#fs3

She knew she couldn't stay, otherwise, they would take her back to that horrible and cold place in the back of Caitlin Snow mind. She had to leave them behind no matter if it hurt the part of her that still was Caitlin Snow. But it didn’t matter, they were going to leave, everyone eventually did, but their rejection hurt her more than she thought, making the cold in her heart stronger.

If there was a thing that Killer Frost had in common with Caitlin Snow was the loneliness, Caitlin experience it at a young age with his father death and her absent mother, follow by the death of the man she once loved, and the betrayal of the man she thought was her mentor; Killer Frost on the other hand, experience it the moment she was born, being cast away to the back of Caitlin’s mind, and fear by those who claimed to be her “family”, how could they fear her when they didn’t even know her? Not entirely; not really. But even though both personas were used to feeling lonely, they weren’t used to feeling lost. Caitlin Snow always knew what she wanted and what she needed to do to get it; but now she didn't know what to do, she didn't have a purpose, so she did the only thing that came to mind.

She walked.

She wondered thru the city in the dead of night, hiding from everyone sight with no path under her feet to guide her, somehow, she ended up in the deepest part of the woods, not knowing what draws her there, only that she needed to be there. The deeper she went the more at home she felt, the snow underneath her feet a welcoming feeling. She didn’t expect anyone to be there, especially not him, his presence didn´t frighten her as much as it should. And that alone surprised her.

"I have been waiting for you, fear not, I have come to offer you what you desire." A chill run thru her spine, she should've been afraid, and yet his voice felt vaguely familiar, a memory long gone and yet so present. A familiarity that brought both sadness and pain, to her already shattered heart.

"And what’s that?" She didn't intend her words to sound as small and fragile as they did, she was powerful now, she shouldn't be afraid of anyone, but she had seen what he was capable of, and her powers were new to her. She was no match for the God of Speed.

But before she could compose herself, Savitar spoke once more, “Salvation.”

"You want to cure me? Turn me back into Caitlin Snow."

“No. I want you to join me, together we will make sure Caitlin Snow never returns.” She couldn’t join him. When she frees herself, she vowed to never trust anyone, to never deepen in anyone else to help her. She made her choice, even if it meant her death.

.

He sees her hesitate.

He sees it, and he knows that she's going to leave. He cannot lose her, she is too important to his plan, and even though he has experienced this all before, he knows how the wrong words will drive her away from him and back to them. Before she can move, he is by her side, stepping out from his suit. He knows he is making a gamble, he tells himself he is doing this because she is an important piece of his plan, that without her Barry Allen and Team Flash are weaker than never, but the part of him he hasn’t being available to kill, the part that still is Barry Allen tells him otherwise.

He cares for her.

.

She is ready to leave but when she looked at the figure that stood before her, she recognized him, Barry Allen– but he wasn't, not exactly. The person that stood in front of her, had the same face, yet was inexplicably different. He towered over her, a handsome smirk that was unlike the shyness of Caitlin’s Barry.

She glared at him, his overwhelming presence; awakening a hunger inside of her, she wanted to leave, but the familiarity that he awakens made it impossible to do. “Where do we go from here?” She whispers to him, he knew she would join him, but he can still feel the fear parting his heart the moment she utters those words, she was, once again by his side. Always by his side.

Killer Frost raises an eyebrow at him, and he feels a strong wave of arousal hit him from her confidence. In a second he has her face in his hands, ravishing her mouth, heart soaring at the familiarity her lips bring.

His touch was addicting, igniting her skin in every place his fingers touch, for so long Caitlin Snow tried to deny her feelings for Barry Allen, and now Killer Frost had him in her arms, she knew the man in front of her wasn´t the caring and kind green-eyed man that help Caitlin scape the darkness that Ronnie’s death left behind, but in a way it was, he was the Barry Allen she knew, the side of him that would come to her house in the middle of the night escaping from the nightmare his dreams where; broken from all the loss and pain. They were the same, a shadow of their old self-broken and utterly alone.  

No; not alone, not anymore, because like always they find each other, even in the moments where the darkness takes hold of their souls.

--

She didn’t know if he trusts her, ever since he took her under his care, she has done everything in her power to win his trust but she has failed him, repeatedly, he asks her to help him, and she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t bring herself to take a life, when Cisco knock her out, she thought he would leave her behind, after all, she was of no use to him. When she woke up, she was startled, expecting to be lock up in the pipeline at STAR Labs, Team Flash making guard at her cell, nonetheless when she looks up the first thing she sees is a pair of familiar green eyes fill with worried, relief, and something else, but before she can begin to decipher the emotions troubling his heart, his expression goes blank.

“Relax you are safe now.” It’s all that leaves his mouth, without his suit, his voice sounds smaller, a vestige of his old self.

"I fail you," she begins, casting her eyes down to her hands. "I couldn't do it; I wasn’t available to kill Tracy.” As she stands, those big green eyes betray him, they fill with a pain, and worry achingly familiar, making her feel a pang in her heart she swore never to feel again.

He is silent. "I… I…” She takes a deep breath. “I.. couldn’t kill Cisco. She wouldn’t let me, she's… she's still a part of me.”

He gives her a measured look. "It doesn't matter," Savitar finally says. "You will get rid of her… eventually.” She huffs. She wants to believe him, but she can feel Caitlin getting stronger every time she sees Team Flash; every time Barry Allen looks at her with those pleading orbs, begging her to come back to them, to him, to be by his side, not against him.

He moves closer to her, forcing her to look at him, “We will get rid of her.”  Enthralled by the warmth of his fingers touching her chin, she looks up, and he smiles, she shouldn’t love the warm feeling in her heart, but she does. She can hardly breathe. The contact of his hand sending waves of heated pleasure down her neck, making her dizzy.

She feels weak and she hates it.

She tries to move, but he latches onto her arm, she looks up at him again, startled. He moves closer to her. “As long as you stay with me.” She stays rooted to the spot, unmoving, watching him, before she can utter a word, he kisses her, and the moment their mounts touch she’s on fire. She tries to reach the cold deep within herself to still her erratic heart, to stop; but the sensations came so suddenly.

Her body betrays her.

She’s at his mercy, enthralled in the igniting flames of his heated caress, she can’t control herself, she slants her mouth over his, tongue sweeping into his mouth, begging him for more, hands tangling in his hair. He slams her into the nearest wall, touching, caressing every part of her body, sending waves of heated pleasure, “She won’t come back.” he mutters. Trapped between him and the wall, bound and captured by his heat.

She wasn't expecting him to approach her in such an assertive manner, gently caressing the curves of her face.

"I won’t allow it." He kisses her again a striking warmth expanding from within her, leaving her wanting and breathless. She grips onto his shoulder, arching her back in pleasure, once again her lips parted, granting him the entrance he asks, waves of pleasure shot down her breasts; her chest jutted outwards, begging to be touched.

He takes an immediate step back, denying her of his body's warmth, “What?” he smiles, a playful smirk on his face. She narrows her eyes at him, “Nothing”, she scowls before pulling herself away from him, not allowing him to notice the effects he has on her. But it was too late, this Barry Allen knew exactly the effect he had on her, he knew what she needed. Before she could escape from his proximity, he was in front of her, his hot breath a mere whisper in her ears, “Don’t lie to me, never me.” Tormenting her with small caresses doing nothing to satiate the hunger he ignited.

"You want me." It wasn’t a question, she notices, she wants to tell him how wrong he is, but his kisses are intoxicating. She doesn’t respond for some time, allowing him to plunder her mouth at will, loving the noises of discomfort he makes at her lack of cooperation, she knew her next action could cost her the intimacy he was showing her, but she didn’t care, who said he was the only one allow to tease?

Reaching the cold within herself, she felt his lips lose the heat that made her skin flush everywhere they touched. “What? Can’t stand the cold?”, now it was her time to smirk. Savitar pulled back, licking his lips curiously, before looking at her chest heaving as she attempted to catch her breath. He kisses her again, rougher, and the moment their lips reconnected, everything else disintegrated, only remaining the heated pleasure of his touch.

Her palms pressed against his chest, an attempt to push him away; but as she did, he moves his hands from her wrists to hold the sides of her face. She could feel his breath; a warm caress over her trembling skin, a pleasurable wave that expanded from its point of contact, quickly spreading to the edges of her fingers and toes. She couldn't help the small moan that escapes her as his tongue curls around hers, sucking her into his mouth, a heat sending her into a sharp inhale. His lips leave hers, trailing down her neck as he sucked on the sensitive skin hard. She could feel his hands sliding down her body, reaching the hem of her suit before pushing the fabric upwards. His large hands caressing her breasts firmly, shutting waves of pleasure, erupting a pleasurable moan from her as he flicked his finger against her hardened nipples. His mouth moving down to her chest, latching onto the small pebble eagerly.

An arm slides around her back, another latching firmly onto her hips, leaving reddened marks that burned with a delightful twang. He pulls her close; she can barely resist, their bodies touching, creating an overwhelming warmth that had her whimpering in its unbearable aftermath, a torrential wave she could no longer deny. "Oh! God!" she moans weakly leaving frost burns on his back, steadying herself from all the pleasure his caresses are making her feel, slowly his finger slides along her sex, and he smirks when he sees she is already wet for him. Her mouth opens wide as her eyes fluttered, and she moans as another finger joins the first, increasing his speed.

He feels her hips rotate against his digits, and he smiles up at her. "That's it," he encourages softly, cock hardening at the sight of her writhing in pleasure. He pulls his fingers out when he feels her grip around them increase, preferring to feel the sensation while being inside of her.

Killer Frost arched suddenly at the lost, and the shift of her hips allowed him to slip into the hill, eyes closed as he let himself enjoy the tight wetness around him. He gives an experimental thrust and took Killer Frost weak moans as a sign to continue.

They knew nothing would ever be the same after being this intimate, but they didn’t care, they been alone and lost for far too long that now being together as one made them realize something they were trying to deny; they needed each other, they always have, and that had nothing to do with their plans and everything to do with their hearts.

--

She wakes up from a dreamless sleep, and for a moment she thought she dreamt it all, that was until she heard the beating of his hearth, she didn’t want to wake him up, too afraid to disrupt the bubble they manage to create hours ago, she was making a good job at it, if it wasn’t for the worried exhale that escape her lungs.

“One would think that after the events that just transpired, you will be too tired to be awake, is it your way of complaining?” She could hear the playfulness in his voice, a warm feeling blossoming in her heart, for a moment he wasn’t Savitar, the God of Speed, and she wasn’t Killer Frost, the heat vampire whose friends wanted to vanish. They were just a man and a girl waking up after a night of being intimate for the first time.

For what seems hours to him, she didn’t respond, to absorb trying to understand the whirlwind of emotions clouding her heart. With her head in his chest, he felt a joy he hasn’t felt in ages, Savitar knew he was getting attached to Killer Frost again, but he couldn’t help it, she was a part of him, as much as he was a part of her. “Speak your mind.” He whispers softly into her hair.

“Why me? Why did you choose me?” The question caught him off guard, he thought he had more time before she wanted an explanation, and for the first time in ages, he was afraid, he didn’t want her to leave, but the idea to open himself to somebody else that way scare him more than he thought, he couldn’t tell her the reason behind his action without reviling his soul desire.

Seconds pass and both gods are too afraid to open their hearts to one another, too afraid of the pain that may cause, but he misses her, and he knows that as long as he hides from her she will never be truly his. Slowly he begins to move from his position in the bed, making her sit facing him, close enough to feel his warm, and without warning, he opens his heart, “Because I need you.”

His voice is warm, and soft, a remnant of his old self neither of them as seen in a while, she’s taken back by the feeling his words elicit in her heart, she wants to protest his words, because everything was so much easier when they were only partners in crime, when feelings weren´t involved, but things were never easy between them. “I gave you those powers because I want you by my side as an equal. As my queen. My younger self may be too blind to see it, but it is you who completes us.”

Hear heart roars with the raw emotion lingering in every word, with the need his eyes plead with her to see, but they can’t be together, the villains of the story never get their happy ending, they don’t get to walk away into the sunset when the credits roll. Life has told her otherwise.

He sees her doubt, and he knows that she's too afraid to acknowledge the love they feel for each other, a love that was made thru lingering touches and stolen glances a lifetime ago by different people, -but they weren’t, not exactly, she is ready to leave, to hide behind the cold walls she built all those years ago after all the loss she experiences, but he won’t lose her again, not this time, not after the countless times he is been trying to make them work. Before she can move from her position in the bed, he slowly leans in, his breath kissing her cheeks, while tenderly whispering, “I chose you because I love you, Killer Frost.”

And with those words, Caitlin Snow is gone, and for the first time, the darkness takes hold of the earth.

I just spent my whole Saturday reading this- it just got so intense! And I had to see their resolution through.

The Elena situation had me fuming a bit, and I thought I was disappointed that she wasn't actually part of the Jack Hyde scheme, and was just a red herring. But I guess, I'm not actually that mad since it gave semi-decent closure to Christian's trauma? BUT ALSO, like I fucking hated that he met up with her? Even if it was accidental-ish? ICK.

I was kind of into their hot and cold shit, since in the end they really just loved each other.

The epilogue was also pretty cute with their kids, and a healed Christian. GODS, his evolution was so beautiful. I want to read the series from his POV, but I think I need to read something else first before I fall into this BDSM hole.

This was my kind of dark tbh. Very different from the dark academia and dark mafia/gang stuff I've read. Just something about a dark MMC, but being well-intentioned and "fixable" so to speak. Just a tortured lost soul seeking true love.

IDK I'm still reeling- I want to take a break and absorb what I've read but at the same time I'm even more invigorated to keep reading shit off my TBR, and continue on.