#frotcast

Francesca noticed the light blinking on her phone and picked it up.  A text from Matt.  Again.  "I love you, babe, but I'm trying to watch Frasier" she muttered as she read the message.

"So what'd you do today?"  Matt's message asked.

"Not much, just work stuff.  Saw a Shiba Inu on my jog." she wrote back.

The screen showed Matt was writing a reply.

"Oh like the doge dog?  I love them!"

"Yeah, I wanted to take a picture but didn't have my phone"

"That's too bad."

She didn't reply, and returned to her episode.  Her phone light started blinking again.

"Whatchu doing right now?"

"Just watching Frasier."

"Oh cool.  What episode is it?"

Francesca sighed.  He was clearly fishing.  She called him.

"O hi Francesca," Matt intoned in a falsely-relaxed impression of Tommy Wiseau.

She went right to the point.  "Hey babe.  What's up?  You seem out of it."

"Oh, it's nothing..."  He paused.  "You're not... I...you wouldn't leave me, would you?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Matt.  Have you been talking to Kaseem again?  This happens every time!"

Frotcast Live-Riff in The Sun, mit Steven Seagal

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Diese Live-Riff des Monats steht unseren 20-Patreon-Spendern zur Verfügung. Werde heute einer!

Nur ein Frot kann die Yakuza aufhalten! Das ist richtig, der LIVE RIFF-Bonus für diesen…

Schnitzel bob presents-

Under the bridge: A Matt Lieb Story

Part 4: Home, James

The apartment was not as bad as I feared.  I'd agreed to move in with Vince at his place in LA, but almost from the moment I said yes I'd been beset with doubts about what I was getting myself into.  I still had doubts, but seeing that there was an actual apartment was a good starting point.

There was even a bedroom, which Vince insisted I take.  He slept in those upside-down exercise boots you see in 80s movies.  When I asked if it didn't make the blood rush to his head, he told me that he flexed his thighs to prevent that.  I thought he was joking, but his thighs did, indeed, pulsate (and that really is the only word) all night.    

We settled into a routine.  I pursued any open mic I could find, looked for writing work, and ate every butt that presented itself. Vince alternated between reading, going to the dojo, and cooking.  This last activity was particularly interesting. I'd never seen someone persist with something that seemed to so consistently enrage them.

I don't know where he got his money.  It didn't seem like a trust-fund situation, but there was no obvious source of remuneration.  Before we moved I'd asked him what he did, to which he vaguely responded "Blogger."  Who even knew what that meant.

In any case, I was totally unprepared when, one day, Vince came home with another man (Joe something) and announced that he was going to make a movie, one that "would make Fellini look like a dog's asshole."

I fully understand the irony of posting about someone taking the piss out of (or in this case, disemboweling and setting aflame) the corporate environment, from my corporate job. I have no shame in my Styrofoam life, because, as many liberties I’ve lost at this desk, I can still giggle myself silly and encourage you to do the same (while making a salary, HOLLA!)

Matt Lieb, 2015 Funniest Five and irregular, regular guest of The FilmDrunk Frotcast has always had an uncanny musical ability. I’ve frequently seen him at comedian parties (that have a piano on deck), leading everyone in song (usually “Bohemian Rhapsody” or “Roses”). How he, and Sax Man Drew Platt, haven’t teamed up for a satirical slam music jam, is beyond me.

Regardless, when tasked with ad libbing lyrics for a royalty free track named “Energy”, of the “Corporate Pop” genre, describe as “a nice track for corporate videos and presentations”, Matt, innately quick off the cuff, spun bullshit into gold! The results feels like an existential crisis of disillusionment rendering the cake into a lie, the riffed abyss running richer and darker than German chocolate, hilariously juxtaposed to the corniest, Milquetoast music. Bravo, Matt Lieb. Bravo. Listen to the full episode here.

From my desk to yours, HAPPY FRIDAY!