#gellcrt

THINGS  HAD  CHANGED  A  LOT  AND  ARIANA  COULD  hardly  recall  what  it  was  like  at  the  beginning  of  last  summer.  She  had  had  mother  back  then,  to  talk  to  or  to  simply  be  with  her.  Now,  mother  was  gone  and  the  house  was  a  little  emptier,  though  she  supposed  it  was  her  fault.  Abe  had  taken  to  caring  for  her  as  mother  had  done  ━  bringing  her  food,  begging  her  to  eat,  helping  her  dress  and  bathe.  And  Albus,  well,  Ariana  knew  he  was  upset  with  her;  could  feel  it  in  the  chill  of  his  magic,  in  the  way  it  would  drawn  close  to  him  whenever  she  was  in  the  room,  once  comforting  purples  now  menacing  and  intimidating.  So  she  took  to  staying  away  from  him,  making  herself  even  more  of  a  ghostly  figure  within  their  household.

Not  all  changes  had  been  bad,  Albus  found  a  new  friend  in  the  months  that  followed  mother's  passing.  Ariana  had  not  met  him,  but  Abe  called  him  Grindelwald,  voice  harsh  as  if  he  was  insulting  someone,  angry  ━  his  magic  flaring  around  them,  smoky  and  suffocating,  too  hot  to  withstand,  like  being  surrounded  by  the  flames  coming  from  a  raging  dragon.  Albus  called  him  Gellert,  his  voice  steady  and  less  dull  ━  dark  purples  and  indigo  going  softer,  gentle  hues  of  violet  making  themselves  known  within  everything  his  magic  touched,  the  air  jittery  like  pins  and  needles,  but  not  overwhelming,  Ariana  could  only  describe  it  as  fondness,  an  energy  that  craved  another's.  And  she  felt  happy  that  Albus  had  someone  who  made  him  feel  happier,  that  made  him  forget  about  her  and  the  troubles  she  brought  him.

The  youngest  Dumbledore  sat  outside  that  day,  enjoying  the  faint  sunlight  despite  the  coldness  of  the  wind.  It  wasn't  common  for  her  to  be  outside,  but  they  had  no  backyard  neighbours  and  Abe  had  allowed  her  to  sit  in  the  grass  and  simply  watch  as  the  day  passed  by.  She  sat  there  and  watched  as  the  birds  flew  past  her,  wondering  what  it  would  be  like  to  be  so  free,  to  go  anywhere  and  everywhere;  to  be  carried  by  the  wind  with  no  restrictions.  She  knew  it  would  be  impossible  for  her  to  be  that  free,  for  she  was  a  caged  bird,  and  with  her,  she  had  chained  both  her  brothers.

Lost  in  thought,  she  did  not  notice  someone  crouching  in  front  of  her  until  the  gentle  scent  of  wildflowers  reached  her  button  nose,  and  their  colours  drew  her  eyes  from  the  sky.  Blinking  rapidly,  Ariana  stared  at  a  small  bouquet  of  wildflowers,  flowing  the  arm  the  held  it  to  her,  she  found  Albus'  friend  ━  Gellert  Grindelwald.  ❛  Oh,  thank  you...  ❜    she  exclaimed  softly  and  slowly,  with  a  shaky  hand  she  took  the  flowers  from  him.  Holding  them  close  to  her  as  she  turned  her  head  back  to  the  house,  eyes  searching  for  her  brothers.  Neither  of  them  would  like  the  fact  that  she  was  talking  to  him.  Wide  and  slightly  dazed  hazel  eyes  met  greyish  blue  ones,  she  wondered  what  he  was  doing  there,  and  where  was  Albus.

. . . . . . still bad.

@gellcrt​   replied to your   post:

the rule in this house is that we ignore what all dumbledores have to say, dear.

Sex as a basic concept that produces babies? Considering how the Dumbledores always had some sort-of animals on their land, Albus learned about the birds and the bees, how sex can produce a child, when he was fairly young. Considering, also, how Kendra and Percival were a surprisingly affectionate and loving couple (three kids in four/five years), sex as something adults do when they are married was also picked up on fairly young.

Now, the ins and outs of sex, and sex between two men, was… more complicated. And largely self-taught.

Growing up in a multi-cultural home was, well, not difficult but often gave Albus conflicting messages about sex and gender. There was Kendra whose thoughts were basically:

“Native Americans traditionally assign no moral gradient to love or sexuality; a person was judged for their contributions to their tribe and for their character. It was also a custom for parents to not interfere with nature and so among some tribes, children wore gender-neutral clothes until they reached an age where they decided for themselves which path they would walk and the appropriate ceremonies followed.” (x)

And then there was Percival, who had some more typical Victorian ideas about such matters. The fact that Albus was a more sensitive child, soft one could say, had Percival ??? whereas Kendra thought nothing about it, for example. After all, Kendra grew up with the concept of Winkté, which, when literally translated, means ‘wants to be like a woman.’ It’s basically an umbrella term that can refer to anyone from a gay man to a transwoman, who weren’t seen as ‘lesser’ in the tribe, and even in some cases were revered (x). So, it’s likely that Kendra eventually thought Albus fell under that term in some way.

But then, of course, shit hit the fan, and Percival was arrested, and Albus went off to Hogwarts. 

The fact of the matter is, Albus didn’t often go home while he went through Hogwarts. Christmas (which wasn’t a huge thing in the Dumbledore house to begin with – the winter solstice was their holiday – but was even less of a thing post-Percival’s arrest) was usually spent at Hogwarts or at Elphias’s. Easter was almost always spent at Hogwarts, and the summer holiday was usually spent at Elphias’s as well, or off on some academic thing. If he spent any time at home, it was only a handful of weeks. Which is very sad, considering if he was home enough to eventually discuss these things with Kendra, it’s likely that Albus would have felt very differently about them than he ended up feeling.

Because discovering he’s gay in the Victorian era, at some British boarding school? Yeah that wasn’t…fun. Albus ended up with a fuck ton of internalized shame, internalized homophobia mingling with more toxic ideas of masculinity. With Percival in jail, Albus felt that it was basically up to him to make something good of the Dumbledore name again, which is why he ends up with all of those awards and publications, etc. So, to figure out he’s a degenerate, something undesirable to society (because the wizarding world is just as homophobic as the muggle one during this time, they just don’t formally imprison/execute people for it), is…a blow. Albus refuses to pretend anything, which is why he doesn’t entertain the idea of courting a girl, but he also is conflicted about acting on his desires in the first place. He fooled around with Elphias, sure, but that was …experimentation to gain evidence for his budding hypothesis, not because he wanted Elphias in that way. Frankly, Albus was ashamed that he had bodily desires (sexual or otherwise) at all, and would really like to just be a brain in a jar, thanks.  

Albus learned what he did about gay sex from research throughout his teens, books he dug from deep within the Hogwarts restricted section, from Adalbert Waffling’s library, and possibly other places, though I cannot see him going out of his way to find anything.   

﹡ . ° @gellcrt  //  CAEL  RATES  SOULS // accepting .

Let’s all smoke the skull of peace together!

Jfc do the thing, I used to have a glorfindel.

so this is how?? our first interaction will go?? huh?? a freaking callout???? …I look forward to a beautiful friendship.