#fukin hell

jesus

i admire the effort you put into this its terrifying and amazing at the same time

I have worked multiple jobs now, some very hard and physically taxing for someone of my size. And this is the FIRST job that's made me want to quit on DAY 1.

By the way, my coworkers are great! Crass with their humor but I can totally see why! They were very patient with me, and tried helping, making sure I was okay, so on and so on. I didn't have to deal with bad customers either, the few I admitted to that it was my first day were very kind.

But. I think I was utterly terrified the whole time and got steadily more panicked as the day wore on. As in I was physically shaking non stop for at least three hours and had a short cry at home.

Mostly had to do with the trifecta of things I can't do well under pressure: Understanding people when I can't see their face, technology (the bane of my existence), and numbers.

I can normaly do pressure! Gimme an impossible work load any day, gimme the longest quota in history. Throw me outside in the sun and rain and 90° weather. Management doesn't scare me, no one tried making me feel like I wasn't doing well. But talking to people scares me to death, technology breaks around me, and I very likely have undiagnosed number dysphoria. All three at once? With having to work FAST and accurately? I want to bury myself in the largest pile of blankets in history and never come out.

Oh yeah, and because of the pandemic, I haven't worked any job other than freelance since January. So I'm extra out of practice.

HUFf.