#friendlyengie

The Courier

@sicc-nasti

Image credit: @/sicc-nasti

Do you like receiving your mail on time and your packages in pristine condition - untouched by curious hands and peeping eyes? Do you love when your woefully embarrassing love letters filled with poetry from your soul are delivered with the utmost care and secrecy? Does it fill you with glee when your special snacks you ordered overseas finally make its way into your hands and not a SINGLE piece is missing?

If you said yes to any of these questions then WOW do I NOT have the guy for you!!!!

Instead-

TFI presents you something you didn't know was possible OR legal - weaponized postal services!

Meet your 10th Class-

The Courier!

By intercepting and opening someone else's mail, an individual can gain access to confidential information that can be used for identity theft, fraud, or other illegal activities. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we? That's why our solution to this simple problem is bringing the mail to the battlefield! Courier is equipped with MANN CO approved disposable stackable mail crates for your climbing or shielding needs. Just think of how nice it would be to build a tower to do taunts on or have cover from that enemy Heavy's hail of bullets. Sure it's clunky but nothing shreds paper faster than a bullet - that's science tested and math approved by TFI scientists! And monkeys!

Courier is THE MANN for the job.

If that ain't enough to catch your attention, let's take a peek at the men behind the uniform.

RED’s Courier is a Puerto Rican ex-felon hailing from the greatest place on earth! New York City! With an insatiable appetite for all things fraud, deli meats, and violence - what more could you ask from a guy?

BLU's Courier is a Puerto Rican-Italian ex-con plucked from the greatest place on earth! Jersey City! With an insatiable appetite for all things smuggling, deli meats, and violence - what more could you ask from a guy?

Not enough for a vote?

Well, listen, I'm not above bribery. If you vote for them, Courier promises to not read your mail for like a week and INSTEAD- will write you up a totally not fraudulent marriage certificate to any merc you want!! Just think! Finally legally married to Heavy! Or Engie! How’s that sound for incentive, boss?

THROUGH RAIN, SHINE, BULLET HAIL OR SNOW, THEY’RE YOUR COURIER.

VOTE FOR COURIER IN THIS UPCOMING TF2 OC CONTEST

Maybe there’ll be enough in the budget for a third one!

Armani & Marcel, The Decoys

@friendlyengie

Image credit: @/friendlyengie

When your job description is to be as obnoxious as possible, obviously you’re going to send in a clown! Armani is a Decoy, which means his purpose is to get on the field and draw as much attention to himself as possible. Sure, it probably means he gets killed frequently, but isn’t that half the fun?

Personally, Armani is rough and over the (big)top. He’s Italian, too. If that helps. If it doesn’t ignore that part. He’s got the flowery language exaggerated expressions of a performer and absolutely none of the social tact. He’s loud and in your face and simply does not care! Take him or leave him, baby! (Please take him.)

Marcel is just a guy. A little man. His mime-specific approach to the decoy class means he’s a lot less loud shouting and japes, and a lot more inconvenient tricks and hiding where you just can’t see him. He saves his breath unless he has the chance to be really funny. As a person, Marcel is eccentric and expressive. Cartoonishly so. A man of few words, since said words can only be spoken when he pulls the string on his back, he normally conveys his thoughts through actions instead. He’s annoying, and he wants you to know that specifically. He’s charming enough that he can make people forget how obnoxious he is just long enough for whatever stunt he pulls next to come out of nowhere. Ain’t he just so charming?

The Therapist

@hazardtoons

Image credit: @/hazardtoons

You wouldn’t expect an organisation like Team Fortress Industries to invest in something like mental health treatment for its hardened soldiers. The one giving them this generous care is a woman only known by those who work at the company as Therapist - a seemingly well-intentioned lady there to give everything from a shoulder to cry on to someone to seek advice from.

Armani & Marcel, The Decoys

@friendlyengie

Image credit: @/friendlyengie

When your job description is to be as obnoxious as possible, obviously you’re going to send in a clown! Armani is a Decoy, which means his purpose is to get on the field and draw as much attention to himself as possible. Sure, it probably means he gets killed frequently, but isn’t that half the fun?

Personally, Armani is rough and over the (big)top. He’s Italian, too. If that helps. If it doesn’t ignore that part. He’s got the flowery language exaggerated expressions of a performer and absolutely none of the social tact. He’s loud and in your face and simply does not care! Take him or leave him, baby! (Please take him.)

Marcel is just a guy. A little man. His mime-specific approach to the decoy class means he’s a lot less loud shouting and japes, and a lot more inconvenient tricks and hiding where you just can’t see him. He saves his breath unless he has the chance to be really funny. As a person, Marcel is eccentric and expressive. Cartoonishly so. A man of few words, since said words can only be spoken when he pulls the string on his back, he normally conveys his thoughts through actions instead. He’s annoying, and he wants you to know that specifically. He’s charming enough that he can make people forget how obnoxious he is just long enough for whatever stunt he pulls next to come out of nowhere. Ain’t he just so charming?

The Glider

@ruthytwoshakes

Image credit: @/ruthytwoshakes

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a depressed middle-aged Italian with a flight suit! Please welcome the Glider from TEAMFORTRESS: SPECIAL FORCES, to the best opportunity of all: a job where you merk the exact same team in a different color.

The Glider takes a new approach to our gravel field; with his one-of-a-kind “Gliding Suit” and endless supply of ariel ammo, he’s a menace from a never before seen angle in Team Fortress 2. Above.

He's a bit outta his gourd, spending most of your life isolated in a forest studying "Italy's Shame," Leonardo Da Vinci will do that to you. But no worries! His good cooking and friendly-ish attitude will do more than enough to get you to look past his fre- OCCASIONAL!! Grazie tante! - "mad scientist" outbursts. About planes. Freak. Just whatever you do, DO NOT call it a “Flight Suit.” There’s a difference. He’s not called “The Flyer,” for pete sakes.

Rico Black

@blackblackheart

Image credit: @/mickmundane

Project BLAK Dossier: Rico Andrew Black

Somewhere in a dented file cabinet in an exploded base in the middle of the desert, a file that will never be found again.

(TW: Disturbing content)

—————————————————-

Name: Rico Andrew Black (Note- not true surname. True surname unknown.)

Designation: Sniper

Age At Time of Acquirement: 9

Current Age: 35

Height: 6'1’’

Weight: 125 lbs. (Note- attempts to get Rico to eat properly have met in failure. Have induced him to eat via command, does not help. Metabolism is normal. Possible bulimia/anorexia? May also be form of rebellion.)

Sexuality: Unknown (Note- Rico has not been witnessed engaging with other members of his team or other people in general in a flirtatious manner- lack of data.)

Respawn Chip?: Yes

Theater?: Yes

Aware?: No Yes- control revealed after rogue behavior, as punishment

Personality: Rico is a ‘wild child’. Mischievous and high-energy. Despite this, he has taken to his training well, and is proud-to-arrogant of his achievements and growing skill. UPDATE: Rico has grown hot-headed and rebellious. Seems to greatly enjoy sowing chaos and discord- believes himself untouchable. Arrogant, but takes little seriously but his skills. UPDATE: Upon revelation of his Theater sessions, Rico has grown sullen and detached. Melancholy has grown worse over time- swings between depressive and hateful attitudes. Has added alcohol to his vice of nicotine, drinks to excess. Attempted to steal from medical stores- stopped and reprimanded. Still functions as an asset despite this, though devoid of his previous relish.

Team BLAK asset status: ACTIVE

Signature- Dr. M. Lang, Medic

———————————————-

In a drawer in a desk in an office at Mann Co. Headquarters:

Employee File

Name: Rico Andrew Black

Date of Employment: TBA

Position: Gunman, Hunting Assistant

Notes: I found Rico at Helen’s damnable side project. After I singlehandedly destroyed Helen’s damnable side project WITH MY BARE FISTS, I asked him for a demonstration of his skills. Boy is a crack shot if I ever saw one! Offered him a job on the spot. He seemed overjoyed, as he should be! But then he seemed sad, which was the damnest thing. He said he wanted the job but could not accept it until something something soul searching something ‘getting his shit together’.

Gave him full base access, leave to fill in on needed mercenary spots, and provisions when requested. Have his word that he will take position. I am not sure how long ‘getting one’s shit together’ takes, but I do hope he won’t dally too long! There are animals that need shot and punched out by the fists of SAXTON HALE! and his trusty side gunman.

[This just got signed by SAXTON HALE!]

The Real Goods:

Name: Rico Andrew Black

Class: Sniper

Team: Unaffiliated/Freelance Stand-In

Age: 37

Rico was adopted at a young age from an Australian orphanage, to be used as part of a side project by the Administrator- an elite mercenary team, honed by intense training, genetic alteration, and mental control to eliminate Teams that Helen felt were too 'compromised'. Members of Team BLAK included similarly acquired orphans as well as members of the R&D Team, along with one unaltered 'control group' member with a suitable lack of morals and lust for murder.

Rico grew up about as well adjusted as you can expect someone raised to be an organic weapon to grow up- rebellious and arrogant as anyone who knows he can't be outshot, and in love with the concept and causation of chaos as anyone thrashing against a stifling environment their entire lives. These acts of rebellion were tolerated for a surprisingly long time, until one day. Rico still can't recall what that final straw was- all he remembers is the absolute fury on the face of Dr. Lang- Team Medic, Head of R&D Medical, and, on paper anyway, his adoptive father. As punishment for whatever that forgotten transgression was, Rico was shown his leash and chain- code words implanted in his mind to force him to obey commands given to him. He was also informed he would be kept on a tighter tether from then on.

If that was the only punishment meted out to the Sniper that day it would have been distressing enough. But there was something unintended that occured- Alexandre Coeurnoir, the Team Spy, had overheard everything, and wasn't about to let full control of another human being go to waste. From then on, Rico's life went from stifling to unbearable as he found himself at the mercy of Alexandre's every whim, unable to either tell anyone about what was happening or escape from it. He was helplessly bound in the web of a terrible spider and, as the Spy teased, there was no hope of rescue. No one would come to save him nor care enough to. Any attempts to run away was met with an eventual undeniable pull to return, and he was as blocked from taking a more permanent exit as he was from telling a soul about his torment. His only means of coping came from alcohol, nicotine, disassociation, and his one joy- his beloved motorcycle, Baby. He would ride into the desert for days at a time, denying the call as long as his shackled mind would allow, and pretend he was the apex predator he once fancied himself as.

And then…

Armani & Marcel, The Decoys

@friendlyengie

Image credit: @/friendlyengie

When your job description is to be as obnoxious as possible, obviously you’re going to send in a clown! Armani is a Decoy, which means his purpose is to get on the field and draw as much attention to himself as possible. Sure, it probably means he gets killed frequently, but isn’t that half the fun?

Personally, Armani is rough and over the (big)top. He’s Italian, too. If that helps. If it doesn’t ignore that part. He’s got the flowery language exaggerated expressions of a performer and absolutely none of the social tact. He’s loud and in your face and simply does not care! Take him or leave him, baby! (Please take him.)

Marcel is just a guy. A little man. His mime-specific approach to the decoy class means he’s a lot less loud shouting and japes, and a lot more inconvenient tricks and hiding where you just can’t see him. He saves his breath unless he has the chance to be really funny. As a person, Marcel is eccentric and expressive. Cartoonishly so. A man of few words, since said words can only be spoken when he pulls the string on his back, he normally conveys his thoughts through actions instead. He’s annoying, and he wants you to know that specifically. He’s charming enough that he can make people forget how obnoxious he is just long enough for whatever stunt he pulls next to come out of nowhere. Ain’t he just so charming?

María José Fernández González (The Cook)

@hxy0k

Image credit: @/hxy0k

PILOT (Viktor Lewis Lovelace)

@karlmanly

Image credit: @/karlmanly

“Please sir! Do not call it booger sugar, the preferable name is cocaine hydrochloride..”

The Prince of nepotism and cultivator of bad habits, standing at a whopping 5’2, this cringe failure Welshman is best known as Pilot by his peers. He is most often seen shoveling drugs up his snout or working himself to an early grave.

His job is to supply back up offense support from the skys! Cowardly Commanding armed drones to enemy positions from the safety of the clouds (until a pesky sniper should put an end to it). Off-field the pilot is in charge of transporting his (and any other team) to the next battlemen.

Armani & Marcel, The Decoys

@friendlyengie

Image credit: @/friendlyengie

When your job description is to be as obnoxious as possible, obviously you’re going to send in a clown! Armani is a Decoy, which means his purpose is to get on the field and draw as much attention to himself as possible. Sure, it probably means he gets killed frequently, but isn’t that half the fun?

Personally, Armani is rough and over the (big)top. He’s Italian, too. If that helps. If it doesn’t ignore that part. He’s got the flowery language exaggerated expressions of a performer and absolutely none of the social tact. He’s loud and in your face and simply does not care! Take him or leave him, baby! (Please take him.)

Hannah Wallace AKA "The Slinger"

@bunkless-bed

Image credit: @/bunkless-bed

Hannah Wallace, Age 37, has applied for TF Industries! born in Eastern Asia, she picked up how to fire a gun from her uncle, and how to spin a flail on a string from her 8th grade teacher. She worked as a Cattle herder for one day, before she accidentally killed every cow from the spikeball on her string. Nevertheless, She's Cocky, sly, and often says things that are rude, even when it's completely unintentional.

Armani & Marcel, The Decoys

@friendlyengie

Image credit: @/friendlyengie

When your job description is to be as obnoxious as possible, obviously you’re going to send in a clown! Armani is a Decoy, which means his purpose is to get on the field and draw as much attention to himself as possible. Sure, it probably means he gets killed frequently, but isn’t that half the fun?

Personally, Armani is rough and over the (big)top. He’s Italian, too. If that helps. If it doesn’t ignore that part. He’s got the flowery language exaggerated expressions of a performer and absolutely none of the social tact. He’s loud and in your face and simply does not care! Take him or leave him, baby! (Please take him.)