Connecting the Dots...

Your sense of personal identity has everything to do with the way you see the world and the life choices you make. People (young and old) try to gain a sense of acceptance, security and significance by crafting an image, or projecting an identity that increases self-esteem. But identity that is built on status, popularity, star performance, accomplishments, recognition, good looks or the admiration of others is a shaky foundation. So what ultimately defines a person? Our Creator. There is no greater authority on the subject of you than God. Think about it. And when a human being responds to the Good News of Jesus by faith, he or she is declared by God to be a new creation with a new identity (2 Corinthians 5:17). The new identity of a “believer” is defined in numerous ways throughout the writings of the New Testament portion of the Bible. And in every case, God wants his kids to know that they are accepted, secure, significant and unconditionally loved in Christ. For close to 30 years the “Who I am in Christ” identity statements, developed from the Scripture by Freedom in Christ Ministries have been used to help people successfully reformat the way they think about themselves. Maybe you’ve seen the popular bookmarks. But did you know that there is also a special app that breaks down each of these identity statements into simple daily devotionals? It’s called the 33id App. 33 identity statements, 33 days, 33 devos that will help you understand the down low on every follower of Jesus. This app is available for both iOS and Android devices and... it’s totally free. Installation is easy. Just go to 33idapp.com and follow the simple directions. To encourage you to use this app, check out this sample from Day #21

Today’s truth:

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.   (Hebrews 4:16 ESV)

My true identity: I can find grace and mercy in time of need.

We all need help from time to time. Few things are more humiliating or discouraging than asking for help from an ungracious person. You know, a person who will look down on you. A person who feels the need to criticize and say, “I told you so.”

However, when we feel defeated or we are facing strong temptation, nothing is more encouraging and strengthening than receiving help from a person who is merciful and sympathetic to our needs.

God will never abandon his children. Jesus has promised to always be with his followers. God’s Spirit is as close to you as your next breath. As a matter of fact, he is your breath of life (John 20:21-22).

The people who walked in darkness Have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, Upon them a light has shined…

…For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the increase of His government and peace There will be no end,  -Isaiah 9, 2, 6-7a NKJV

The Hebrew word most often translated “peace” in the English Bible is the word “shalom”. Perhaps you’ve heard that word used before. Years ago I formed a friendship with a dear Jewish rabbi. Every time we made contact with each other and every time we parted, my friend would say “shalom”. You see the Hebrew understanding of peace goes deep. Shalom is more than just the absence of strife or conflict. Shalom is an inner wellness that produces a calm stability and enables a degree of serenity that outweighs anxiety, fear, distress or the sadness of circumstances. Shalom is both a blessing and a confession of faith. Shalom is not a surface level smile or the ability to regulate negative emotions. Shalom goes much deeper than that. It is a peace that is transcendent.

The Bible declares that prophecy is the testimony of Jesus Christ (Revelation 19:10). And this commonly cited Christmas prophecy in Isaiah 9 testifies that the Child given to the world would be revealed as the Prince of Shalom and the source of endless shalom.

Just as the prophet predicted, this Child came. He was born in a chaotic environment and grew up in a violent world. He grew into a man and when the time was right he launched into ministry and within a few short years became the most divisive person the world has ever seen (Matthew 10:34). Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God in the flesh would experience outer and inner stress like no other person.  This was especially true during the 24 hours before his death. He was callously betrayed, forsaken by his friends, wrongfully accused, illegally tried, sadistically assaulted, and brutally killed. And before all of this, the inward anguish of the Prince of Peace spiked in such a way that it pushed blood from his pores mingled with sweat. And yet, there was always shalom—a sustaining peace.

The inner peace of Jesus the Savior was one of the most evident things about his nature. And he desired to give his mighty shalom to all who would trust in him.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 NKJV

The death of Jesus devastated his disciples. After the resurrection, Jesus’  reappearance to the disciples threatened to blow them up emotionally. So when Jesus suddenly materialized in their midst, he spoke a blessing of shalom over their confused and anxious souls:

“Peace be with you… Jesus said to them again, Peace to you!” John 20:19,21 NKJV

And then, in the same way the breath of life was first breathed into Adam and Eve, the Lord Jesus breathed the fullest sense of shalom into the souls of his dear friends.

           He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit…” v.22

I wonder if the disciples thought about the time on the sea when a furious storm raged and threatened to capsize their boat. On that occasion the Prince of Peace silenced the storm by a word of “Peace” and the command to “Be Still!” Now the Prince of Peace was quieting the greatest storm these disciples had ever know by the same word of “peace” and the gift of the Holy Spirit -- The breath of life--- eternal life--- given by the Son of God. Their lives would never be the same.

So what about you this Christmas? How would you rate your sense of inner peace? Have you received by faith this breath of life and the Holy Spirit? Do you seek an empowering blessing and fresh breath from the Prince of Peace? If so, then trust in the testimony of this Christmas prophecy. Believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and God has indeed raised him from the dead. Receive the shalom of God in your heart and mind. Ask for a filling of the Holy Spirit. In doing so, you will be saved (Romans 10:9-10) -- saved from your sins, from your doubt, from your anxiety, from your fears, and from your sadness. The Bible declares the truth of Jesus so that “… you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in his name.” (John 20:31 NKJV)

With the onset of the holiday season, schedules can become hectic, family relationships can become strained and emotional health can be depleted. The holidays have a way of ushering in excitement, joy, stress and painful memories all at the same time. With that, let me offer a few suggestions for enjoying the holidays.

1. Manage Your Traditions. There is something wonderful about creating and repeating family traditions. These serve to connect families together and create legacies that can endure for generations. But, traditions, if not managed, can also take on a life of their own and families can end up serving traditions, rather than the traditions serving the family. This happens when we demand that everything about our holiday must be exactly the same as it was last year, and the year before, and the year before.

Traditions are best managed when we don’t make the location of the celebration, the gifts, or the menu items the heart of our traditions. Rather, focus on traditions of the heart: the relationships you get to renew each year, the conversations, the laughter, and the love.

2. Give Up the Fantasy of a Perfect Holiday. The bad news: the perfect holiday doesn’t exist. The good news: perfection isn’t required to experience a truly happy celebration. When something goes wrong, your attitude toward and response to the situation will go a long way to determining your stress level.

3. Evaluate Your Expectations. Here are three important questions: 1) What are you planning? 2) Why are you planning it? 3) Is it reasonable to expect that you can accomplish the plan?

Realize that the pins you see on Pinterest are idealistic. They do not measure your commitment and love as a parent, spouse, sibling or child. Reasonable expectations are fine. Identifying expectations before holiday events can help you evaluate and adjust them to become a better fit with reality. This gives you more control over your behavior and stress level with your family members.

4. Create Some Margin. The person or persons hosting holiday celebrations are often the ones who get run ragged. It’s no “holiday” for them. Sure, for most it’s a labor of love. But it’s a lot of labor nonetheless.

If most of the celebration preparations falls on you, here’s a reminder: you don’t have to do everything yourself. Sure, you probably can handle the details and tasks better than anyone else, but it’s simply not necessary. Ask for help. Give others specific tasks. Many hands make light work. Give yourself some margin and your holidays will be happier and less stressful.

If most of the preparation falls on others, don’t sit by and let them do all the work. Offer to lend a helping hand. Find ways to help and get to work. You will still have time to relax and enjoy the holidays, plus you’ll be helping to make celebrations a bit happier and less stressful for others.

5. Don’t Take the Bait. Almost everyone has at least one family member who offers the special holiday gift of instigating family conflict. To them, a holiday is an opportunity for pot-stirring and button-pushing. Simply expect that some snarky comments will fly. When it happens, do your best to ignore, or make light of it. Shake it off and let it go. These comments are almost always a fishing expedition. Remember the fish that gets hooked is the fish that takes the bait. Don’t take the bait!

6. Give Thanks. With all of the preparations involved in meals, family, travel, gifts and so on, it’s pretty easy to forget the reason for the seasons we celebrate. As Christ-followers, we know that even in the midst of difficult seasons of life, that God is good and that there is always something to thank Him for. So, take at least a few moments and offer up a prayer of thanks to God. The attitude of gratitude is the foundation upon which “holy days” are built.

7. Find Ways to Give. Whether it’s the gift of a pumpkin pie to a neighbor, inviting another family to your Thanksgiving Dinner, raking leaves for the elderly couple down the street, or making a contribution to a local shelter, do something for someone else — something that your family feels good about doing. Lower any potential stresses by recognizing that this doesn’t have to be done on the holiday itself. The simple act of giving during the holiday season is likely to increase the joy and happiness of your family’s celebration.

Here is wishing a very blessed Hol(y)day Season to you and yours!  Resolutions Counseling Inc--  we are here to help.

Chris Campbell

When I was a college student, from time to time, I would get into a “mood” and just decide to mope. I would reach for mood enhancing resources to fully embrace my sappiness. My favorite was a Pink Floyd playlist I had created. ;) In those days, if you called my landline and got the voicemail you would hear an outgoing message that went something like, “Hi. I can’t come to the phone right now because I am too busy wallowing in my depression. Leave a message and I’ll think about returning your call.” Kid you not.

Was I suffering from depression? Hardly. I was being a juvenile who loved to pout for the attention it brought me. After a while I would get tired of being a whiny punk and simply stop it. It really wasn’t that hard to reset my mood because there were plenty of hopeful things in my life. However, for those who suffer with legit depression this is not the case.

Depression can be described as a deficiency of hope. When a depressed person surveys the horizon they can find little or nothing to feel positive about or to look forward to. Sometimes this outlook is accurate. Sometimes this outlook is perceived. But in either case it is real in the mind of a person with depression.

Depression is seldom discreet. It has a way of bumping into everyone. It is hard for emotionally regulated people to endure the heaviness of a Debbie Downer. In an effort to sidestep the awkwardness of the mood, people will attempt to cheer up a discouraged person. This may work with a moody individual like a young Chris Campbell, but real depression is not an easy thing to overcome. If it were, then we would see people shaking off sadness all the time. Because, after all, who really wants to spend their life perpetually bummed out?

If your attempts to cheer a depressed person fail, you may be tempted to try to “fix” the person by pressuring them into more acceptable behavior. Usually this means making attitude-adjusting comments that you hope will jar a person out of their depression. Bad idea.

In this blog I offer you 7 things that a person with depression does not need to hear.

1. “WILL YOU SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY?”

This statement implies that depression is a simple disorder with a quick fix. It discounts any sort of bio-chemical issues that may be in play. It attempts to bypass unresolved issues that lurk beneath the surface. It is a subtle way to bully a person into conforming to your expectations so that you can feel better. This statement is not about caring for the person suffering from depression. Instead, it is an attempt to control.

2. “IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND.”

So what if it is? When I hear this statement spoken out loud I consider it an invitation to shallowness. You might as well say something like, “I think people would prefer you to be a superficial person. So please, just flip a switch and stop obsessing over whatever it is that is making you so awkward to be around…”

3. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRONGER THAN THIS.”

I will say this—those who would make this type of comment are usually people who avoid addressing their own emotional issues. This type of comment is both guilting and shaming. Just the two things a person with depression needs to remedy their situation. (Sarcasm)  This third statement is akin to “Suck it up”; “Quit your crying”; “Toughen up”, etc.

4. “NO ONE EVER SAID LIFE IS FAIR.”

Okay… so can we all stop for a moment and agree out loud that total fairness in an imperfect world with imperfect people is an impossibility? Great. Now that we have that out of the way let me point out that a person with depression has little energy to see the world from any other viewpoint than their own immediate experience. Extended sadness is like a black cloud that doesn’t just hover over a person, but it can actually engulf a person. This makes it hard to see the positives. Expecting a depressed person to have an ability to reason objectively is incredibly unfair.

6. “GROW UP.”

Depression can hit anyone. You aren’t exempt from it at any age. It may look different in a child, a teen, a young adult, and adult or a senior, but depression knows no age limits. The irony of this thoughtless comment is that sometimes it is the impact of an adult sized scenario that has been the biggest trigger of depression. Depression doesn’t take over a child who has a toy taken away from a playmate. Depression, real depression, always stems from serious matters. To imply that “grownups” are insulated from depression is ridiculous.

7. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES?”

This question is just another way to state  the old popular adage, “You’ve made your bed and now you will have to lie in it.” Really. Even if a person can’t find hope, let me assure you that they are very aware of their mistakes. In many cases they are even overwhelmed by the awareness of their flaws and faults. Depression has a way of inviting a person to consider their imperfections through a magnifying glass. Compassionate counseling works to get the depressed client to put down the magnifying glass. This question (#7) works in the opposite.

Depression can come calling at nearly any time in life. If/when it does it will attempt to attach itself like Velcro and convince you that you are now defined by your sadness. But that is not who you are. Part of the good news of Jesus Christ is that we now have freedom from anything that would enslave us and limit the full potential of God’s design for our lives! This includes dominating negative emotions like depression. If you or someone you love is depressed, encourage them to seek help. Encourage them to be open to exploring all possible explanations for their extended sadness (physical, psychological and spiritual). Offer to pray for them. Ask what you can do to help. But resist the temptation to make comments like the examples given in this blog. Rather than projecting how another person should be feeling, offer loving support.

Your emotions, believe it or not, help you to understand your life on a deeper level. A significant difference between human beings and the animal kingdom is in our ability to feel a wide variety of emotions. Without emotions, you’d have the personality of a lesser being. You’d be predictable, instinctive—non-unique.

Sadness is a very common emotion that all healthy people experience. Feeling down or sad when something negative happens is a totally normal reaction. Sadness lets your conscience know that you need to take the time to address your disappointment rather than trying to ignore bad things when they happen. In many cases, sadness fades away gradually or even vanishes when something positive happens.

Depression, however, is more than the common emotion of sadness. Depression is actually a condition where sadness and its symptoms linger for extended periods of time.  When depression comes to stay it usually brings along other difficulties that interfere with a person’s ability to lead a normal and healthy life. Depression loves to make itself at home. It enjoys influencing the way you think, the way you feel, and even the way you behave. Depression likes to color the canvas of life in dark shades of despair and helplessness.

Depression is a big deal. Depression influences the way your brain functions. Your brain, of course, is that 3-pound organ located in your head. In order to recognize depression, you first have to understand how the human brain works. Your brain has 6 basic functions that are meant to work in unison:

1.     Your brain manages your body. Every time you make a movement, your brain is involved. Every time you breathe or your heart beats, your brain is involved. Your brain works at your command when you want to pick up a pencil. Your brain works on its own when you need to digest food.

2.     Your brain monitors your physical exposure to your environment. Your brain uses your sense of sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch to observe your surroundings. Your brain let’s you know when the weather is cold and alerts you to put on a coat. With just a whiff, your brain let’s you know when you’re near fresh baked goodies. You hear, see, taste, feel and smell the world around you with your brain.

3.     Your brain collects, stores and processes data. Your brain enables you to build your favorite playlist, recall vocabulary words, do math problems, remember the names of your friends or find your way around your favorite store. Your brain helps you to make plans with friends or organize your room.

4.     Your brain governs your behavior. Your brain controls all of your interactions with other people; this means the tone of your voice, your level of excitement and your attitude.

5.    Your brain decides how you feel. Your brain not only decides how you feel on the inside, but also determines how you express your feelings to those around you.

6.    Your brain protects you from harm. Your brain constantly monitors your external and internal sensors in order to keep you from trouble. Externally, your brain recognizes the burn of a scalding hot cup of cocoa and will prevent you from taking too big of a sip. Internally, your brain recognizes the pain of hurtful words spoken to you and will raise negative emotions in order to warn you of being exposed to unkindness.

As you can see your brain, in many ways, is the control panel for your life. When your brain is working properly, you have good mental health. Good mental health touches every aspect of your being including your physical health, your appetites, your sleep patterns, your school performance, your confidence, your relationships with people and even the way you view your relationship with God. Having good mental health allows you to deal with every day situations and live a positive life.

When depression moves in, it can get you stuck in a pattern of thinking that actually alters the way your brain is meant to function. Over time, your brain can get used to working in an incorrect way. When this happens, your mental health suffers making things like physical health, schoolwork, and relationships very difficult. Depression can decrease your enthusiasm and strip away your self-confidence and trust in God. Depression impacts your whole outlook on life.

More to come...

Next blog -- 7 Things a Person with Depression Does Not Need to Hear

Note: Free parent resource at the end of this blog post. ;)

Earlier this year I had the privilege of attending a workshop on the legal aspects of Teen Sexting led by Molly-Catherine K. Goodson, M.A., ESQ. Here are some interesting highlights:

What is Sexting?

Sexting is the act of sending and receiving sexually explicit messages and phones (nude or semi-nude) via cell phone or other electronic devices.

What are the consequences teen sexting?

Legal Consequences: Teenagers are minors. Therefore a nude or semi-nude picture of a minor (under the age of 18 years) is classified as CHILD PONROGRAPHY.[1]

 There are Three Categories of Child Pornorgraphy Charges

 Solicitation – The act of asking for a nude or semi-nude picture of a   minor

 Distribution—The action of sending a nude or semi-nude picture of a minor

 Possession—The act of receiving a nude or semi-nude picture of a minor OR possessing nude or semi-nude pictures of himself/herself on an electronic device.

Regardless of a minor’s intentions when sending, receiving or possessing   nude or semi-nude pictures, any of the above acts can result in criminal charges

CRIMINAL CONVICTIONS OF CHILD PORNAGRAPHY CHARGES MAY LEAD TO REGISTERING AS A SEX OFFENDER.

Each state treats sexting differently as it relates to minors.  It is currently up to the prosecuting attorney’s office in each state to determine whether or not to press charges and what those charges should be.

Some, but not all, states with sexting laws are allowing affirmative defense measures for teens who receive a picture from another teenager and immediately turn it in to the proper authorities.

  Psychological Consequences: Teens who engage in sexting behaviors are likely to experience regret from violating their moral conscience, or at the very least—their primary conscience. This most often leads to depression, anxiety, loss of self-worth and loss of confidence or a combination of any of these.  [2]

Social Consequences: Teens who sext can experience a broad range of social fallout. Once a picture has been shared or leaked, it can often lead to bullying, harassment, and humiliation, which, can escalate psychological duress, and in extreme cases lead to self-harm and even suicide. In addition to this, depending on state laws, sending and/or receiving sexts can lead to arrest and legal prosecution. [3]

Current Stats

 Teen Texting:

Current surveys reveal that teens who text send up to 50 or more texts per day, or 1500 texts per month.

Teen girls are more likely to use text messaging to socialize or talk about personal matters than teen boys.

The majority of teens who text have UNLIMITED, UNFILTERED and UNMONITORED texting privileges.[4]

Percent of teens who have sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves:

        20% of teens overall
           22% of teen girls
     18% of teen boys


         11% of young teen girls between the ages 13-16

 Percent of teens that sent sexually suggestive messages via text, email or instant messaging:

         39% of all teens
       37% of teen girls
     40% of teen boys


          48% of teens say they have received such messages

 Other Statistics:  (Take a deep breath and let these numbers sink in)

Approx 3 in 4 of teen girls and 2 in 3 teen boys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent/posted this content to a boyfriend/girlfriend.


1 in 5 teen girls and 1 inf 3 teen boys say they have sent such content to someone they wanted to date or hook up with.


15% of teens who have sent or posted nude/semi-nude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.


75% of teens say sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences.


39% of teens have sent or posted sexually suggestive emails or text messages


44% of both teen girls and teen boys say it is common for sexually suggestive text messages to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.


36% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say it is common for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.


38% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails —originally meant for someone else—shared with them.


25% of teen girls and 33% of teen boys say they have had nude or semi-nude images—originally meant for someone else—shared with them.


22% of teens say they are personally more forward and aggressive using sexually suggestive words and images than they are in “real life.”


38% of teens say exchanging sexually suggestive content makes dating or hooking up with others more likely.


29% of teens believe those exchanging sexually suggestive content are “expected” to date or hook up.


51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18% of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.


23% of teen girls and 24% of teen boys say they were pressured by friends to send or post sexual content.


66% of teen girls and 60% of teen boys say they did so to be “fun or flirtatious”— their most common reason for sending sexy content.


52% of teen girls did so as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend.


44% of both teen girls and teen boys say they sent sexually suggestive messages or images in response to such content they received.

40% of teen girls said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as “a joke.”

15% of teens ages 12-17 with cell or smart phones say they have received sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of someone they know via text messaging on their cell phone.


1 in 5 teens have engaged in sexting – sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude photos through text message or email – and over a third know of a friend who has sent or received these kinds of messages. -- Most sext senders say these messages are most commonly sent to boyfriends/girlfriends because it’s asked of them or to have fun.


 1 in 10 sext senders say they have sent these messages to people they don’t even know.


About 2 in 5 teens say they tell their parents very little or nothing about what they do and where they go online. [5]

Social Media Stats

A new nationally representative survey of American teenagers age 13-17 finds that teens have shifted their favored social media platforms and are now most likely to use Instagram and Snapchat. The study by The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research also found that while almost all teens -- 91 percent -- use the regular text messaging tool on their mobile phones, 40 percent of teens also use messaging applications like Kik, WhatsApp, or Line on a smartphone.

Key survey findings include:

76 percent of American teens age 13-17 use Instagram.

75 percent of teens use Snapchat.

66 percent of teens use Facebook, essentially flat from 2015, when Pew Research Center data showed 71 percent of U.S. teens using the site.

47 percent of teens use Twitter.

Fewer than 30 percent of American teens use Tumblr, Twitch, or LinkedIn.[6]

So what is a parent to do?

Check out our latest parent tip sheet pdf on the Resolutions Counseling resource page.  Resolutions Counseling Inc., We are Here to Help.

[1] Goodson, M.C. ESQ. Texting, Sexting , Technology and Teens. Workshop Presentation – American Association of Christian Counselors “This is Real” Conference, Lynchburg, VA May 2017.

[2] IBID

[3] IBID

[4] Judge, Abigail, M. Ph.D., “Sexting” among U.S. Adolescents: Psychological and Legal Perspectives, 20(2) Harvard Review of Psychiatry 86-96 (2012)

[5] Guard Child Survey Report (2017). Teenage Sexting Statistics – Compilation of research data provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, The Pew Internet & American Life Project and the Cox Communications Teen Online & Wireless Safety Survey.   https://www.guardchild.com/teenage-sexting-statistics/

Last year I stepped into the little community of Faith, South Dakota during the aftermath of a violent multiple homicide that claimed the life of a mom in front of her elementary age children. This tragic loss of life came on the heals of a Federal raid in the community that exposed a massive drug trade that incarcerated community leaders and parents. I was asked to encourage local residents who were trying to make sense of the circumstances and desired to help their kids navigate through the traumatic subject matter that had been imposed on their young minds. We did a town hall meeting and later I combined the notes into a free pdf that was available upon request.

People, young and old, experience anxiety in a variety of ways. It can manifest as fear, restlessness, lack of focus, hyperactivity, worry, sleep deprivation, irritability and the list goes on and on.

 Anxiety can appear out of the blue as a panic attack. When panic strikes, you may feel like you’re about to have a heart attack, go mad or lose control. But perhaps one of the more insidious assaults of anxiety comes in the form of indecision where fear of the unknown or dread over worse case scenarios can weaken your resolve and undermine your ability to simply make a choice and go with it.

So, if stressful indecision describes you or someone you love, let me present a simple piece of advice for overcoming anxiety that was first served up by noted philosopher, theologian, writer and apologist G.K. Chesterton over 100 years ago:

“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly…”[1]

 The decision-making process for many is an agonizing, stress inducing exercise. We all want to Get-R- Done. But sometimes, the desire to do something “perfectly”, or to wait for the “perfect time” prevents us from doing it at all. And that, dear friends, sets into motion a perpetual cycle of anxiety.

In the case of indecision, the pathway to breakthrough often begins by jumping in and working at the risk of  “doing it badly” without obsessing over how things will turn out. This will not only make it much easier for you to begin, but you may also discover that you’re completing tasks much more quickly than before. Even more than this, you may come to realize that you’re not doing it that badly after all! And even if you are blundering, you can always tweak your process as you go.

Using the “Do it Badly” slogan gives you the freedom to try to achieve something that is important to you.  Studies are finding that failure is not only a valid option, but in many cases, failure is a necessary part of refining a strategy that will bring about wonderful outcomes.[2] In Christ, when you give yourself permission to fail you get the chance to walk by faith and you put yourself in a position to learn and grow.

 Still not convinced? Think about this. Confidently embracing the freedom to fail begins with your understanding of God. Jesus emphasized the Fatherhood of God throughout His earthly ministry. One of the greatest privileges of becoming a Christian is that we are adopted into God’s family (Ephesians 1:5). God considers you one of His kids if you’ve put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Now, there are a lot of poor examples of fatherhood in our world, but God encourages us to believe the truth that He is a good Father—full of grace and mercy—He gives His kids the freedom to fail (Luke 15:11-16, Hebrews 4:15-16).

Good dads do not let their kiddos charge off irresponsibly into dangerous situations. But good dads will let their kids try at the risk of failure, knowing that, if needed, they stand ready to assist with protection, provision, blessing and empowerment. Or what the Bible refers to as grace. J

So the next time an important decision has you stuck and anxiety has you fearing the worst, think about your Good Father’s love for you. That love will drive away your fear. Then pray, think, ask for input, decide and go for it!

[1] Chesterton, G. K. (1910). What's wrong with the world. London: Cassell.

In much of the western world, time is seen as a valued commodity. Your time is not only valuable, but the people and activities you commit your mutual time to are equally important.

Be honest. Do you frequently find yourself in a rush to make appointments and start times? Do you find yourself constantly in a rush between your beginning and destination points? Are you frequently making excuses for your delays? Do you find yourself repeatedly apologizing for being late? Are you ready to form a new way of thinking that leads to punctuality? If so, here are a few suggestions to help you master the art of being on time.

1.     Ask yourself  “Why?”  Were you ever responsible for your own schedule growing up? Or did your caregivers wake you up, get you ready and move you out the door? It may be time for you to take responsibility. Or maybe you get ready in plenty of time, but go through the last minute frustration of looking for keys, smartphone, security pass or other articles that need to come along. Or maybe you are the person who tries to cram in just one more task on your To-Do list before you head to your next appointment. Whatever the reason(s), be honest. Answer the question, “Why do I tend to run late?” Recognizing the “why” will put you in a position of finding the solution(s).

2.     Build into your schedule “Hard Stops/Starts”. If you know you need to be somewhere at a certain time-- And you know how long it takes to get there-- Build into your schedule the transition time needed to shift your focus toward your departure. Regardless of what you are doing, tell yourself you will come to a complete stop so that you can start your departure at a specific time.

3.     Be prepared. Lay out your clothes. Pack your lunch. Put your shopping bags in your vehicle. Keep your wallet, purse, keys and etc. in a consistent location. Make sure you are not scrambling for your necessities when it is time to go out the door.

4.     Dismiss the ideal.  The common refrain for people who are characterized by running late is “I will be on time as long as nothing goes wrong.” But we do not live in an ideal world. There will be road construction. You will find yourself behind slow traffic. Your GPS may be mistaken. Your beautiful child will poop their diaper. Therefore, assume that you will encounter some challenges to your estimated travel time. Pad your schedule. Leave earlier than you need for a best-case scenario.

5.     Be okay with arriving early. People who arrive early are typically less stressed. If you have a few minutes to spare you can check your email, text that friend, check your calendar, update your status and most importantly, get yourself mentally ready for the interaction about to take place..  Train yourself to think that “on time” actually means 15 minutes early. You’ll preserve not only your sanity, but you’ll convey the message that you appreciate the time of those around you.

Over the years I have had ample opportunities to help clients manage anger. (I need to admit that much of my experience comes from my personal struggles with anger throughout my life.) With younger clients, especially boys, I will use a large red balloon to help them visualize what unmanaged anger does.

Before the counseling session begins, I will blow up a red balloon and pinch the stem of the balloon tight. I take a black sharpie and draw an angry face on one side of the balloon. Then I ease up on the stem and let the balloon deflate. During the session I will show the balloon to my young client and tell him that we are going to imagine something that triggers anger. I go on to say that instead of using our tools of peace to release our anger in a safe way, we are going to let the anger build and build and build—just to see what happens. At that point, I begin to blow up the balloon.

At first my young clients are amused by the revelation of the angry face on the balloon. Then their amusement turns into nervous laughter as they realize that the balloon is being stretched to its limits and I have no intention of stopping. Most boys will cover their ears and wait on the edge of their seats for the inevitable “pop!” When the balloon nears capacity, I will stop every few breaths and ask, “ How many more blows before the balloon comes apart?” Then I resume inflation. I keep blowing into the balloon. It swells and swells and swells until--- Ka-Pow! The balloon explodes and there are now small fragments of red balloon all over the office floor and furniture. After the laughter, I will ask my client what happens when they let anger grow inside of them instead of practicing self-control? They always make the connection. “I swell up inside until I finally ‘pop!’ --- And then there is always a mess to clean up.” Exactly.

Thankfully, when it comes to anger or any self-control issue, Christians can rely on God’s strength (Galatians 5:22-25). But surrendering to the Holy Spirit’s influence is still a choice we have to make. Learning to address negative emotions like anger is, in part, an act of the will-- or a strategic choice if you will. Anger is a legit emotion that should be acknowledged. But the intensity of anger requires management. The key to managing anger is to not let it overide our thinking and impair our decisions.  “In your anger, don’t sin” (Ephesians 4:26). So with that in mind, today’s counseling tip offers 4 Simple Steps to Manage Anger so that you (or your kids) won’t “Pop!”.   ;)

1.     See It. Learn to notice when you are becoming upset or agitated. Give others the freedom to ask how you are feeling. Allow others to point out times when you seem to experience frustration. Commit to learning your triggers. Train yourself to monitor your emotions.

2.     Delay It. From time to time, we all need a moment to stop and collect ourselves. Ask to be excused for a brief time. Take a deep breath. Fold your hands. (Note: This is a great mind hack.) Do something calm to interrupt the natural spike in your emotions. This will allow the reasoning part of the brain to catch up to the emotion.

3.     Control It. Maintain your seat of control. Choose not to give it away.  Talk it out. Confess your frustration in prayer. Ask God for the strength to maintain your dignity. Accept the peace of the Holy Spirit. Surrender your desire to react. Instead, trust God to show you how to respond. Remember. Self-control is not taken away-- it is given away.

4.     Own it. The next time you feel like your swelling with anger on the inside and you think you could “pop!” Try a simple confession to those you are communicating with. “I am concerned about the level of frustration I am experiencing. Can you excuse me so I can manage with my emotions? I will return ready to listen with respect.”

For more help with anger management, check out Managing your Anger by Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller.

It's no secret that teen girls (and boys) have reached an all-time low in body-confidence. How about your daughter? Here are the 10 lies girls tell themselves about their own beauty from Backwards Beauty: How to Feel Ugly in 10 Simple Steps by author Jessie Minassian.

1. Believe What You See On Screen: Believe that the images you see every day in the media are 100 percent authentic. Then believe you can and should look like that in real life, all day every day.

2. Get "The Look" at All Costs: Whatever the culture tells you is "hot", get that look at all costs. Pour everything you have and are into making others believe you're beautiful.

3. Compare Yourself to Every Other Girl: Let jealousy and pride destroy potentially great friendships.

4. Believe Nasty Words: If people tell you you're the wrong size, shape, or color, believe them. And if you ever start to feel even good about your body, tear yourself right back down with your own degrading words.

5. Refuse to Take a Compliment: When someone does say you're beautiful, let them know why they're dead wrong by blocking, dodging or downplaying any and all compliments.

6. View Your Body as a Power Tool: If a sexy body gives you power over guys, use it to your advantage to get what you want out of a relationship.

7. Eat Junk and Diet, Diet, Diet: Eat whatever you want. If you become overweight, try the latest fad diet or cleanse. Repeat.

8. Adore or Ignore Exercise: Take an extreme view of exercise, making it the highest priority of your life, or viewing it as torture and avoiding it at all costs.

9. Treat Your Scale like a Magic Mirror: Get on that puppy morning and night and ask whether you're the "lightest of them all." Make sure to obsess over any changes.

10. Idolize Beauty: Make physical beauty the end-all, highest goal of your life. Serving God and His kingdom can wait until you've reached mirror perfection.

Here is a great post from our friends at Street Hope TN. Child predators never rest. Be sure. Be alert. Be proactive. Be safe.

http://www.streethopetn.org/uncategorized/back-school-tips-parents-teens-2/

Life Tip—Try smiling and you’ll be happier

Here is a good reminder, smiling has tremendous benefits. Training yourself to grin can lower stress, strengthen your immune system and even better, it’s contagious. A smile helps puts those around you at ease because a cheerful countenance gives off a competent vibe and makes you more approachable or even trustworthy. It’s all true. Study after study confirms that a smile can go a very long way when it comes to improving your attitude and the attitude of those around you. So if you’ve fallen out of the habit to smile, here are a few suggestions to get you back on track.

Leave reminders- Leave notes to yourself reminding you to grin. Leave a note on the bathroom mirror, the hallway mirror, the rear view mirror and anywhere else you can see yourself with a cheerful expression. Program your smartphone, tablet or computer for smiling reminders as well. Are you in management? Do you give presentations? Are you a teacher? A parent? A friend? Leave yourself notes to encourage yourself to smile. Smiles produce positive responses.

Be natural- There is a noticeable difference between a smile and a smirk. Get some feedback from people you trust. Stay mindful of your face north of your mouth. Squinted eyelids, furrowed brows or a crinkled nose can send mixed signals. Practice your smile until it becomes a natural default. You don’t want to be a doppelganger for the Joker.

Smiling is a free life hack that will yield priceless dividends throughout your life. Smiles can be understood by all ages and all cultures. It’s true when they say, “Smile and the whole world smiles back at you.”

A cheerful look brings joy to the heart... Proverbs 15:30

 Thus far, we’ve looked at the facts on the stress reducing aspects of meditation and the integration of Christian faith. Your stress levels are directly related to who or what you put your trust in. We have also suggested that the ultimate faith object is the God of the Bible. He never changes. Today, I’d like to take this concept a bit further in our effort to combat stress.

Let’s start by asking a simple question. If you are going to make God the focus of your concentration, does it matter what comes to mind when you think of God?

 About a decade ago Baylor University conducted a national survey on the way Americans viewed God. Here is what they found:

 23% of those polled viewed God as loving and benevolent

32% viewed God as an authoritarian

16% viewed God as being hyper-critical

24% viewed God as being stand-offish or distant

5% claimed to be atheist[1]

 Does it matter which of these views a person subscribes to when it comes to anxiety? Glad you asked! A University of Pennsylvania study confirmed that all forms of contemplative meditation were associated with positive brain changes—but the greatest improvements occurred when participants meditated specifically on a God of love. Meditation that focused on the chief attribute of God’s love was associated with positive growth in the part of the brain that controls reason and decision making (prefrontal cortex). Subsequently, participants who focused on a God of love experienced an increased capacity for personal empathy, sympathy, compassion and altruism. And there is more. Not only did these participants expand their capacity to consider the needs of others above their own, but also on a personal level, they experienced measured increases in IQ and memory retention! Meditating on the God of the Bible, who declares he is love (1 John 4:8) actually stimulates the brain to heal and grow!![2]

Yes. What you believe to be the nature of God does matter when it comes to your focused thought and meditation. So what do you know or think you know about God? Maybe you know little other than what you were told by adults when you were a child. Maybe you consider yourself a theologian and are frustrated with me for ignoring the other aspects of God’s character like holiness, justice, etc. But what concept of God, when contemplated, reduces anxiety? God’s love. God loves you. It’s true.

Now to be fair, even though God declares himself to be “Love”, he is not exclusively tied to that sole attribute. But let me point out that the primary attribute of God’s character is consistently revealed as love to those who have ultimately put their faith in him through Jesus Christ. So let’s talk about faith again for a moment. Faith not only depends on your faith object; but faith also depends on what you believe to be true about your faith object. Consider the amount of anxiety reducing good news in the following passage from the Bible.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  (Romans 5:1-5 ESV).

I will let you think—meditate on that passage for a while. It’s guaranteed to reduce your stress. ;)

So, as you look to direct your attention toward God as the focus of you meditation, be sure that you are increasing your accurate knowledge of God.  And start by understanding that God is love (1 John 4:8). If a loving God is hard for you to imagine, then start by studying Jesus. He is the incarnation of God Himself (John 1:1-3). When you study Jesus you will begin to see that, indeed, God is love. When you give yourself over to that concept, it will put you at ease, expand your faith heal your mind and even begin to make you more of a loving person.  More to come…

[1] “Losing My Religion? No, Says Baylor Religion Survey,” Baylor University Media Communications, Sept 11, 2006, www.baylor.edu/mediacommunications/news.php?action=story&story=41678

If you read Combating Anxiety Part 1, you remember that I asserted that the practice of faith could take the measurable benefits of meditation to the next level. No one questioned me on that statement; so let me start today by stating that you should not believe everything you read on the Internet! Ha Ha. But all joking aside, I want to begin by backing up my previous claim.

In 2011, the American Journal of Psychiatry published the results of a longitudinal study that sought to establish the relationship between religiousness and the onset and progression of major depression and anxiety.  This study was significant for a couple of reasons. First, the study was not conducted directly with people experiencing depression and anxiety, but rather on their offspring. (A person who has a parent with depression/anxiety is considered at high-risk for also developing the disorder.) Second, the average age of the subjects in this study was 29 years. This is in contrast to most studies exploring depression and religion, which have tended to focus on older adults. The study found that in the 10 years of follow-up, subjects who both described their faith as highly important and specifically affiliated themselves with either Catholic or Protestant theology had a 76% less chance of experiencing a period of major depression or anxiety. This independent, secular research concluded that clinicians should consider religion and spirituality during psychiatric evaluations. I can site similar studies, but you get the point. [1]

Today’s Combatting Anxiety concept: If we can increase the benefits of stress-reducing, meditative practices by introducing the aspect of faith, then what you put your faith in matters.

Now that concept might sound obvious, but stop a minute and think. We put our faith in a variety of things every day.  We trust our alarm will go off at the programmed time. We have faith that the traffic lights will work properly on our way to work, market, and school.  And we expect the other drivers will comply. We believe that our cell service, Internet service, electronic devices and operating systems will perform as promised, etc. We have hope that our friends will not betray us. But what happens when an object of your faith fails you? You will probably experience a decrease in your willingness to trust that is tied to disappointment.

Disappointment has a way of maximizing skepticism and minimizing our willingness to believe. It stinks to be let down. Many people would say that they have experienced a significant amount of broken trust in their lives. Therefore, it is no wonder why there is a deficiency of optimism in people who are experiencing heightened anxiety. But there is a way to effectively combat this stress. Increasing your faith will actually displace doubt in your mind and thereby, lower your anxiety. As your faith grows, you will find yourself becoming more willing to believe in best-case scenarios again.  So, if you want to boost your optimism and decrease your stress, then maximize your faith. But how? Simple. The strength of your faith is directly related to the reliability of your faith object. Therefore, make it your objective to choose the very best faith object to put your trust in.  This makes sense, right? Believing in reliable things increases the likelihood of seeing what you are hoping for actually come to pass. Placing your trust in super reliable things pushes aside anxiety because the uncertainty of critical outcomes is eliminated in your mind. Why? Because you are convinced that your faith object will come through for you!

I would say that the current trend in our culture is to put our collective faith in the reliability of the sciences, empirical results and the expanding potential of intelligence. As a person with a bachelor degree in the engineering sciences and a master degree in behavioral science, I can tell you that this makes a lot of sense to me. However, let me give you at least three mysteries that science cannot answer:

1.    How did I get here? Why am I something, rather than nothing?

2.    Why am I here?  Where can I derive supreme purpose for my life?

3.    Where am I going? What happens after I die?

While science is a viable option for the placement of our faith, let me suggest an even better option.

The Bible promises that Jesus Christ, in all of his wisdom, goodness and power, is the ultimate faith object. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He never changes. He is continually reliable. You can always count on him.  And he alone can answer each of these previous questions. Time and again the Bible encourages us to focus less on the uncertainty we face and instead let our minds gaze (meditate) upon Jesus, the ultimate faith object (Hebrews 12:2). Does trouble magically disappear when we chose to make Jesus the object of our faith? Ha ha. No way. However, when you begin to direct your meditative thoughts toward the ultimate faith object (Jesus), you put into play the first step for combatting anxiety in a surefire way. Or as the old-timers used to sing, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.”  More to come…