I think its absolutely insane how much our overall personality and energy has changed in the matter of like a year
Cause like collectively we had a lot of NPD, ASPD, arguably even BPD esque traits - had dominant parts that our therapist himself said some of the ways we behave sound like "Sadistic personality disorder" from the DSM3 or 4 I forget which
Like this HUGE thriving for ego boost and ego highs and conflict and just this high intensity and high stress and high strung nature
And good fucking GOD did Chunn energy fucking SMOTHER that out
I was just watching a Lucifer clip with Kendall cause it came up in conversation and I wasj ust like
"Dude this guy used to be super relatable, and to a specific level, he is because that aspect of ourselves and our stories is still plenty real and alive, but its just SO far from where we are now that its so insane to think about"
Like man was the sheer level Chunn just fucking took ALL the added up energy that all of our high energy, high escalation, high conflict prone and misery loving parts and just went "Ok but have we considered just sitting and watching things and finding meaning in life from that"
It's just a really interesting thing to see our fused self having such a fucking intense mix of our four hosts.
Cause like demeanor and way of interacting with people and the world? Relational-wise? Like 90% Riku. Easily Riku predominant
The way we feel, the passion and insight and dedication to causes and problems in society? Absolutely XIV, like I'd almost say exclusively XIV because even before fusing, most of our opinions were subject to whatever XIV believe
Our general day to day way of existing and being? TOTALLY overrun by Chunn, not necessarily AS Chunn, but his methodology and Way of Doing Things became Standard
Our music, hobbies, and ways of interacting with fun and creative hobbies? Our interest and relationship with advocacy on a more individual than societal level? Our career? Major Lin energy.
Its so fucking wild how perfectly represented the four of us are especially that its so fucking insane and because of the like perfect layering of all the parts
Somehow we feel more, see more, and understand the depth of the intensity XIV had regarding everything in the world and how it is that made him such a hostile and aggressive sort of dude 24/7 that never shut up
But despite having SO much more depth to those. We have SO much more ability to not actually be swept up in it because of the Fucking Chunn-Lin anchor that is just an insane level of ability to sit with things rather than immediately acting and its just >:v
We really got like the best and most respectable parts of all of our main hosting parts
Riku's bubbly, optimisitic, good vibes, genki-ness, XIV's ability to see problems and his ability to evaluate his values and principles and compare his actions against them, Chunns INTENSE ability to be chill and present in the moment and regulate emotions, Lin's deep love for creative fun and passion for mentoring
It's so fucking insane being a fused Feathers man
