this is it but everyone will look down upon you, thinking that this 'father figure' thing is because you're a 'teenager and you have to like sex it wouldn't make any sense for you to not.'

All I have done is look for one. Anywhere, whether it be romantic or simply just a guy who happened to be around that makes me feel things I would have felt had my father been there when I was a child. After seeing all I have ever seen and wishing I had one still, I have come to the conclusion and acceptance that I will never get one.

As long as I have this man.

Erotophobia: the fear of sex or negative attitudes about sex.

There are people who do so many drugs, they have sex so much, and it's horrible. Because all of it is just rotting their brain. I see it a lot. All the time, everyday. I'm scared of sex because of what it can do to people. How it is used not in mainstream society but how it can be portrayed in the darker corners, the parts that are not seen by the majority of people. We all know it is there, but we just don't talk about it.

The abuse. It's all there. The disgusting things people say because it's all that they know. I feel bad. I can tell who has been there in my life. The people I know who have had to go through that. I'm glad that they got out. I'm not saying don't have sex, I'm not saying if you have ever had sex I want you to die, I'm just worried. I'm worried about you, the people who are caught up in that. The glamorized version of this activity and the romanticized version of these drugs, it's not real. It's fake. I am so worried. Genuinely, terrified for how you are doing. I'm just a kid, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I've seen it before and it's just upsetting.

Maybe it is just because I am a genophobe. Maybe it is because sexual things are my greatest fear. But I am worried. I want YOU to get help. Not for me, not for anyone but yourself. You deserve help. If you have ever done anything bad in your life, it's not this. This was an accident.

You’re doing fine as you are, no one can understand the weight on your shoulders father… You’re doing the best you can, the least mortals can do is be grateful…