what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
Luca knew that a part of him would always love Dan. Dan had been his first kiss, his first boyfriend, the first person he had slept withâŚand most importantly, his first love. He would always, always have a special place in his heart, that much he knew. He had tried to forget him, tried to shake all memories he had of Dan out of his head, but it didnât work. It never worked. No matter how hard he tried, he couldnât forget what they had had together.
Instead, he accepted it had happened. They were over, and it was likely that theyâd never see each other again. Luca knew he had to accept that fact, otherwise it would eat him alive. He mourned the end of their relationship like one would a death, because part of him had died with it.
Luca had loved Dan so purely, so wholly, that losing him took a long time to get over. It wasnât that he wasnât open to falling in love again; it was just that he wasnât ready. He had other things to focus on â getting (and staying) healthy, finishing school, finding workâŚthe list went on and on. It was easier to pick up men at darkened bars or to click on an app and flip through profiles of men who wanted sex. It was simple and painless and that was what Luca needed.
Slowly but surely, he was healing. There were good days and there were bad, there was happiness and loneliness. Plenty of tears were shed, some happy and some sad, but deep in his heart, Luca knew it was for the best. He had accepted the loss of his first love, and he hoped that wherever Dan was, he was happy and that he wasnât afraid to love again, because whoever he ended up with would be lucky to be loved by him. @danxhealy.
