#generational patterns

We've so much become our own oppressors that we work together with our oppressors and complain about oppression while seeking power to oppress others and in turn criticize as we oppress those we seek power from, saying others do it as we do it ourselves, only to do it to others. Generational patterns in which we are trapped.

Freedom and liberation are gimmicks so long as the pattern exists and the cycle regenerates. It is our doing, we are the agents of oppression. We serve the program by conditioning others to operate the same way, in this mold, of systematically targeting others to join and ostracizing those who don't, and pressuring others to conform.

Pressure is force and coercion, one of the subtler forms of violence, we attack and in turn breed our own fear. And where there is fear, there is no love, and where there is no love, there is no honesty, and in the absence of honesty, subjective truth which destroys honesty becomes more important than actual facts and in this, opinions are given priority, this ranking of chaos is disorder, the perpetuation of remaining as a machine of propagation, to spread the disease of being afraid and isolated, we self-impose it and then impose it on others, as misery enjoys company, it is our business to repress ourselves and use that fuel to drive us to suppress the rest and anyone else who does not limit themselves to the pattern.

Resentment, hostility, jealousy, envy, hatred, pettiness, it is the safeguard and engine by which we thrive in our own destruction and the means we use to destroy others, this conflict is internal and external, a unit of measure. The unit that joins us by this thread of entanglement is thought. What we think of ourselves and others is dichotomous and enmeshed with polarity, always splitting and separating, timid and boisterous, contradictory and confused, the chains of choice breed will and concentration, the tension builds and anxiety follows. In anxiety, we project a future, an escape from the present, the operating system running. We're running. Running away from our problems only creates more problems, multiplicity, fractaling. From the fractal, we move.

Branching out from the root, we gather, in the collective we secure our ambivalence*.

The psychological motion. A surface layer by the name of duality.

The petty mind is calcified and conditions itself to become more rigid, constantly building walls, the complexities narrowing its view of the world until it is centered on itself, through this method, the mechanical process of identification is deeply encoded as the structure that fills the calcium deposits, outlined in chalk, the idea of a self is from memory, repetition of experience, derived from knowledge(information and instruction), and in reference to time. A triangulating strangulation. The chokehold. Strengthened by resistance, pain, hurt, it will inflict harm by any means that is covert in reliance on reactions that will give biofeedback on that dependence for affirming its own self-created and superimposed notions, chemical reactions that sustain this calcifying process that it believes to be solid is merely an enclosure that, in expansion, becomes smaller. The speck is based on specs, externalities that are concentrated, a gravitational field condensed into an area, a pocket, the me(mental energy).

*In this, begins the network of distractions, diversions, etc, to keep the program running; status quo; statistics.

The unspoken rules in Indian society don’t arrive as instructions.They arrive as moments. The Script You Never Read You are born into a script you never read. It does not arrive in sentences. It arrives in pauses. A steel tumbler hits the floor in a narrow kitchen. The sound is sharp. A boy freezes. His mother looks up, not at the tumbler, but at him. “Careful,” she says. Not loud. Not…

Let’s be real for a second. Some things become so common that people stop examining them. They get packaged as jokes, trends, or “just how life goes.” But normal doesn’t always mean healthy and this is one of those conversations people avoid because it hits too close to home. This isn’t about tearing women down. It’s about asking why so many are placed in situations where they’re left carrying…

“Mama, can we talk about the elephant in the room?”

If your adult daughter feels distant, critical, or hard to connect with, you’re not alone. Many mothers quietly carry the pain of walking on eggshells, missing closeness, or worrying as they watch their daughters repeat painful patterns.

Here’s the truth I’ve learned through both personal experience and coaching: the solution isn’t to try harder — it’s to try differently.

1. Stop Fixing, Start Healing

For years, I thought if I just gave more advice, more effort, or more patience, things would get better. But trying to “fix” my daughter only created more distance.

The shift: Real healing began when I turned inward and worked on myself — my triggers, my patterns, and my boundaries.

2. Facing My Own Generational Patterns

I had to acknowledge some hard truths:

My boundary issues kept me over-involved.

Emotional habits I inherited shaped how I responded.

Subtle control — masked as “helping” — pushed her away.

My anxiety sometimes spilled onto her.

The shift: By owning these patterns, I released her from carrying what wasn’t hers. That freed space for a healthier, adult-to-adult connection.

My (forever but step) sister and I declared our giving in to the realization that my mother was no longer a worthy opponent several years ago. The only trouble: my mother did not get the memo. 

So weekend last when my niece - who is a twelve-year-old seventh grader with some extra challenges related to sadness and fitting into the world - threw her mother and I a small bit of lip and snark, I watched my own mother, lean over to my step-father and whisper a tiny, but quite obvious, cheer.

“Don’t you just love it!” she said to him through a sneering smile while making direct eye-contact with me. And then, to be sure my sister didn’t miss it, she went on, “Did you catch that, Paige? Your dad and I love it.” Then she raised her voice, into a sing song tone that I assume was meant to make the whole thing a joke. And she wagged her index finger around in crazy circles extending from her otherwise tight fist. “You guys had it coming,” she said, finger circling round once, twice, three and four times in each of our directions, “you deserve what you get for all the things you said to us!” The accusatory finger finishing with one last, three-circle, fast flourish. 

We tried to ignore her. It wasn’t that hard. She wasn’t funny. And there were ample distractions. 

This weekend my niece was admitted to an inpatient facility so she can be cared for while stabilized on anti-depressants. My parents were quick to write a preachy letter about god and not killing yourself. Thank goodness they didn’t send it directly or independently. Instead, they asked my sister to proofread and vet it for them. My sister who has her hands pretty full with a household and two other pre-teen girls, my neice’s twin and her sister one year younger. Our parents couldn’t even look up the address to the place themselves. Like my sister needs that hassle, right now. Of course there is no acknowledging that maybe their shitty celebration last weekend didn’t help anything. Of course there is no inkling of awareness regarding how the patterns in their behavior might be playing out, too - not just some karma-like hell that is exclusive to me and my sister. 

Release The Pain Body of Past Generations

Whether or not you are aware, emotional pain is passed on through the generations. The pain suffered by your grandparents passed on to your parents, who then suffered, is passed on to you, your suffering, then passed on to your children and the generations to come. Unless it is recognized, brought into your awareness, confronted, understood and stopped. Awareness and understanding that your role…