#gen rambles

Where did you get blaze powder for ender chests. Where did you get beetroot seeds. Why do you know what a boat looks like?? Are the shulkers only in cities because they're guarding them or because they moved in ages ago and adapted to the environment? Why is the front door built for someone two blocks tall when the only guys around are enderman??

Hear me out.

When he is with the team on Brendok, there’s a moment when he and Indara are discussing things and she makes the statement: “that’s why I have a Padawan and you do not.”

It’s meant to be a joke but one of the things that Indara embodies in the story is wisdom. She is the voice of reason constantly, grounded in balance and serenity as much as she can be despite the turmoil raging around her. What she’s reminding Sol of is he isn’t ready. And it’s alright! All in good time. Patience and maturity is still something that he still needs to grow into. Plug for “there are no time limits on your life”.

But Sol doesn’t listen. He wants what he wants and he literally coaches Osha to want that too. I personally think she did truly want to be a Jedi, but Sol wanted her to be too. He didn’t want what she wanted. He wanted what he wanted. They may have been the same goal ultimately but he wasn’t thinking about what she wanted, not what she understood, nearly as much.

The mistake is made.

Osha becomes Sol’s Padawan, again at the behest of Indara because she does know that Sol is Osha’s only rock now. Regardless of how that came to be.

But because of the seeds of hatred sewn in Osha’s heart, for her own innocent sister and by Sol no less, Osha can’t become what she once wanted to be. She can’t let go. She can’t forgive. And Sol loses her, the little girl he loved and obviously shared a parental bond with.

Osha leaves and you could argue she finds something of a decently happy life as a meknik. She feels safe there anyway. If she’d have been left alone, I think she’d have been okay in the end. Lived a quiet life.

Sol bears the guilt of how all this turned out. And that burden weighs on him. Ages him. Matures him. He still tries to justify what he did but deep down, Sol knows the gravity of what he did. And with this maturity, comes the ability to wait that Sol lacked all those years ago. And he’s given the Padawan he wanted so badly. But Osha is a wound that he licks privately, looking at holos of her that he kept. Jecki even calls him out on it. And she’s right to. Jecki isn’t “oh you shouldn’t care about your padawans”. She’s recognizing that Sol still has a broken attachment to someone that he refuses to release. Maybe he can’t. But he doesn’t ask for help. Because then his secrets would be revealed and the point for even having those secrets is long gone.

He’s got to just… keep going and hope that the past fades. But it doesn’t. Even when he is trying to teach the class of younglings, they sense his past. It’s wafting off him like smoke. Sol’s simply good enough to keep the depth of the tragedy of Brendok covered; most assume it’s just trauma from a mission. Other Jedi have had similar, unfortunate experiences.

And then we come to his newest Padawan. The one he was ready to recieve. It’s obvious he’s trained Jecki well, but shes not only been trained by him; she’s not another Osha. He doesn’t love her as a daughter. Hes not been her only foundation. He’s proud of her and her accomplishments, of course, but she is nevertheless just his student. He’s learned how to put those barriers in place so that he doesn’t get too wrapped up in people whose lives are their own. He’s learned to find balance.

But Osha returns and the carefully constructed life Sol has managed to build over the years crumbles little by little. He’s better, yes. More the Jedi he should’ve been. But even in the end, he still tries to justify what he did.

And Osha kills him. I think Sol let her, because just a few moments before, the man was swiping lightsabers away with the Force. He could’ve defended himself. But to see the hatred and the pain in Osha’s face, I think Sol realized at the very end that he put it there. Jecki preceded him because of this impatience. So did Yord. Bright, promising, innocent young people. So many innocents paying the price for Sol refusing to listen and to wait for the right time. I just don’t think Sol could live with himself, after all that.

When Vernestra arrives, she sees the totality of the tragedy through the Force. She sees it all. Beginning to end. And what does she do? She covers it. She heaps all the blame on a dead man, exactly what Sol did with Mae, and covers the existence of the Sith. We all know where that leads. Vernestra, in all her years and training and supposed wisdom is also impatient. But it’s not for the same thing. It’s to get the Senate off her back. She even snarls at the Senator she meets with in private. She’s seen the entire tragedy of Brendok, of Sol, Osha, and Mae. She knows the truth. And she learns nothing. Because she’s a Jedi and Jedi are simply too good at what they do and too good to be hawked by the Senate in her mind. She sees the Order as infallible as a whole, notwithstanding the mistakes of individuals. And we don’t even know the full context of what happened with her and Qimir.

The day people stop calling Clover a Sans is the day I am finally free.