It is my dad's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary and it's a full moon and it's Friday the 13th and it's the anniversary of Scooby-Doo. There's so much good and powerful energy today. Specifically I want to say happy birthday to my dad though because I love him so much and he's gone through so much in the last couple years but he is always attacked the day with kindness just like I tell everyone else to do. I hope you have a very good birthday and I love you and thank you for being my dad.

But on my end for the most part today was not my day. I just felt really sad. Frustrated. I just wanted to come home. And it wasn't even like a real reason just everything was wrong.

I woke up this morning and I felt fine. James had to leave early because he had to go to the dentist. But he made me a sandwich before he left because he's the best. And then I got ready and left it at the bus. But even though the ride was nice I was really early. Which is normally fine but I got to the building and it was locked and the lights were off. And my anxiety just absolutely peaked.

I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be there and that we weren't supposed to come in or they were a different site and I was so upset and distressed and convinced I did something wrong. I stood outside for about 10 minutes and finally Sarah and the other Jessie came But anxiety was still pretty bad for most of the day because of that.

We spent the first hour just kind of brainstorming by ourselves. Coming up with ideas and figuring stuff out for our lesson plans. I had a lot of ideas already written down so I just did a bunch of research and started flushing things out a little bit more concretely.

For the most part it was a good guy. But then I realized I accidentally sent all of me and James's new gardening stuff to the old apartment and I was so bummed. I just felt so stupid and I just kind of sank into myself because I was so upset. James is an amazing boyfriend though and when I told him how upset I was he took the extra time between the dentist and having to go to work to go to the old apartment and get everything to bring back so I wouldn't be sad. He's so good.

But then my new phone was attempted to be delivered to the apartment and because it needed a signature they didn't leave it. I'm glad they didn't leave it but I thought they would take it to a pickup point. But they didn't. They're just going to wait till Monday and try again and I was so bummed out. I really wanted that to come today and when it didn't I was just like super sad. And I kind of just put a damper on the rest of the day for me. I was able to figure out how to make all of my UPS packages go to the pickup point from now on and so my phone will go there on Monday so I won't have to worry about not being here. But it's still a huge bummer and I feel very dumb. Thankfully it's not like my phone is broken. I was just excited about a new thing. I wanted to get it set up tomorrow while I was at the BMI since it will probably be slow. It's all right. I'll be fine.

We had a good afternoon at work though. We went through and talked about all of the artists that we were considering for research for testing our kids. And we went through a lot of really awesome artists and it was funny that me and fitsum or actually thinking about two artists that were very off the beaten path so that was cool. And I'm really pleased with the final list that we came up with. I am sad that one of the other side of Hope for got knocked off the list that doesn't mean I'm not going to teach you about her just that she's not going to be on the test. And I got my way on the layout of the semester's so that was cool.

We finished up a little bit early and I went to grab the bus but then miss Helene drove past me and stopped and she ended up giving me a ride to Dick Blick. I knew I wouldn't see James until much later because after he's done work he's going to go to his parents house to get the car and then he's going to go to the grocery store to get ready for our cookout tomorrow.

So I went in and I gave him a hug. His other manager made a joke that a customer wanted to see him very specifically. Made me laugh. And then I walked back here.

On my walk I ran into a co-worker from the BMI and that was cool. I posted in the group today about the job openings at access art and apparently everyone was talking about how great I am over there today and have felt really good. It's not the first time someone's told me that they talk about me over there and how they say a lot of positive things so that feels really cool I'm loved. I don't always feel that way. So it's nice to be reminded.

I had to make a stop at the hardware store to look for something for James but they didn't have it so I came back here. I did a whole bunch today actually. When I got back here I kind of snack and then I started working on some drawings. Our gardening stuff was here because of James so I made little tags for the all the herbs were going to put in there and the tomatoes. And then I set up the garden itself. I probably could have bought more rocks but I still think it'll be okay and I'm going to put all of the herbs in small Planters to start with anyway. And it was pretty excellent. It was fun playing in the dirt. I also dyed my hair so that I would look all nice tomorrow. And I worked on one of my Furby tarot cards. I'm actually going to go make something to eat and then do another one. My Hope Is that in the next week we'll get everything photograph so I want to have at least a couple cards finished. Start selling them as a small set.

James should be finishing work now and then he'll go start shopping for stuff. And I'm just going to hang out here. Hopefully he'll be home soon though because I miss him. I hope you guys all have a great night. Tomorrow I have work at the BMI and then we have our little get-together. I hope people come. Seems like it might be kind of small but I don't mind that. It'll be fun to show off our new place to everyone.

Dear other humans, 

“Do you have a boyfriend/husband/kids/what-have-you?” is NOT an icebreaker. I get that you’re trying to find something common to talk about, you could also ask if I watch sports. For me, an independent, technically female, Asexual, it’s annoying. Mostly because of the immediate follow-up of “Why not?” That’s not your business, either. I don’t feel the need for them, don’t want at least one of those, can’t have some of those. And it’s a horrid way to step on a landmine. Yes, but something you don’t need to know about is happening. Yes, we’re happy and you’ll never hear the end of it now. I did, but... OR, as is the case for a friend of mine, you make them feel inferior for not being able to conceive, again not your business. 

so, just please, if you want an icebreaker, ask about interests. Don’t ask about families or romantic ties. It’s invasive. 

Sincerely, 

Hi there

can you tell me where the communities I run have dissapeared?

under communities there are the recent visited and the ones you follow, but where are the ones I run?

could it be so hard to put it in the sidebar menu!?!

#frustraited and #dissapointed

#happyweekend