#from trauma

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16 | Eddie’s POV | Song | ao3

Robin wiggles around excitedly. “I like the sound of this.”

Steve rolls his eyes. Still can’t look her in hers. “I kinda cried all over him, Robs. Literally nothing romantic or suave about that. At all.”

She wiggles again. “Okay, yes, but the emotions! Tell me!”

Steve sighs, but they both know he’d never deny her anything. “He just kinda… held me. And then when I finally pulled back, he didn’t actually stop touching me.” He knows she can see the blush he feels rising on his cheeks. “And, uh. He made me pancakes.”

“Oh my god. Steve. What time was it?”

He’s pretty sure his blush is all the way down to his chest now. “Like three.”

“Steve.” Somehow his name has eight syllables and lasts twelve seconds.

“Yeah. We didn’t finish them all, so I stuck them in the fridge and we went back upstairs. He, uh, followed me into my room.”

Robin grins. “And into your bed?” His lack of reaction is answer enough, and she shuffles excitedly again.

“Then I wake up, and it’s way too early, and I’m really comfortable, and I realize sometime during the night I kinda octopused onto him. And, uh.” He bites his lip again. Takes another bite of ice cream. “He was holding me, too. But I’m an idiot, so I moved, and he woke up, and…” he shakes his head. “He asked if I was awake. God, Robs, his face. Y’know that face someone makes when they wake up and it’s bright so they’re kinda halfway smiling?”

“Yeah?”

“That. So he asked if I was awake, and I shook my head, and he, uh. Pulled me back down. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen asleep faster. Then I actually wake up, later, and he’s playing with my hair and oh my god Robin I want to date him.” He bends over the ice cream. Robin giggles again and pushes him up via a palm to his forehead. “So I remind him we have more pancakes, and we just kinda mess around some-” he catches her look and presses the ice cream carton into her thigh, relishing in her yelp. “Not like that, Robs, Jesus. We’re joking around, and then we get serious, and I’d said earlier how I slept really well, and so just then he says that he slept really well, too, and we kinda made an agreement that if we needed it, or… or something like that, we could call each other. No questions asked.”

“You know this, like, way crosses any sort of platonic line in the sand there once was?”

Steve snorts. “I kinda assumed, yeah. So he left, I dunno, something about the band, and I immediately called you. And now here we are.”

“Here we are,” Robin agrees. “Steve.”

“Robin.”

“I’m really happy for you.”

The blush is back. “Thanks.”

They put in the movie, quoting as much of it as they can. About five minutes in, it turns into an unspoken competition. Steve wins. He’s not sure Robin doesn’t let him.

She leaves with the movie after it finishes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “See you later?”

“As you wish,” he grins, laughing when she groans.

He turns around after closing the door and sighs. Alone isn’t his favorite thing to be, so he puts in a random cassette as he cleans up.

He doesn’t wait by the phone, doesn’t linger as he’s heading upstairs to go to bed, doesn’t unplug the phone and carry it up to his room. Except in all the ways he does.

The phone doesn’t ring that night. The next morning, Steve very carefully doesn’t feel anything.

A few nights pass before he wakes up gasping again, screwing his eyes shut and pressing the heels of his hands into them. He mutters a curse before sitting up and reaching for the phone.

It rings just as he touches it. He jumps a foot in the air, heart hammering in his chest all over again.

He answers, taking a deep breath as he picks it up. “Hello?” He curses the way his voice shakes, hopes the caller won’t notice.

“Come over?” Eddie’s voice is small.

Steve breathes out in relief. “Yeah. I’ll be right there.”

“I’ll unlock the door.” The line clicks off.

Steve breathes in. Breathes out. Grabs his keys and walks out.

The radio’s playing quietly as he starts his car, and it’s a welcome distraction from his thoughts. He leaves it on, turns it a little louder, taps along to the beat on his steering wheel, nods along. Quietly sings some of the words he halfway knows.

He’s at Eddie’s trailer before he knows it, walking right in like he knows Eddie was hinting at, making just enough noise he won’t startle him.

He’s sitting on the couch, staring at the blank TV, before slowly slotting his eyes over to Steve. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Pt 11

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I feel like this is actually the moment Loki died. At least on the inside.

I also have a theory that Loki isn’t actually a narcissist - he’s borderline - who can appear as narcissistic due to switching. I have BPD and I just see so much of myself in him.

Borderline personality disorder stems from childhood trauma. He was Thor’s shadow his entire life and never received the attention he needed or deserved, nor did he get validation. Once he found out that not only was he not really Thor’s brother or from Asgard, but the enemy - the enemy he and Thor were both raised to hate, fear and SLAY - he lost his shit. I mean, can you really blame the guy?

“When I become King I will slay them all.”

I’m sure that memory surfaced for at least a second and he wondered if Thor would just kill him.

And to top it all off he wasn’t taken out of love or pity, Loki was basically stolen in order to attempt to bribe the frost giants into making peace.

He was just leverage, nothing but another trophy for Odin from that day.