Congrats!

Of people that are currently in existance don’thave the emotional intelligence or dilligence to have a happy, healthy,functioning realtionship with one person, let alone the complications thatarise from having multiple partners. For Example, I think that someone whoalready knows their identity (be it whatever nonmonog. type), and they datesomeone who is raised as monog, then you are putting a lot of expectation onthe other person to automatically be at another level. Until that timeand level is reached, I think it is only fair, for the majority of thepopulation, to feel confused or have conflict about monogamy/nonmonog. I dofully support that it should be an ongoing, open discussion though! I hope I Didn’toffend you, I just wanted to talk about it, because it is a problem if (what Ithink you might be saying) people compromise themselves and their beliefs to bein a relationship for societal standards, but not if people just decide To takethings at their own pace (i.e. maybe starting out in a monog lifestyle and thenchanging and growing, or deciding to stay monog). Your thoughs?

This ask is referencing this post that I wrote a while ago. 

I absolutely 100% agree with you that there should be no default. In fact, that was the entire point of my post. I don’t want nonmonogamy to be the default any more than I want monogamy to be the default. Do you know what I do want to be the norm when it comes to relationships? Clear communication, talking about boundaries, and setting terms of relationships together and without assumptions. Which was the intended point of my post.

I wrote that post, admittedly in frustration and anger, after an argument with my ex-girlfriend who was angry with me that I wasn’t “working toward something with her,” which to her meant working toward an exclusive, monogamous relationship. Which isn’t an unreasonable expectation in itself, but she knew that I preferred nonmonogamy and that when I had tried monogamy in the past I was miserable. We had talked about things and I told her I was willing to give our relationship a second chance if we could work toward something we were both happy with. She assumed that meant that I would work toward monogamy for her, not that she might have to think about doing the opposite for me or compromising with some other sort of configuration. When she realized that my intention was not to go easily and without discussion into monogamy, she was angry and frustrated and told me that she would be settling to stay with me if I wouldn’t be monogamous without even thinking that I might be settling to stay with her if I decided to be monogamous for her. So our relationship ended for good. The problem wasn’t nonmonogamy or hiding my intentions. The assumptions of monogamy as something to work toward and achieve were at fault. The idea that monogamy is ideal and best and default was at fault. 

1) I knew I wanted to blog about emergency medicine, and this was the first ER related thing I thought of.

2) 42.

3) Success = happiness 

and mudphudkangaroo thank you for your kind words as well.

medblr is the best group of people, you guys are so awesome.

Sociopaths are notorious for telling people what they want to hear, and this can lead to problems at work. Get EVERYTHING you can in writing. Document EVERYTHING you can and make sure that you are 100% clear on the policies and procedures.

Me too! But I think mine is more for my loyalty than half assed plans. Or… I hope so. Lol

Hey there, futuremedstudentminerva!

I'm sorry to hear that you and your bf are having a spat (no matter big or small, arguments suck!). And you make a good point, drama gets in the way of studying and focusing. 

I haven't been in a long-term relationship....ever, and that hasn't change in med school. But attempts at dating and relationships happened, and there was, and will always be, drama. So I don't think I'm the best person to ask about that topic. THAT SAID, drama happens with family and friends, and when that shit goes down, I do have certain things I've learned to do.