#generationfreedom

Your sense of personal identity has everything to do with the way you see the world and the life choices you make. People (young and old) try to gain a sense of acceptance, security and significance by crafting an image, or projecting an identity that increases self-esteem. But identity that is built on status, popularity, star performance, accomplishments, recognition, good looks or the admiration of others is a shaky foundation. So what ultimately defines a person? Our Creator. There is no greater authority on the subject of you than God. Think about it. And when a human being responds to the Good News of Jesus by faith, he or she is declared by God to be a new creation with a new identity (2 Corinthians 5:17). The new identity of a “believer” is defined in numerous ways throughout the writings of the New Testament portion of the Bible. And in every case, God wants his kids to know that they are accepted, secure, significant and unconditionally loved in Christ. For close to 30 years the “Who I am in Christ” identity statements, developed from the Scripture by Freedom in Christ Ministries have been used to help people successfully reformat the way they think about themselves. Maybe you’ve seen the popular bookmarks. But did you know that there is also a special app that breaks down each of these identity statements into simple daily devotionals? It’s called the 33id App. 33 identity statements, 33 days, 33 devos that will help you understand the down low on every follower of Jesus. This app is available for both iOS and Android devices and... it’s totally free. Installation is easy. Just go to 33idapp.com and follow the simple directions. To encourage you to use this app, check out this sample from Day #21

Today’s truth:

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.   (Hebrews 4:16 ESV)

My true identity: I can find grace and mercy in time of need.

We all need help from time to time. Few things are more humiliating or discouraging than asking for help from an ungracious person. You know, a person who will look down on you. A person who feels the need to criticize and say, “I told you so.”

However, when we feel defeated or we are facing strong temptation, nothing is more encouraging and strengthening than receiving help from a person who is merciful and sympathetic to our needs.

God will never abandon his children. Jesus has promised to always be with his followers. God’s Spirit is as close to you as your next breath. As a matter of fact, he is your breath of life (John 20:21-22).

With the onset of the holiday season, schedules can become hectic, family relationships can become strained and emotional health can be depleted. The holidays have a way of ushering in excitement, joy, stress and painful memories all at the same time. With that, let me offer a few suggestions for enjoying the holidays.

1. Manage Your Traditions. There is something wonderful about creating and repeating family traditions. These serve to connect families together and create legacies that can endure for generations. But, traditions, if not managed, can also take on a life of their own and families can end up serving traditions, rather than the traditions serving the family. This happens when we demand that everything about our holiday must be exactly the same as it was last year, and the year before, and the year before.

Traditions are best managed when we don’t make the location of the celebration, the gifts, or the menu items the heart of our traditions. Rather, focus on traditions of the heart: the relationships you get to renew each year, the conversations, the laughter, and the love.

2. Give Up the Fantasy of a Perfect Holiday. The bad news: the perfect holiday doesn’t exist. The good news: perfection isn’t required to experience a truly happy celebration. When something goes wrong, your attitude toward and response to the situation will go a long way to determining your stress level.

3. Evaluate Your Expectations. Here are three important questions: 1) What are you planning? 2) Why are you planning it? 3) Is it reasonable to expect that you can accomplish the plan?

Realize that the pins you see on Pinterest are idealistic. They do not measure your commitment and love as a parent, spouse, sibling or child. Reasonable expectations are fine. Identifying expectations before holiday events can help you evaluate and adjust them to become a better fit with reality. This gives you more control over your behavior and stress level with your family members.

4. Create Some Margin. The person or persons hosting holiday celebrations are often the ones who get run ragged. It’s no “holiday” for them. Sure, for most it’s a labor of love. But it’s a lot of labor nonetheless.

If most of the celebration preparations falls on you, here’s a reminder: you don’t have to do everything yourself. Sure, you probably can handle the details and tasks better than anyone else, but it’s simply not necessary. Ask for help. Give others specific tasks. Many hands make light work. Give yourself some margin and your holidays will be happier and less stressful.

If most of the preparation falls on others, don’t sit by and let them do all the work. Offer to lend a helping hand. Find ways to help and get to work. You will still have time to relax and enjoy the holidays, plus you’ll be helping to make celebrations a bit happier and less stressful for others.

5. Don’t Take the Bait. Almost everyone has at least one family member who offers the special holiday gift of instigating family conflict. To them, a holiday is an opportunity for pot-stirring and button-pushing. Simply expect that some snarky comments will fly. When it happens, do your best to ignore, or make light of it. Shake it off and let it go. These comments are almost always a fishing expedition. Remember the fish that gets hooked is the fish that takes the bait. Don’t take the bait!

6. Give Thanks. With all of the preparations involved in meals, family, travel, gifts and so on, it’s pretty easy to forget the reason for the seasons we celebrate. As Christ-followers, we know that even in the midst of difficult seasons of life, that God is good and that there is always something to thank Him for. So, take at least a few moments and offer up a prayer of thanks to God. The attitude of gratitude is the foundation upon which “holy days” are built.

7. Find Ways to Give. Whether it’s the gift of a pumpkin pie to a neighbor, inviting another family to your Thanksgiving Dinner, raking leaves for the elderly couple down the street, or making a contribution to a local shelter, do something for someone else — something that your family feels good about doing. Lower any potential stresses by recognizing that this doesn’t have to be done on the holiday itself. The simple act of giving during the holiday season is likely to increase the joy and happiness of your family’s celebration.

Here is wishing a very blessed Hol(y)day Season to you and yours!  Resolutions Counseling Inc--  we are here to help.

Chris Campbell

When I was a college student, from time to time, I would get into a “mood” and just decide to mope. I would reach for mood enhancing resources to fully embrace my sappiness. My favorite was a Pink Floyd playlist I had created. ;) In those days, if you called my landline and got the voicemail you would hear an outgoing message that went something like, “Hi. I can’t come to the phone right now because I am too busy wallowing in my depression. Leave a message and I’ll think about returning your call.” Kid you not.

Was I suffering from depression? Hardly. I was being a juvenile who loved to pout for the attention it brought me. After a while I would get tired of being a whiny punk and simply stop it. It really wasn’t that hard to reset my mood because there were plenty of hopeful things in my life. However, for those who suffer with legit depression this is not the case.

Depression can be described as a deficiency of hope. When a depressed person surveys the horizon they can find little or nothing to feel positive about or to look forward to. Sometimes this outlook is accurate. Sometimes this outlook is perceived. But in either case it is real in the mind of a person with depression.

Depression is seldom discreet. It has a way of bumping into everyone. It is hard for emotionally regulated people to endure the heaviness of a Debbie Downer. In an effort to sidestep the awkwardness of the mood, people will attempt to cheer up a discouraged person. This may work with a moody individual like a young Chris Campbell, but real depression is not an easy thing to overcome. If it were, then we would see people shaking off sadness all the time. Because, after all, who really wants to spend their life perpetually bummed out?

If your attempts to cheer a depressed person fail, you may be tempted to try to “fix” the person by pressuring them into more acceptable behavior. Usually this means making attitude-adjusting comments that you hope will jar a person out of their depression. Bad idea.

In this blog I offer you 7 things that a person with depression does not need to hear.

1. “WILL YOU SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY?”

This statement implies that depression is a simple disorder with a quick fix. It discounts any sort of bio-chemical issues that may be in play. It attempts to bypass unresolved issues that lurk beneath the surface. It is a subtle way to bully a person into conforming to your expectations so that you can feel better. This statement is not about caring for the person suffering from depression. Instead, it is an attempt to control.

2. “IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND.”

So what if it is? When I hear this statement spoken out loud I consider it an invitation to shallowness. You might as well say something like, “I think people would prefer you to be a superficial person. So please, just flip a switch and stop obsessing over whatever it is that is making you so awkward to be around…”

3. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRONGER THAN THIS.”

I will say this—those who would make this type of comment are usually people who avoid addressing their own emotional issues. This type of comment is both guilting and shaming. Just the two things a person with depression needs to remedy their situation. (Sarcasm)  This third statement is akin to “Suck it up”; “Quit your crying”; “Toughen up”, etc.

4. “NO ONE EVER SAID LIFE IS FAIR.”

Okay… so can we all stop for a moment and agree out loud that total fairness in an imperfect world with imperfect people is an impossibility? Great. Now that we have that out of the way let me point out that a person with depression has little energy to see the world from any other viewpoint than their own immediate experience. Extended sadness is like a black cloud that doesn’t just hover over a person, but it can actually engulf a person. This makes it hard to see the positives. Expecting a depressed person to have an ability to reason objectively is incredibly unfair.

6. “GROW UP.”

Depression can hit anyone. You aren’t exempt from it at any age. It may look different in a child, a teen, a young adult, and adult or a senior, but depression knows no age limits. The irony of this thoughtless comment is that sometimes it is the impact of an adult sized scenario that has been the biggest trigger of depression. Depression doesn’t take over a child who has a toy taken away from a playmate. Depression, real depression, always stems from serious matters. To imply that “grownups” are insulated from depression is ridiculous.

7. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES?”

This question is just another way to state  the old popular adage, “You’ve made your bed and now you will have to lie in it.” Really. Even if a person can’t find hope, let me assure you that they are very aware of their mistakes. In many cases they are even overwhelmed by the awareness of their flaws and faults. Depression has a way of inviting a person to consider their imperfections through a magnifying glass. Compassionate counseling works to get the depressed client to put down the magnifying glass. This question (#7) works in the opposite.

Depression can come calling at nearly any time in life. If/when it does it will attempt to attach itself like Velcro and convince you that you are now defined by your sadness. But that is not who you are. Part of the good news of Jesus Christ is that we now have freedom from anything that would enslave us and limit the full potential of God’s design for our lives! This includes dominating negative emotions like depression. If you or someone you love is depressed, encourage them to seek help. Encourage them to be open to exploring all possible explanations for their extended sadness (physical, psychological and spiritual). Offer to pray for them. Ask what you can do to help. But resist the temptation to make comments like the examples given in this blog. Rather than projecting how another person should be feeling, offer loving support.