To the wounded masculine...

A man who criticizes her

Belittles

Dishonours

Controls

Manipulates

Abuses

Or attacks her

Her own inner masculine will not allow it

He will rise fiercely to the forefront

To stand guard

To do the job himself

The feminine can and will only surrender

To the divine masculine...

A man who is devoted to her

Elevates

Honours

Cherishes

Supports

And protects her

A man with boundaries

Presence

Direction

Integrity

Accountability

And humility

In this space

She will feel him penetrating her very essence...

Her body

Her mind

Her heart

Her soul

And she will feel safe...

Safe enough to surrender

This is the natural law

This is the dance of healed polarities

This is surrender...

To Love"

Hello Again! Seeking to waste no time, I want to get straight to sharing the Heart Warriors interviews that I've already see, as to avoid forgetfulness and distraction. Through writing my thoughts and reflections on these interviews, I hope to share a bit more of my person, something more raw, vulnerable, honest and genuine, than my standard long-winded reflections. This one, in particular, reminded me of my flaws and perceptions that keep me isolated, and I'd like to do away with a lot of this self-critical weight that often has me acting out of True Character.

Without further ado, here is Heart Warriors #1!

In Heart Warriors #1, Gemma Star interviews Lardy.

Honestly, at first, I was really put off by this man. I can't lie, my self-rejection came out in a big way, but over time, I was really humbled to see how genuine, how honest and earnest Lardy is in being Himself. This is a man truly getting in touch with his roots and his deeper, authentic nature. This is a real fucking guy! Like a real Man, a real Person. Perhaps it was jealousy, or distrust, even: "Ah, look at this fucking hippy guy, he's got no idea wtf is going on." Big judgments, small heart.

I also strongly related to his struggle living life as a "black man, white man." Although fair skinned and light eyed, I'm a first generation American, both of my parents coming from Hispanic countries. Living in the American Southwest, I learned firsthand about racial prejudice, but was spared most of it because I "looked white." Some part of me feels guilty for this, and on the other hand, a part of me knows I am guilty of this kind of toxicity, especially having been molded by some darker parts of the internet in my youth. I connected so strongly to his message of not feeling like I belonged, not feeling like I fit in with the Hispanic kids or the white kids. Some sort of hodgepodge of Americanized Latino, always on the outskirts, flitting from group to group socializing as I felt. Perhaps this is part of my Gift, being able to navigate between different groups.

By the end of the interview, I realized a lot about myself, how inauthentic I can be, imitating manliness, that stoic, quiet and brooding shit. Maintaining prejudices in my heart and mind, but still looking for my in-group. Hiding behind my social mask, trying to be something, instead of just embracing and being Me. He grew on me, so to speak, and I have a profound respect and admiration for Lardy, his struggles and his path through this life. His openness with his emotions lifted something in me, a sort of block from my own emotional constitution. I'm so glad to have had this opportunity to watch this interview with such a spectacular Spirit, and be in his company vicariously through time and space. Thank you, Lardy, and thank you, Gemma, for making this real.

For the past week or so, I've been at a sort of crossroads, unsure of myself and my path. Now, on the surface, this is great. In my opinion and experience, this means that I'm growing: I'm still seeking inner confirmation and validation, trying what I'd like to do and figuring out if it's what I'm supposed to do.

Now, on to the shadow. In this state, I often feel confused, discouraged, lost, and hurt. I find myself reaching out to my God, My Spirit, My Higher Self, asking and praying, for direction, confirmation, and awareness. I'm still wounded, in many ways, and I'm healing as I am able. As a result, though, I'm still very disconnected from my intuition, in some ways. It is difficult for me to understand what it's nudging me towards, and sometimes, very difficult to determine what feels good. A lot of stuff feels good, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's good for me. Sometimes, the ego gets in the way, "yeah, yeah, that's good, do that, I want to do that," even if it's not really that good.

Even so, I have been reminded that I am not alone, and in this journey. I also feel a sort of responsibility to other men out there that are struggling with similar, or worse. Perhaps this will play a larger role in the days ahead, but for now, I seek to share, to point the way as I am able.

As a result of these struggles, The Divine answers in the greatest of ways. Not two days after my request for guidance in dealing with some older unsavory cravings returning, I was greeted by an email from one of my favorite writers and spiritual workers, Bernhard Guenther, from his website Veil of Reality. It is meaningful to mention that Bernhard's work has been really influential in reminding me of things that I had smashed down and forced myself to forget over the last couple years of my struggles. Things I wasn't ready to deal with, or that I had put away because my relationships at the time weren't supportive or understanding of a lot of the material he covers. It's as though through finding his work, I found a bit of myself that I had neglected, that I had forgotten.

The email in question had a link to an interview, featuring Bernhard, by Gemma Star, which is part of a greater series of interviews, called "Heart Warriors." So far, I've watched about 3 of these, but the messages I've encountered are so powerful, so uplifting, and so relatable, I find it my duty along this path to share this with you all. For now, I'm going to share the interview I mentioned, with Bernhard Guenther, particularly because I love his down to Earth and Truth oriented perspective. He doesn't stick to strictly black/white, male/female dynamics, and seeks to bring balance to the inner masculine and feminine in all. Overall, I find his message particularly relevant to the path I walk.

Here it is:

Overall, I was very pleased with this interview. Bernhard is as consistent as ever, and doesn't necessarily embrace the strict dualistic perspectives that keep a lot of people floundering; nonetheless, he is able to share his perspectives and experiences as a man. Gemma's interview style is really appreciable, she gives her guest ample time to respond, (without interrupting much,) and asks some really helpful and opening questions that guide the dialogue in the interview in an informative and engaging way.

As time goes by and I watch more of these, I'm going to be sharing them, with much less commentary. I know that reading through my posts can be daunting, at times, and I seek to be more accessible to those whom I would be of help. Over the next few days, maybe even starting later today, I'll start added these interviews in their numerical order (this one is #43), with a bit of commentary beneath them. I'll probably do them as I watch/listen, so expect 1 to 2 every day or so, or as often as I'm able.