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Applications Of The Funked Up Hi Hat Series

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There’s so much going on every holiday season that I find hunting for the right Christmas tree to be a chore. Real or re-useable? Height? Color? Smell? There’s too much to choose from in a season filled with stress, so this year I made a bold choice by hanging tinsel on Godzilla instead of a fir. Here’s why I couldn’t be happier with my decision:

1.  Low maintenance. This is a creature that lives off nuclear radiation, which it happily stocked up on before the holiday season, so no need to fertilize or worry about the kids getting eaten. And when it was feeling parched, it didn’t let lights catch its scaly hide on fire and burn my home down, it just waddled to the kitchen to grab what it needed.

2.  Package protection. It seemed relatively quiet, but Godzilla has a black belt in judo and 0 problems whooping anyone trying to burgle my loved ones’ gifts. For serious offenders, its Atomic Breath radioactive heat ray was on deck to teach a lesson. Or for my curious kids, I asked for alerts so Godzilla gave a holler when someone snooped.

3.  Self care. I’d heard that Godzilla had a real eye for detail, which benefited me any time an ornament was out of place or our cat Mr. Diddlebaum knocked one askew. Mr. Diddlebaum thought it was business as usual for his yearly "hide-and-go-seek" in the tree, but not with Godzilla around. One roar and Mr. Diddlebaum was Mr. See-ya-in-the-Spring.

4.  Energy efficiency. Nuclear energy is clean and low-cost, which fits perfectly with my work to use renewable resources. Godzilla was able to help keep the Christmas lights glowing in the most practical way, and bonus: no need to worry about a timer.

5.  Easy clean up. No needles to step on or try to vacuum for months. No water spilled around the base. No trying to stuff it back in a box or dragging it to the curb. MY family just gave Godzilla a high five and wished it on its merry way.

by nicki wright

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