Reader, seeing a play that really knocks you for six is a bit of a mixed bag as an actor. Especially when you know the people behind it. You want to just be really really happy for them, but in all honesty you go through a whole series of stages:

  Excitement: 'Oh my god, this play is brilliant. Bloody hell, they've done so well! Wow, this bit is so good I want to wee a little bit! Ooh time for the bows, I REALLY want to stand up and whoop and applaud and jump up and down, this should win some kind of award! God, where are my tissues, I'm still a bit weepy from that dead sad bit...'

  Jealousy: 'Why am I not in a play as good as this? I could totally do this! How comes no one asks me to ever be in their play? I'm going to do a play and I'm going to be the only one in it and the stage will be mine for hours, mine I tells ya! Grrr how are they so talented? How did they get so good? How comes they get to be paid for this and I have to do free stuff? So unfair.'

  Hope: 'Maybe one day I can be as good as them! This just goes to show that there is still room for creatively unique thought. If they can do it, so can I! We are so blessed to be in this exciting new age of theatre and ingenuity! Wow, the world is a great place.'

  Self-deprecation: 'I will never be as good as these guys. Oh god, why do I bother? Maybe I should give up and work in a Fish and Chip shop. At least then I'd get to eat all the chips I want. And I wouldn't have to compete. Aw man. I'm never going to look that good in a costume! I need to lose a stone and a half. Must stop eating fruit and nut toblerone.'

  Pride: 'They were SO good. I just want to hug them and squidge their faces! Aw I think I might cry again. Maybe I should get them a trophy of some kind. I should have a sign saying 'I KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF THEATRE'. Or is that too much like a cringey mum? They've done so brilliantly! I'm FRIENDS with these people. I KNOW them!'

  Iago: 'I have to take this idea and steal it away. And maybe stop them from ever becoming famous. There can only be one! If I can't do it, no one can! Mwa ha ha ha ha!'

  Reverence: 'I have witnessed something sacred. Did that man just rustle his crisp packet? HOW DARE HE. Does he not realise he is in the presence of genius?! I will destroy him. No...no...this play has taught me that there are more important things in life. I shall let it pass. Ommmmmmm....'

  Inspiration: 'I have so many ideas! I want to go and do a play now! Right, off home to read all the plays I can. I can get funding! I know it! Get me on that stage this instant! Ooooh, maybe I should try that style of lighting they used, only with my own little twist! I loved that face that actor pulled, maybe I can incorporate that into a character!'

  And it goes on and on. You have a weird mix of being completely over the moon that your friends have created something truly wonderful, you are inspired to go make beautiful theatre yourself, but at the same time you are insanely jealous and the little devil voice that tells you 'no no' comes out and does a dance on your shoulder. Ultimately though, I tend to feel hugely proud of my very very talented friends, and yes, it makes me want to go and create more things that will delight other people. 

  I was lucky enough to go to see a play today that made me feel all of these things today (well, more excitement and pride and less of the Iago *shifty eyes*). You should go see it too, because it's the best bit of theatre I've seen in a good few years and it's got some wonderful actors in it, all of whom have worked incredibly hard to bring the show together. The show is I Am A Camera (the story that Caberet was based on) at the Southwark Playhouse and my god, it is fabulous in a slightly orgasmic way. It runs till the 22nd of September and the tickets are airline style (cheaper the earlier you book) so book as soon as possible. I got mine for £9 which was a bargain, the show was much better than most west end shows I've seen of late and you end up paying far more for those tickets! In particular you should keep an eye out for Rebecca Humphries who shines as an exuberant Sally Bowles who you want to befriend, slap and just watch for hours at a time all at once, Joanne Howarth-who plays the most convincing and kindly Nazi sympathiser I've ever encountered and Freddie Capper as the charming and loveable rogue Fritz (which he pulls off beautifully). To be honest though, all of the actors pull off their roles with utter aplomb and believability. I quite want to go see it again in fact! Book tickets at the following link. You won't be disappointed (although, if you're anything like me, you might be a bit jealous)

http://southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/the-vault/i-am-a-camera/

Tarrah for now Reader!

Ash

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You can reach Aislinn at the following:

Twitter: @aislinndeath

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