hi hello knackered tenet anon here, sorry for disappearing on you! i really wanted to bring you something happy (-er? -ish? i mean i tried?) in hopes of partially paying out my emotional damage fine, so here goes
It started with Sebastian trying to be secretive. They were in the midst of setting everything up to recruit Priya when Charles first noticed him hiding in a corner, scribbling in his notebook, color pencils leaving his lips red and blue and purple again because he never could stop chewing on them while he was thinking. It wasnāt that unusual: Sebastian was always cagey with his schemes when he felt they werenāt ready, so. No big deal.
Charles kissed him dizzyingly slowly that evening, licking at his mouth until his lips turned from bruised purple to that irresistible shade of pink again, bitten and thoroughly loved, and that was it.
Except it wasnāt: Sebastian kept sneaking away with the notebook, kept frowning at it when he though Charles wasnāt looking, and it didnāt feel right, because while it was normal for him to be secretive Charles wasnāt really used to him being secretive about being secretive. He even teased him about it, light-heartedly, but Sebastian didnāt laugh. He didnāt even smile at the 'keep your secrets' joke, just started squirming and changed the topic, atrociously clumsy, and thatāit didnāt sting, per se, it was just thatā¦ Just that he hadnāt had secrets from Charles in a while.
(Not since the morning Charles caught him by the wrist halfway out of bed to ask if it meant anything to him and couldnāt; the morning Sebastian slid back under the covers instead and held his face in his hands so carefully Charles thought maybe he didnāt need to ask.)
(In all honesty, probably since long before that.)
So. He wasnāt upset, really, it was justāweird, is all.Ā
Sebastian mustāve noticed, though, because he came to bed looking almost guilty and kissed Charlesā fingers until Charles could barely breathe, which was a dirty trick, but Charles nevertheless decided that, well, he will tell him when he is ready. He can wait.
He didnāt have to wait long: they just finished with Priya (for the time being) and had about three days until they needed to get somewhere else, so when Charles stumbled out of the shower and was met with an āI think we can get a vacationā he just plopped down onto the bed and stretched.
āYou mean three days off for a job well done?ā
āNo," Sebastian said, and Charles only then noticed he was nervous, āYes. I mean,ā he fumbled with his notebook, gave it to Charles, opened on a wrinkled page. āI think we can get a vacation.ā
It took Charles a bit to figure out Sebastianās careful arrows and scribbly labelsāa complex map of spacetime, and to think he made fun of the color pencils in the early days, the foolāand then even more to digest that Sebastian somehow figured out six inversions in four different locations to get them a week of uninterrupted time in late August and then get them back to today like nothing happened.Ā
He had been silent for too long, he realised, when Sebastian rubbed his hands on his thighs anxiously and started something about it being a bit too complicated and that they donāt have toāCharles didnāt let him finish, pulled him on top of himself, shut him up in the best way he knew how.
They made it. It was a bit too complicated, and they were accidentally shot at, once, and in one of the safe-houses they walked in on their inverted selves going at it full speed, twice, but they made it, and it was worth every second, every mile, the way the peach fuzz on Sebastianās nape lit up in the late morning sun, how peaceful he looked, his face buried in Charlesā side for an afternoon napāsomething you apparently developed a taste for later in life, or so he promised Charles, instilling in him a vague sense of dreadāhow he pushed Charles in the elbow to make him drive his ice cream right into his nose and then laughed until he was hiccuping.Ā
How he could place a hand on Charlesā shoulder and Charlesā whole body would come alight; he couldāve recognised him by the touch of his palm alone, the steady warmth of it, the gentle press of finger pads along his shoulder blade.
It still feels the same: here it is, a hot imprint that makes something in Charlesā chest unlock helplessly, as if he were one of those fancy safes with biometric readers. He curls his own hand over the ridge of his shoulder, trying to cover the tips of Sebastianās fingers with his own, tangle them together; the hand slips from under his touch, and when he turns, Seb looks back at him with eyes taking up half his soft young face, flushed and bewildered.
He blushes furiously and smiles at Charles with that familiarly bashful smile that makes Charlesā ribs feel two sizes too small, and takes his hand.
p s you probably know who i am but if possible can i please hide out in your inbox for a lil bit longer, i feel like the moment i reveal myself i wont be able to keep this up
p p s its 3 am and i honestly cant tell if this is any good at all so feel free to ignore it, ill come with a better piece a bit later
Knackered tenet anon I'm about to lose my mind??? Picture me clutching you like a lil cat refusing to let go clinging on to you I'm demanding you stay I'm insisting you hang out I'm preparing tea and biscuits I'm holding your hand I'm doodling your name in my notebook I could listen to you all day???
Oh my god. He was secretive because he was planning a vacation, going backwards going forwards just so he can steal some time for them both. Working at it unwilling to tell Charles until he's sure, being nervous when he reveals his plan. Oh my god. I'm actually crying. Using red and blue pencils (g-e-n-i-u-s) to carve a pocket of uninterrupted time, because Seb knows, he knows that's the one thing they don't have enough of. Time.
THEY WALK IN ON THEIR INVERTED SELVES GOING AT IT I'M
They know each other by touch alone they find each other in every timeline Charles is the most beautiful thing Sebastian ever laid eyes on backward or forwards and Sebastian is the most precious thing Charles will guard in any instance you've actually destroyed me knackered tenet anon. You've destroyed me.
I might have my hunch but please hide in my inbox for as long as you want, please hide here forever if you want! I have my warmest blanket all fluffed up and ready and I am huddling up with you. I am so grateful you're sharing these stories I am so excited for everyone to read them I just think you're! I just think you!
