#genitalautonomy

A few days ago, I was fortunate to be contacted by James Gold through my twitter account. He is such a remarkable father and advocate for intersex genital autonomy who showed me that the stories of intersex people are not the same.  I was filled with questions and he was patient and kind to answer all of them!

1. Hi James! Can you tell me about yourself?

I am 49 years of age, I live in England. I live as a male. The proud parent of 3 grown up children. I was born in 1965. I was raised as any normal male. Everything seemed "normal", at age 9 I was diagnosed as "Intersex", having had severe pains. The medical profession soon realized I had elements of female sexual internal reproductive organs; a uterus and 1 intact and functional ovary. "They" suggested I should be assigned to become and live as female. Although this was an answer to my pains, it was vast shock to me and family. However, we were not fully aware of what was really happening, so we followed the conventional wisdom of the day, which meant I would live as female, "if the experts say that is what is best.... etc."

I had vaginaplasty surgery, and lived as female, (Kate) for age 9. I was given a new ID, and a new birth certificate.  Yes, it was simple to cover up mistakes back then. The plan was that I would have further surgery at age 16, yes castration. As I had male "bits" as well, 1 testes, scrotum, and penis, although underdeveloped. My chromosomes are mapped as XXY, and I have P(AIS), which is normally not associated with XXY chromosomes. I am "unique"

I lived as female until age 15, when I was awaiting final operation. I became scared, and backed out, stating I wanted to live as male again. But at that age, I knew I was primarily fear of more operations. I was told I  would be "normal heterosexual female, and a “good wife" (it was the 70's).

So at age 15, I went back to my life as James. I was fortunate to be fertile as a male, again against the odds. So I married and became a father of 3 kids.

 2 How do you think being intersex play a role in your life?

My life has been totally different at every stage as intersex, than it would have been if I had been a "normal" male. Teen years, as female was NOT easy, adapting as female, and then having to adjust back as male. Dating as male, with NO body hair, Female skeleton, female fat distribution, and various female traits and "issues" I never feel normal (biological ) male, and will never be normal (biological) female, I am intersex, living as male. And now as a father of 3 , age 49, there is still stigma, and shame… I don't tell many, and hide under baggy clothes, and hide my body.

 3. How did surgery have an impact in your life?

Vast change. Yes, surgery was needed, as I was internally menstruating, and the menstrual blood was being absorbed internally. So I know that was live saving. However the options were not given to me, it was as if the ONLY option was castration, and mutilation. I was 4 weeks away; castration would have been a VAST impact of my whole life, confidence, self-awareness, and sex life.

4.  How do you break the news to your ex partners hat you are intersex

 Not easy ! .. always explain FULLY before possibility of thing getting serious.. most are fine, sadly a few cannot deal with, but best to be open and honest.

5.  What changes in society would you like to see in regards to the intersex community?

I would like to see it illegal for surgeons to operate more than is required to save life, all other choices MUST be made with consent of patient when fully aware

6. What would you do if you had an intersex child?

I would allow any urgent lifesaving surgery, BUT would not allow any other surgery, until the child was of an age to make their own choice.

7.  What is your favorite thing about being a dad?

"As a little lass, I'm protected. Little lads deserve the same luck!" My t-shirt I'll be wearing this coming St. Patrick's Day weekend. Since 1997, female infants and children in the USA have been protected from forced genital cutting.

Male and intersex babies deserve the same protection!

Female genital mutilation (FGM) and male circumcision: time to confront the double standard 

"It's Cleaner!", "It Protects from UTIs.", "It'll Protect Him From HIV." Psychology Today More Circumcision Myths You May Believe: Hygiene and STDS

How the Foreskin Protects Against UTIs

HIV, AIDS, & Circumcision

"My Doctor uses a non-cutting method." The Perils of Plastibell Circumcision: A Mythical "No Cutting, No Risk" Method "It's our preference."

Circumcision: A Very Personal Choice

Our Bodies, Our Choices

"He'll want his to match his father's." Father/Son Matching Penises: Stop the Insanity!

"It'll protect him from cancer."

Circumcision to Prevent Penile Cancer?

"Everybody's doing it."

U.S. Circumcision Rate Falls to 32%

United States Circumcision Incidence

Male circumcision: global trends and determinants of prevalence, safety, and acceptability

"He'll thank me later."

NORM: The National Organization of Restoring Men

Restoring for Men: Your Foreskin Restoration Community

Men Do Complain

"My religion requires it." Christianity and Circumcision Resources

Whole Christian Network

Judaism and Circumcision Resources

Beyond the Bris

Jews Against Circumcision

Intact Jewish Network

Quranic Path

Intact Muslim Network

"Babies don't feel pain."

Circumcision: How Much Does It Hurt?

"He'd get made fun of."

Circumcision: Social, Sexual, Psychological Realities