#ftm!remus

---

Waking up with a pounding headache was absolutely normal for Virgil. He had the worst job imaginable and his landlord/roommate was a chaotic disaster. If he wasn't dealing with awful customers, he was putting up with the crazy experiments and the messes they made. Moving out was an option, but he was unfairly fond of his roomie and he didn't have to pay rent for his little room.

Of course, he seriously considered leaving when he opened his eyes. He was staring at the green glowing letters on the clock on the nightstand. He didn't have a nightstand, and his clock was supposed to be across the room. It was 3 in the morning, so maybe he was dreaming or confused.

“Where the fuck—?” he said aloud, only to freeze at the sound of his voice. It was too high pitched.

He sat up abruptly and patted himself down with arms that felt too short. He was nude, had a huge rack, and his bulge was missing.

He let out a shrill scream.

Thud

Virgil went rigid as the thumping continued, growing louder and louder. Someone was coming! He had no idea how to fight in this body, he had no idea where he was, and he had no idea who was coming.

The door swung open, casting a beam of light into the room. Virgil winced at the brightness and the tall, bulky figure looming in the doorway.

“Oh damn, I really am adorable!” the figure giggled. Virgil scowled. That was his voice, but not his usual intonation—and he was not a giggly bitch. There was only one person he knew who would say something like that, even if something didn't add up.

“Remus, what the fuck?” Virgil gawked, “Why am I you? Why do you have tits?”

“Virgil?” Remus asked and turned on the light, “Are you Virgil?”

“Who else would I be?!”

“Blimpo or Scrungy! But they probably can't talk, which means, I'm in your body!” Remus shrugged. And then a dastardly grin crossed his (Virgil’s) face.

“Don't you fucking dare!” Virgil snapped as soon as he saw Remus going for his pants.

“Why delay the inevitable? I'm not backing up your kidneys if this body needs to piss! Besides, you can see me in all of my naked glory too! Just look down!

Virgil had no idea how to fight the blush rising to his (Remus') cheeks. He might have been curious before, but with some new insight, he was mortified at the proposition.

“What happened?” he squeaked, trying to sound threatening as he scrambled to cover up with the sheets. This voice was not helping him.

Remus bobbed from side to side and jogged in place, clearly unused to having long limbs.

“Well, you came home from work and showered, and then you ran upstairs to my lab when I screamed because Blimpo went chomp on my fingie—does it still hurt? I disinfected it but rodent teeth are a bitch!—You ran in when I was testing my new invention, accidentally got zapped with me, and then you went to your room and probably passed out in bed.”

“What kind of invention?” Virgil asked and ran a hand through his (Remus') hair. It was surprisingly soft.

“A body swap ray gun!” Remus beamed, setting off every alarm possible in Virgil's mind. Not only did that invention work, but he was stuck in Remus' body, he had a whole different set of parts that could torture him at some point, and Remus' expressions on his face were extra creepy.

“Swap us back!” Virgil yelped and lurched forward, clinging to the sheet hiding his (Remus') body.

“Can I at least pee first? I've never pissed with a dick!” Remus asked and fluttered his lashes. Virgil would never get used to seeing his own face making those expressions.

“What do you mean you never—? Are you telling me that this isn't some side effect of your invention?”

“Nope! Surprise! I'm trans!” Remus giggled, “And you can have as much fun as you want exploring!”

“We're switching back. Now.”

Virgil threw the sheet aside and got to his feet. As long as he didn't look down at his (Remus') body, he could handle throwing on a shirt and pants. Remus already knew what he looked like, so it wasn't worth worrying over if he saw.

Remus was oddly silent as Virgil stalked to the dresser and bent over at the waist to grab some clothes. Contrary to what some might suggest, Remus could not simply look in a mirror and get turned on by his own appearance. Yet here he was, staring at his own sweet booty, feeling a strange ache below the belt.

Virgil managed to get a pair of basketball shorts on before Remus realized what was happening. He wasn't aroused, but Virgil’s body was! Or maybe he was just getting used to the different hormone levels in this body. There was a way to test it!

“Hey, Virge,” Remus said before he could throw a shirt on, “Before you do that, can you squeeze my boobs?”

“What?”

“I need to check to make sure they still have feeling since I bind all the time!” Remus lied flawlessly. Virgil sighed and set the t-shirt on the dresser. This was just a health check.

He carefully cupped his (Remus') tits, all too aware of how sensitive they were, and gently squeezed the flesh in his hands. He was surprised to let out a weak moan from that, and that his urge to pee got worse. He instantly dropped his hands and thought about deserts.

That was all Remus needed to confirm his suspicion. The sight and sound combined made his (Virgil's) cock jump. This would be useful information later.

Virgil quickly finished dressing and dragged Remus out of the room. He wanted his body back before Remus got the chance to mess with it and before he had to use the toilet. All they had to do was get to the ray gun in Remus' lab.

“Uh, Virge,” Remus said as he stumbled up the stairs behind him, “You can't just break in!”

“Why not?” Virgil asked as he reached the steel door blocking access to the lab.

“The alarm system is active and if you don't have the passcodes, you'll get electrocuted,” Remus explained and wiggled to set his lower half right. How did Virgil manage to move with a python between his legs!?

“And let me guess, one of those is specifically related to your body, like a fingerprint scanner.”

“It's a voice scanner!” Remus giggled and reached past him to pull a sliding door aside, revealing a microphone and speaker.

“What do I have to say?”

“Six slick licks to six stiff pricks swiftly makes the six dicks bricks.”

Virgil paused and clicked his tongue. He should have expected something ridiculous from Remus.

“That's it?”

“That's the first one!” Remus chirped, “The second one is an unfiltered moan, and the third one is, ‘Scare Bear’ if you make it that far. Of course you have to hold down the button when you're saying these things for it to register.”

“What do you mean ‘if I make it that far?’” Virgil bristled.

“Can you moan on command?” Remus asked, “If you can't, do I have permission to help you?”

Virgil hated how red his (Remus') face was. Remus was right, he had a mental block about making unnecessary sounds, but he refused to let Remus help. That would involve touching and Virgil was not okay with that.

“Let's just get this over with,” Virgil huffed and leaned towards the microphone. He took a deep breath and pressed the button.

“Six slick licks to six stiff pricks swiftly makes the six dicks bricks.”

He let go of the button and heard a ding. The first key went through.

“Do you want help? I can help without touching if you're worried about that!” Remus said.

Virgil pushed the button and shot him a death glare. Any bitter retort died in his (Remus') throat as he watched Remus peel his (Virgil's) shirt off.

A needy moan escaped him before he could process what was happening. That was his torso, nothing special to him, just a bulky figure with body hair. He wasn't some body builder or particularly chubby, nothing special, but Remus' body instantly reacted vocally, and he remembered that he had to empty his (Remus') bladder soon.

“Told you I wouldn't have to touch!” Remus jeered and pulled his shirt on again.

“I didn't say that you could do that either,” Virgil huffed, “and so we're clear, I wasn't making that noise.”

“Of course not! That was muscle memory! You could argue it was me!” Remus agreed.

Virgil scowled at him before pressing the button and leaning towards the mic.

“Scare Bear,” he droned flatly. A harsh buzz followed and the door remained locked.

“You have to swoon when you say it,” Remus said before Virgil could get angry.

“Why?”

“Because I always swoon when I say it!” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. If Virgil were a jealous bitch with no restraint he would have demanded to know who this “Scare Bear” was and how to end them.

He could be upset after he had his own body back. In order to do that, he had to swallow his pride and act like Remus for another minute.

“Scare Bear,” he sighed dreamily into the microphone.

The door beeped and a metallic clank rang out on the other side. Virgil stepped back as the door slid back with a hiss of steam and slid to the side.

Virgil entered first, with Remus stumbling behind him. The poor guy was just not getting used to his height. It was a good thing there was nothing low-hanging to hit his head on.

The lab itself was fairly clean and organized. On one wall there were shelves upon shelves of finished and failed inventions, glistening chromatically under the LED lights. On the opposite wall, there was a workbench and a computer table, complete with a desktop and various tools. And along the back wall there was a curtain hiding a huge rat cage and their supplies.

Remus pushed past Virgil, though unintentionally, and hurried to check on his rats. He flung the curtain open, revealing the large cage full of tubes, ropes, ladders, and hammocks. There was a rat wheel as well and a gray rat was busy running on it.

“I think it worked!” Remus beamed and searched the cage for his other rat, “Scrungy hates the wheel, but look at her go! That has to be Blimpo!”

Virgil let him have fun with his rats and approached the workbench. The ray gun was propped up on a stand and fully charged. The eerie trident-shaped gun was reminiscent of the antimatter laser from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but the base was thicker. Virgil hesitated to touch it.

“Yeouch!” Remus yelped, getting Virgil’s attention.

He was leaning down with his (Virgil’s) hand in the cage, with two rodents clinging to his fingers with their teeth.

“They know it's you,” Virgil said flatly, “They don't bite me.”

“A little help?” Remus giggled sheepishly. Virgil’s body was strong, stronger than Remus was used to. He didn't want to hurt his little buddies by accident!

Virgil sighed and went over to help. He carefully slid his hand in the cage and waited for one of the rats to get curious.

The white and black rat released her jaw and curiously sniffed Virgil's (Remus') hand. She squeaked softly and scurried off.

“Aw, I wanted to switch them back!” Remus whined while Virgil gently stroked the gray rat's back. She released her jaw and went flat against the ground.

“Do that after we're switched back,” Virgil said and dragged both of their hands out of the cage, “And clean that up. I'm not getting sick because you just had to be obnoxious.”

Remus beamed at him and got up. He went to the workbench and grabbed his antibiotic ointment. Virgil closed the cage and curtains and followed him.

“Whenever you're ready I can turn on the machine and switch us back,” Remus said as he applied a couple bandaids, “Of course, you can always let me pee first, because I really want the experience!”

“Keep wanting,” Virgil huffed and glanced at Remus' (Virgil’s) pants, “You won't be able to pee anyway. How the hell did you manage to get that hard without doing anything?”

“I dunno. It's probably because I'm not used to having so much T naturally coursing through me, and because muscle memory is making your body react to my body's pure animalistic appeal!”

Virgil scowled and shook his head. It was probably the former. Sure, he had moments when Remus turned him on, but it never got to the point where he wasn't able to use the bathroom. And he was sure Remus didn't feel the same way about him—his body was more than ready to piss.

“I’m surprised you're not soaked through those shorts,” Remus commented and turned on the ray gun, “I can't help but smile all the time, and your smile does evil things to me!”

“What—?” Virgil asked before the ray gun sent out a blast of plasma that hit both of them in the chest.

Remus immediately fell to his knees, and then the floor. Virgil stared at him, close to panicking, before he collapsed on top of Remus.

A few moments later, Virgil came to with a grunt, there was a weight on his chest that shouldn't have been there. He glanced down to find Remus on top of him, unconscious, but in his own body.

“Shit,” Virgil sighed. He couldn't exactly push Remus to the floor like this, not to mention he liked having Remus curled up to him.

“Mm—Scare Bear,” Remus muttered. Virgil gently stroked his hair to wake him up.

Remus blinked up at him and grinned.

“It worked,” he said, “You're you again, Scare Bear, and I'm me again!”

“‘Scare Bear?’” Virgil pouted.

“Yeah, you!” Remus giggled, refusing to get up, “And now that I know you have a raging boner for me, I can say that without dying a sexy sexy death!”

“You don't get to call me that if I'm the only one who has feelings,” Virgil huffed.

“Why would you think I don't? You were there when I took your shirt off and my body moaned, and you can't tell me you didn't notice that I have the Marianas trench in my pants! You're hot, you can handle the mad scientist goofball roomie, and you care about me—of course I have feelings for you!” Remus pouted.

“Prove it.”

Remus couldn't resist a challenge, and there was a challenge in that beautiful voice.

He crawled up Virgil's chest and grabbed his face. Before Virgil knew what was happening, Remus was covering his face in smooches.

“Remus—?”

A direct kiss on the lips silenced any questions Virgil had. He immediately pulled Remus closer and licked at his lips.

“Mmm—Not in the lab, Scare Bear!” Remus giggled when he pulled away, “I'm one tongue tango away from ripping your clothes off!”

Virgil scooped him up and stood, holding the imp in his arms. He smirked and carried Remus out of the lab, letting him implode for a bit before speaking.

“I’d rather not do anything like that,” he said, “Not unless you're my boyfriend and we go on at least one date.”

“I'll be your boyfriend!” Remus giggled and wrapped his arms around Virgil's shoulders, “Expect me to get extra cuddly and swoon harder!”

---

Freedom was a rare commodity for anyone, especially a royal. No one knew that better than Remus. That's why he chose to run away, why he chose to earn the respect and fear people gave him. He fought tooth and nail to become the captain of this crew, and no one would take that title away from him while he was alive.

He knew he was a force to be reckoned with, a strong fighter with extensive skills and no fear. If swashbuckling wasn't on the table, he could talk his way out of anything, mainly by sounding deranged and a little horny. And if all else failed, he could lean on his good looks and appeal—who could resist a stout short king with long, tied back hair and an impeccable (fake) mustache?

“Captain,” a scruffy, old, peg-legged sailor said as he hobbled to the wheel. Remus glanced at him and then the navigator, a young woman who knew too much about the stars. They had to travel south to avoid the royal blockade and he was going to make sure that they went unnoticed. He would not be captured or worse, taken back to the capital as some reward token.

“The prisoner is awake,” the old sailor said and leaned against the mast, sore and out of breath. Now that was news!

“Ten degrees port. I'll be back in an hour to adjust,” Remus said and strutted his way down to the main deck. It wasn't often his crew took on prisoners—hostages, sure, but no one who could be a threat. And this guy stupidly attacked all on his own for no obvious reason! Remus was giddy about the prospect of torturing the information he needed out of the prisoner—mind games and flashing his chesticles, and then the painful stuff.

He grabbed a lantern and descended into the belly of his ship. The violent screams and rattling chains against the salt-stained wood were certainly loud enough to make him think someone was enjoying tormenting their prisoner, probably not in a fun way, but when he stepped into the brig, the only person there was trapped behind iron bars.

In the dim light, Remus couldn't help but admire the person. He had long dark hair and piercing purple eyes that could hypnotize a weaker pirate. He was bare save for a ratty pair of pants and the cuffs around his wrists that pinned him to the wall. His strong arms were straining in a vain attempt to break free, and Remus was sorely tempted to run his tongue over them and his muscular torso.

“A cúl tona!” the prisoner snarled and spat at the captain.

“I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming you just called me a sexy little baby!” Remus jeered, “And you're right! I am!”

“Dickhead!” the prisoner growled, “Let me go!”

“Now that's not very nice! Even if I let you go, you'll just try to kill me and my crew! And then you'll never find your pelt!” Remus jeered and leaned against the bars, fluttering his lashes.

“I'm not becoming a slave to a grimy bastard like you!” the selkie snapped, bearing his sharp, trident-like teeth.

“No? But you were being sent off to become a concubine for the soon-to-be king!” Remus gasped with mock innocence.

“What?!” the selkie yelled, more offended by the prospect of being married off than the idea that this imp was trying to annoy him.

“Isn't that why your queen sent you? To form an alliance with the birdbrain?”

“I'm not going anywhere near the Phoenix Prince and if you even think of sending me to him I will rip your throat open and throw you to the orcas!”

“Kinky! But I don't even know your name!” Remus jeered, “You can call me Remus.”

“Unlock the chains, Remus.”

“Tell me what to call you first,” Remus teased and entered the cell.

“Virgil.”

“Ooh!” Remus giggled and pulled his keys from his belt, “Now that's a name I’d love to scream in bed!”

“I'll kill you before you can force me into that. I'm not some pathetic human man you can use and throw away,” Virgil hissed. Remus decided not to acknowledge that remark, if only to keep his thoughts in check. He unlocked the chains, fully expecting Virgil would run to find his pelt and leave.

“Ack!”

Remus found himself pinned to the wall by the neck with his feet dangling over the floor. Virgil was glaring at him with the most lethal gaze—it was enough to make Remus shiver and blush.

“Now, you're going to take me to where you hid the princess and your bullshit crew will hand her over or I get to have my fun,” Virgil said and reached for Remus' belt.

Remus was stunned. Was this hot man about to take off his pants? Did he know that Remus had different parts than most guys? Was this seal man just as aroused as him?

Virgil snatched Remus' dagger and held the blade to Remus' throat. If Remus wasn't aroused before, he certainly was then!

“You need to explain what you mean by fun, because I am getting the wrong idea!”

“I'll turn you into chum. So release her.”

“Why? Why do you want the princess? What are you going to do with—?” Remus asked, only for the knife to press into his throat more. Virgil was not messing around.

“Negotiations. If Prince Roman won't stop you pirate bastards from trafficking my kin, she might be willing to help,” he explained coldly.

“My brother has zero control over outlaws!” Remus giggled, “There's no way he could help, even if he wanted to!”

“You're—”

“Remus. Captain Remus of the Kraken’s Booty, the most influential pirate bastard on the seas, and a royal pain in the ass—unless you want me to experience that instead, I’m more than willing,” Remus cut him off, “And you're the first selkie I ever captured!”

“Foc!” Virgil snapped and dropped Remus on his ass. He tossed the dagger aside and ran his hands over his face. This cute brat was the person he was looking for—and he wasn't a hostage! How was he supposed to face his queen now? He had one job and it was ruined!

Remus huffed and got to his feet. He was not pleased that his life wasn't in danger anymore—this selkie was hitting all the right buttons to make him weak in the knees.

“Why so upset?” Remus cooed and wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist, “I can still help you and put a stop to the trafficking—and you can help me too.”

Virgil went rigid as Remus ran his hands over his fuzzy abs.

“What do you want?” Virgil bristled and dared glance at Remus. He regretted it as soon as their eyes met. The little imp was far too adorable to resist. He had to be part siren with his unnatural allure.

“To make you want me! I love a man who can kick my ass and threaten me with a good time! Do you know how hard it is to find someone like that? Much less someone who's hot as hell!”

Virgil was beet red and trembling. This bratty imp was feeling him up and he actually liked being held at knife point. Those deft fingers were curling in his body hair, tickling poor Virgil in the sultriest way. He was seriously considering sticking around anyway, since he couldn't face the queen without having a ton of explaining to do, but the electric touch was making it all the more appealing.

And then those hands cupped his firm, beefy pecs, kneading them appreciatively.

All bets were off and he hoisted Remus up, slamming him against the wall so he was eye level.

“You're gonna regret this,” he growled and leaned in. Remus wondered if he would, right before Virgil captured his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip.

---

Sometimes being a prince was a pain in the ass. Remus sure thought so! He was supposed to be a good little boy and play nice with his little brother, play nice with all the snooty hued nobles and dignitaries, and get married off to secure more political power with his puss. Granted, he would be fine with that last part, if he didn't have a stupid mark on his neck. 

Like most commoners, he had a patch of skin that was a different color than the rest, dark purple in his case, where his soulmate would first touch him. No one else in his family had a soul mark, not since his great grandfather, and it only led to tragedy for him. Remus absolutely refused to let that sorrow attack him. And he would have fun keeping it away. 

“Remus,” the queen hummed as she cut into her fish with the utmost dignity, “We received a marriage proposal for you this morning.” 

“Who's the poor sap who's rejecting me?” Remus jeered and set his silverware down. Roman was scowling at him, waiting for him to make a scene. 

“The eldest prince of Blinthansa, the Vigilant Violet, and he won't be rejecting you. Queen Millicent informed me that she is aware of your mark, and it is not a problem for them,” the Queen said and took a dainty bite of her food. 

“Then I get to reject him!” Remus gasped and wiggled his shoulders. He was a handsome little imp, and any rejection from him would hurt! He was looking forward to causing a little upset! Roman, who was judging those wiggles, glared at him, daring him to step out of line again.

“You will do no such thing,” she huffed, “I have gone out of my way to ensure that our allies and subjects address you as a prince while discarding every proposal letter that dared to revert to your former title. You are Prince Remus the Veridian, and you have to get married for political reasons, you know this—this is a wonderful opportunity for you to make the most of your situation.” 

“So this guy knows I can make babies, and he's still calling me a man? You're really not letting me worm my way out of this! What if I meet my soulmate? I'm not pulling a gramps and letting this suitor kill them because he thinks my cunt is his!” 

Roman jolted to his feet and knocked his chair over. 

“How dare you say such a thing in front of Mother!?” Roman snarled, “Have you no shame!?” 

“Mmmm, nope! I don't see why you care about my future marriage, it won't keep you from the crown when you come of age! If you make it that long!” Remus responded with a dastardly grin.

“Veridian! Vermilion!” the queen snapped, “Enough!” 

Roman wilted and picked up his chair, pouting like a kicked puppy. Remus rolled his eyes and picked up his silverware. He was used to the lectures about his manners. 

“Now then,” the queen sighed, “Remus, you will set off for Blinthansa in three days to acquaint yourself with the royal court and the territory.” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Remus said and waved his hand, “Isn't he supposed to come here?” 

“Seeing as you would be the prince consort, you would have to go there. If he were merely a noble, it would be as you said.” 

“So I have no idea who I'm supposed to marry, I have to go to a foreign country, and I have to give up my soulmate? And I'm getting kicked out in three days?” 

“You say that as if I wouldn't let you return. Granted, I want this to go well, as a mother and as a ruler. Blinthansa is a hub of magical trade and a powerful ally,” she said and took a sip of her wine, “So give the poor prince a chance.” 

“Fine! But I'm going incognito, no guards or fancy carriage.” 

“Aren't there monsters in Blinthansa?” Roman pouted. He was right, of course, but that wouldn't stop Remus! 

“I'm the best fighter in the kingdom! A couple beasties are nothing!” Remus beamed. The queen knew it was pointless to argue with him over this. Remus would go off on his own anyway, regardless of her concern.

“You must carry a satchel of lavender and wolfsbane if you want to venture off alone. I will send a carriage with gifts for the royal family and your amenities, so I urge you to stay close to the party. And don't forget your scarves. The last thing you need is a scandal over your mark.”

“You got it!” Remus beamed. He would make it to the capital, meet his supposed fiance, and flee into the night after rejecting yet another proposal. It was the perfect way to take back his own life! 

.

A week later…

Remus was so bored! He arrived in Blinthansa a whole day before the royal caravan, and he had no one to talk to or annoy. Queen Millicent was kind enough to welcome him and show him his room, but she was busy being the queen! After two days of doing nothing but building a ballista out of his tea set and ribbons, and wandering the grounds, he needed social interaction! 

He made up his mind to go out on the town and see the sights, without some boring escort. He let a couple of the maids know where he was headed and why he was wearing commoners clothes without a scarf and left before they could protest. What were they really going to do? Get the guards?

The capital of Blinthansa, Spinnaha, was a bustling city on the Webbilubbi river. Remus could fall in love with such a chaotic place. The streets were lined with shops and merchant stalls, and in the middle of the square there was an ornate fountain of a dragon on a spider web. The back alleys were shady and dangerous, there were street performers and plenty of opportunities to pickpocket, and the music that filled the air was eerie and cheerful. 

Remus didn't have much money on him, so he wasn't too worried about getting robbed. He was more concerned about the odd magical creatures that seemed to follow certain people around. There were cats and dogs, ferrets and birds, dragons and butterflies—and so many creatures from myths. Blinthansa was known for its magic, so it was possible they were familiars. And if they were just pets, that was even cooler! 

He noticed one that seemed to be out of place, perhaps even attacking someone. He was near the edge of a small crowd, cheering for a fiddler who was going to town, when he saw a giant spider on the back of a tall, cloaked figure. Its glistening purple fangs were moving as if it were chewing on the cloak with the intent to kill. 

Remus didn't think, he just reached out and smacked the spider off of the cloaked figure. 

“Ack!” 

In a flash he found himself pinned against the nearest alley wall with a gloved hand holding him up by the neck. 

“What do you think you're doing?” the man growled. Remus couldn't see his face, but he could see how built this guy was when he wasn't hunched over and hiding. 

“Oh, just hanging,” Remus chuckled, happy that he could still breathe. 

“Try to rob me again and kiss your fingers goodbye,” he huffed and brandished a knife. Remus had never been more turned on. 

“I was just getting a bigass spider off your back! I'm many things, but thief isn't one of them! Unless you want me to steal your heart!” Remus argued. He was enjoying himself too much! He could only imagine having this much fun when he met his—

Wait.

This guy was holding his neck exactly where his mark was! 

“Don't you dare hurt my familiar!” the man snapped and squeezed his throat. This guy was doing things to Remus and he had no idea! 

“I didn't realize!” Remus gasped, “It won't happen again!” 

The man dropped him on his ass and sighed. To him, Remus was obviously just a confused foreigner, not worth the frustration. To Remus, this man was a total babe!

“If I hurt your pride, I could always kiss it better!” Remus cooed and fluttered his lashes, “I am at the perfect angle!” 

The man snorted and shook his head. 

“You're at the perfect angle to get your teeth kicked in.” 

“Use your third leg and you can!” 

“Are you always this horny or do you really think I might kill you?” 

“That's partly why I'm horny!” 

The man put his knife away and rolled his shoulders. He was clearly not used to this reaction. He even seemed flustered.

“Go jump in the river and cool off. I have better things to do.” 

“What could be better than teaching a sexy little imp a lesson?” 

“Meeting my fiance,” the man shrugged and left in a hurry. Even with that cloak, Remus could tell that the man had a biteable ass. 

Remus swore under his breath. Of course the first person who could be his soulmate just had to be engaged! He was getting cock teased by the universe right before he had to meet the prince. It was so unfair! 

He got up and brushed himself off. It was probably time to go back to the palace and get ready to deliver his rejection. And then maybe flee for his life. 

-

Once he was squeaky clean and dressed in his favorite green and black jacket, minus the tall collar, he was ready to meet royalty. But a certain sadness hit him as he navigated the castle. Remus was about to deal with a marriage proposal from a stranger, a stranger who knew that he would choose his soulmate over a political marriage. And the thought that his future husband would kill his soulmate, just like what happened to his great grandfather, made him sick. 

Remus approached the parlor and knocked on the door, rubbing his exposed neck, since Queen Millicent requested he leave his scarf back in his room. He was not ready for this.

A woman opened the door and smiled at him. She was in a simple, elegant black dress with red scales adoring the collar. Her piercing red eyes matched her lips and her raven hair fell around her horns and over her shoulders. 

“Your Majesty, Queen Millicent the Cerise Dragon Witch, it is an honor to be summoned to your parlor at such a late hour,” Remus said with a bow. Queen Millicent snickered and ushered him inside. 

“Spare me the formalities,” she said and led him to one of two couches. 

“Oh thank gods!” Remus gasped and flopped on a couch, “Formalities are worse than pulling off my fingernails one at a time!” 

Queen Millicent sat down on the couch next to his and chuckled. 

“You really are the perfect candidate for my son's hand. And for the country,” she said and motioned to the coffee table in front of them. It was loaded with tea and sweets. 

“I don't know about that! I’m pretty clueless about the culture here, and I might not even accept his proposal,” he said and poured himself a cup of tea. 

“Why wouldn't you?” the queen asked with a smirk and eyed his mark.

“I might have met someone else,” Remus shrugged, “I like to keep my options open.” 

“Then perhaps you should meet him before you decide. He's having second thoughts as well, but he agreed to at least meet you first. I think that's a reasonable request,” she hummed and got up. 

Remus watched her ghost to the door and open it. It was as if she knew someone was on the other side. 

“Virgil, darling, take a deep breath,” she said as she ushered a young man inside. He was tall and strong with shaggy raven hair and the prettiest pout. He wasn't dressed up to meet a foreign dignitary, in a plain tunic, leggings, and gloves, but he made it look good. 

“Prince Remus, allow me to introduce my eldest, Prince Virgil the Violet of Blathansa,” Queen Millicent said and dragged Virgil to stand next to her. He was staring at the floor and fidgeting like a scared child. 

“Nice to meet you,” Remus said with a smile. Even if they didn't get hitched, he wouldn't mind being friends with this guy! 

Virgil went rigid and his eyes snapped to Remus. There was a mix of emotions on that pretty face that Remus couldn't place. 

“If you don't mind,” Queen Millicent hummed and kissed her son's cheek, “I have to make sure that your father's room is ready for his return. You two should get better acquainted.” 

Before Virgil or Remus could protest, she zipped out of the room. The tension in the air tripled. 

“Are you just going to stand there and admire my sexy mustache or are you going to sit down?” Remus jeered and wiggled his upper lip. He was proud of his mustache—it took so much time and so many potions to grow! 

Virgil reluctantly sat on the other couch, keeping his distance from his guest. 

“So you aren't much of a talker, or are you pissed off I'm marked?” Remus said and took a swig of tea. 

Virgil was silent. 

“Well if the mark bothers you, I have worse news, I think I found my soulmate, and I want him carnally. So if you have a problem with sharing me, we can call this whole thing off!” Remus said and set his cup on the table. 

“I might have a problem with that,” Virgil said softly. If that voice didn't set off the alarm bells, the giant spider that crawled onto the back of the couch did. 

“That was you?!” Remus gawked, wearing the brightest grin. Virgil shrugged and took off his gloves. 

“Back in the market, yeah. I thought it was weird you were flirting with me. I was threatening you and you're out of my league.”

“So that means I didn't meet my soulmate,” Remus suddenly pouted. He was the only royal he knew with a mark. It was silly to think that Virgil would have one, much less one that matched his. 

“You think so?” Virgil hummed and held up his hand. Remus noticed that his forefingers and thumb had a single green mark across the palm side. 

“I get it if you're disappointed—” he continued and averted his gaze. 

He did not expect to get pinned to the couch by a hyper prince. 

“Why would I be disappointed? I'm getting engaged to my soulmate, he's hot and scary and adorable, and I like it here!” Remus laughed, “This is better than anything I expected!” 

“You’re really excited about marrying the guy who threatened you with a knife,” Virgil grumbled and met his gaze. 

“Hell yeah!” Remus grinned and nodded, “I love a man with a dark side and a sexy voice! Don't tell me you're disappointed that I'm the prince they sent! I'm no refined gentleman! I'm a menace!” 

“I’m not disappointed. You don't have to be refined. You're cuter the way you are,” Virgil said with a faint blush. 

“You think I'm cute? You'll change your mind when I'm unbound!” Remus jeered and ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair. Virgil melted into the touch and shook his head. 

“Doubt it. You'd still be a cute little prince.” 

“I’d be a sexy little prince!” Remus countered, “But you're sweet! We should go on a date tomorrow and handle the marriage contract! I'm not letting you get away!” 

“I'll show you around the castle and the training grounds before I have to go  practice. After you apologize to Cass.” 

“Practice? Cass?” Remus pouted and sat on his lap. 

“I play piano and violin, I have to practice,” Virgil explained, “And Cass is my familiar.” 

“Can I stick around for your practice? Please?” Remus gasped and wiggled, “Can you get any hotter?!” 

Virgil blushed furiously and nodded. At the same time that spider chirped and crawled towards Remus cautiously.

“Hi Cass!” Remus giggled, “I'm sorry for slapping you earlier! I thought you were attacking Virge! No hard feelings?” 

The spider chirped and crawled up his arm. Her spider paws tickled, but he didn't jerk away. She rubbed against his cheek and crawled back to the couch. 

“She likes me!” Remus beamed, “I really hit the jackpot! I'm not magic or musical but I get a musician and a witch as a soulmate!” 

“I'm a witch, but you're the spellbinding one,” Virgil grumbled shyly. Remus froze and hid his face in his hands. Oh no, he was smooth too! Remus was going to combust! 

“You okay?” 

“My face is going to explode!” Remus whined and lowered his hands. He was beet red. And Virgil just had to smirk and make it worse. 

“Maybe you're not too far out of my league,” he teased and grabbed Remus' hands, “I'll stop by your room tomorrow morning to show you around.” 

Just to make Remus implode, he kissed his knuckles. 

“Who gave you the right to be romantic?” Remus whined, “Threaten my life and manhandle me instead!” 

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Virgil hesitated and let go of his hands. 

“It makes me want to cuddle you and rip your clothes off!” Remus argued and crossed his arms. 

“Then I'll just hold off until the wedding night,” Virgil said and gently placed his mark over Remus'. 

“I can't believe this is real,” he said and let Remus lean into him. 

“It's real, I'm real, you're real, and I really want you to kiss me!” 

Virgil chuckled softly and kissed his cheek, releasing his throat. Remus pouted at him and cuddled up to his chest. 

“I'll kiss you on the lips when my mom isn't waiting outside the door. She's waiting for the right moment to catch us in a compromising position,” Virgil explained and hugged him. 

---

Remus was not just an average fanboy. He was obsessed with his favorite band, their music and seeing them perform. Every show was amazing and he craved the rush of the crowd. So what if he was following the band on tour by any means necessary? He wasn't stalking them, just chasing the sound and the thrill. 

His own brother couldn't stop him when he got tickets to every show, not even asking how he afforded them. They were gifts from a friend from Tumblr, and crush if he were being honest. And they were legit! He swore he would bend over any way xxelectric-spider-rainxx wanted him to!

After three nights of musical ecstasy, Remus was perched in a big rig truck, headed for the next city on his list. The driver, a bespectacled man with a heart of gold, was kind enough to offer him a meal on the drive. 

“So, kiddo, you said you were going to meet your friend and go to a concert, what group is worth the risk?” the driver, Patton asked, keeping his eyes on the road. 

“Have you heard of Webs We Weave?” Remus asked and took a sip of his slushie. He could go on about them if he wanted, from Millie Drake's fire vocals, to Remy Traum’s bass riffs. But he didn't have to. 

“Have I ever!” Patton laughed, “My son is in that band!” 

“He is?!” Remus gawked. He wasn't digging into their personal lives, but he knew a lot about their back stories, except for Virgil Hawthorne. That beefcake drummer was so mysterious.

“Yuppers!” Patton giggled, “I can't tell you how proud I am of him for making it so far with his friends! He would spend all his free time playing those drums until my ex got a headache!”

“You’re Virgil's dad?” Remus gasped. Now that he thought about it, Patton had a similar smile and build to the drummer, only he was a little bigger in the middle. He could believe it. 

“That’s my boy! He's such a sweet kid, sent me a backstage pass good for every show on this tour! I feel bad I won't be able to make any of them, but he knows how much I support him!” Patton said with a sly grin, “If you want it, it's in the glovebox, right next to his old bunny.” 

“Really?” Remus gasped and set his drink in the cupholder before he made a mess. He opened the glovebox and saw the pass and an old black bunny toy that was well loved, obviously stitched together with white floss. Its eyes were white X's and its left ear was missing fuzz on the tip. 

“Yeah! I'd hate for it to go to waste, and I think he'd like you,” Patton responded, “And if you do take it, can you give him Mr. Fuzzy? He loves that bunny!” 

“You trust me not to keep it?” Remus gawked. 

“Yeah, you don't seem like the crazed type of fan who would. Plus you need to have faith in people.” 

“That’s really idealistic,” Remus said and carefully tucked the pass and bunny into his bag, “But you don't have to worry, I'll get it to him. It's the least I can do for the ride and food!” 

“Thanks Remus,” Patton said and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, “Mind if I put on some dad tunes?” 

“Classic rock?” Remus grinned, “Only if you let me sing along!” 

Patton beamed and turned on the radio. He was happy he decided to pick up this hitchhiker, and happier that he might've found Virgil's newest friend. 

---

“Ugh, you have to stop pacing, Virge!” a young man with shaggy brunette hair groaned from where he lounged on the couch. 

“I can't help it!” Virgil, a large man with even shaggier black and purple hair, snapped. He was chewing his thumbnail and walking the length of the dressing room. The other two band members were getting coffee, leaving the two most anxious messes to wait. 

“You'll run out of energy before we go on. Isn't there something else you can do?” Andy groaned and adjusted his jeans. 

“I left Mr. Fuzzy with my dad and running a lap around the building will drain me faster. What else can I do, Andy?” 

“I don't know—why are you freaking out?” Andy huffed and crossed his arms, hugging his chest for some security. 

“I haven't heard anything from them in days, and their blog is all queued. What if they hate me? What if they're in trouble? What if they're just busy or too excited to go online? What if they show up at this show? I won't be able to recognize them. What if they're a creep? What if I put us all in danger?” Virgil rambled. Andy rolled his eyes. 

“You gave them a ticket to every show. They're bound to show up at some point.” 

“My dad got tickets to every show and he's never shown up,” Virgil argued and ran a hand through his hair. 

“You didn't notice, did you?”

“Notice what?” 

“There's been one person at all of the shows so far in the front row. Your Tumblr buddy is probably taking advantage of those tickets.” 

“Why didn't you tell me sooner?! I've been shirtless on stage every time!” Virgil yelped and lunged at Andy, grabbing him by the shoulders, eyes bugging out of his skull. 

“Dude. We only had three shows, all in the same area. I'm not jumping to conclusions yet,” Andy yelped. Virgil was too strong for his own good. 

Virgil immediately let go of him and shrank back. He knew he was overreacting but he couldn't calm down. He flopped on the couch and groaned. 

“Why do you care so much? Especially about the shirt thing? You don't know what they look like or their pronouns,” Andy huffed, “Don't tell me—you have a crush.” 

Virgil curled into himself and grumbled. He couldn't stop himself from feeling. He was freaking out over a crush like some teenager and he was making a mess of his band. 

It was so stupid. He only knew their username, krakendickenpuss, and that they could handle his bluntness and his rants. They actually liked talking to him about monsters, movies, and music. They were the first person in a long time he could connect with, without his mild game getting in the way. They were lewd and flirty but they never crossed any lines, and they were just so adorable! 

“Oh god, you do,” Andy gasped and got up. He needed some water and a snack and the vending machine was outside. 

“I'll grab a gatorade for you,” Andy said and opened the door. 

“Hi!” 

Andy yelped and jumped back. He was not expecting a little man to be at the door with his fist raised, especially not one he swore he saw at the last couple of shows. Virgil jumped to his feet and got between Andy and the intruder, ready to fight. 

“Oh! Perfect!” the man cheered, “Millie and Remy said you were here!” 

“Who are you and how did you get back here?” Virgil snarled, ready to fight. A good scuffle might have been just the thing he needed to calm his nerves. 

“I'm Remus,” the man said with a shiver. Virgil assumed it was just evidence this guy was intimidated. Remus was enthralled—what could be hotter than a big strong guy getting protective of his friends? A big strong shirtless guy getting protective of his friends! 

“Virge—” Andy muttered, his heart still racing.

“I can handle this,” Virgil said curtly and nudged him towards the couch before his knees gave out. 

“I was looking for you since Venomousse got off the stage! I need to give you something! I promise it's not dangerous!” Remus beamed. He was damn cute, and Virgil hated that. 

“How did you get backstage?” Virgil pressed and loomed over him menacingly. They didn't sell backstage passes, not even for the press. 

“I have a pass!” Remus chirped and held up his lanyard with the pass. 

“Where did you get that?” Virgil snapped and grabbed him by the shirt, lifting poor, aroused Remus off the ground. 

“Your dad gave it to me! He's a really nice guy! He gave me a ride and I didn't even have to offer any suckies!” Remus said without an inkling of fear. He would have killed to get socked in the jaw by his favorite drummer! He would kill for this man to do so much more than that!

“What?!” 

“I know! He's a good guy! He asked me to give you something!” Remus said, “So can you put me down? You're stretching my binder.” 

“If you hurt him, I swear I'll—” 

“Call him. He should be fine,” Remus cut him off, “My binder won't be if you keep holding me like this. I don't have another one with me! Unless you want to see these lumps—all you have to do is say so!” 

Virgil immediately dragged him into the dressing room and dropped him on the couch by Andy. Remus landed with a thud and scrambled to get his gym bag off his back. 

Andy watched him dig through his bag when Virgil called his dad. He was pacing again and biting his thumb. 

“Heya kiddo!” Andy could hear Patton greeting his son, “Sorry I couldn't make it tonight! I just crossed into the next state!” 

“Dad, are you okay?” Virgil gasped. 

“I'm not in Oklahoma!” Patton giggled, “But I'm alright. Are you okay? You sound stressed.” 

“Did you pick up a hitchhiker?” Virgil asked and bit his lip. He didn't even notice Remus pulling something out of his bag. 

“I did, but don't worry, I dropped him off and I'm safe. Actually, he was headed to your concert, so I sent him with something to give you since you probably need it,” Patton said brightly, “His name is Remus, he's short and stocky, has a little mustache. I think he was wearing green shorts and a black tank top.” 

“What did you give him?” Virgil demanded, getting even more tense by the second. 

“This!” Remus butted in loudly and held up the stuffed bunny for Virgil to see. 

Virgil’s jaw dropped. There was no way this Remus guy was holding Mr. Fuzzy. 

“Oh it sounds like you found him!” Patton said over the phone. It was hard to miss Remus' voice! 

“I gotta go, Kiddo, break a leg tonight!” Patton said after a beat of silence. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Virgil choked out and hung up the phone. Virgil hung up and stowed his phone almost robotically. 

He stared at Remus for a long moment, trying to make sense of the situation. Andy was uncomfortable with the silence, but Remus seemed to be at ease. 

The tension snapped when Virgil snatched the toy from Remus and held it to his chest.

“Tell anyone about this and you're dead,” Virgil growled and rubbed the bunny’s ear between his fingers. 

“About what? How you're taller and beefier than the photos let on? That you got aggressive enough to make me cream my pants?” Remus jeered and wiggled his shoulders, “Because only one other person will know what happened when I met you! And they won't believe me anyway!” 

“He's having a really anxious moment,” Andy cut in, “He really isn't aggressive. Whoever you plan on telling, mention that part.” 

“Who are you telling?” Virgil asked warily as he finally started calming down. 

“A friend on Tumblr. They gave me the tickets so I want to tell them all about it when I don't have to watch my phone battery!” Remus beamed. 

Virgil's face blanched. 

“Your friend gave you tickets, plural?” Andy asked with a smirk, “So we'll see you at other shows?” 

“Hell yeah! I'll be at every show! I can't believe they could give me so many tickets!” Remus beamed, “So don't get any ideas about calling me a stalker!” 

“Oh god, you plan on hitchhiking to all of them?” Andy gawked and got up. He still needed a snack, and he had to find Remy and Millie. 

“Yup! But I'm a tough puppy! I can handle anyone!” Remus beamed. Virgil stared at him like he was insane. 

“Geez,” Andy sighed, “I'm hitting the vending machine. Do you want anything?” 

“Gatorade or iced tea if they have it,” Remus said and dug into his bag. He could pay for his own drink! 

“It's on me,” Andy cut him off and headed for the door. Once Andy was gone, Virgil’s anxiety started creeping over him again. Virgil was going to kill Andy. 

“So, uh, your friend on Tumblr gave you tickets?” Virgil muttered, not daring to look at Remus. 

“Yeah!! Electric Spider Rain has some crazy connections! When I finally get to meet them I'm totally smooching their breath away! I would've done that even without the tickets,” Remus giggled. 

“Krakendickenpuss?” Virgil asked, praying that he didn't just threaten his crush. 

Remus squealed and pounced, intending to hug him on the floor. He wrapped his arms and legs around the drummer and rubbed his cheek on Virgil's shoulder. 

“I can't believe it's really you!” Remus squealed, “Who would've thought that the person I've been talking to online is actually the sickest drummer in the world!” 

“I can't believe you decided to hitchhike around to get to every show without telling me,” Virgil scoffed incredulously. 

“You would have tried to stop me!” Remus giggled, “And then I would have never gotten to meet you!” 

Virgil set Remus on his feet, only for Remus to hug his waist and nuzzle his chest. Virgil was beet red but gingerly hugged back with one arm. Mr. Fuzzy didn't need to be crushed any further.

“You know I can't let you hitchhike to get to the rest of the shows without worrying,” Virgil said softly. 

“But I don't want to miss the rest of the shows! You guys are my favorite band and you gave me all those tickets!” Remus whined, “And I want to spend time with you in person!” 

“Then join us on the bus,” a woman said as she entered the room. She had a knowing smirk on her ruby lips and long dark hair. She had two guys trailing her, a twink in sunglasses and Andy. 

“Millie, you can't be serious,” Virgil huffed, “What if we get in trouble for kidnapping or worse?” 

“My brother knows I'm hitchhiking so you don't have to worry about that!” Remus pipped up, refusing to let go of Virgil. 

“I'm serious, we talked about it. I would rather have some mild trouble with the law than him getting hurt,” Millie shrugged, “You would've suggested it too.” 

Virgil couldn't blush any harder. Not only was Milie suggesting bringing Remus along, but she and Remy could see Mr. Fuzzy in his arm. There was no way out of this. 

“As long as he doesn't knock you up, it's fine,” Remy added and sipped on his iced coffee. 

“So it's fine,” Virgil muttered, “Since that's impossible.” 

“It's not impossible the other way around!” Remus jeered, “But I'll behave! Even if you're shirtless and sweaty!” To make things worse, he rubbed his face against Virgil's chest. 

“Since that's settled, introductions?” Millie hummed and sat down. Andy dragged Remy away from the dressing room, probably to tell him to keep his mouth shut about the stuffed animal. 

“I'm Remus! Remus Reyes Cuesta!” the little imp beamed and finally let go of Virgil, “And his internet friend!” 

Millie narrowed her eyes at him and studied his face. 

“Is your brother Roman?” 

“Yup! How did you know?” 

“Do you remember Millicent Wieczorek?” she hummed. Remus' face lit up. 

“No way! Is that you? You kicked his ass in middle school! He totally deserved it, so I'm not mad! I was so sad when you had to move away! What are the odds we meet again here?” 

“Yeah, he can ride with us. He's safe. Just like Mr. Fuzzy,” Millie said to Virgil. 

“Uh,” Virgil hesitated. Millie shrugged and grinned at him. 

“I still sleep with Barfolomew the cat dragon. I'm not judging you. Remy might, but his boytoy is grilling him. Actually I should make sure they aren't making out in a closet. You two have fun.” 

With that she got up and left Remus and Virgil alone. Virgil was absolutely mortified. 

“Sit! Sit!” Remus chirped and patted the seat next to him. Virgil reluctantly sat down and let Remus lean on him. 

“Thanks for the tickets and the ride. And for showing me your dark side! It's hot!” 

“Sorry about that, I was out of line,” Virgil wilted and hugged Mr. Fuzzy. Remus pouted and scooted closer. 

“It's okay, Virgil. I'm not hurt, just turned on. Who knew my celebrity crush would be my Internet crush, and who knew he was feral and a sweetheart?” 

“Crush?” 

“Yup! I won't deny it!” Remus giggled, “But don't think that means I'm coming on to you. I can behave! Even if I'm jealous of that bunny!” 

“Why would you be jealous of a toy?” Virgil huffed. He was practically squeezing the life out of it. 

“Because you love it, and more importantly, you're hugging it to those bara tiddies!” Remus jeered. He was pleasantly surprised when Virgil wrapped an arm around him. 

“I-I like you too,” he said shyly, “But let's not rush into anything.” 

“I can work with that!” Remus beamed, “I'm gonna go back out to the pit, and I'll come back here after your set.” 

“You can leave the bag, no one will steal anything,” Virgil said and loosened his hold on his bunny. 

“Really? Thanks Virgil! You're the best!” Remus beamed and kissed his cheek. 

He bopped to his feet and giggled at how Virgil's blush traveled to his shoulders. He waved cheekily and skipped out of the dressing room, letting Virgil follow him with his eyes. 

Virgil touched his cheek where Remus kissed him and smiled like an idiot. 

---

Vi was not exactly thrilled about this. The deity of storms was used to getting visitors begging for rain. She was not a fan of coming to the ground to seek out help. 

As her bare feet grazed the sand, she thought about why she was even at the beach. It was a desperate plea. A prayer for one of her most devout followers. 

The frail old woman was weak with age, burdened and weighed down with the life she carried in her. She had one son who was still alive. One grandson who still visited. And that young man was expecting a child. He was going on a long trip to trade goods in a foreign land. 

For days on end she stayed in the temple, praying and begging for her grandson's safe passage across the sea. She did not eat, she refused to sleep, not until her desperate pleas reached Vi. 

Vi had personally gone to her to assure her that her grandson would see no storms. He would be safe. She needed to eat and rest. 

But Vi knew that reassurance was far from enough. To keep anyone safe on the sea, the sky could only do so much. She had to find him and ask for his help. Just the thought of seeing him made her heart race. 

She looked up at the stars, breaking through her clouds, wishing she could go back and sleep instead of dealing with an influx of feelings. But the tides licked at her ankles, reminding her that she had a mission. 

She descended into the depths, letting her purple aura glow around her. The currents rustled her loose flowing gown, but not her long dark hair or her hood. 

Despite the vast expanse of the sea, Vi knew she wouldn't have to travel far to bump into the mysterious god of the depths. 

It was strangely beautiful in the deep darkness. The odd creatures that flitted past her were misshapen and some could glow in the dark. 

They were a distraction.

Vi jolted when she suddenly appeared before a large cave. A green glow emanated from it, setting her on edge. 

Then a pair of glowing green eyes opened and landed on her. Slick tentacles curled and crept out of the cave, bringing a strange man into view. His torso was human, though his chest suggested he was a little different from the average man. His lower half was a mass of tentacles. And then his face came into view. 

He was grinning wildly, showing off his sharp, jagged teeth from under his curly mustache. But there was something almost childish about his expression, something sweet that was more than endearing.

"Hello gorgeous!" the being cooed and winked at her, "What brings a beauty like you from the clouds?" 

"I need your help," Vi bristled. 

"Me?" he gasped and rolled onto his back, "Only one goddess ever needs my help! And you don't look like Death!" 

"You don't recognize me?" 

"I would remember someone as enchanting as you!" he had the nerve to giggle, "But I would love to remember you and all of your curves!" 

One of his tentacles snuck around her and latched onto her hip. Vi growled low in her throat and zapped the tentacle with enough electricity to kill a human. 

"Yeowch!" the sea god yelped and pulled his tentacle back to nurse it. He pouted at Vi for a split second before his grin returned. 

"Stormy!" he cheered and flipped over, holding his head in his hands, "I didn't know you switch! You're too hot as a man and too hot as a woman! How do you expect me to survive?!" 

"You can't die," Vi scoffed and crossed her arms, "And I still need your help." 

"What do you need? I'm more than happy to provide a tentacle fantasy! Or if you just want to—" 

"I need to guarantee that a mortal doesn't die at sea. And that's your thing." 

"Again? How desperate was the person praying?" he pouted.

"No food or sleep for four days, and she was elderly and frail." 

"Damn! Okay, okay, I'll keep the meat sack safe—for a price!" 

"What price?" 

"Take me to the clouds and marry me." 

"Are you insane?" 

"A little bit! But that has nothing to do with my price!" he giggled, "Think about it, if we're married, you don't have to make the trip to ask me to protect mortals. You can just come here directly! It's a good deal for you!" 

"And what do you get out of it?" she pressed suspiciously. 

"A beautiful wife, a handsome husband, and I can pretend that you love me!" the sea god hummed and blinked at her innocently. 

"Why would you want to pretend that?" 

"Because you're one of the few people who keeps coming by and lingering. Because you're so kind and understanding even with me, even if you aren't always patient. Because I love you," he shrugged and floated up to her, to be at eye level. 

He was so open and vulnerable. Vi could see it in his eyes, the hope, the longing, the adoration. 

"Get rid of the tentacles and get dressed," she ordered with a little smirk, "You don't have to pretend." 

“Really?!” the sea god gasped. Before she had time to react, Vi was trapped by his tentacles in a tight hug and he was holding onto her with his other arms. He was so giddy and giggly, she couldn’t stay mad at him. 

“Really, really. But, seriously, lose the tentacles when we go. They won’t work well on the clouds and I’m not carrying you.” 

“Aw, but you’re so strong and pretty and I want you to cradle me like a dead lover on the battlefield! Pretty please?” he pouted. Vi shook her head and sighed fondly.

“I’ll carry you some of the way. But you still need to lose the tentacles if you want me to balance.” 

“I think you just want to see my naked lower half so you can get ideas for later!” he teased and wiggled his eyebrows.

“If I say ‘yes’ will you do it?” 

“I was going to either way!” he laughed, “But it’s nice to hear you admit it!” 

Vi woke up and groaned. She knew she should have had another coffee. She peeled her face off of the book she was reading and rubbed her eyes. She could research for her novel later. The tale of Amarante and Berylus really didn't fit the vibe she was going for, and it just led to yet another strange dream. 

"I'm not admitting to anything," she jeered and set off into the darkness to return home to the clouds with her new husband to be. 

---

---

Virgil had no idea why he ever agreed to come back to his parents' house for the summer, except for the fact that he couldn't afford an apartment. He just had to get a master's degree! If that weren't enough of a headache, his younger brother just had to throw a giant party while his parents were away. 

He was sitting at his desk, working on some freelance programming with his headphones in. The music from downstairs was loud and the bass line made his furniture shake. And Remy wouldn't turn it down unless he let the thot have booze. Absolutely not. 

He saved his work and sighed, realizing that he was not going to get anything done. But to hell if he went down and joined the group. Life would be so much easier if he could handle people. 

He stripped out of his jeans and fumbled for his pajama pants. If he couldn't leave, he could at least get comfy. 

BAM

"Oh damn!" an impish voice gasped, "You're supposed to wait for me to do that!" 

"What the fuck!?" Virgil yelped and pulled his pants up. He locked his door—only someone with a key could get in! 

But no, a wily little imp with a mustache was happily bouncing into his room—holding Remy's key. Virgil was going to murder that little shit. 

"You sound surprised to see me! I'm surprised I landed a total babe! Didn't think I'd pull your key, did you?" he asked and shut the door. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Seven Minutes in Heaven! Duh! That's why Remy had you pick a number to get a room!" 

"This is my bedroom. I'm trying to survive this stupid party and get some work done," Virgil huffed and crossed his arms. 

"Oh, you're his older brother," the intruder said brightly, "Well lucky you, I'm turning 20 this month so I am completely legal!"

Virgil stared at him for a minute. What was this adorable idiot not getting? 

"Come on! You're stressed and you have a cute little trans thot ready to do whatever you want to him!" 

"I want to be left alone. Remy fucking knew that. Why would he throw my key in there?" Virgil huffed. 

The imp pouted and hummed in thought. He was tapping his lower lip and making it hard for Virgil to stay annoyed. 

"He probably didn't want me here, but he had to invite me because he wants my little brother's butt. So he probably thought you would get pissed off, beat me up, and kick me out, which would save him from looking like a prick." 

"Yeah, that sounds like Remy," Virgil said flatly. He was actually starting to feel bad for this guy. And he was ready to punch Remy in the face. Or get even another way. 

"So, I don't want to do anything sexual, but you can hang out here if you want." 

"Can I lock the door and moan obnoxiously so everyone thinks I'm getting laid? I can make a mess of myself when I have to leave too," he said brightly and clapped his hands. 

"Why?" Virgil asked and sat on his bed. 

"To make Remy regret his choices of course! The last thing he'd expect is us getting along and getting it on! We don't even have to kiss!" he giggled, "It's brilliant!" 

Virgil smirked. He could work with that. He liked this imp, and he was more willing to make this scheme a success. 

"Lock the door and come have a seat. There's a few things to figure out first," Virgil said and patted the bed. The little imp locked up and bounced over. He sat down and wiggled to get comfy. It was unfairly cute. 

"Okay so I need to know what name to scream, and I need to know if you have a dick or not," the imp said and studied him. 

"How about a little game? I'll think of a number between 1 and 10. If you guess higher, I'll tell you my name, if you guess lower, I'll tell you a nickname." 

"What if I guess the number exactly?" 

"I'll tell you my name and play tonsil hockey with you," Virgil jeered. There was no way this guy would guess his number. He already had one picked out and it was just a little to the left of cheating.  

"Deal!" 

"Whenever you're ready." 

"Hm, 1.532015251831!" he cheered and wiggled excitedly. Virgil's jaw dropped. 

"How the hell—?" 

"It's Halloween! O is 15, C is 3, T is—" 

Virgil pressed a finger to his lips, still gawking. 

"You guessed the exact number. What the actual fuck?" 

"So I get to smooch a total hottie and scream his name after he tells me?" the imp gasped and crawled into Virgil's lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He was grinning and giggling, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Virgil, it's Virgil," Virgil breathed, distracted by those wild green eyes. This man could probably rob him blind with that hypnotic gaze. 

"Hot!" he giggled and leaned in slowly. Virgil trembled with anticipation as his eyes fluttered shut, bracing for impact. He could feel that warm breath on his lips and he wanted nothing more than to make contact with them.

So close…

Beep! Beep!

Virgil woke up with a groan to the sound of his alarm blaring next to him. He sat up, and shut the damn thing off. He glanced around and realized he was in his apartment. It was messy as usual, but it was familiar. It certainly wasn’t his parent’s house. Or the place he dreamt up. And he wasn’t even related to Remy, why did he claim that thot was his brother? It was a weird dream, and none of that was real.

But the tingling feeling on his lips was still there, and he swore that little imp was just as real. The cute little imp with the mustache and brilliant grin couldn't be his imagination. 

The confusion would fade after a cup of coffee. He just had to get back to writing his next novel and he wouldn’t have to dwell on those wild eyes boring into him. 

---

Remus absolutely loved ink, and he loved meeting new people. He also loved a good mystery. Maybe that's why he was drawn to the florist next door. The man was the furthest thing from sunny and bright, and yet he was always making bright bouquets for weddings and stuff. He wore long sleeves year round and he was always looking over his shoulder as if someone were looking for him. 

Remus was so intrigued that he would stop by the flower shop after work just to talk to the spooky cutie. Even if he did get a little snippy, Remus could say with confidence that he liked this guy. He was down to cuddle! If he ever got that lucky. 

It was a slow day in his parlor. Remus didn't have any appointments booked, everything was clean and restocked, and he was bored, watching videos on his phone. He could let his mind wander if he wanted, but it liked to go to dark places. 

And then the front door opened with a chime. Remus stowed his phone immediately and went to the counter to greet the newcomer. He was not disappointed to see that adorable cub of a man and his patchwork hoodie. 

"Well hello!" Remus cooed and leaned on the counter, "what brings you to the stab station?" 

"That's not the business name," spooky guy said flatly and crossed his arms, "And I'm here to set up a consultation." 

"Oooh, fancy words!" Remus giggled, "I can squeeze you right now!" 

"You mean 'squeeze you in,' right?" 

"That too!" he said, "Come with me to my office and we can work something out." 

Remus practically bounced from behind the counter and led him into the main studio. There were a couple of chairs with inks and needles, and a couch. Remus was happy to flop on the couch. 

"So you're looking for ink, huh?" Remus asked and patted the seat next to him, "Is this your first time?" 

He shook his head and took off his hoodie. His forearms were covered in ink—intricate spiderwebs. Remus was in awe, and on guard. 

"I see you have some spider webs there," he mused. 

"Yeah. I like spiders. I'm trying to cover them up more. I didn't do enough research on the meaning behind them," the man winced, ready to cover up again, “I’m not—I’ve never been—” 

"So you want to get some colorful sleeves to hide the webs before someone mistakes you for a bastard.” 

"Yeah. I uh, have a design and color scheme already," the man grumbled and pulled out a piece of folded paper from his pocket. He handed it to Remus and rubbed his arm. 

Remus unfolded it and grinned at the two pages of images. He loved the grays and purples and he could even see a few spider webs that wouldn't be obnoxious or red flags. It would be the perfect cover! 

"Did you draw this yourself?" Remus gawked, clearly impressed. 

“Yeah, I figured it would be better to have a plan so I could get as much done at once as quickly as possible.” 

“If you don’t have to be anywhere for a few hours, I can do it now!” Remus grinned, “On one condition!” 

“Condition?” the guy hesitated and reached to take his sketches back.

“Yeah, you have to get me a coffee afterwards,” Remus shrugged and kept the paper out of reach, “I think that’s fair.”

The man relaxed and cracked his neck. A coffee wasn’t so bad, and it didn’t have to mean anything. 

“Let’s get started,” he said with a hint of eagerness in his low, droning voice. 

“Take a seat in the first chair, and take some pain killers if you haven’t already—there should be some in the drawer and some water bottles,” Remus said and motioned to the chair in question. He bounced to his feet and skipped over to a counter with a printer set up. He was going to make this the best tattoo ever! 

The man brought his hoodie with him and sat down, not going for the medicine. Remus could appreciate some healthy masochism. He was guilty of being a masochist himself! 

He made a reverse copy of the images on some transfer paper and bopped over to his new client. 

"Okiee dokiee, let's start with lefty!" he giggled and set the right sheet on the counter. 

The man held out his arm and let Remus place the transfer paper on his skin. With a few shifts, he had it in place and held it down. 

Remus grabbed a soapy, damp rag and coated the paper, making sure it would transfer to his skin. His client was shaking slightly, which was understandable. Getting inked could be nerve-wracking. 

“It’s okay,” Remus hummed, “It’ll sting a little, but not like a thousand hornets, but you already know that. Are you just nervous because I’m hot?” 

It was just a little jab to get the guy to crack a smile and relax. Remus was not exactly happy when he went even more rigid. At the same time he was thrilled.

“So, I didn’t get your name before,” Remus said and peeled off the transfer sheet. The man looked up at him with stormy eyes and a cute blush.

“You didn’t ask,” he muttered, “it’s—”

  Remus woke up flailing. He was tangled up in his sheets as he tumbled from his bed. He was going to break his damn alarm clock one of these days! It was inevitable, especially when it decided to interrupt his dreams before they ever got to the good parts!

Remus managed to escape his cocoon of sheets and turned off his alarm. He would have to get to class in an hour, unless his professor canceled. He found his phone and grinned at the notification. Janus had to handle a medical issue and class was canceled! 

---

It had been one hell of a year! Remus was finishing his last semester and getting his PhD, despite his sleeping troubles and crazy dreams. He was gonna therapy the shit out of people! And to celebrate he was going to a book launch and signing. And yes, it was tame and boring, but it would be worth it to meet the woman behind his favorite horror stories. He’d been dying to meet her for years! 

Remus truly hated the winter and bundling up, especially when it got too warm on the train. There was nowhere to put his trenchcoat if it got crowded! Still, he was happy to people-watch as the subway rolled down the track, stopping to let people on and off. There were so many different kinds of people on public transport, from odd old ladies to bros to musicians to edgy kids. And sometimes there were people who just stood out.

He was sitting away from the doors, holding his messenger bag in his lap, excited to get his favorite novel signed. Breath of Filth was probably Violetta Hoffmann’s masterpiece. He was bouncing his leg with anticipation as the train pulled to a stop. Just three more stations and he would be right outside the bookstore.

And that’s when his heart stopped. He was used to edgelords coming and going, but the man that stepped on the train with a backpack was eerily familiar. Remus swore he knew him, from that pallid complexion to the purple in his hair. And then that person decided to sit next to him without saying anything. 

“Hey, where’s a snack like you headed?” Remus hummed once the train started moving again.

“Uh, why would I tell you?” he asked. His voice was so deep and rumbling. Remus swore he might swoon like a fool, or his brother…same diff, really. 

“I dunno! Because I’m not like those guys in the Matrix and because you like me more than you like anyone else on the train!” Remus giggled and shimmied. The guy rolled his eyes, but he smiled slightly. 

“Pharmacy. Bookstore.” 

“Really? Me too! Ooh! Are you going to the signing? Vi Hoff is signing copies of her new book! She doesn't make public appearances, so this is extra special! Are you into horror stories?” Remus gushed and held his bag to his chest. 

“Yeah. Are you bringing another book?”

“Mhm! It’s my favorite, probably her best work yet! But I’ll let you know if Once Upon a Nightmare measures up once I read it! I’m excited too. Apparently it’s about soulmates who lost their souls and they’re tormenting this young couple living in their house. I hope there’s lots of blood and zombies and horrible body disfiguration! She writes them so beautifully!” Remus rambled. He was gushing so much that he didn’t notice the stranger was blushing. 

“I heard she isn’t signing anything other than that book. Hate to break it to you.”

“That’s okay! Meeting her is more than enough,” Remus beamed, “Even if she’s a raging bitch, I’m too stoked to let that get me down!” 

“Why’s that?” he questioned as the train came to a stop and the announcer droned the name of the station.

“I just finished my PhD, and there’s no way I’m not getting that document now!”

“PhD?”

“Yeah! It took forever! But when you’re set on poking brains, it’s worth it!” 

“Psychology?” the man asked, half expecting Remus to be a mortician or forensic specialist. 

“Yeah! What do you do?” 

“I research and write. It's nothing special." 

"Are you researching something like medieval torture or fucked up mythology?" 

"What?" 

"I dunno, you shrugged it off so you're trying to hide it, which means either it's juicy or you're not confident. I'd rather think it's juicy than a hottie, like you, isn't confident!" Remus said brightly. 

"I'm researching soulmate myths and trends in fiction." 

"Like the eye color thing and the red string? That's so cool! What's your favorite one?" Remus gushed. 

"Uh, soulmate dreams," he winced and rubbed his neck. 

The train came to a stop before Remus could ask for more details. He and the stranger got up and got off. He was determined to keep up the conversation. 

"What are soulmate dreams?" Remus asked as they climbed the steps. They made their way across the street to the bookstore in silence. This guy was hesitant, probably not used to talking about his interests. 

"Uh, it's an old myth," he finally responded as people rushed past them, "Basically if you're near your soulmate, you'll share dreams." 

Remus paused once they were above ground and looked at the stranger. He was avoiding eye contact and blushing furiously. There was something so familiar about him. 

"That's pretty cool! Maybe you can tell me more about it after the signing, since you have to go to the pharmacy first and stuff. We could grab coffee, uh—I never got your name. I'm Remus!" 

"I'll find you inside," he said shyly, "And you can call me Virgil, or Virge." 

That name hit Remus like a piano in an old cartoon. He knew that name. He knew that face. His mind was fucked up but there was more to this guy. He needed to know more! 

"Okay! I can't wait!" Remus beamed. Virgil tilted his chin and hurried off to the pharmacy next door. Normally Remus would take that as a sign that someone was too nervous to say no, but this time he was hopeful. 

He headed inside and skipped past the line of people waiting for the illustrious horror author. He had his eye on another book by his old professor that he just couldn't find anywhere. 

But luck was on his side! He found the book and paid for it just as Violetta Hoffmann showed up and sat down. He was quick to get in line, even if he was near the end.

From his vantage point, Remus could admire her without losing his mind. Vi was really pretty, with long dark hair and strong arms on display—arms with tattoo sleeves! He was there as a fan, but he was having a straight moment. And it only got worse as he got closer to the front of the line. 

"It was so nice to meet you! I can't wait to read this story! Thank you so much!" the teen girl in front of him gushed and hugged her signed copy to her chest. 

"Of course. And don't stop writing your story, it sounds cool," Vi said and the girl ran off. 

Remus stepped forward, realizing that he wasn't last in line. Vi looked up at him with a smirk and motioned him closer. Remus got a better look at her ink and his heart thundered in his rib cage. He knew that tattoo pattern—he had a drawing of it!

"I thought you might've decided to leave," Vi hummed and signed the next copy of her book on the table. 

"Me? But I never—" Remus started but froze when he saw her face again. He knew that face from his dreams! 

"Subway," she said quietly. A grin split his face.

"It was nice meeting you, but I have to sign a few more books, and I have plans after this I don't want to miss," she said and handed him the book. 

"Thanks! Me too! I'm meeting him here after this!" Remus giggled and skipped off to find a seat in the cafe to read. He didn't miss the soft blush on her face as he left.

Remus was excited and comfy with his jacket on his chair, a coffee in front of him, and completely engrossed in Once Upon a Nightmare. It was such a good story with just the slightest hints of the terror in store! He was just finishing up chapter one when someone cleared their throat. 

"Is this seat taken?" Virgil asked when Remus looked up. He was holding a coffee, back in his jeans and hoodie, without any hair extensions or make up, except for the eye shadow. Remus marked his page and grinned. 

"Only if you take it!" 

"Thanks," Virgil muttered and sat down. 

"So, soulmate dreams," Remus mused and marked his page. Virgil winced and rubbed his neck. 

"Yeah." 

"Is there any chance you're having them? I'm starting to think I might be. I keep seeing this total babe with these gorgeous blue eyes and this deep rumbling voice." 

"You know what, I have. A little gremlin of a man keeps showing up," Virgil chuckled, and flipped his bangs. 

"He sounds sexy!" Remus laughed, "Unless you're looking for something platonic." 

"Romantic?"

"Not necessarily, but I don't mind a little intimacy and a lot of bumping uglies and smoochies!" 

Virgil snickered and shook his head. Remus was cute. He scooted closer and gently grabbed Remus' chin, getting the impish little man to look at him. 

"I know this is a little sudden, but can I kiss you? I keep waking up before I can." 

Remus shook his head and grabbed Virgil's face. 

"Not if I kiss you first!" he jeered and pulled Virgil down to meet his lips. It was instant, the euphoria and connection came easily. Remus was melting inside.