~More info about Amelia:

Name: Amelia Tyler

Age: 20

Interests: partying, listening to music, books and gaming

Fears: dying, getting fat, bugs

It hurts for me to say That I still care When I know You never did

It tears me apart To know that I used to mean More than just “a friend” To you

But you turned around And never looked back You threw away all our memories In a heartbeat

So what do you want me to do When all I can do is cry And hold on to the memories we shared We used to be so close But something caused us To drift apart. I know asking for you to be mine Is out of the question But to just have you back as a friend Is all I need That’ll be enough for me to be okay

You never showed your weakness to others You were always so strong But that one day when you cried next to me Was something I will forever treasure Because only I have seen you break

We had such good times But you don’t seem to care And as the hours passed, It seemed as though whenever I’d call your name, you’d glare

So what do you want me to do When all I can do is cry And hold on to the memories we shared We used to be so close But something caused us To drift apart. I know asking for you to be mine Is out of the question But to just have you back as a friend Is all I need That’ll be enough for me to be okay

I’m begging on my knees Please come back to me You always used to help me when I needed someone And now you’re gone What do I do now?

That beautiful smile of yours shines brighter Whenever you’re with her Yet it began to fade As the distance between us grew And you never told me what was wrong Making me think I always was at fault I probably was But you’d never reveal the secrets

So what do you want me to do When all I can do is cry And hold on to the memories we shared We used to be so close But something caused us To drift apart. I know asking for you to be mine Is out of the question But to just have you back as a friend Is all I need That’ll be enough for me to be okay

Oh…. All I need Is you

~

I know what I’m doing is wrong and against everything I stand for. 

   If it doesn’t work out, I will be torn but we’ll be friends. That’s the thing. Best thing I could do right now is be his friend and stand by him. I’ll stick to his side and love him from a distance. 

I did that with Joel for a while. But right now...he needs this. He needs a friend and hopefully, I could be that friend. 

Today, I was suppose to see his mother but he said that he wanted to see me first, have sex with me and pleasure me. I’m the only girl he wants and needs but doesn’t want stress or pressure. I get that. I don’t want stress or pressure from him either. We’re friends. We’re friends with benefits and I know what will happen if it doesn’t work. 

We’re friends for now. 

He and I had sex (which was mind-blowing!). I kept on saying how I needed to see his mom but he kept getting turned on and wanted to continue fucking me. I mean...I wanted this. I wanted to have sex with him so I did. My mistake cause seriously, when we stepped out, His mom got angry. 

She said she wanted us out. His father was in the washroom and when he came out, he made the meatloaf, turning to Jonathan after putting it into the oven and started yelling at Jonathan. 

I wanted to explain myself but in this family...you couldn’t get your words out there. I wanted to say that I should of been tough and did as I said. I should of kept my promise. I didn’t. She called me a liar and his father stepped in. His family hates me. I know that. 

His father yelled back at Jonathan and I didn’t understand cause they were speaking French. I was scared but I stood my ground. I watched as his father moved closer to him, shouting in Jonathan’s face. Jonathan pushed him like a ‘back-up’ push so his father reacted that he was pushing him back with force but it was a ‘whoa-too-close’ push. I know that. Jonathan shouldn’t have touched his father, he should of stepped back but he didn’t. He pushed Richard back and I swear, something in his father eyes read anger. 

They pushed a little bit of each other but Jonathan was trying to stand his ground and then his father placed a hand on his neck. I didn’t know if it was choking or whatever. I was in disbelief because honestly, a family shouldn’t do this. His father eyes were blazing with red like a bull. Jonathan finally backed up and his father walked outside. 

I wanted to jump in but I didn’t know what he would do. I should of intervene but fear of what his father would of done to me scared me. I wanted to jump in, I’m regretting that now. 

I care, love, worry about this guy. We took a long walk to cool off. Well him. When I left, he said that his parents were threatening him to kick him out tomorrow. It was insane honestly but...I mean, I couldn’t believe it. 

We have sex and he gets kicked out?

Is this a sign that I should have never shown up? I told myself that I should have done something today. I should have. If I had to get punch or shoved, I would take it. I fear his father. 

They don’t like me, fine. It’s selfish of me to just care about Jonathan. I care more about him than anybody else. I love him more than I love cheesecake. I worrying about him now. I want to make sure he’s okay and stand by him. If I lived on my own, I’d take him in but I don’t live on my own. 

Jonathan fears of living in the real world. He’ll have to face it sooner or later. His parents (Father doesn’t live with him but is willing to help his mother kick him out) want him out of the house. I’m there, I’m willing to help Jonathan. Call me whatever you want...I’m Jonathan’s friend now. I was his girlfriend but you know what? That’s over and done with and it’s time to go into friend mode. 

If they call me names, I’ll ignore it the way I did with Malcolm. Grab whatever he needs and wants, put it into a bag or whatever, put it into the cab and whatever. I don’t mind that. 

That is if he decided to move out cause he won’t have enough money. He’ll make the rent but not food. He’ll struggle a lot and honestly, struggling in life is living for me. You need to struggle in order to know how the real world is. He needs to find a job if Welfare decides not to support him and would need to act. 

He wants to stay and put up with the mock, arguments and fights. He’s willing to stay in order to not struggle. I’ve struggled a lot in my life but I managed. It was hard but I had a lot of good friends and my parents were a big help. My family is a family. 

His family....I don’t know what I could say about them. They disowned him, put him down, mock him and hurt him. No mother should call their kids a mistake or a bastard or bitch. He shouldn’t have called her names either and his father. His father shouldn’t have put his hands on him and Jonathan shouldn’t have put his hand on his father. 

I wonder why I’m still around and caring for this guy. I remember I went into this relationship to only date HIM. I wasn’t in it for the parents or whatever. I wasn’t dating them so...yeah. Dating him or not, I’m here for him. I see his side and I see how he’s slowly becoming an outcast. He needs to ease himself to society and face his fucked up world. 

Idk, whatever he decides, I’ll be there. If he doesn’t move out...I feel bad but I’m not stepping in that house. After what happened? HELL NO! If he moves out, he moves out and I’ll help him. He needs to grow up. 

My family and I do have problems but we don’t do that to each other. We don’t yell or scream or put hands on each other. We talk it out, argue but we fix it. 

I guess this is just going to be me venting again. Doubtful the person who this is directed to will see this, and I already said things that sealed the deal with both of us. 

Not expecting you to ever communicate with me again. Made it pretty obvious that you don’t care how I am feeling and what will happen to me. You can say you do but you didn’t prove any of that. I tried my best to work everything out, before and after all of this happened. But you refused to put any effort into helping. I could of done a lot of things to give your life more than hell. 

You think just me reminding you of what you did is hell enough? I had more options. But I decided that I cared for your well being, and that it isn’t the person I want to be. I hope you know that it kept going in circles because you refused to actually step up and be an adult about it. You wanted to run away from your problems and give no shits about how I felt and what I was going through. You rather have a “peace of mind” and be with your new lover because it distracts you from what you really did. 

Even through all of that I still tried reaching out to you. I still tried helping you. But you just keep giving me the middle finger to my face. And it hurts a lot. You hurt me mentally, emotionally, and now I am hurting physically. I don’t regret anything I said to you because you need to know. Don’t get me wrong, I am no angel. I already know what I did to you before this happened wasn’t to your liking. I know that it was stupid, childish. But you do know I only acted that way because I knew you were hiding something. But you would think i'm paranoid for accusing you?

I owned up to my mistakes. But you didn’t want to help me through it and that’s fine. Because you have become just like the other person you despise so much. I don’t regret saying that because it’s true. You can accept it or not. But it’s true. Only thing I regret is that from now on, when you remember me, you will remember me as the pain in the ass that I was for trying to seek answers as to why you did this to me. The person who gave you hell at mind when all he wanted to do was figure out why this happened, the person who “dragging you down” “Sucking you into the darkness”. You wont remember me for all the good things I did for you, all the happy times we spent together. Go ahead and pin it on me. 

I doubt I will ever hear from you again, and if I do. By some miracle if I do. That you will be clear enough to finally understand why everything went the way it did and forgive me for having to keep doing this. And then and only then will I actually be able to talk to you without ever bringing this up.