#freakinsassy

this is the most majestic thing ive seen in my life

You wish to inform me that you checked out my blog and this is what I get:

First thing first, to the death?

Well I am here to inform you I will not fight you to the death, no. To the pain.  To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

So your name is Alicia? I looked it up on urbandictionary.com ( I hear that’s what the hip kids do ) and I’m not sure that these are real definitions. What does it say at the top? Look up a term like Cleveland St- OH MY EYES!

Anywho… (I jest of course because I have been looking up my name on that site since…well you were probably taking obligatory naps on mats and drinking apple juice boxes. I also already knew what a Cleveland- oh shut up I have weird friends) Well, given that I am pretty much 100% guaranteed to be older than you I’m going to be immature:

I had it first. Nananana boo boo. Which means I’m good until Alicia Silverstone challenges me. I’m short but I’m dense and scrappy and decently resourceful…watched too many Jackie Chan movies as a kid. Dude, that guy could use anything to beat a guy up; pool cues, ladders, spaghetti. I mean the guy was that good. Where was I going with that? Oh right, fight to the death…

I mean, can’t we just meet at a bar and duke it out “Fight Club” style and hang out with busted eyebrows and bloody lips (possibly bruised ribs), drink an alcohol and laugh realizing that we have kinship through this strange similarity and travel off arm in arm (with fabulous winged eyeliner) and become greatest of friends? 

you’re an angel wtf

U GO GIRL

ew how dare you

shut ya mouth its an ace selfie be appreciative