#fuckingweird

I am sure this will never reach you Sean but this is as close as can be to fulfilling my compulsion. See when I dream of a specific person I have to tell them.

It was a simple dream entirely unrealisitic though. It was Sean playing a collab game with Markiplier, Felix and Robin. They were all in one room on separate computers, but insead of using headsets they were just joking and laughing out loud. I was incorporeal, like a ghost. Floating near Sean just watching them play, enoying their sheer joy.

They recorded a few videos during the dream session. So to be polite and not disturb I was very quiet and tried not to move much. Occasionally between recordings Sean would get up to get a new Coca Cola Zero Sugar ( not sponsored).

They finally stopped recording and just played for fun maintaining the level of childlike joy they had before. One of the times he got up Sean returned with two sodas placing one near where I was and looked at me with a genuine smile. He returned to the game. Eventually the guys left and Sean began playing "Night in the Woods" ( one of my favorite games hes let's played). I was confused by this until he turned to face me and asked why I hadn't said anything during the time the guys were there and why I hadnt had my soda.

I didnt think he could see me and choked trying to respond. " I didn't want to bother you and I didn't think you could see me. This is a dream. I was enjoying even pretending to be near you."

Which is creepy asf.

He laughed and responded " I value you guys as a community, I know you support me. I think of you as my friends."

To which I burst into tears. He hugged my now physical body and the dream faded away.

The Jacksepticeye channel is a big part of my life. His laugh and his infectious joy bring me up from some scary places. Even though it was a dream and I'll probably never meet Sean in real life much less get to talk to him this was real for me. He was so happy and such a good sport it gave me a weird connection. I came on Tumblr this afternoon and saw people posting about Anti and how Hes taking over jack. How people watch the channel hoping for Anti. It hurt my heart.

remember ask fm?

I would constantly get hate on there anonymously.

and ngl it messed me up so I deactivated my account for a bit.

And I had my “best friends” phone and something tells me in my gut to check her notifications to see if I answered any of her anonymous “ questions “

In order to do that I had to reactivate my ask fm.