"thank you for agreeing to meet with me," fyodor grumbles, gaze downcast at his for-here latte out of respect and some embarrassment. he knows what he seems to be to most who knows his story, a monstrous killer, a liar, insane or insensitive... he could only hope this interview would be different. he dares to look up at her after a long moment, his hand slid into the handle of the mug to comfort himself with the warmth of the ceramic and swallows thickly as he meets her gaze with a steely and unreadable expression layered over somber desperation and tender appeal. "how shall we begin?"

he was raised by his parents, who were... well, they Tried Their Best?? he was isolated and stigmatized by other children and adults for his intelligence, and his parents were honestly scared of him too and encouraged him to repress it, but they at least tried to show him compassion. his mother was sickly, just like him, and passed away when he was young. this introduced him to the "problem of evil" in a religious sense - and the idea that illness and natural pain that exists in the world is there because of the sin of humanity, specifically original sin, a belief held by a fair amount of members of the christian faith.

anyway, his father is killed by a criminal, and fyodor witnesses it - where his own ability kicks in, and he ends up killing the culprit. this is extremely traumatic for him, and he wonders why he was given this ability to kill, especially as those around him stigmatize and reject him even further as a result.

in his teenhood, he begins considering the idea that he's special; above other people, that he's been given this ability for some kind of purpose - anything to ease the guilt and prove those who've judged him wrong. and at some point, he finds out that his father (possibly mother too??) was actually a terrorist - someone who planned on using his (and other people's??) abilities to do great harm/destroy the world/whatever, i don't know yet.

he also witnesses plenty of examples of abilities being used to harm as he grows up (if anyone has any ideas they're willing to share lmk!!), and both of those things together lead him to the belief that humans shouldn't have that much power, because it only causes them to sin further. essentially, ability itself is a sin and has too much potential to harm. he also comes to the conclusion that death is a way of saving people - i have an image in my mind of him talking to a priest who makes an offhanded comment that leads fyodor to completely the wrong conclusion, lol... but regardless, he's started to pity humans, who know what they're doing is wrong but almost "can't help it" in a sense?? and he sees death as achieving three things - a way of releasing them from a world that only causes them pain, a necessary step in achieving his forming ideas of creating a better world, and a way to also literally save souls by preventing people from sinning further and going to hell.

he both holds a genuine empathy for people's struggles, but also a deeply arrogant sense that humans are nothing but foolish and sinful - they can't surprise him, and will always make the wrong decisions, and need to be told what to do and what to think. it saddens him to know when people suffer as a result of his actions, but only in a distant kind of sense - because it's for the "greater good" in the end, and it's a natural consequence to their actions anyway. however, he doesn't so much view himself as superior - i mean, he does. like. he thinks of himself as smarter than others by far, but he sees it as something that was blessed to him by god, and he recognizes that he merely "got lucky" compared to everyone else, which is part of why he pities them.

i lost track of the backstory along the way and started rambling at some point oops... really though, his belief that he has this grand purpose, and the responsibility to save people, it's all a defense mechanism stemming from his trauma of being isolated by others and the trauma of killing someone as a kid. he has to believe it all meant something, that there was a reason for it, that he's special. i feel like i might be missing a few important details though, and i might not be placing enough emphasis on his desire to get rid of ability-users specifically... hmm.