So, I answered the scam call and as soon as I answered “our employees are not available, please stay on the line and we’ll be with you momentarily”

me: at home, phone rings

dad: answers phone

“mike/russ”: this is time warner cable/spectrum

dad: yes hello i would like to get $25 off my bill can you help me do that?

m/r: yes what are you paying now?

dad: you should know that, don’t you? can’t you just fax me the proposed contract to my law firm?

m/r: sorry what was that?

dad: fax a contract to my law-firm, can i talk to your supervisor?

m/r: sorry no supervisor is available

dad: wait let me transfer you to the office manager -(hands phone to my sister)

sister: hello this is the office manager

m/r: hello this is mike

sister: can you fax me a copy of a proposed document to get $25 off?

m/r: sorry what can i do? I need to know how much you are making

sister: let me transfer you to my office supervisor - hands phone to me

me: hello this is the office supervisor who am i speaking to?

m/r: this is mike, is there something you would like me to do a discount you want?

me: yeah i would love to get a discount like $25,$45 the whole bill? that would be great

m/r: okay what are you paying now?

me: shouldn’t you know that isn’t it in your records? i’m sure you have those it’s a big company can you fax me a proposed contract to the law firm?

m/r: sorry we can’t do that

me: you don’t have a fax??? wow that’s crazy i have a small company and even i have a fax machine it’s great you should get one

m/r: no we have one miss-

me: oh great you can fax me the contract then! that would be great faxing is great

m/r: how much are you paying now?

me: you should know that! you have records at a big company like that don’t you?

m/r: what kind of shows do you watch? what channels?

me: oh i love the walking dead, breaking bad, bob’s burgers, all the shows i watch a lot

m/r: so you watch premium channels?

me: i watch all the channels i’m sure you can tell that i like to flip through and everything i love it.

m/r: so what do you want?

me: a discount a lot of money, you can fax me the contract too right? a proposed contract?

m/r: how many tv’s do you have?

me: oh 302

m/r: 302? hahaha that’s a lot you’re kidding

me: no no i have a lot i use mine here and at the office we got them in each office, in the waiting room, people can’t get bored! that’s crazy

m/r: you don’t have 302 tv’s that’s too many

me: you don’t know how big my house is

m/r: what are you paying now? do you want a discount?

me: yeah!! a discount would be great seriously can i speak to a supervisor? i’d love to get it faxed to me.

m/r: yes sure - one second break - hi this is Russ

me: Russ? you sound just like Mike oh my gosh

m/r: no this is russ not mike

me: i swear you sound just like mike you are the same person that’s crazy

m/r: no thats my half brother my father runs the business

me: oh okay you sound so much like him though that’s crazy are you sure you’re not the same person?

m/r: no no it’s russ

me: let me transfer you to one of my managers - hands phone to mom -

mom: hello yes, who am i speaking to

m/r: this is russ

mom: can i have your name and number so i can call you back on monday?

m/r: -gives mom a fake number and name russ-

mom: okay thank you and you can get me a discount?

m/r: yes how much are you paying now?

mom: you should know that! you have records

m/r: do you want a discount?

mom: yes fax me here is the number, you can fax me on monday

m/r: how much are you paying?

mom: yeah how much am i paying i don’t remember?

m/r: -hangs up-

me: i swear that was the same guy he did not transfer

-phone rings-

mom: hello

m/r: i just have one thing to say, you should go out and buy a dildo

mom: oh yeah i don’t really need one because my husband’s dick is so big you’re the one that needs one

m/r: -hangs up-

-phone rings-

me (british accent): yes hello who is calling?

m/r: yes tell your husband that he can go fuck himself you fuckin bitch

me: i’m sorry but i think you’ve got the wrong number i don’t have a husband, my boyfriend and i just got back from a nice dinner and the phone was ringing so i answered who is this?

m/r: yes you are joking with me you can shove your 302 tvs up your pussy

me: excuse me sir but who are you and where are you calling from?

m/r: i am russ i am calling from rochester

me: oh yes but what company

m/r: i am calling with the illuminati

me: oh the illuminati? that’s fun i am looking to get a job around rochester can i work for them? can i apply?

m/r: go fuck yourself go fuck yourself

me: i’m sorry but you’ve got the wrong number you are mistaken

m/r: well take your 302 tvs and roll them up and shove them in your ass

me: okay well you must have mistaken me for someone else, your girlfriend maybe? an ex?

m/r: go fuck yourself fucking bitch

me: -laughing- you have the wrong number i just got back from dinner and answered my phone for this? that’s not very nice

m/r: fuck off pussy -hangs up-

phone rings again

dad: if you call this place one more time you will regret it i am an italian lawyer you fucked with the wrong people

m/r: okay i will call you back in ten seconds

-hangs up-

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