#fraser x reader

Gives off the 'Plug a little weird, but he chill' vibe

Probably smarter than you and makes you feel a little inferior

He doesn't do it on purpose, but if there's something you don't understand but he does, it frustrates him

Sometimes he takes his anger out on you, but he always apologizes after. He doesn't mean to get violent or have outbursts. He just has these intense emotions and sometimes they're so hard to control

He's eccentric and spontaneous

If you want to do something, he's your guy

He doesn't care what you do, he just wants to have fun

You want to go cliff diving? Hell yeah

Want to go get something to eat at 2 in the morning? Yeah, he's a little hungry too

He's a pretty chill guy, when he's not experiencing his emotions, and is okay with anything pretty much

Especially if it involves you

He really cares about you and he is pretty shy about those feelings. Might not straight up say 'I love you' but there are little signs

He loves having days where it's just the two of you. Together

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Two sets of lips on a Pepsi-Cola In the middle of the summertime heat you kept it cool We were west coast kids ridin' 'round in your Chevy Nova Said you'd come back for me when you had to leave to go back to school Bare feet and blue eyes on the boardwalk We were counting the stars and the days 'til you had to go Since then nobody ever made my heart stop Like you did when we lived in that summer glow 'Cause we were like fire Summer breeze, seventies, all-nighter Let the beach be the background choir Singing like oh-oh-oh-oh-oh We were like a movie Said I looked too good in that two-piece And for those three months you knew me Remember those, remember those nights? We were like Yeah, we were like Slow dance, romance, sundress, sunshine Your name, cool rain, so good 'til goodbye We were like Slow dance, romance, sundress, sunshine Your name, cool rain, so good 'til goodbye, yeah Tan skin, golden, tattoo, your smile The end, pretend forever for a while

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The fan blades spun lazily overhead, keeping the interior cabin cool on the beach front. It was a little too vibrant green, pops of colour all over the place: but this diving school was also a tourist attraction so, that made sense. Fraser gazed around the room, trying to take it all in at the same time as listening to his new employer, a heavily tanned early-twenties handsome man with overly white teeth. The kind of person that would attract tourists to the cabin. Fraser guessed that a lot of the workers here would be exactly the same. He had a native accent; this wasn’t a summer job to him – he’d be here time and again – probably had something else back home for winter… “…I mean, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you half this stuff. Your CV says it all man, it’s a pleasure to have you aboard.” “Thanks.” Fraser meant it, even if he sounded a little blunt. He supposed he was probably the most experienced diver here. This wouldn’t be his preferred choice of employment; he’d much rather be getting his hands dirty on a submarine mission somewhere – but he needed the money, and this was the only thing currently going. The twenty-something flashed him a grin, and was about to say something else when a voice cut over him. “MAC! Do you have the keys for boat 4?!” “Hang on a sec…” Mackenzie, Mac for short, leant back to call to the voice, “Sure! Back here, why what’s up!?” She wandered in, and as predicted had the same young, good-looking draw that Mac did. Only she didn’t have the same accent. “Some of the tanks are running low, not dangerously, but it’ll be just my luck that I get some idiot who can’t breathe properly… I was gonna top them all up again.” “Good shout. Uhmmm…” Mac rummaged around below the counter and held them out for her, “Here you are!” “Thanks!” She was about to turn away, but Fraser was too intrigued not to call out to her; “You’re British!” She turned to him, “Yeah.” Although she raised an eyebrow. “Where you from?” “London. Why?” “Ah, yeah I guess that’s pretty far from me.” She laughed instantly, “You’re Australian.” “Right – but the Royal Navy needed some diving expertise that I had, so, I was doing that for a while and I haven’t left yet.” “Royal Navy? Shit, no way.” She grinned, “My dad was a Navy officer for a long time.” “Well you two are gonna get on like a house on fire I can already tell.” She paused at Mac’s comment and swivelled to him; “Oh! He’s Siany’s replacement?!” “Yeah-!” “He’s a Navy diver-! Where did you-!?” She turned to Fraser again, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry – you’re probably gonna be my new partner. Sweet, can I brag I get the Navy diver now?” Mac held his hands up, “Knock yourself out.” This time she held her hand out to him, “I’m Y/N!” “Fraser.” He shook it firmly, “Looking forward to working with ya!”

 *** It was weird at first, Fraser had come from a background not unlike yours. Your dad was also a diver – retired now, but he had been the one to teach you. Navy service wasn’t your optimal career, and at your age you were weighing up education with employment prospects. Sian had a very different way of running things to him. But Fraser was your senior diving partner now, not her, and while you could take boats out alone and sometimes did if you were busy, Mac liked you going out in pairs. It took you a while to get used to the way he was, you could spend all day diving with him on the boat and he would be the sweetest man, kind and helpful – he liked sharing anecdotes with you from his Navy experiences, and his love of the UK, all the reasons why he was still there, but also in quieter moments teaching you other diving techniques and tips that you’d never heard from anyone else. Fraser was so expert that you couldn’t believe he was here, even when your question was simply answered with a shrug and ‘I needed the money’. It didn’t make sense – why wasn’t everyone killing to sign him up? You were out here for a long hot summer and took this to make money, in order to make the most of it. He was here because, according to him, he had no other choice. He was a fair few years older than the oldest in your group – and when he wasn’t diving with you, Fraser spent a lot of time alone. He didn’t like hanging around with you all, and he was pretty blunt with his ‘no’ whenever one of you extended an invitation. You didn’t get it, he was so talkative out on the water - why wouldn’t he want to continue that relationship back on land? Eventually you got the grasp of Fraser was only ever at home in or over the water; on the rare occasions that you did all have to hang out together, or Mac put him front of house he was a lot more awkward, uncommunicative, cagey. You didn’t want to call him prickly but he had that kind of attitude. He certainly tried to get out of this as often as possible, and as Mac began to notice too, the less Fraser had to. That definitely made him a lot happier. The two of you certainly got close. Really close. And because he talked to you more than anyone else, and was older, the others took to teasing you about him. Constantly. At first you pushed them all off – because they were wrong. You didn’t have any interest in him, he was just a nice guy and you enjoyed working with him. Until what they were saying started to have some semblance of truth. The more you hung out with him, the more you started to understand him, the more you began to harbour a crush on him. At first you weren’t sure that it wasn’t just a respect crush, an ‘in awe of him’ crush. But it slowly dawned at you that it wasn’t… No, these were real feelings. Feelings you didn’t need to act on right away; after all, you both had time out here. But when you realised how genuine they were you began to heat up every time those pretty blue eyes flicked to you, with that gentle smile as Fraser imparted on you another tip – or told you some ridiculous diving joke. Occasionally he’d tease you too, and that was always a little harder to counter just because of the way he did it. Sometimes completely deadpan. This afternoon you were filling your boats air tanks again – he’d figured out a more efficient method in the Navy that he was trying to get you to perfect. You didn’t mind him teaching you things, and it meant you got to spend a little more time with him at the end of the day. So as your quiet chat continued, with you observing him and trying to store his methods in your head to the letter, you could see your group building up on the dock, everyone else was already packed away for the evening and dressed. Suddenly their chatter, and their eyes flicking back to you constantly became giggles, that erupted into laugher. “Hey! Y/N, C’mon! We’re going for dinner downtown!” Fraser paused what he was doing, looking between you and them for a second, but you hesitated “Y/N! We get the draw of an older man for you!” there was a suggestive look on James’ face, “But let’s go!” Your face went red, and that had them laughing again. Fraser sighed, rolling his eyes, “Are they botherin’ you?” “N-No… No… It’s, okay.” “You can go, if you want. I can show you this another time.” “No, Fraser – I-” “Go on…” He nudged you, “Don’t make me force you.” You swallowed, calling to them, “Okay! I’ll be a minute!” and turned back to him, “You don’t want to come?” “Nah. Go on. I’ll be alright.” “Thanks, Fraser.” You squeezed his arm affectionately and hopped out of the boat, “See you tomorrow morning!” “Uh huh!” That twang of his Australian accent, another thing you were certain you were tripping and falling in love over, followed you down the dock, “Bright and early!” *** Bright and early it was, it always was. If no one else was around you spent time cleaning up and refuelling the boats, making notes of supplies that needed restocking or things that needed mending. Mac would rock up early-ish and open up the shack, usually he’d bring breakfast if you hadn’t had yours already. Fraser would always forego this and say he’d eaten, leaving you and Mac in the office alone – at least until everyone else arrived to steal what was left: “You know he’s friendly and all, but you’re the only one Fraser really interacts with beyond the bare minimum.” “Really?” “As if you didn’t notice.” “Maybe you should start swapping him around in teams, you get to know him best out there.” Mac shook his head vigorously, “I am in NO way going to mess up your dynamic…” You both watched him for a second, before you raised your eyebrow at Mac, “You seem to think it’s a romantic dynamic.” “Oh come ON. You don’t see the way you look at him.” “Shut up!” You felt yourself blush again. “You have a crush, honey. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows it to. If he doesn’t then he’s dense!” “He doesn’t seem that type of guy. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as he’s on land...” “He’s a different person?” “Yeah?” You looked to Mac, expecting him to afford him an explanation. “A lot of guys like him are. He fits the ex-Navy profile. I won’t be surprised if there’s some PTSD in there.” “MAC!” “Look he’s a good diver, but I want you to be careful. Especially if you do have romantic interest in him, okay?” “Mac he’s gotta be at least 10 years older than me.” “Why is that stopping you?! You have what, 3 months with this guy before we pack up for winter, and there’s a chance you can stay together if you’re both UK bound. Just sayin’ – make the most of a summer romance, just be careful!” “I hate you, you know.” You leant across the counter and hugged him, before punching his arm and hopping off the stool. “Oh, I’m well aware!” Before you exited the room, he called you back, “Oh! Y/N!” “Mhm?” “See if you can persuade him out with everyone, please? You know, just once. Or twice. Once a week isn’t a big ask. I just… I think if anyone can integrate him, you can.” “I’ll try my best!” You giggled, “But I’m not a miracle worker!” “Hey!” He grinned, “All I ever ask from anyone is their best!" Your day of diving was pretty easy: Fraser enjoyed getting the more skilled divers so he could take you out deeper into the ocean, dive for a little longer and get a little more technical. However, he didn’t appreciate it when they started messing around and pretending they knew better than he did. They got one hell of a stern telling off and a lecture about the Navy that honestly you couldn’t help but smirk through. Then they were on their best behaviour. More than a few times he’d received a few complaints about it – and seemed not to give a damn when Mac always approached with an “Urm, Fraser, could I have a minute…” Only for you to fiercely back up his story without any hesitation. Mac always looked at you like it was more than a little ironic; you were always one to mess around. But you had real certificates – you were an instructor – you could get yourself out of trouble you got into. And you wouldn’t be putting a whole group of divers in danger doing so. Today you were sitting on the side of the boat as he navigated it out to his chosen diving spot – you wondered what Fraser liked so much about this one. He was prepared to answer. “It’s a little deeper, that might not sound so great, but there’s more space. Less to get distracted by… Just reminds me of what I’m more used to.” “…Which is?” “Diving, diving. Weighted seabed stuff. Technical ship and submarine dives, marine salvage. Things like that. I have nearly every diving certification it’s possible to get.” He gave a shrug, “When I started back in Australia it was a little like this. Reef diving and snorkelling…  But that’s not where I ended up.” “When I think diving, I certainly think… this. I’ve done weighted diving a few times, I never found it easy.” “You’ll get used to it.” His smile was small, “It’s a little more of a job than a vacation.” “Then…” You rose and crossed to him, “why are you all the way out here taking amateurs on reef trips?” “A means to an end. Needing the money. Waiting for a job to come up again. Then I’ll go real diving.” “This is real diving.” He looked across to you, grinning, “Naw, now I’d think with a Navy dad – even you wouldn’t think that!” You laughed, “What, do I have to hold you to marine salvage diving now?” “Ah, I think you’d like-!” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah, girl like you could probably handle all those sailors with no problem.” “Was that a compliment?” He chuckled, “Round about.” then tossed his head back, “Go on, you better go make sure they’re suited up! We’re almost there.” “I will.” You smiled, then paused at the door to take him all in again, “...Fraser.” “Uh huh.” “Before we leave… will you take me out? Just you and I?” Your heart fluttered but you pushed it back. Yes, you just wanted him to yourself. You wouldn’t deny it, but you weren’t about to ask him out. “Will you listen to a word I say?” “I’ll try my best.” You gave him your biggest eyes, and he scoffed. “Yeah right. But sure, it’d be fun. I won’t deny that.” “F-Fun?” This time he turned those blue eyes on you in such a way that you thought your heart might dead on stop. “Yeah. You’re a cool girl, Y/N. And I trust you in the water. I’ll show ya a thing or two!” You couldn’t help but internally groan at that, and left quickly so not as to heat up in his presence. Sure, he might. But you wondered if it would be the thing or two that you wanted him to show you. *** He still wouldn’t come out with you all, you tried your best – and be it tentatively, sweetly, teasingly or just angrily, Fraser never agreed to going. You didn’t want to tell Mac to just give up but sometimes you thought about it.  Tonight, after you’d eaten you wanted to take a night out on the town for yourself, and swung by your favourite little restaurant bar. The tables spilled out over the boardwalk and the dancefloor straddled both outside and inside, even though it was small. So if you wanted you could dance in the open air. You just liked to dance without the rest of your friends around, and usually liked to dance alone.

You headed to the bar first, and worked up the confidence to get on the floor with your single drink. You nursed it for a little while, but eventually swaying on the bar stool had you up on the floor. It was easy for you to make friends – and sometimes you found girls here who had been on boats during the week, so you weren’t ever really alone. It got later and night really drew in, lamps on the boardwalk igniting and bathing everything in a soft yellow glow. The pretty hanging lights in bars were turned on up and down the street, and it was about your favourite time of night. Yet that wasn’t where your eyes were pulled tonight – instead your eyes were drawn to the bar. Holy shit-! Your heart threatened to get the better of you, although his back was to you and he was keeping to himself, it was unmistakably Fraser sitting up there. You had to let yourself calm down before you gained enough confidence to make your way over – but you couldn’t help but wonder if this was how he spent all his evenings. Was this why he didn’t want to be out with the rest of you? “Hey!” He looked up from his drink – make that drinks; Fraser’s bottle of beer was accompanied by what appeared to be water, and then soda. “How long have you been here?!” Was how he chose to make conversation, no how are you, no sweet smile. The man you spent most of your time with during the day appeared long gone. “Longer than you, I’ve been dancing!” “Oh. I didn’t notice.” You had to pretend that didn’t hurt at all as you settled in next to him, “Is this usual for you?” “No, I just… needed a night out. I’m not a great drinker.” “You’re Australian!” His laugh wasn’t warm, “Yeah, alcohol tends to mess with-” Fraser stopped short and turned back to you, “You out alone?!” He was concerned, instantly. “Yeah…” “You do THAT often!?” “I like the breather. So, yes.” His face pulled into a frown but he said nothing more, turning back to his array of drinks, it was the water he finished first. You were still staring at him; there was something about him not in sunlight. You’d only ever seen him in bright sunshine, but now the shadows were giving you an altogether different picture – his eyes were a deeper blue than usual, and the darkness cut his body distinctively; he looked a lot older than you thought he was. There was a lot of trouble etched into him and the way that he slumped his body over the bar like that; a lot you guessed Fraser would never open up to you about in a million years. And he didn’t look back at you. “Fraser.” When he did turn, he seemed more surprised that you’d still be there. “Dance with me.” “Wh-” You stood and took his hand, hardly believing that you had the confidence. “Please!” “No.” He pulled his hand back, “No, no. That’s not my scene.” “Oh c’mon.” “No. I can’t dance.” “Everyone can dance, even if it’s badly.” “No!” His hands withdrew and he realised that he was not letting you down lightly. In fact you damn near looked upset. Fraser sighed, beer to his lips as you still didn’t move, looking back to the dance floor again. This time when your eyes met his they were doing all your pleading for you. “Please, just one dance?” He put his bottle down and stood, already thinking of all the ways this would go wrong: “Okay, but I mean ONE.” You could not be more ecstatic about this, holding his hand as you pulled him across the floor, although as you slowed to choose a place, Fraser guided you to the outer area, the very edge of the dance floor. You found this to be curious, but didn’t question it. All that mattered was he was here, and he was doing you a favour, you wanted to make sure he was comfortable. Fraser placed his hands on your waist respectfully as you rested your own on his shoulders – it was obvious by how firm his grip was that he was not about to move them, not even an inch. You were a little disappointed – but one step at a time. You could hardly believe that he was here and holding you. Your heart was racing again; he was so close. You didn’t want to call it too close, but Fraser was: he kept the gap, he wouldn’t let you closer even though all you wanted to do was breathe him. Even though what you desired was him holding your body against his. But he had rhythm, and he matched yours. You weren’t sure you expected it – but then he was close to you, and he watched your body day in day out. He knew the way you breathed, probably even here and now Fraser was noticing things about you that you didn’t know yourself. Of course he could dance with you, just like you’d asked, and maybe for one song. But then he didn’t let you go when it was over… Maybe that was because you were locked in a stare like this, your constant wish to pull him closer, the way you knew how hot you were getting under the weight of his eyes; because of how nervous you were, the proximity of his body to yours. You couldn’t stop your eyes from flicking to his lips; you wanted to lean forward and kiss him. More than anything. You couldn’t, you couldn’t risk everything on trying to kiss him here. The rest of your summer would be so awkward that you’d have rather hurled yourself off the side of the boat than risk this… Fraser knew how you felt. It was damn near impossible to ignore when you were this near to him. The way you hung onto every word he said during the day and were damn near besotted with him didn’t escape his notice either. How everyone else teased you for it; yeah, he realised that too, none of you were as subtle as you thought you were. But you were young and impressionable and you just had a crush. A crush that would last the duration of summer, and when you went home and decided on further education or working, he’d be forgotten, and you’d find someone else. He didn’t want to hurt you, Fraser knew that much – it was one of the reasons that he wasn’t going to let you closer. He wasn’t sure he could do something in such measures – something he knew would only ever be a summer fling? It never occurred to Fraser to want to put effort into something like that. You weren’t the only one that was going to get hurt.

Fraser kept his eyes on those around you as the dancefloor became more crowded. Telling himself he was only pulling you closer because he had to. It wasn’t far from the truth, this time he wasn’t really meeting your eyes; and his hands kept in that same position. He’d placed you outside to avoid the majority of people, more space. More air. But as people encroached on you, Fraser tensed more and more, until you knew it was uncomfortable for him. It broke you from your trance; where you could breathe him, close enough to feel the heat from his body as it dissipated from the day. A warmth you wanted to be held in. It was too much, it was too close, and Fraser’s dislike of the situation had him pulling abruptly from you. You weren’t sure you understood even when you felt that change in him. “Y/N, I’m sorry but I-” He shook his head, “S-Sorry.” He didn’t even let you say it was okay before he was off and back to the bar. You sighed gently, moment over. Maybe the only moment you’d get with him all summer. And you hadn’t even remembered to savour it.

***

You’d had your first taste, and you couldn’t help but crave more. So you kept going back; you couldn’t be sure if it was Fraser’s favourite spot, if this was where he spent his evenings. It had been once; and maybe he wasn’t around tonight… the night after… the night after that… because he was busy elsewhere. You kept holding onto the thought that he’d turn up eventually – it wasn’t something you wanted to discuss at work. In fact Fraser’s attitude to you at work didn’t change, almost as if it had never happened. Yet you didn’t understand how he could just act that way – it’d affected you, clearly. Why not him? You didn’t want to confront him about it, in fact it forced you to face the fact that maybe friends was all this was ever going to be… Even over a three month ‘summer fling’ you’d be nothing more than one close dance at one small bar. Fraser did eventually turn up again, but by the time he did you were already a little preoccupied. It was a little later than he’d been in here before and he ordered the same from the bar before sitting. You’d already been here a few hours – but had already been to a bar with the rest of the crew. And you were now drinking on top of ‘pre’-drinking. Stupid, you knew, but it was okay to get drunk every once in a while. As long as it wasn’t totally black out. It took Fraser a little while to spot you and, once he did, he became immediately concerned – it was obvious that you were a little too far gone. You shifted around without any real sense of rhythm, your face was flushed, you were laughing a little to loud and a little too much. What really struck Fraser were the men around you. All a little too close, the one nearest you giving off the most obvious vibes that Fraser didn’t like. Although you were laughing, it was clear that whatever question he was asking (Fraser could only guess), was being met with refusal. But once wasn’t enough, it had been at least three or four times and this guy only seemed to get closer, his friends joining in, with him continuously taking your hand back. This was only going to go two ways and neither ended well for you in Fraser’s eyes; he tipped his glass back, thanked the bar tender and rose from his seat. “You guys want to leave her alone now?” “What?” He turned, looking Fraser up and down with a raised eyebrow, “What’d you say?” “I said leave her alone. I’ve been watchin’ you from over there and she’s said no at least four times. Just walk away man.” “This is none of your business.” Getting up in Fraser’s face wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t know that yet. “F-Fraser!” Your voice sounded more than overjoyed as you spotted him, “You’re back!” “Oh, I think you’ll find it is my business.” Fraser was unfazed, he’d dealt with people like this plenty of times, “She’s drunk, walk away.” “Make me.” “I’d rather not.” He tipped his head, “Walk. Away.” “Who are you, her boyfriend?!” “Concerned work college, actually.” Fraser extended his hand out for yours, “Y/N, sweetheart, let’s go. C’mon.” The man stepped between you as you lurched forward, “She’s not going anywhere.” “Kid. I was in the British Royal Navy, you really wanna mess with that?!” He hesitated, and backed up a little, “Yeah I thought so.” Fraser pushed passed him and took your hand, “Come on. Let’s go.” “But, I-” “Honey, you can barely walk and I need to leave before this asshole says another word, c’mon.” “Fraser, I…” You stumbled as Fraser tried to pull you with him, leaving him fixing the men with an icy stare. “Leave. Before I have a chance to show you what I’m really capable of.” It was enough, for now. But Fraser knew they’d be back, looping his arm around you. “Okay, come on… We’re getting you out of here.”

It was not easy to walk you home – and Fraser didn’t know where you resided. He knew the group of you shared rooms somewhere on the island, but he’d never been interested enough to find out where. Right now he was regretting it. He wasn’t sure how many you’d had, but by now you were all giggles and slurred words, hardly able to walk properly without him supporting you. A mess. He wasn’t the biggest fan of taking you back to his, although Fraser at least knew he could look after you here. You started asking random questions about everything – only to repeat them seconds later, still joyful. Fraser tried to answer them calmly and different every time, so as not to be driven stir crazy by his own explanation. But very soon your joy turned to puzzlement, and then you frowned a little, hands to your stomach. Fraser knew this one well too; “Are you gonna be sick?” You just nodded and he grabbed your hand, running you to the bathroom. Well, this wasn’t the way either of you thought you’d be spending your evening or time together. Pretty soon you were crying and apologising as Fraser held your hair off your face and rubbed your back. “Shit, I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry…” “I’m just glad you’re here and not with some dick somewhere else… Now don’t talk.” Still, you kept repeating it as he sat with you. As you quietened down, he brought you a glass of water: “Drink it, you’ll just get dehydrated.” Whether or not you would keep it down was another question entirely, but Fraser needed to make sure he was helping you. It was in one of these moments of quiet, where you just looked in pain, that you turned to him. You were a little less pale and sweaty now – maybe you were calming down. He hoped so, but knew if it was necessary, he’d stay up with you all night. “What did you mean…?” “Huh?” “When you threatened him you said… he wouldn’t want to mess with a Navy man?” “Would you like to mess with someone who has had military training?” “Prob’ly not.” You shook your head, closing your eyes as you felt dizzy again. You just wanted everything to stop spinning and for your stomach to calm down. Fraser couldn’t tell you the real reason, couldn’t tell you what he was really capable of. The potential that had to destroy things very quickly if you didn’t understand wasn’t worth the effort of explaining. “Hey…” He rubbed your back in soothing circles once more, “You’re gonna stay, okay? I’ll get set up on the sofa, it’s no big deal – you’re gonna be alright here while I sort you out, yeah?” You nodded, and then very nearly gasped as he leant forward and pressed his lips to your forehead, “Alright, sweetheart, give me a few minutes. Yell if you need me.” You didn’t, and took to lying in the most comfortable position you could find on the cool bathroom floor. He stopped by once to throw you a shirt and tracks. Which you could just about wriggle into without causing yourself too much more discomfort. Fraser collected you from the floor a little later, opting to let you walk on your own rather than carrying you. You’d still be tender, and who knows what would happen if he folded your body in a certain way. There were at least 3 glasses of water on the side table as he helped you into bed – and some hangover medication. “It’s not really something I take a lot of, but I hope this one helps…” “It’s better than nothing, whatever it is.” He laughed gently, tucking your hair back. He’d left a bucket, just in case. “Bathroom is just down there though, I’m gonna be right outside on the couch. If you need me or anything else… Well, okay, maybe don’t wake me unless you really have to. But I think you might be down for the count for a while. Just… keep calm, settle down. Get some rest alright?” You nodded, suddenly completely embarrassed, “Thank you…” you covered your face, “I’m sorry.” “Stop apologising. You think I don’t know what a bad night out feels or looks like? It happens, Y/N.” Fraser smiled, “Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.” “See you in the morning Fraser… goodnight.” You didn’t hear him exit the room and close the door though – by the time he did that, your body had already put you to sleep through exhaustion. **

When you woke up in the morning it was slowly. Your head was still pounding, but your stomach seemed to be settled. You were huddled up in his duvet, hiding from the world; you took the pill and drank as many of the glasses of water as you could manage. Luckily you hadn’t been ill again, but you were glowing with embarrassment. You must have screwed any chance that you had with him completely. How couldn’t you have? Why had you done something so stupid?! How had you allowed yourself to get so inebriated that Fraser had to see you like that-!! The bedroom door was cracked and your dress was now hung up on the wardrobe. Fantastic; you’d have to do a walk of shame, and you hadn’t even had sex with him. Eventually the pill seemed to kick in, and you sat up slowly. His apartment seemed quiet, you heard Fraser shuffling around but you were enjoying the lack of noise. If you were back with the gang there’d be yelling and screaming already - especially if one of you was hungover. You slowly sipped another glass of water as you stood, shrugging yourself out of his shirt and track shorts you sighed gently. Wearing his clothes too!? Living the dream in the worst way possible…! You pulled on your dress, smoothing it down to look as modest as possible – it wasn’t so revealing, but it was relatively short and strappy. The kind of thing to be worn over a bikini, rather than the way you’d been wearing it. Eventually you thought you’d hidden in here long enough, and took a deep breath, opening the door on his main living area. It was surprisingly clean; you weren’t sure what you were expecting – but you’d lived with men before and they weren’t this neat. That’ll be the Navy… You scanned the room, worn but still nice. Probably in need of a repaint and new furniture in the not too distant future. But good for the busy summer job worker that currently inhabited it. Fraser was sitting up to the kitchen counter, preoccupied with whatever was in front of him. You walked slowly, making sure to balance the glasses, and were immediately curious. You paused before you reached the counter, and were a little taken aback. Sitting in front of him were a multitude of pills of different sizes and varieties. You did the math quick and none of them were in the same quantity. Before he settled on his choices and cleared the rest away into a capped bottle. Fraser didn’t look up until you placed the glasses down, looking bewildered. He picked one of his pills up and swallowed slowly with water. “They’re not drugs.” He could read your look, and that was the first thing you were worried about. “…Then wh-” “I have a personality disorder. They’re my medication.” He said it so matter-of-fact. So blunt. “It’s why I can’t drink a lot, it’s why I can only be around you guys for so long.” Your face changed dramatically and you dropped your head, upset in realisation; “They wear off.” “Exactly. Smart girl.” He repeated the same slow swallow with the remaining collection. “I’ve always been better in water, always. But what I’d do without them… Y’know I need this. Alone is gonna stop me from doing anything stupid. I’m sorry, I should have said something.” “No… It’s personal. You shouldn’t have to disclose something like that…” “You’re my partner out there, of course I should have. An’ now you know.” “I do. But it’s staying between us.” You placed your hand over his, reassuringly, “And I’m the one that’s sorry, I can’t believe you had to see that. I’m an idiot.” “Y/N, I’ve seen people out of their mind drunk before. You’re not the first, you won’t be the last. Forget about it – I’m just glad I was there.” Fraser understood reckless young adult behaviour, hell, he’d been there a few times himself. “Oh…” Your face heated up again, “Well, I… I’m glad you were there to.” He stood, “Breakfast?” “Oh. Please, yeah.” “I’ve had mine, need it for the meds, but… help yourself…” He pointed to several cupboards, “Plates and bowls, mugs and glasses, cereals, cutlery is there, bread there… fridge is…” He waved, “You get it.” “Thank you.” You smiled politely, and walked from place to place as he’d indicated, making your own breakfast. He was reading the paper this morning; it always just gave him something to do. But you were a much more pleasant distraction. And that dress was easy on the eye. Fraser tipped his head, eyes tracing your body through your clothing; it was very nearly backless too, and your sun kissed shoulders and back held a radiant glow in the morning light that was not visible in the darkness, nor club lighting. He’d never seen this much of you before, and he couldn’t help but watch you – you were beautiful. Fraser wasn’t about to deny that, he was just very aware that you had a massive crush. And he wasn’t sure initiating anything with you was a good idea. Whether he wanted to or not. It’s a summer thing, she’ll get over me. It won’t be too hard for someone like her. Besides, Fraser was as worried about if he’d ever get over you. You noticed him watching you, the ways that his eyes always seemed to trace you. It was subtle – and you weren’t trying to read it as what you hoped it was. His blue eyes had this wildness to them, you’d noticed it the other night. That certainly wasn’t subtle, and clearly very subdued by the medication he had to take; you’d never seen him look like this in light like this. It made you swallow hard, left a knot in your stomach that wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t often you’d felt that. You’d been attracted to men before, teenage crushes. Either they were way too old for you, or they were your age and it was teenage love – you’d never taken that ‘sleeping with someone’ leap. Out here on a tropical island alone, you had the opportunity to explore things, but hadn’t yet. Here he was, sitting in front of you and staring at your body… Yet he’d pushed you away on the dancefloor, and you still had to spend time working with him. When Fraser’s eyes met yours again you swore you felt a shiver run through you. You stepped back; heat suddenly rushing places that did make you feel uncomfortable. You body was about to betray you and you were afraid of being unable to control it. “I- I best get going… T-Thank you, for… looking after me and for breakfast. But the guys, they’ll be so worried.” “I get it…” He stood, rounding the table, “I can walk you back to the main strip, you can figure it out from there and-” “No! No!” You ran around his apartment quickly, collecting your bag and shoes, “I’ll be fine, thank you Fraser. I really mean it-” He stopped you before you got to the door. “You’re sure you’re okay?” “Yes!” NO! Definitely NOT! “Okay.” He opened his door for you, “Take care of yourself. And I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right?” “Right.” You nodded to him, voice super quiet, timid and embarrassed about the situation once again. You gave a gentle wave. “Goodbye, Fraser. Have a good day!” “You too, Y/N…” He leant on the door, unsure if he should ask you to stay. Knowing it was better to let you leave, “Be careful.” *** You weren’t about to curse your good luck. You certainly weren’t about to take credit for it, either, but ever since that night, Fraser had started hanging with you a little. Suddenly he’d turn up for breakfast, and even if he took it and ate alone – he’d make sure to spend five minutes conversing with you. He’d never stayed late enough for drinks, but every once in a while, you’d been able to convince him to join you all for dinner. Progress. Great progress. For him too. And although a lot of times he was on the edge of the conversation, the end of the table for quick escapes, Fraser was always next to you. His focus started with you, and branched to the rest of the team and group conversations slowly. But it was still there. When you didn’t need to pay full attention to him to keep him in the conversation, to make sure he was okay, you started to notice other little things about him. Fraser stimmed. First you noticed the way he’d bounce his leg, hand moving over it in sporadic intervals, then how he’d touch the tips of his fingers, back and forth. There was one other place you noticed it, but until you’d witnessed him do this, it hadn’t really occurred to you. Part of his diving toolkit was a knife, it wasn’t big and you’d hardly call it dangerous, Mac wouldn’t have allowed it otherwise (and it seemed clear that Fraser was used to handling something a little shaper), but he’d move this between his hands and thumb the edge of the blade when talking sometimes. It didn’t seem to bother him, and it didn’t bother you, it wasn’t something you perceived as threatening, but you noticed that sometimes guests would get a little uneasy about it. Social situations were clearly never going to be his forte and yet here he was. He was trying. For you? You weren’t so sure, and yet you were almost certain it was to protect you. To make sure you never got in a situation like that again and he wasn’t around to save you. So it was because of you, and in the back of your head, you dared dream that perhaps you’d get your summer romance after all.

This morning once again Fraser stood around for a gentle 5 minute ‘start of the day’ conversation and then went off to eat alone. Sometimes you wanted to go with him, but you felt the others might see you as antisocial. Or you’d end up with more than just Mac giving you the suggestive looks. Speaking of ‘suggestive’, this morning the topic of discussion quickly turned spicy. You virtually tuned out: it wasn’t like you had experience to give input. And half of you thought most of them were bragging about things that had never really happened, or stretching the truth! But, it couldn’t be avoided, eventually they rounded on you: “-Go on, Y/N, what’s your favourite position?” “You’re kidding, Y/N hasn’t had enough boyfriends to know what her favourite position is!” You flushed, “Shut up!!” then cleared your throat, “As long as I can see his face, I think I’m okay…” “Aw, nah, see – I just like tangling my fingers in her hair – especially if I can pull it.” “In your dreams would you get a girl that would let you do that.” Mac laughed hard at James’ cocky face. “EASY! I’ll get one tonight!” Fraser had entered back into the room and was shaking his head - ‘what a bunch of stupid fucking questions’ - he scoffed immediately at James’ comment, making you all turn around. Fraser was therefore made the next victim: “What about you, man?” His blue eyes regarded you all, eyebrow raised, “What?” “Sex – dude c’mon! You’re Australian and you’ve been in the Navy, it can’t be that hard for you to pull!” Fraser declined to comment and said rather nonchalantly, “I dunno, I’m a morning sex kinda guy.” “OOOOHHH!” Mac laughed, “Damn. We keeping you from something?!” That very nearly raised a smile, “Naw, mate. I’ll let’cha know when you are.” You hadn’t heard a single word since ‘morning sex’ and whatever banter was going on around you was drowned out by how hot you suddenly were. All you could think about was the morning you’d stayed at his. The way he’d been staring at you, running those beautiful ocean blue eyes over your body like that. The way you’d only thought about him pushing you away on the dance floor… when maybe you should have been following your gut feeling. Shit, was I not reading the signs, did he-… want me!? You stood so suddenly in the middle of the conversation that the girls around you jumped and everything was thrown into awkward silence, “S-Sorry… I’ll be right back!” You needed a moment. A very… long moment… You didn’t get it until a little later, when you decided you wanted a quiet night in. Not a real moment. You’d had to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream this morning – that knotted feeling deciding to settle in with you all day, as you had to interact with Fraser armed with this new information, kicking yourself. If you’d have made a move what would his reaction have been? Would it have made a difference if that’s what he was into? You lay back in your sheets alone and took a deep breath wriggling your hips around, closing your eyes. All you could picture was his look, those gorgeous blue eyes nowhere but on you… how sometimes he touched you or held you and he was strong… what would it feel like for him to grip your hips? Pin you beneath him? Every little smile or smirk he’d given you. The way he sometimes said something suggestive, or an innuendo, completely serious and yet knowing exactly what he was doing. Then you could feel the heat of his body, how it felt to have him that close on the dance floor – it couldn’t have felt that different between the sheets. In fact, he’d be closer… How would it feel to kiss him? To have his lips on yours, to have them trace your skin – would he be gentle with you? Would he be rough with you? Would that depend on the time of morning… did his medication affect that? Did Fraser have a preference… There were too many questions… and yet so many fantasies you could have all over one man. It wasn’t long before you were sighing gently, wiggling your hips a little more, pushing up to increase the pressure and friction. And then it was Fraser’s name you were groaning. This felt beyond sinful, but you needed it. You probably had for a while. You were in control; but how would it feel to have him touching you like this. You had to know. You vowed one day you would find out… No matter how long it took.

** Your lament that this may never graduate to anything was short lived for two reasons. One was his sudden willingness to hang out with just you. He would ask ‘Hey, you wanna do anything this evening?’ or ‘You free Sunday? I wanna show you something.’ Sometimes that was places he’d seen, sometimes that was diving techniques. He was teaching you things you’d never get the opportunity to learn otherwise and you were so grateful. But when you tentatively questioned him as to what had changed, he simply laughed and said “Well, turns out I can tolerate you when my pills wear off. And it’s kinda nice to hang with someone, sometimes.” When you suggested things to him, Fraser let you drag him around; he even let you hold his hand, and you’d wander down the boardwalk together like that. Fraser was fine with this arrangement, he would let you live the ‘romance’ you wanted to, without entering into a relationship that would hurt you both. You’d get over him, you’d get over this summer. Usually you could bribe him with ice cream. He was certainly of the mind that if you were going to spend a day on the beach then ice cream was a must, and you picked up on this instantly. Although you tried not to take him so far away from the water – quite clearly Fraser’s first love – he was partial to the odd hike on other parts of the island. The second was your own resignation to the situation you found yourself in. The fact that this was never going to happen almost started to become an unspoken thing between you. Holding his hand and going on whatever these ‘dates’ were was safe, and there was no commitment. Fraser never came across to you like he was ready to commit, even if he would talk to you and touch you like he was. Everyone else teased you when you told them you were leaving for yet another evening or day out with him. Cat calls ranged from rather cute to completely unnecessary and vulgar, but it wasn’t like you weren’t used to everyone talking like this; and you went ahead and laughed. Mac was the only one to pull you to one side and ask if what was happening between you was serious. When you gave a shrug and a head shake: “I don’t think that’s how he works. I don’t think Fraser would ever do summer romance. I think it’s all or nothing…” You folded your arms. “Maybe we’re better as friends. I think we’re at different life stages.” “Is that you being sensible? Is that you meaning it?” “It’s me waiting. It’s okay to be friends. It’s GOOD to be just friends. Mac, I won’t lose him if we’re just friends. If we’re UK based, we can wait. I can wait… And maybe it never happens, but, I don’t lose him.” “You like him that much, huh?” Mac flashed a grin, he felt like he probably knew that. “Yeah. Personally, and professionally. What he can teach me, the kind of friend he can be… probably outweighs a rush I can feel and then just… lose EVERYTHING.” You smiled suddenly, “I know which I’d rather have Mac, I think that’s what I’ve figured out. That should be my choice.” These outings continued, and you ended up staying at his place a few more times – luckily not under the same circumstances! Although you insisted on taking the couch this time, liking to spend lazier mornings with him, where he’d tell you how good you looked in what you were wearing and you’d flush and try to forget the morning sex comment again. You were pretty seamless together when you were working and were heading that way socially too. You liked looking after him too, especially in the period where his meds did start to wear off and he wore a little thin, got a little agitated, stimmed a little more. He had your back and therefore you had his – no questions asked. No thanks needed. Summer was inevitably drawing to a close. You had some big life decisions to make, but wanted to put them off for as long as possible. Fraser started looking for what he termed “real work”, other summer shops and attractions started closing, some of Mac’s team bid you farewell to get back to their own lives: he remained open until the very last moment. It began to get cooler, and it was around this time you knew you had maybe 2 weeks left tops. Fraser was tidying away at the end of the long-ish day – it still being busy with less of you around, and talk turned to the future. “What are your plans after this?” “Haha. Nothing!” You folded your arms, leaning against the side of the boat, “Well, okay that’s not technically true. I might go back to school. I think a degree would be nice to have... but maybe I’ll do it part-time. I don’t know if I can commit to full-time.” “Why’s that?” “Just the way I am. If I can work too, why not?” “Uhuh.” “What about you?” Although you thought you knew the answer, he was going back to the diving he did best. “That’s why I asked.” He closed the final lock and turned back to you, “Cuz I’m going back to my freelance diving work. Now, I know, submarine salvage is kinda… niche, but that’s not all I do.” Fraser took a step forward, “Y/N, you’re a good diver. You’re qualified, your dad was in the Navy. You listen to me, more importantly you understand me. We’ve done a lot of work together this summer and it’s been great work. I’m not spending weekends out there teaching you for nothing, and it’s not just because I like you either. You have so much potential. So, I have a proposition.” You stood straight to attention, because it felt like the situation called for it. “Would you like to become my diving partner? Could always use a good one – and you’re not just good – you’re fantastic.” You very nearly chocked; you!?!? You were young and naïve, and surely not as experienced as he wanted?! But easy to teach, quick to apply your knowledge… malleable.   “Y-Y-YES!” “Yeah?” “YES!” You covered your mouth with your hands, “Oh, my goodness, Fraser I- I don’t even know how to thank you!” “You don’t need to. You earned it on your own merit. We’ll start you off slow, but I think you can do as good a job as me, if not better. And together?” Well, he simply had to grin to get his point across. “I have loved working with you. And… I’m under the impression that you don’t want to lose this either. So, what better way than with a partnership?” This was somehow working out too well, if you were part-time student, part-time diver then you couldn’t have thought of a better planned out future. And with Fraser? Not even in your wildest dreams. “I don’t.” You said it too quick, and flushed, “I-I mean, I don’t wanna lose this, either.” Fraser nodded, and instead of shaking your hands he simply took them in his; “Well, we don’t have to.” You couldn’t help but beam. Your resignation to being friends was suddenly all the more important. Would Fraser have asked if you’d have pushed for something he didn’t want? Would he have asked if you were going to be a summer romance? You thought the answer was probably not; even if you didn’t want to consider that answer. Fraser had asked you to be a real part of his life. Not just a summer that you could leave up on a shelf and forget. You had time. You had so much time. You could really get to know him, best friends or soul mates… And maybe more… Time would tell. It was strange to stand with him then and wonder on where time would take you. But you were certain that this friendship would stand the test of time. And that, no matter when, you’d get to look back at this summer and see it as a time you met one of your very best friends. A man that you would love for life.

---

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I don't wanna wait, it's been too long I don't wanna lay here all alone I don't wanna need this phone To hear you breathe Every second feels just like a year Every moment you're not here Is like a lifetime of lonely Please... Every single car that passes by My heart beats faster everytime I pray it's your headlights coming home If I could just speed up that clock I'd get you here then make it stop I'd wrap you in my arms And love you real slow Hurry baby I need you coming through that door Hurry baby I can't be without you anymore Come and save me I'm losing it I swear that this Not kissin' you, missin' you has got me goin' crazy Hurry baby... ---

It took Fraser just six months after you returned from your holiday to hit his I really gotta go diving slump. At first you tried to ignore it, because he was at least trying to act like everything was normal and he was okay – but one night he went out (which you trusted him to do) and came back with a cut over his eye. Neither of you said anything. But you both knew the track he was on – if he wasn’t careful he’d end up in prison, again. Luckily a few weeks after that, you arrived home and Reynolds had come to your rescue to take Fraser on a guys weekend away. Which made you smile, that was a great idea – and if you could talk to Reynolds before that, maybe you could get him to really talk some sense into that man of yours. “Just make sure you enjoy it. That’s all I care about…” “Yeah but, Y/N…” “But what? A few days is nothing, think of how many times it’s been months. At least you’re gonna be safe on land!” “…Yeeeeeah…” You turned back to his uncertain face, “Fraser…?” He grimaced, “We uh… We’re gonna do a little something… When we’re there.” You sighed, deep, long and clearly exasperated “…Why?” “Because I promised him I would.” Then he added quickly; “Before we went to Russia…” “…If I ask him that, he’ll tell me the same thing?” Folding your arms, your eyes narrowed suspiciously His face fell “You… don’t trust me?” You ran your hands through your hair; “I do.” But it was quiet; “…just for once when you’re away from me, I don’t want to worry.” “It’s a day trip. I promise.” “You promise, promise?!” He stepped forward, pulling you into his arms with a kiss “I promise…” ** That gave you a little while to psych yourself up for him to once again go diving without you. A day was a day – though you weren’t sure it wouldn’t miraculously become two or three – but you still worried. And right now, as far as you knew, his protection and stimulant was lying at the bottom of the Black Sea. So before you would let him go anywhere else, you were about to rectify that.

“Sit.” You barely even said hello as you walked back through the door, and Fraser was ready to give you a welcome home kiss and everything! He obediently took a few steps back to seat himself on one of the breakfast bar stools as you sat up on the counter. His blue eyes searching you expectantly. “I got you something!” “Oh?” You folded your arms; “Yes. But you can only have it on one condition.” Fraser smiled gently, rubbing his hands together – “Doesn’t that depend on what the thing is?” You opened your bag; “Mmmm… But I think you’ll probably need it.” You pulled out the hunting knife and his eyes immediately widened. You had been around his old one enough to know this was as close as you would get to the same thing. “…You…” His voice was nearly breathless in obvious gratitude; “You didn’t have to do that…” “I know you, honey, of course I did…” He very nearly held his hand out, but then withdrew it with caution “…What’s the condition?” “Easy. What happened to the old one? You only get this when I know the full story.” His eyes left yours and he hesitated. “Fraser, I don’t care what you say.” “You will.” “What could possibly be worse than anything else you’ve ever done?” “…Y/N…” “Honey…” You slid a little further forward on the counter and lifted his eyes back to yours with your fingertips; “Whatever you say, I’m staying with you. You know that.” Fraser took a deep breath and laced his fingers with yours; “I didn’t lie that it’s sitting on the bottom of the ocean…” “But?” “….It’s not…” he bit his lip; “I didn’t lose it diving. I didn’t even have it when I was diving…” He was trying to get at what had happened without having to admit it out loud. And your fingers tightened around his; “F-Fraser…” You could read him like a book, it had been 16 years, of course you could. But this was bad… worse than what he usually got sent back to prison for. “B…Baby… did you kill someone…?” “…Yes…” It was such quiet, ashamed admittance. But you weren’t taking that. You leant forward, his face in your hands, “What happened?!” “You know me. You know what happened.” You shook your head; “I also know everything you do to calm down, Fraser, what really happened.” If he’d had the knife out at the time, he was likely stimming to do exactly that. “He went for the kid. And I snapped.” “Tobin!?” You pulled back from him, “You protected Tobin…?” “Yeah. Or that’s the reason I got involved...” “I don’t know if I should say this, but I’m proud of you.” You sat back, “That’s not just anger, that’s a reason…” “A reason to kill someone?” “Baby. Listen to me, you know as well as me what your personality means for you. AND what happens. You can’t help that or change it.” “This has never happened before – I mean… what if I hurt you now?” You shook your head; “Don’t you dare do that to yourself! Fraser, that job was crazy-! You have never done anything like that before, and nothing that dangerous. I don’t think anyone was coming out of that unscathed. Baby… You are not gonna hurt me. You haven’t in 16 years you aren’t about to start now. I KNOW you. Better than they do.” He took a deep breath, “…But it was more than one.”

Your tirade of reassurance stopped dead “…Fraser…” What the hell had this trip done to him that he wasn’t telling you. Why hadn’t you pushed him on this earlier? Why were you wishing you hadn’t decided on doing so? “…Daniels, he… It’s hard to explain. Y/N… he got in my head. Everything was going so wrong – we thought we would all die. He said-” “Wait-! Wait-! The banker!?” The man with brown eyes no one seemed very keen on and was so obviously checking you out back in the airport? “Y-yeah… he said if one more person died… then I could save everyone… All it would take was someone else and we’d all be okay…” Fraser ran his hands over his face, “…I shouldn’t have listened but I did… and we…” his voice cracked You already looked horrified – though not with him; with Daniels. He had used Fraser’s disorder against him. He’d pushed, and he’d pushed, and he’d pushed and got so in Fraser’s head that he’d snapped. That was unforgivable in your eyes. And suddenly a man you’d tried to defend as crew is crew became something else to you entirely. And you were beyond outraged. Because Daniels didn’t have to face the consequences of what he had done.  And whatever was showing on your face was having a considerably bad effect on Fraser. “…Y/N… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I’m so so so sorry…” He sobbed, and then he didn’t stop. “F-Fraser… Fraser…! Fraser, no… No…!!” You slipped off the counter and held him close, “Baby… baby please no! PLEASE… Darling… It’s not your fault – that one is not on you…” His arms wrapped around you, and he continued to sob into your shirt as you ran your hands through his hair… “That… fucking man is gonna wish he never met me.” Fraser pulled away from you for just a second – at that tone in your voice – “Y/N…?” It had shocked him out of crying, he was so unused to you talking so venomously; “W…What are you doing to do?” “…I’m not going to do anything. But if I ever see him again. He’s going to pay for what he did.” You picked the knife up, “Take it.” You enclosed his hands around it, “…I’m sorry that anything in this world made you have to use it like that. And I’m sorry you had to go through it twice.” You always tried to protect him from anything like this, but could only do it when he was on land. The only other way was to be on the ship; and you weren’t ever going down that road again. You kept your hands on him as he flicked the knife from its sheath. And then he smiled, and seeing that smile that you were desperate to get back almost brought you to tears. Finally, he laughed, arm back around you. Engraved into the top of the knife, and about the only thing different from his old one, was an ‘F’ – but it wasn’t a capital for his initial. He knew the ‘F’ well. In fact, it wasn’t even a letter, but a musical symbol. And he knew exactly why you would use a forte.

 *** Previously… It was a shirt he recognised from photographs he’d seen of you and your friends (when he was fortunate to be on a sub with any kind of technology) any time they took you on holiday when he was away. Which was often; you used it to cope – as a welcome distraction.

Black – with a white ‘f’ – cutting across your shoulders, it flowed and, when you raised your arms, grazed to a little shy of your stomach, stopping just above the end of your scar. He didn’t just love it because of the letter, because it was like you were walking around with his initial emblazoned on your chest; ‘he’s my man. And I am his.’ but because it looked so damn good on you. Sometimes he’d been fortunate enough for you to wear it when he returned home. Because that ‘f’ wasn’t really an F.

Forte. Louder. Something you certainly would be when he returned home – considering exactly what that meant. But others didn’t need to know that, so it became a private joke. To them, it was F, for Fraser – and that was all that mattered. He remembered the first time that he’d seen it and asked why you would want to wear a shirt like that; after all, you didn’t seem like the type to wander around like some guy owned you. And the way you had pulled him closer, with a smirk, grazing your lips to his; “Why don’t you take it off and figure out why I’m wearing it…” “…What does my initial have to do with-” “Forte… Fraser. For LOUDER.” Turned out, taking it off, with a smirk of his own proved you right. But today, you were wearing it to take him to the ship. Fraser was curious as to why that was, but didn’t question it. He’d get to see you in it and have that be his lasting image until you picked him up and he got to embrace you again. It was a nice summer day, and you had the window down, meaning the breeze was catching the shirt and exposing more of your skin than usual. It was all he could do to sit still and bite his lip, watching you. God Damn… what in the hell did I ever do to deserve her?

You had worn it for your own reasons, you knew that the same joke always ran around Fraser and the boys. This crew was different than usual. His only companion from the Likely Lads was Reynolds, which you could only be grateful for. But you knew that the rest of them would be watching you when you said goodbye. So a nice obvious F on your clothing should shut them all up. Reynolds pretty much sprinted to the car when you pulled up and lifted you from the floor when you got out; “OH! God! I get it!” “I thought you were going to trap him somewhere and leave me with all these kids-! Oh god!” “Kids-!?” You raised an eyebrow and looked to the men loading the vessel, “…They’re at least all in their 30s right?” “Yeah! Kids!” You kicked his shin, but not too hard, “Watch IT!” “Oh, Y/N, sunshine. You’re not a kid. You’re a baby.” Your eyes flashed at that; “I can still take him back you know!” “Baby-!?” Fraser laughed, hauling his bag over his shoulder, “She’s worse than a fucking skipper that one.” “You should be so lucky for me to be the captain of a vessel that you two are on!” “Oh god, don’t tempt her Fraser!” Reynolds laughed as this time you punched his arm; “Did you ever learn to behave? Have you always been this feisty?” “YES.” You and Fraser answered in unison. Reynolds chuckled “Okay, you two, say goodbye. Don’t get too acquainted on the docks! You have a very inquisitive audience, trust me!” You scoffed watching him walk off and turned to your man; “I will ask of you as I always do, just, be safe. And come back.” “I will-” “NICE SHIRT BY THE WAY!” you both erupted into giggles as Reynolds yelled at volume, enough for everyone to be drawn to you. “F? FOR FRASER!?” “FORTE.” You corrected, with a wink, knowing full well he was already aware of that. “FORTE-!? LOUDER!?” Then he laughed so loud it echoed “YEAH, HE FUCKING WOULD MAKE YOU LOUDER EH, Y/N!” “Oh my god-!” though you were still laughing as you pretended to hide your face, embarrassed. Reynolds kept chuckling, and disappeared into the sub. Fraser tried not to smirk, “Well. Shame I can’t until I get back…” “…Okay, Romeo…” There was a slight blush across your cheeks as you pulled him to you “…Take care of that idiot for me.” “Isn’t that what you usually say to him?” “He doesn’t need me to nag him about you…” “Ehhh…” Fraser kissed your forehead, then your lips; “…I dunno about that.” “I bet…” You caught his lips again, and he wound his arms around you, “I love you.” “I know. You’re still here, after all.” “So are you, somehow.” “…Oh come on. Who else is there?” He gave a shrug “No-one. But you know, a guy on dry land-” “Is fucking boring. Please.” You grinned, and this time when you kissed him you didn’t let him go anywhere near as quick, and you half expected to hear Reynolds yell at you to get a room. He didn’t. “…Give me a hot Australian diver over that any day.” He chuckled, “I’m just trouble.” “My trouble.” Unfortunately, as the job continued, Fraser figured out just how correct Reynolds was about them being ‘Kids’. And as usual – it was over a photograph of you… but this wasn’t the banter he was used to, but facetious comments he certainly was not. Not about you; “-- I mean she’s so fucking hot. And we all know it. So how many other men do you think know it?” “Everyone. And when Fraser is here...” “Yeah Fraser, how many guys do you think she’s fucking when you’re here?” “...What?” Fraser paused and swivelled his head towards the conversation, thumb half way through running the tape over your photograph flat. It wasn’t that he thought you would ever do that. But it was always a notion in his head, why would you stay with him - who was away as much as he was - when you could have someone permanently there? Would you love on someone else because he wasn’t there? You could, and could get away with it. Unfortunately, his crewmates were currently fuelling that paranoia. “She would never-” “How do you know? Who is gonna stop her Fraser, you?!” He stood in a movement that made them back up, blue eyes hard, “Is that what you think of her?” They didn’t even know you… Reynolds, who had been silent until now walked between the three of them; “You boys wanna back off now?” “It was a joke-!” “About a girl I’ve personally known for a long time. Don’t fucking joke about a 10-year relationship and 15 years of knowing each other like she’s been playing him... clearly you don’t have a clue what it means to love someone. So. Back. Off.” There was an apology – that Fraser thought best to accept, before the other men slunk sheepishly off, leaving him and Reynolds alone. Reynolds shook his head after them, at their pathetic mumbled apology and sighed; “Fraser. We need to stop doing this before I kill someone.”

 *** It was beyond a dream come true. So much so it was laughable. If it wasn’t for the fact that you knew you were in what you thought was going to be a very boring briefing meeting, you’d have sworn you were dreaming. There wasn’t much known about it in all honesty - operations were extending, potentially. And this was a meeting to discuss exactly what that would look like. Something you didn’t really care about - more annoyed that it would take nearly all day to do; including an extremely early start, and that you had things to be getting on with and project deadlines you felt were more important.

So the irony... or... the universe laughing at you or... whatever that the meeting was going exactly the way it was, wasn’t lost on you at all.

It had started simple enough. At the moment your exchange, Ferrolicia, was more of a meditator, between the buyer and seller of precious metals. With a good link to the London Metal Exchange. More recently the buyers had become Museums - or - avid collectors of rare artefacts. Because people had started bringing metal work to your company, (with its sterling reputation) that was not so simply valued, or... sold on. On occasion you had also been asked to finance discoveries of such metals in order to find the right people to pass them on to.  But a lot of it was done by third parties, and expensive.

Essentially, the operations officer - Oliver Keyes - wanted to capitalise in new found expertise, perhaps driving down cost by bringing it in house, and build this section of the business out. And as the presentation continued, it was more than obvious that he wasn’t talking about just financing the people who came to Ferro with found objects at excavation sites. He meant actively searching for and participating in these excavations. And then came the funny part. Where you couldn’t contain your laughter any longer.

A lot of these found potential excavations, or, sites from which things had been found and needed to be brought back from... and apparently where Oliver was most interested in starting up-!... were underwater. They were talking about a diving team. How could you not immediately jump on this-!? So when you did laugh, and not exactly quietly, they all turned to you. And you had the opportunity to explain yourself. “Sorry, can I just get this straight in my head for a moment.” You cleared your throat, “Are you talking about hiring a diving team..?” And suddenly Tobias was turning to you and his face lit up as he caught on. “It’s an option. But, essentially... Why? It’d be a long process but-!” Oliver paused as you and Tobias continued to exchange looks, “...What-?! You clearly already have ideas-!?!” “I did that. Professionally. For over 5 years, most of those with an incredibly good diving partner.” You pointed to his screen full of bullet points and suddenly everyone in the room was eagerly turned to you, “I had an accident that left me with a pretty nasty scar, diving at depth isn’t to my taste anymore - but I sure know a thing or two about it.” You didn’t want them to get ahead of themselves thinking you could lead the team down there. Though you assumed some of it would be at a comfortable depth level - if it couldn’t be guaranteed, you couldn’t risk it. And you’d never been in charge of a dive. “So... you couldn’t go out and... be part of this?” “Not me. But I sure know someone who would want to lead a team down there. And people that would be part of the team. My diving partner still does it for a living. I think he’d appreciate a job like this too,” You laughed again “seems pretty win-win.”

“Y/N...” Oliver smiled, “I think you singlehandedly made this dream much more of a reality... we’ve been wondering how we can possibly hire the right people for this for months; we were thinking maybe expansion and outsourcing but... you really know people that would want to do this?” “Live for it.” You folded your arms, “Fraser would live for it. For the opportunity. And to lead a diving team. I guess you’d... interview him, but I don’t think you’ll find anyone better qualified than he. He taught me a hell of a lot. He’s still one of the best. Hasn’t lost it. Needs the opportunity...” you indicated to the screen again, “...all you need to do is see that for yourself.” “We would need more than one.” You offered a smile; “I can do that too.” “And maybe others in ops that-” “Know there way around? Water? Ships? Navigation?” you smirked, “I have just the man...” you tipped your head, grinning; “Oliver, if you want to hire a submarine crew, just say so-!”

**

 “I think he’s impressed.” Tobias nudged you as you walked from the meeting “With my partner. Not me.” “No-! What-!? Without you knowing these people, you heard it yourself, Oliver would be stuck!” He tipped his head; “Who are the others you had in mind.” “Peters is probably too old... but there’s Tobin - the unofficially adopted 18-year-old? - he knows how to dive. And Fraser will know others, he was on a Navy dive team for years, then he went off and did his own thing, then he met me. We had 5 years’ worth of meeting good people, but after me? He’ll have connections that Oliver can currently only DREAM of. And maybe beyond even that… Point is, Fraser has needed a break like this his whole life and I should know. He’s 44, he’s not done yet. And I know if he’s given the chance, he can do this, but I’m just worried...” “Why? You always worry about him; is this gonna set you off chain smoking?” It was a joke, and Tobias flashed a grin to make sure you knew it. “No. I will know where he is and when, and more importantly than that... I’ll know it’s safe!” You smiled, but then it faded, “I just know corporate hiring policy...” “Well. We’re hardly going to be looking at education and office work for this. You said there’s no one better qualified.” “There isn’t a sea he hasn’t been in. He’s got qualifications from nearly all continents... one of the highest ranked divers out there and that’s all official. And he had Navy experience. But...Tobias...” you sighed, “He has a criminal record; and it’s not just once. God help him, he’s in and out of there... diving and prison those are-” you lowered your gaze, suddenly feeling very sorrowful about the whole thing, “they take one look at something like that...” But he put an arm around you “...Come on... walk with me...” steering you out of the building for fresh air, “let’s grab lunch whilst we have this break – they’re excited about this and excited about him-! You should be too.” “It’s a criminal record - even I probably couldn’t be a hiring manager and look passed something like that-!” “We’ll get around it.” “What?!” “Second chances in employment is something people talk about all the time, where the record doesn’t matter. Well, we’re gonna be a company that acts on it.” “Tobias-” “Trust me on this. Unless he completely screws that interview up, I’m not messing this up for you and I do not want to let him down. You said he needs this right?” “Yes!” More than anything “And you believe in him? That there’d be no trouble if we hired him? That he would do that job and exceed all expectations? Give everyone else his wealth of knowledge and experience... be a thriving member of this companies community?” “Yes!” Though you wouldn’t like to try and guarantee it, Fraser was home underwater. Half man, half fish - how many times had you heard that jest. Not really a jest. Fraser was firm, calm and gentle. Nearly at his absolute sweetest and certainly at his most responsible. You only had to look at Tobin to know that was true. “And you believe in him?” “That man saved my life.” Tobias didn’t need to know that - but at the same time you felt compelled to state it. That was the level of responsible Fraser was when diving, and would be to his fellow divers. He’d never lost a man, and he would keep it that way. “I always have... always will.” “Then how about we show him, that this company believes in him too.” *** You hoped you’d never have to so much as see the name Agora again. But unfortunately, your company wouldn’t let you go ahead with funding your own venture without investigating what the competition could offer. Tobias wasn’t as reluctant as you were, but you supposed you had better reasoning: “Come on, Y/N, Agora could work with us in a partnership... I guess it might be a cheaper venture if we just outsource it too.” “Inexpensive because they won’t pay what the trip and the risk is worth! Not only that but it’s as like they will call Fraser, and he will pick up. Having him on our payroll is safer. I’m sick of companies deciding on things to save dollars. I want to create something than instils company loyalty and makes sure that everyone working for them is treated fairly. If I find out the employees my outside vendor is hiring aren’t being paid dues, I will kick off.” “Well it’s Ferrolicia’s project so, you can’t very well do that.” “Tobias-” But he didn’t let you protest; “Lets, just see what Agora have to say - alright? Maybe they can give us assurances...”

So you had to take a deep breath and keep a level head - walking into that office. It wasn’t easy, but you knew you also had the reputation of the exchange and it had a good relationship with Agora... you wouldn’t be the only team working with them, so you had to think about that, also. But they would have to really impress you. You trusted Tobias’ judgement, and knew it might well keep Fraser in near enough full-time employment, even if it was only contracts for those dives... if they kept on using him. But then, even you knew Agora would never be able to find better. Meaning you walked into that building with an open mind, and tried to clear your head and heart of all their previous misdeeds... and your partner. Not easy, but not impossible. ** It all started very polite. You had to admit the city building that Agora’s business Division was very pretty. The glass stretched on into the sky and you admired the internal architecture just as much; new and polished. Well. They made enough money - you knew that for sure. But you couldn’t help but think it made your building look very outdated. You supposed that Ferro was now busy financing other things - like this new branch of operations.

Your usual contact, Arthur Riley, met you in the lobby of the building. About the only person in this entire company you thought you liked. It didn’t mean you thought they deserved the business though. Not with how you know they treated people. “Ah! Tobias! Y/N! Welcome back-!” “It’s been a little while Arthur - how are you-!” “Yeah! Yeah-! Business is good, all good-! Right this way-! What you’ve been saying to me certainly sounds like an interesting prospect...!” “Yeah, an exciting leap for Ferro!” “Sounds like it - well, I hope we can persuade you that Agora is the right choice!” “Well, we certainly appreciate all you’ve done for us in the past-!” You scoffed softly, knowing you sure as hell didn’t. “We thank you for your business-!” he showed you to a meeting room, again looking flashy and new with great glass walls. “- I have a colleague that will be joining us shortly, he’s just finishing up in another meeting.” “No problems-! We want to have the best possible discussion here...” Arthur nodded; “I think we can certainly start...”

**

You had your notebook open, listening intently, heck you’d even made notes. Deciding that you would make the best out of this stupid thing with Agora if it killed you trying, - hopefully not literally - you would give them one final chance to prove themselves. But it would have to be one heck of a proof. And it had to be flawless, for you to even hear Tobias out. But it wasn’t all bad - maybe you could take some of their ideas and use them as your own.

The meeting room door opened, to a charming American accent; “Sorry I’m late guys, call ran over, I’m sure you can appreciate-” As he came around the table to set down his things, both of you froze. You were never very good at hiding emotions, so you hoped the thousand you just experienced simply culminated into shock. Because that’s certainly what crossed his face. “No worries, Y/N, Tobias... meet Scott Daniels, he’s one of our most trusted associates in lines of work like this and he’ll certainly crunch the numbers to make this work between us.” You were still staring at each other. Fucking Agora—!! The whole thing was Fucking AGORA-!?   This man had got into your partners head and made his personality disorder a weapon without having to lift a finger himself. Didn’t make him any less a murderer. In fact, as you’d stated to Fraser himself - that made Daniels worse. He held his hand out first to your boss and then to you; though your reception was frosty, you gave no indication that you knew him.

It took all the strength you had to fight with yourself (the way you used to do with Fraser) to not leap across the table and throttle the guy.  And it made you sick. Because suddenly everything was in perspective. That mission your man almost died on, that mission that the guy now sitting across from you had made him kill on... that was Agora’s. Not some outside investor. Not the little guy standing up to the big corporation. It was just lies. And you shouldn’t have been as surprised as you were. One thing was for sure, if Agora stood a chance of winning the business from you before the meeting there was no way in hell they did now. They had just dug its own grave. And so had he.

 **

 You spent the rest of the meeting staring Daniels down hard, which kept him shifting uncomfortably, until the thoughts of Fraser racing around in your head made you feel queasy – forcing you to look at the table. But you hadn’t listened to a word being said. You didn’t care anymore, you wanted to walk out of here and burn this whole company down. They didn’t care about the boys; they didn’t care about your man... by extinction they didn’t care about you. They never would. And giving them the chance would only hurt more people; more families, who just wanted to make and honest living doing what they were good at. “—of course, the safety of the divers we hire would be absolutely paramount-” You couldn’t help the bitter laugh that came out of your mouth at Daniels voice saying that. How he dared say it with you sitting across from him; because his eyes had already told you he knew he was totally screwed.

 He paused - everyone in the room turning to you - and you realised you were no longer going to be able to hold it together if you sat in this room, and they asked you any questions. You pushed yourself away from the table, stood up, and took a deep breath: “I’m sorry.” Although it didn’t sound particularly apologetic. Then without so much as another sound you walked from the room. All three men suddenly looked to each other equally confused; but only two of them were being genuine. Watching your retreating form, Daniels sighed and got up. “Excuse me...” Now he’d made one hell of a fatal mistake. “Y/N! Y/N! Wait-!” He hissed and you heard his footsteps echo in the effort to catch up with you. You couldn’t believe he had the nerve to follow you out. You quickened your pace but apparently that didn’t deter him and Daniels caught your arm. “Y/N!” You yanked your arm back but he did it again; “Y/n-! Ple-!” “Don’t. Fucking. Touch me. Don’t you dare!” “Y/N! I’m sorry!” Well there was a word he shouldn’t have said “SORRY-!? Oh you’re fucking sorry-!?!? Do you have ANY fucking idea what you’ve done-!?” “I-” “I didn’t want a fucking answer—!!!” He held his hands up and backed up a step - not nearly enough space; “If it wasn’t for me-” “IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU HE’D HAVE COME BACK FROM THAT MISSION HAVING GONE OVER THE EDGE ONCE OF HIS OWN VALITION – BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE DOES. Blackie, that’s on him, but everyone on that fucking vessel should already know you don’t push Fraser, because he doesn’t HAVE a wind up!” You took a deep breath and jabbed him in the chest; “But Zaytsev? That’s on YOU. YOU are more guilty of murder than he is. But you and your corporation don’t care – do you!? I’ve never much liked Agora – but OH MY GOD it’s so much worse now!” Daniels’ face scrunched for a moment “I tried to stop him-! Y/N he’s dangerous!” If there was one thing you knew, Fraser didn’t lie. And this guy was about to get slapped into the next century; “Did you just call my partner dangerous!? YOU!? He has a personally disorder you fucking asshole and YOU took advantage of that-!” Aware this also wasn’t an angle he was going to sway you on, and that the volume of your voice wasn’t about to lower if he didn’t do something soon, Daniels took the only option he thought he had left. He’d one up you on this one way or the other, he wasn’t about to let you win. Agora needed this business, then maybe he could take care of this issue with Fraser too. Daniels took the step that he’d conceded and caught your arm again, dragging you a little closer. “I SAID. LET. ME. GO.” Your voice was shaking in anger but he bent you back instead, and you were pretty sure that you could sue for this. His voice was quiet and calm, and he had this cockiness about him that let you know he thought you had nothing that was about to trump his card; “Imagine what I could tell the police about what your man did down there-!” There was silence for a moment, only because you were utterly speechless that he thought he could just throw that out there. He did realise that Fraser had a rap sheet taller than he was? Fraser was a Navy officer – it had crossed your mind when you’d met him (let alone now) that he’d probably killed people. If Daniels was about to start pinning murder on him, Fraser was about to have nothing on you. Oh! Blackmail and threats-!? Boy, Hell NO. You took his arm with your other hand, nails digging into his wrist, hard enough for you to feel his pulse and him to wince, voice quieter than his “What, the fuck, did you just say to me?” His face fell and eyes widened. Because Daniels suddenly realised that he had nothing – and he was in trouble. Your nails continued to dig into a pressure point that made him let go and you pushed him back; “HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN THREATEN HIM INFRONT OF ME!?” You shoved him again – and if people weren’t watching you before, they were now “HE’S FIVE TIMES THE MAN YOU OR ANYONE ELSE AT THIS FUCKING COMPANY WILL EVER BE-!” Daniels was trying to keep everyone out of it, movements supposedly to pacify “Y/N. Just calm down.” “CALM DOWN---!?!?!” Then you did snap; three strides in heels and you were on him. Your first strike was hard – and you heard the crack before it registered to you what you were doing, but you didn’t stop there. Screaming 1000 things you knew you would be ashamed of later, right now you couldn’t care less. As far as you were concerned this was all for Fraser. Fraser and anyone else Agora had ever screwed over. And Daniels was having to contend with screaming, punches and borderline feral scratches. He was trying to fend you off without hitting a woman, but that was nearly impossible to do – with good reason. You’d grown up with Navy boys – courtesy of your father and your partner. And they had all done their best to make you a badass. Successfully. They’d be proud of this. There was one thing you did know, as this American ‘banker’ was dealing with your tirade of assault; you were pretty sure this is what it meant to be hysterical. Eventually – and possibly not soon enough for Daniels – Tobias split you both apart. “Y/N…! Y/N…! It’s okay… It’s okay… we’re done… Back up… You’re a better woman than this and you know it. They aren’t worth it.” As far as you were concerned it was all very worth it, and Daniels was lucky you hadn’t broken something. But then again, the last thing you needed was a lawsuit. You took a deep shaky breath, regarding the man now on the floor – breathless, and scared and shaking. Rightly fucking so! Your scratches were deep; blood ran all the way down the left side of his face and flecked over his suit. You shook out your hair and smoothed down your clothing. “Yeah.” You agreed with Tobias, “We’re done.” But you took a step around him, which caused Daniels to cower back. Yeah I bet. Those boys deserved better than this shit. “You.” You jabbed your finger at him; “Come anywhere near my boys again – you’ll be fortunate to walk away with stories of what happened on that submarine. You don’t deserve to be in the same room as them, let alone a mission. Consider yourself fucking blessed. They are worth more than you and your fucking company.” You took a breath, shaking your head “Agora should be ashamed of itself.” Then you took another step, “If I ever see you again, you are not coming out of it alive. Forget Fraser, I’m killing you myself. Keep Agora the FUCK away from my man.” and he conceded as much floor to you as he could, “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry.” “Fuck You! I don’t want your apology. But after what you did, he deserves one.” You turned and then looked back, “Threaten Fraser again and you’ll wish this was all I did.” **

You had to make your excuses to Tobias and leave. But he’d seen at least half the argument to know why you had to go. He didn’t even need an explanation: “Y/N it’s okay...” “God I just blew up in front of a partner, Tobias, I’m so sorry...” “A client and a partner no less... Y/N... it’s fine. Trust me... go home. Go be with him. Go.”

You were nearly surprised you made it home in one piece. Hands shaking with deceit and anger. But also sorrow. That poor man. All of them, had been through so much down there and Agora was behind it all along-!?!? And Daniels... You laughed in disgust, closing your car door with a slam, almost failing to realise there was a second car in the drive - by the time you’d run in and located Fraser you weren’t sure if your tears were in boiling rage or because you were suddenly just so scared. “Hey-! Y/N-! Tobin-” You sat on the coffee table in front of him and Fraser didn’t even have time for his face to fall, let alone ask you what was wrong, before it all came out. Everything you had ever wanted to say to him, possibly for the last ten years. “Fraser. Please. Please. Please-! I don’t want you to leave any more-! I don’t want you to go! I can’t let you go, and dive, and risk your life out there for corporate fucking assholes who don’t give a damn about your life, or the people in your life! Only the money you’re going to make them! I didn’t watch you fight for your living the last 16 years of my life for Agora to take it from you. Or me! Fraser you can’t leave again, baby please I can’t take it. I can’t take that people are taking advantage of you like this! It’s never going to happen again! Baby please... I can’t watch you walk out that door anymore. Not without me... baby, I can’t be without you for one more second. And Fraser... Fraser I mean it this time... and it’s the last time I ever want to have to say it...” And then you couldn’t speak anymore, because you were overcome by tears. And the last time Fraser had seen you cry like this was the time you told him to leave. He didn’t want to remember that, and he knew he wouldn’t want to remember this. “Y/N... Hey... Y/N...” He collected your hands in his - but that only made you sob harder, so he gathered you to his shoulder, and soothed you. “Shhh... shhh... it’s okay... it’s okay... darling I’m here... I’m right here...” Fraser ran a hand through your hair to the base of your neck and continued this motion as he spoke; “Y/N... baby... come on... don’t cry... you don’t have to cry... what happened? Why are you talking about Agora...?” You leant back and took a deep breath, though tears were still spiking: “I had to go to a stupid fucking meeting with them today about a new project we’re launching... and... he was there.” “Wait... Daniels was there!?” He knew immediately “You KNEW-!? Why didn’t you-!? Say something!!” “The less you have to worry about the better, we came home and we had the gold so-” “What did they take-!?” “Well they would have taken everything but Robinson came up with a nifty negotiation tactic...” but he realised right away that was a stupid thing to say. You weren’t going to take much more of this. “Fraser. Please. If you love me, you will never walk out that door again...” You bit your lips together and sniffed in an attempt to stifle your tears. “PLEASE Fraser. No more… I can’t take this. It’s the one time I’m going to beg you… But it will break me if I have to watch to leave again.” And he comprehended, if he hadn’t already, how serious you were by the look in your eyes - he laced your fingers with his; now gripping onto the sleeves of his shirt. “I promise.” “And you mean it-!?” His eyes searched yours again; “It means far too much to you for me not to...” “He messed with your head and made you kill someone Fraser. No one is getting to do that to you again. NOONE.” Fraser raised an eyebrow, of course he knew; “What did you do?” “Everything I could just the right side of legal.” And he smiled, small but genuine, “That’s my girl. Taught well.” You gathered his face in your hands “I’m sorry.” “Sorry for what?” “Letting it go on this long...” you leant forward and kissed his forehead.  You would protect him now. And Ferrolicia had given you the means to do so. You had to calm down a fair bit more before you realised what he was saying before you had to get your words out: “D-did you say Tobin??” “Uh... yeah...” he indicated behind you, and you turned to see the teenager standing awkwardly in your doorway. Tobin waved; “Hi... Y/N..!” He’d probably heard a good chunk of that, you realised - and wiped your eyes. “Oh god... I’m sorry...” you stood and made your way over to him, “How are you?” You enveloped him in a hug, but then we’re enveloped yourself as his taller frame fit around yours “Not too bad - thanks! Don’t think I’ll return the question, though!” You chuckled “I’ll be fine...”  you looked back to see Fraser watching you – still legitimately concerned, as he should be. “I have my boys with me now, right?” Fraser and Tobin gave you the same agreeing smile; “Right!” ***

 It was a little while later when you were standing out in the hallway; you just needed a quiet moment, to settle yourself down. In reality, although you’d sat through dinner and made conversation, your head was still reeling from discovering who Daniels really was. You guessed the boys knew you would have attacked him in the middle of an airport, and so didn’t want to raise it there. But then no one had raised it after either - and you found it hard to believe that it was forgotten.

Tobin was the one to find you, and he just stayed with you quietly for a moment. That was really all you needed - and you didn’t want to worry Fraser with this again. “You okay?” You hesitated, before speaking quietly; “This is the first time... in a good long while... that something like this has happened. Only it’s much worse this time. Because it wasn’t outright Agora, it was just all lies. Every time Fraser goes out there, I spend so much time worrying that I will never get him back. Or that if I do get him back, he’ll have injuries like I do. Or worse, the same mental problem. Because I don’t even know what Fraser without diving is...” “And yet you want him to stay?” “And so the cycle is endless.” You breathed out gently; “Once I thought my life was gonna be… That I would end up in a white picket fence house, married with kids...” you chuckled, “even if that was going to be with an ex-Navy, Australian diver.” “You could still-” You shook your head; “I gave up on Fraser getting down on one knee a long time ago. Long term partners. I don’t think marriage would agree with us...” you flashed a smile, “We are prone to arguments...” you turned to him, “As for kids... I guess we also decided on adopting the late teen from Liverpool-!” That made him chuckle bashfully, but you took another breath, “No. It... he can’t, and after my accident, neither can I. Of course, my mother hates that and therefore, she’d never let me marry him anyway.” You sighed again, “I think she’s always hoping for that I’m done with him phone call. Even 16 years on.” You shook your head, “My chance of having kids was low anyway. But because of the operation they had to perform after the accident, the % was so low it might as well be zero. We talked about it... maybe twice...” you shook your head, “...No amount of heartbreak is worth taking that chance. Not for him, not for a man who knew he couldn’t have them. I wasn’t about to put Fraser through the possibility on such a high risk rate. 9 months is a long time with so much to lose. We never tried.” You tipped your head back, resting it against the wall behind you, and folding your arms; “…That’s before we get started on his family… Not that they’re worse than mine, his father…” your face scrunched, “…Well. That was something.” “Oh, I’m sorry-!” “No… Shit-!” You pushed your fingertips to your temples “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put all that... out there.” But Tobin gave you a sweet smile; “Well. If I’m family then you may as well tell me everything.” Your cry was much more of a giggle; “Y-yeah... you’re certainly family...”

 ** The Agora situation was never mentioned again – you didn’t get reprimanded for it, and if any complaints had come in from them about you, you never heard about it. Tobias considered it water under the bridge – and he stood you down from the presentation on whether or not an outsourcing company would be used. The votes came out of that meeting a resounding ‘No’ and that meant you had the go ahead. Your little metal exchange was about to make a huge step up and get itself a brand-new operations team. Tobias tapped your desk; “You ready to ask that partner of yours if he wants to get diving again?” “Seems a little two-faced considering I asked him the other day to never step out of that door…” But you turned to him with a grin; “I’m ready to get him in a genuine job.” “Well. Trust me, a few weeks from now – we’ll be interviewing. If he wants in… the time is now!” You leant on your hands, still with that smile; “…I’ll get right on it with my selection, Sir!” ** “What are you doing??” You leant over Fraser to peer at the screen, offering him a kiss on the cheek, to which he smiled “I believe it’s called job searching?” “Oh?” You teased, running your hands over his shoulders, “What for?” “If you don’t want me to dive I gotta do something. So to the job centre I go-! God, that’ll go down well.” “Well...” your hands moved to tangle in his curls, and he emitted a low hum of pleasure, “What if I tell you I can help you there?” He tipped back, “I don’t think I have qualifications to work in a Metal exchange.” “Mm-! You do for this job...! Is Tobin still here?” “Ya.” “Great. This one is for him too...” “What are you scheming?” His eyes followed you as you fled the kitchen to run upstairs “Oh-! Nothing much!” The beam on your face said that statement couldn’t be further from the truth. “You’re fucking with me?” Your arms were folded and your face amused, but there was nothing other than dead seriousness in your eyes. Tobin and Fraser looked to each other and then back to you “You’re NOT!?” “No.” “Holy...” Fraser puffed his cheeks before letting out a long slow breath, and sinking back into the sofa “That’s crazy.” “That’s what Ferro want to do.” “-and you.. and they want us!?” “You two were my primary candidates. Fraser you’ve been waiting for this ever since you lost your last diving partner. Cuz I think that was as solid as it ever got for you.” You gave him and wink, and turned to Tobin, “Tobin, I think you know at 19 you need something concrete. You might both be millionaires right now... but-” You nodded to Fraser, “you’re always going on about how it won’t last.” Frasers face suddenly became very serious; “...Seemingly... we would have to interview for this position?” You knew exactly where he was about to go, “Yes. Eventually, but right now I just wanted to give you the heads up, and good news!” Fraser turned back to Tobin; “You’ll probably have to get further certified. That’s no trouble though, I can already vouch for ya. You were a better driver than people I’ve known working this for years. That professionalism will go a long way - you’ll have no troubles!” But then he turned back to you; “Y/N... skills I may have, but the second they see that record-!” You sighed; “Can you just have a tiny bit of positivity on this one!?” Fraser smiled, “Just trying not to get my hopes up!” You looked to Tobin, who gave a gentle shrug, making you roll your eyes - Men! - then turned back to Fraser “Just interview for it – see how it goes. Believe in yourself!” “Well. As long as you’re prepared to see me walk out a door again?” You chuckled, knowing he’d get that in somewhere – “At least this time I know what you’ll be diving for.” **

The moment Fraser had heard the word “interview” he was panicked. And didn’t stop panicking. You and Tobin had sat and helped him expertly craft a CV - drafting all the diving he’d done of major significance, teams he’d been a part of, even work he’d done that didn’t bear relation to diving - to show that little bit of diversity. All his awards, qualifications and certifications. But you knew most of all what they were looking for. “God... I have to say I have a record... Y/N...” “Hush... stop it! We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to that. You have a personality disorder too Fraser, it’ll all be considered.” “Sounds like against me.” “Will you let them give you a chance? Babe, you got this I know it!”

 Fraser owned one suit. Which you also insisted on getting dry cleaned for him. But you had never seen a man look more adorably out of place than when he tried it on. You giggled into your hand. “Oh. No. Lose the tie...” “You’re saying it looks awful-!” “No... I’m saying lose the tie...” You wandered over and brushed it down, pulling his collar straight. “...I don’t think I have ever once seen you wear this.” “Funerals...” He mumbled, which made you tsk “Don’t be so morbid-! And have I ever been to a funeral where you didn’t wear uniform-!?” “Probably not. Be almost better for me to turn up in that-!” “You’re a diver... they don’t expect you to look like a polished businessman... babe...” you kissed his cheek, “You got this. In fact, with your qualifications I don’t know anyone who has this better...” You carded your fingers through his hair to neaten it - at least knowing that shiver of delight was positive. “Shame I can’t force you into a last-minute reasonable haircut-!” He laughed – “I don’t think that’ll ever happen.” “Mmmm...” You stood back, admiring him again, very smart casual... the suit was a little big, but not ill fitting. He’d do just fine. “You look good. But I knew you’d always brush up well.” “Oh really!?” “You do on holiday... when we go out.” “Oh. That’s still a little more casual than this…” “It’s the headband... it’s always been the headband; hair pushed back. It got me when you dived before, so it’s all off your face. But now it’s just a part of you. Surely in the Navy-!?” “Why do you think I have it this long now!?” Then he pushed his sleeve up, to reveal a few multicoloured bandanas of yours that he’d ‘borrowed’ throughout the years. “Oh-!” You chuckled, “Not even for five minutes?” “I told you they are good luck.” You couldn’t help but reflect the smile on his face “Whatever helps...” “They do-! Always have-!” You pulled him back to you and brushed your lips to his; “Don’t forget to breathe, okay, I know it’s not a diving expedition, but, just think of it as like one... everyone gets nervous in interviews that’s normal. You’re going to be fine, okay?” “Okay...” he murmured, kissing you again “And Tobias - don’t call him Tobin on accident - is a really nice guy, and my boss. He has a good informal, relaxed interview style. It’ll be just like a chat, I promise!” “Okay...” he grinned “Do I get to name check you. I used to be your boss, too, y’know!” “Oh-! Hush-!” But you still giggled, “You may, but he knows a lot of that. Don’t rely on me... baby this is all your own merit, okay. You earned this...” You kissed him again: “I gotta get to work, but I love you. So much. You’ll ace it. And the guys are gonna be there too. Okay? You’re not alone!”

You’d purposefully set them to be interviewed one after the other - so they could all support each other getting there. But also so your man didn’t have to be alone... Obviously, Reynolds was going last, and he was going to be much more business oriented. He was picking Tobin and Fraser up, and you’d pretty much left him in charge. “I know, picking me up at 11, I got it-!” “No matter what-!” You shouldered your bag and picked up your jacket, “No one can take all your hard work away from you Fraser. Baby, it’s all yours. You’ve saved lives with that - you think anyone corporate has that they can say about themselves-!?” “Thought Tobias was an upstanding guy!” He grinned, “Now go, don’t wanna make you late again-!” Then he called you back, “Oh, Y/N-!” You were half way down stairs but made the trip back up just for him; “Yeah?” “I love you too... and thank you. It... really means a lot.” “You don’t need to thank me. You’re amazing!”

**

You didn’t interview him, and thank god for that. You also didn’t go with him to the interview. Because you knew he’d be a long string of inane babble and every word you said would cause his anxiety over this to reach a new level of high.

You wanted to wait for him when it was all over, but had got yourself stuck into a project so you didn’t have to think about it, and we’re still halfway through when Tobias approached your desk. “Sorry just how good at diving is your partner?” You saw he had that CV you’d helped Fraser craft in his hand “You gotta be looking at that last qualification, right? He’s like one off being an actual merperson...” Your fingers continued to tap away at your keys; “Added to his qualifications all the Navy ones. He must be one of the only people in the world with all that.” You swivelled your head towards him; “How’d it go?” “A little nervous and awkward at first but once you got him onto this...” he waved the paper “...Perfect. Comfortable. Really well done.” “...But?” “Well. You probably know better than anyone, and you gave me a heads up, I don’t know what they’ll make of the record.” “Ah... well... you’d think this company would be mindful of second chances?” Tobias had proclaimed that himself “It’s not second chances though is it... at this point.” You sighed gently, “I suppose not... but he just... deserves something like this now. I know that’s not what it’s about. I just don’t think you’ll be able to do better than him.” “No one will.” “And what, we give it to Agora, they’ll hire him anyway.” “Well, we know we won’t be going ahead with them - don’t apologise.” “Wasn’t going to-!” You smirked gently

** The boys were already a few drinks in when you arrived - but all three of them cheered when you walked through the door. “Oh-! God! No! I should be congratulating you guys—!” You hugged them one by one, “Amazing-! I’ve heard good things, but unfortunately do not know enough to reveal all.” You sat, beaming, extremely proud of them. Hoping they were also proud of themselves. This was only the beginning - you’d end up pulling the rest of the Likely Lads into this before long, you were sure of it. If they wanted to come back to work... that was.

But first the two that looked out for you the most - and you owed so much to. And of course, the one you and Fraser were now looking after yourselves. “Get a drink-!” “Oh! No, I’m driving - you guys continue!” “Shut up and have one-!” Reynolds stood again, patting you on the back before striding off to the bar “Geez...” you’d have to make sure it really was one. And that he was also sober enough to drive home-! “So...” Tobin enquired nervously, “How do you think we did? Do you think we got it-!?” You couldn’t see how they wouldn’t have, there were complications with Fraser but the others should be fine. “I mean part of me wishes I was in there with you.” “Glad you weren’t!” Fraser raised his glass, “I’d have never got through that-!” “You saying I present you with pressure-!?” “In that situation, yeah-!” You pushed his arm with a laugh before answering Tobin; “I’d say you have great chances, and it’s not like you’re interviewing from the street... you have an excellent recommendation from me... it’s great set up. I’m sure you interviewed the best you could - that hard work is on you! Now we wait, but with the way everything seems to be moving, I’m not sure that they will want to wait too long to make a decision.” That was about as much reassurance as you could give them right now.

You thanked Reynolds as he placed your drink down - eyeing his own with caution - until he proceeded to delve into other subjects; “So. I hear that you went to see Agora - and that you had a run in with that prick Daniels.” You rolled your eyes, of course Fraser would have raised this;  “Why didn’t you just TELL me-!?” “I wanted to kill him on the sub, I was all for it - but I know you-!” He pointed “You would have killed him on the spot, no mercy, in the middle of an airport. And I couldn’t have them take you away to prison! I care about you too much!” Reynolds grinned. But that just caused you to lean forward and smirk;

“Well then it depends what you mean by heard I had a run in.” Fraser and Tobin looked at you - eyes wide; “Wait, what the fuck did you do!?” Fraser leant into you, fingertips reaching to touch your wrist “You just said he was there-! You didn’t say-!” You believed you’d said just the right side of legal, but understood that could be interpreted a number of ways. “Oh. Boys—!” You shook your head, “What wouldn’t I do for you-!?” They all sat in stunned silence as you recounted your meeting with Agora and subsequent showdown with Daniels in the middle of their lobby.

“Well-! Did we raise you right-! Girl-!” Reynolds laughed with a little cheer of his own. Fraser folded his arms “Rewind for a sec - he did WHAT!? Give me the address-!” “Oh no!” You pointed at him, “you’re gonna stay put! I don’t need to reset my prison clock! Thank you!” Then you smirked once more “Besides if anyone gets to finish him off it’s me-!” Fraser and Reynolds turned to each other with raised eyebrows; “Ay! That is a girl raised right!” “Raised right, and in with the right men-!” Fraser nodded in agreement “Well” you huffed, “Don’t take all the credit-!” “Oh hell nah-! We’re just glad you listened-!”

 Talk continued - they spent a little time on the interviews but it didn’t seem like Tobias went too hard on them; which you were glad of. You’d go as far as saying it was a done deal, but didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. Not after dreaming for so long that this might actually happen for him - and you knew they were hardly daring to dream either. Don’t hold your breath. Eventually though, you thought it was time to drive Fraser home; “Alright come on-!” You looked to Tobin, “You with us or him?” “No! I’ll stay - Y-you two celebrate-!” You narrowed your eyes at Reynolds; “You get our boy home safe-!” “I will.” “Get sobered up first then-!” “Ah-!” He clapped Tobin on the back “Well go to dinner first it’ll be fine. You two enjoy it, okay!” “Fine! Fine!” You held your hands up, “Far be it from me to want to look after anyone.” “Well-” he raised his glass, “We know you’re more that capable-!” With that you congratulated them again and took Fraser’s hand to leave.

“I’m proud of you, you know?” “It’s only the first step.” “But it’s SO important-!” You laced your fingers with his “Zvezdochka! When was the last time you had a real job interview!?” “28. And you know what that was for.” “Shit, they interviewed you for that crap-!?” “Don’t you start-! And no Russian either, I’d like to put that one behind me! WAY behind me.” “Aw... you’ll let me teach you eventually.” He laughed, pulling you into him and kissing your forehead as you walked back towards your car, “Alright... just let me get my feet on the ground and settled first okay?” Settled. If there was a word you thought you might never hear out of his mouth, it was that one.

** Tobias called you from his office door; “Y/N!” You finished your sentence and looked up; “Yeah?” He beckoned you and you stepped away from your desk to walk over. “What can I do for you? What’s up!?” “Nothing, I thought you might like to hear this one-!” “This one what?” “This call I need to make to a new hire.” Your eyes widened suddenly “Oh my god - he got it-!?” “Well I’ve told the other two so-” “They ALL got it-!?” “Yes.” “OH MY GOD—!!” It wasn’t like you were about to hide your delight He dragged you into his office and closed the door, “Alright, alright, quiet-!” He sat at his deck and you hardly dared to breathe - this was huge; bigger than huge. You had to figure out how to celebrate now-! Though that wouldn’t be too hard, you had all day. The phone rang a couple of times before he picked up; “Hello?” “Hi Fraser, it’s Tobias from Ferrolicia.” “Oh-! Hi Tobias it’s good to hear from you, how are you doing?” “Not bad... Not bad... I have Y/N with me.” You wondered why he’d want to say that out loud, given it’d be a dead giveaway of what was about to happen. “I just had some news-!” “Oh-! Okay?” Tobias chuckled; “Congratulations Fraser - we’d like to offer you the position.” “W-wait - really!?” There was a noise that sounded like the phone being placed down and an incredibly soft fuck! before it was picked up again. During which you and Tobias exchanged amused look. “Thank you! That’s incredible! I really- don’t know what to say-!!!” “Well, we’ll send you through your contract and then I think we’ll be almost set! As long as you agree terms...! But, again Congratulations - thoroughly well deserved - interviewed like a pro-!” You shook your head at him, but Tobias gave no indication that it wasn’t true. “Well. Uh- again, thank you...! I’ll look out for that contract-!” “Alright Fraser! I look forward to working with you, in some capacity, soon!” “You too Tobias, Y/N! Thanks again-! That’s... wow...!” He chuckled, looking to you, still with an amazed expression on your face – sure you didn’t doubt Fraser for a second, but actually hearing those words for yourself… “I’d say that was one word for it, Fraser. Welcome to Ferrolicia.”

You didn’t even make it out of your car before the front door flew open, and you were barely out of it before Fraser flew down the steps and grabbed you into a hug; “OH MY GOD!!!” “You did it!! You did it!!!” You flung your arms around him too “Babe-! This is insane!! A real contract-!? That’s— I just I—!!” It was a shame you’d seen this face so recently over the Black Sea money. But it didn’t make it any less beautiful. You pulled him into a kiss, it was the least he deserved - and long enough to let him know that. Before you released him but still held him close, running your hands through his hair, “Congratulations, you deserve nothing less.” “I wouldn’t be here without you... so thank you.” “What are you talking about? You got it all on merit like I knew you would...!” You beamed, “Now... if I can get you back in that suit again tonight...?” “Oh god, no, why!?” He sent his eyes heavenward “I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate – that’s why!!!” **

You’d checked the internal job memos site for days, just because you wanted one shot at the position to head the new team. Maybe you wouldn’t have the right experience - but you’d at least like to read that job description; judge for yourself. You supposed that either Tobias would interview or... maybe it’d go all the way to the top. But he could probably put in a good word for you. Now Fraser, Tobin and Reynolds were going through the final phases - contracts… That was still crazy to you… - and everyone seemed to have nothing but positive feedback for your selection, you just wanted to know who would be leading them. And that would surely be announced soon - the boys couldn’t come in without a boss, could they.

 But it’d been a while and with no sign that they were advertising internally, you were beginning to worry that all they wanted was an outsider source. Which you thought was a wasted opportunity... but also still wanted to know, to give Fraser peace of mind. He was trusting you enough turning up to the interview in the first place - let alone making it this far; if he was under someone that you nor he could stand you would never forgive yourself. You locked your computer and took a deep breath; you would simply have to find out for yourself. You didn’t know why your hands were shaking so much, you’d known Tobias years - and you’d had a few harsh words with him in that time. You knew each other and also knew you could go to him with anything. But this particular ask made you nervous... maybe that was the connection to your partner.

You knocked and Tobias look up with a smile and beckoned you in. “Y/N-! Have a seat, what’s up?” “Tobias. I just need to ask...” You shut the door behind you and took the offered seat in front of his desk, “and I’m not prying I just wanted to know. The position as the head of the new division hasn’t been up on the website for interviewing yet…” His stare was measured “Yes, you are correct.” “Well I... I just wondered if you knew when interviewing would start?” “Oh.” He smiled, “It has, Y/N.” “Oh...” You looked to the desk, “I just- I wondered if I would get to... be interviewed for it? I would... like a shot. And hoped you would put in a good word,” but you frowned, “It sounds like you... might have made your choice.” Tobias put his papers down and folds his arms “I suppose that selection could be changed. But I’m not sure we would like to do that at this late stage.” “I see.” “You’re disappointed?” “Can I at least meet them?” You didn’t want to delve any deeper with this “That’s... not all that possible.” “Oh.” Your face flushed, “I’m sorry. I feel like-!” He held his hand up to stop you, “Y/N...” again his smile was gentle, “I did, put in a good word for you, it’s the first thing I did, and it has been heard. This entire project has been an interview process. I’m not sure there was ever another candidate in mind.” You tipped your head, not getting it, but also hoping more than anything that you were getting It “You- You’re not saying-!” Tobias smiled, raising an eyebrow as he leafed through another sheet of paper, almost daring you to say it for yourself – you didn’t, but covered your mouth. “You asked who they were hiring. Well, the honest answer, Y/N?” He leant across the desk and held out his hand for you; “They aren’t. It’s about time you got promoted!” It took you a good ten seconds to calm down enough to speak a coherent sentence, before you shook his hand, firmly “…Thank you! Oh…! Oh my goodness-! Thank you!” “Oh, it’s more than well deserved – believe me. And, it’s going to be a pleasure continuing to work with you. Guess you’re on my level now – different division sure, but, still Operations so I’ll get to monitor you… And heck-! Find someone to replace you – unless you have ideas for that too!?” he laughed, “Seriously, though. Congratulations Y/N. This is huge, and there is no one better to make it the success it ought to be!” You were still beaming; and had to laugh for yourself. No pressure there, then! Turns out, you did have an idea as to who could succeed you in Operations. And you found yourself back down by Gareth’s trading desk; “I remember you once telling me that if something came up on my floor, you’d like to know about it-!” “Oh-! After our activity-!?” He sucked in a breath, “I dunno sounds like a reward-!” “Ah, come on-!” You hit him with a rolled-up piece of paper, but knew he was at least half joking; “I know about an upcoming position!” “Oh yeah?” “Mine.” “Yours-! Finally promoted-!? No wait! They aren’t letting you be in charge of the new business unit!?” You grinned; “They are-!” “Well fuck, congrats!” You gave a nod of thanks, “So. Guess who I just put in a good word for with Tobias?” He laughed, delighted, “…God I hate you!”

**

You weren’t the only one curious about who would be in charge of the operation – although you’d known about your promotion for a few weeks before Fraser tentatively brought it up. And you wanted it to be a surprise, else you’d have told him immediately: “Y/NNNNNNN—! You don’t happen to know who my boss is gonna be do you?” You wanted to remain a little mysterious; “Just so happens I do.” “Oh. Really? Well hopefully they aren’t a corporate asshole-! Do you know ‘em?” “Oh, I dunno, they probably could be if they wanted to.” You smile was secretive “Damn. They won’t like me at all then.” “I happen to think you’ll get on just fine.” There was a long pause, and it clicked, the way you were regarding him – and your little smile; “Holy shit, it’s you isn’t it!” “Yup!” Fraser leant against the counter for a minute just staring at you and your grin, and then your smile faded as his smirk appeared. He ran his index finger across his lips; “Well. I figure that’s pretty sexy.” Oh. Here we go! “Yeah?” “Mhm.” He took a step forward and everything within you wanted to play the game, wanted to run, wanted him to chase you for this. But you didn’t move – so he did, and bundled you in his arms; “Think I should probably give my boss a good first impression!!” “Oh-!” You laughed, “And how do you believe you’re going to do that, Fraser?” He kept that smirk, grazing his lips to your forehead and headed to the stairs; “I can think of a few ways…” **

Standing in your new office was weird. Standing in your new office on Reynolds’ first day, was somehow weirder. “So... what am I, like, officially your seasoned assistant?” “Something like that, I haven’t exactly checked the org chart...” “Well. I figure you can have an affair with your assistant right? Whilst the partner is down in the middle of the ocean floor-!” You laughed, “Yeah... only, I haven’t had an affair for the first 11 years. And I certainly won’t be having one now I got him where I want him.” “Well-!” He grinned “I’m here to assist should that mind of yours ever change!”

You got used to it. And for obvious reasons Reynolds wasn’t always in the office. Why they’d even given you one you weren’t sure, considering the amount of time you spent out of it. In far off reaches of the world with expanses of water always nearby. It started with planning, whilst the team built up around Fraser - who insisted on testing each diver for himself - Reynolds and yourself would provide hands on assistance to teams. And it was weird being the one away from London when Fraser was still there. He’d call and sigh deeply; “So this is what it feels like, huh?” “Yeah. Babe, this is it.” “Hurry home.” “I’ve only been saying that my whole life.” Then he’d chuckle, “Don’t make me say it the rest of mine...”

 The first real dive came sooner than expected. And although you’d all done everything in your power to make sure this would go right; you’d never felt so unprepared in all your life.

The base of operations had a makeshift office for your team and by the time you and Reynolds had finished, it looked like a bomb had hit. Charts and technical equipment and books scattered across tables and pinned to walls. Weather conditions, water conditions, maps of every dimension and terrain they could have given you. You were still pouring over the navigation now. “It shouldn’t be too hard.” Reynold’s gave a confident shrug, “Shut up!” “I’m trying to get your spirits up, because the last thing I want is our head diver worrying about you out there...” You spread your hands across the chart again; “When we’re out there and it’s in his hands I’ll be fine. Right now, it’s in mine that we get this right-!” “We’ve checked it all day, there’s nothing else to catch. I know how to read a navigation system; I’ll get everyone out there sa- are you coming?” You looked across to him like it was a stupid question “Yes. I wanna be there.” “You know he won’t let you down.” You smiled gently “Diving? He never has.” **

How many times had you felt this way? Your fingers had been entwined with Fraser’s the entire way out here. But you wanted to hold him closer now than you’d held anything in your entire life. This morning you’d doodled the forte on the inside of your wrist, and right now you couldn’t stop staring at it. Fraser noticed of course, and nudged you with a gentle chuckle; “For later?” Except this time you weren’t so sure it wasn’t just for him.

His life was literally in your hands now. But you’d still have to let him go – you’d still have to accept the fact there was only so much that you could control. And you could trust Fraser with the rest. It was time for your team to show everyone what they could really do. Upon nearing the destination mapped out by the research team, Tobin took your other hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. You rested your head on his shoulder gently with a smile. They were both ready for this. And steadily as the team had grown with divers they both trusted, you knew everyone on this boat was ready. All eager to prove the same thing as you. A truly unified team. Fraser was the first one completely prepared, and pulled you to him again. For once, he was the nervous one here. By now you were exuding confidence and positive energy, and he needed to bask in you for a little while. He breathed deep. Fraser more than anyone felt that he had so much more to prove. That he was the right choice for Ferrolicia to put their faith in. That he could do right by you. Even though you knew he would. Perhaps he knew once he got in the water he’d be fine… he’d be home… But right now he’d never been more anxious about a dive in his entire life. And those blue eyes of his searched yours way too many times for you to not cheerfully ask him; “What?” He gathered you in his hands, moving them from your own, to your face. And he held you there in silence for a moment. Though his thumbs brushed over your cheeks, and his fingertips ran into your hair; the majority of his hands stayed on your neck. And for a minute he remained like that; his intense stare locking you in place, and making you powerless to look away. Before he pulled you forward, pressing his forehead to yours. You smiled gently, placing your hands over his, because he didn’t move them. And you knew why, because every second the throb of your pulse was running under his fingertips. Excited and erratic and as happy as you felt right now – perhaps not as calm as he wanted, but that thought made him a little less tense. Eventually a small smile couldn’t help but express itself; We’re both here in this moment and she’s okay. And she’s here living her best life and making sure I am too… and without her… I wouldn’t be here. Without her I probably wouldn’t even be alive. How could you not smile at him? And encouraged by yours, Fraser’s smile became genuine and sweet. The kind meant only for you. You pulled him closer, and closed that gap completely. It was more than just a kiss to savour – and said everything of importance that the two of you couldn’t on what was about to happen. And just as quickly the confidence in you, transferred to him. When you pulled away slowly, he offered you a wink; “Wish me luck.” You could only laugh, with a shake of your head; “You don’t need luck – you have me.”  Your eyes flicked to his hairline, where one of your many headbands rested. Even after all this time – a piece of you always went with him down there. If it truly was as lucky as he said – who were you to argue this time? He’d always come back to you. Fraser couldn’t help laugh at your laugh; “I guess that’s true.” He pulled you close again, because he wanted nothing more right now than to continue that sweet kiss whilst he still could. Your arms wound around him, and for a few moments more, you could both forget everything else. He pulled back, but didn’t relinquish his embrace – because in you he could see everything he’d ever worked so hard for, and the reason he was even able to be here right now. Every single reason he’d fallen in love with you, and you’d stuck with him, culminated so suddenly in your features. When your eyes lit up like that, all Fraser could see was an ocean of stars… Once they were completely ready – and you’d given the team of 5 a complete rundown, a final brief, you hugged both of your boys’ good luck. This was the first big dive for Tobin since Fraser had endorsed him for all his certifications. And the first really big one since the Black Sea. And he was just as nervous and excited as the two of you combined. But he was ready for this – and eager, and you both also knew that. “Bring him back!” You grinned, half in jest, and leant up to kiss his cheek; “You already did once.” “I will-!” He smiled, “I promise.” You made one final turn to Fraser, who now seemed confident. He was the team leader here – and he looked as cool and collected as he always did. If he wasn’t the man that had made you fall in love in the first place now, then who exactly was he? But you couldn’t resist holding him close to you, even in all his equipment. “Look after them.” “I will.” “I know… But you matter too.” “I know…” He sighed gently, “Take care up here. You got all your high-tech gear to tell you we’re fine…” He took your hands back in his; “Y/N… I-” “I know. You don’t have to tell me.” His face became bashful for a second, “May I at least tell you I love you, before I go?” You looked away, cheeks flushing; “…I love you too.” “I know. You don’t have to tell me.” He repeated, with a wink, before stepping forward and kissing your forehead. Then backed away from you to join the others. Your hands hung where he left them at the last minute and your eyes stayed locked on his. But he couldn’t resist one last smile before he took to the water. And as you hadn’t let him say it, he mouthed it anyway.

“Thank you.”

Reynolds put his arm around you; “We did it. Somehow, we all did it.” “It’s gotta work first.” “You know it will, right?” “I don’t think there’s anyone better to put our trust in.” You wound your arm around his waist – “And for the first time in my life…” You bit your lips together and brushed a tear out of your eye “…It doesn’t feel like he’s leaving me…” you shook your head, “Not like before. I get to hold him now…” your tears became a laugh; “I’m so proud of him.” “Hey…” he nudged you, “Go watch ‘em dive. I’ll hold the fort.” You turned, to say exactly the same Fraser had tried to say to you – but as you had, Reynolds’ brushed the words off. And refused to hear them out loud, pushing you forward. “You and he are thanks enough…” You nodded, and sprinted to the back of the boat. He was the single person left when you got there, and he turned towards you. You offered nothing more than a final wave, to which he gave the same. Not goodbye, not this time. And just before Fraser slipped beneath the clear blue waves, you blew him a kiss. One to keep – one to give him everything he would need out there. You placed your hands on the edge of the boat, staring down to the water below. And as it calmed from his decent, you realised you were smiling. How you couldn’t have realised before was beyond you, but it was the fact of being suddenly faced with your reflection… and that smile on your face that you knew was his. Just like your heart. You continued to stare at the swell of the ocean for a few moments more, before your eyeline caught the inked F, still intact on the inside of your wrist, and how could you help it then? Your happiness escaped in a small fit of giggles.

 And for once everything was right…

---

________ We found paradise right here tonight a little off shore And a pair of eyes lookin' into mine that's gonna lead to more Gonna lead to us a little later on clothes on the floor So hold on tight cuz... Sangria kiss I won't forget, you know the kind that lingers on your lips When you wake up in the morning Yeah we set it motion... There's no signs of slowin' it down... We got the weekend wakin' Up on the bank, it's breakin' Got nothin’ slow on the radio Ain't just those speakers shakin' As soon as that sun starts fadin' I'll be the arms she lays in That girl is amazing And we just love makin' waves We got the anchor down We got the music loud We gonna party as long as we want 'Cause there ain't nobody around ---

Something wasn’t sitting quite right with you. Not quite. Everything about seeing the boys home made sense. It did. The ones still there, one ones not. (Minus the banker. You’d make sense of that in your own time. Collateral? The only man who knew what was really going on – someone had funded this. Possibly his boss. It made sense to bring him home. Kinda.) But there was one little thing niggling at you. You pulled the car over, engine still running. Your hands tapped the steering wheel and you bit your lips together; Fraser looked around the car like he’d missed something. “Y/N… What’s wrong?” You looked to him; “Why… Why was there an 18 year old kid from Liverpool on a Russian sub in the first place? What reasons did Tobin have to be there-!?” “Oh-! Well… Kurston…” Fraser began to explain, but as he did so you reached across him, opening the glove box again and scrabbling around for paper and a pen “…Told Robinson all about it, and then killed himself… Tobin delivered Robinson the news… I guess we were just desperate to have the right number of men so Tobin got pulled into it. If Gittens didn’t die I wouldn’t have had to pull him into Diving…” He paused “Are you mad at me?” Even your scribbled handwriting was neat, Fraser raised an eyebrow at what exactly you were writing however; “…But why would you accept something like that? Does he have a family…? And of course I’m not mad at you. You needed three divers. He could dive…” “Well we didn’t exactly all sit down and talk about our lives… But I wouldn’t assume so… Sleeping rough? I’d say he needs that money like we all do – as for family… I can tell you he has family coming. I mean he’s having a kid so. Yeah… family… But maybe not… the kind of family you’re talking about.” You folded the note in half and held it out to him; “Give him one.” Fraser took the note – address and phone number – without hesitation “Us? A pretty girl from London and an Australian psychopath? That’s one hell of a family.” “Just… he can come whenever he wants or needs to… he can call when he needs to. Invite him for dinner too. That’s what people do, right?” “Are we adopting this kid now?” He grinned “He’s a diver too. So… I feel like of all the people who are going to look after him, see him straight.” “Think Robinson thinks he’s got that covered.” The sarcasm that dripped from your voice couldn’t be understated; “Oh. Yeah, cuz we know what happened with Robinson’s family.” “Y/N…!” He shook his head at you and then laughed, “Okay. I’ll go invite him…” But he allowed himself to stare at you for a few more seconds, before smiling and ruffling your hair; “You’re too good a person.” He opened the car door and slipped out. Making you laugh and call after him; “WELL - ! Someone’s gotta look after you both-!” *** “So where do I need to run it...” You ran your hands through your hair and muttered to yourself for a second before sighing “God this feels like insider trading... call the number I gave you, tell them everything you can about the gold. They’ll log a case - it’ll be sent through and be picked up by someone who will then begin the processing. Once that’s done they will offer you a price... and if you agree the price they’ll transfer the money through - probably - and send a security vehicle to pick up the gold. It’s usually a simultaneous action...” “How is that insider trading?” “Your partner works for the company you’re sending it too.” “You’re not getting something from this though?” You gave a shrug, technically not, it would be his. But you’d still be in his life, there was still a personal connection here. “Eh, I dunno, the money goes to you but I’m here.” “...Just quit it. I’m using your company. That’s final. Fraser trusted you. Which meant he trusted where you worked. He had a choice in this you supposed. You just hoped it wouldn’t end up on someone’s paper trail... These days anything could happen.

 Still, Fraser home was about the best thing to happen in years. He was unusually quiet about this trip. But he also liked revelling in you and was quite content to stay quietly at home. You didn’t mind too much, if he was there at least he was keeping out of trouble and therefore prison. He was making you late again though - and had no remorse for that. And your boss could tell her was back more than a few days in; “Fraser’s back, isn’t he?” “Oh god it’s that obvious!?” He gave a knowing little smile “Work from home a few days if you need to... that’s totally fine. He’s home. You should enjoy that.” So you accepted, but you couldn’t say you got a lot done when working from home either.

Miraculously today you weren’t even on time but early into the office. And had already finished one report by the time Tobias, your boss, walked in. “Hold on...” he pointed at you “What happened..?” “Nothing!” “He’s not gone back out already has he-!?” “No!” You laughed, but decided a moment later to bite back on that, that was the last thing you wanted right now. He peered at your screen “No, you’re right no charts to be found... fancied being productive?” “Yes, in fact!” “Good!” Then he looked even more surprised as you handed the report over “Here you are.” “Suspiciously productive, Y/N!” He tapped the side of your desk with a smile and walked off, looking back every so often to jokingly tell you he was keeping his eyes on you. But not close enough. And pretty soon you were making your way to a different operations department and sitting on the desk of a great colleague of yours; “I have a request for you.” Gareth’s eyes flicked up, suspiciously “Go on...” “How many trades you got going on?” “Shouldn’t you be asking the LME floors that...? Got a couple, slow going... kinda meandering.” “So, you have capacity?” He folded his arms and sat back in his chair, trying to take a measure of you; “What’s up? You know I can’t give you any information.” “I know but I also trust you to handle it with integrity.” “But it’s between me and the client and I’m not doing them any favours.” “Just look out for something for me, will you?” “I’m all ears... but if it gets grabbed by someone else it’s out of my hands... interesting?” “Russian gold from an abandoned submarine that was on its way to the Nazis.” He blew out a breath at your deadly seriousness; “Sounds like a museum piece... Geez... how much?” “Don’t know. I’ve heard the casual figure of £2 million flashed around but I don’t know enough to say that’s for sure.” “... It’ll be done on authenticity and purity... hammer and sickle works?” “As far as I know.” You had literally no idea, and didn’t want to know any more than you had to Gareth whistled; “Well, that’s certainly something worth being part of the process on... who am I looking for.” “His name’s Fraser.” “What is he to you?” “Best we don’t say right?” “Right. But also, Y/N, regulation would state you should declare or it would be even worse if they find you out.” “To whom must I declare?” “To my boss. At the very least!” You nodded, you knew Aimee relatively well; “And you don’t owe me.” “Certainly not.” You patted his shoulder “Thanks Gareth - tell me when y- No... forget it don’t even tell me that...!”

 Two days later, you got a call to go back down to Gareth’s desk. Which you thought was against the rules, but you went down anyway. And he looked both elated and bemused. “What?” “Is this the diver guy you’ve been with for 10 years?” “No comment.” “He’s possibly one of the most interesting men I’ve ever met...” You raised an eyebrow and could think of many questions to ask, opting instead to get to the point. “You’re not here to tell me that.” “Who told you £2 million, it’s bullshit.” “... In a good way?” “In a very good way. We couldn’t even value it, had to get one of the museum distributors out...” “Oh my god.” “If he worked that damn hard for it he deserves what he’s getting believe me. I just wanted you to know that it’s a big figure, so, if this is the guy you’re with, I hope you’ve damn well told the people you’re meant to.” You leant against his desk; “I followed protocol. It still feels wrong talking about it like this…” “Well it’s massive - we can’t not...! Congrats!” “Geez, he needs it. I know that...” “Yeah I bet... I just got the valuation back, I’m about to send over... so, if he signs...” Gareth gave a shrug “It’ll all be worth the effort. And I’d sign...” “Shut up!” “Well just if he comes to you...” “He should go to you... I don’t even want to know the amount...” “Good! Keep completely out of it.” “Fair price?” “No rates necessary - they aren’t playing him. I’ve made sure of that, that’s why you asked me. I know...” “Thanks Gareth I-“ “Hey-! You don’t owe me, okay! Don’t even think it..!” He turned back to his computer “Though-! If something comes up on your floor I’m always interested!” You laughed “I’ll keep it in mind!” *** You knew the second that cheque came through though, because the door was barely open before he was running to you; “Y/N!” “Oh-! God-! Okay-! Hold on, let me get through the door…!” “Have you ever-! I’ve never-! I---!” He waved the paper for a minute “I… I…” “I’m not sure I wanna know how much you’re worth… What happened…?” “Oh…” he indicated to the door; “They brought a big armoured van around and put it all in there… I think some of it could be going to the museum too… That guy seemed very interested. Do you think I coulda got more on the black market, I mean…” “I have it on authority they aren’t playing you…” you rolled your eyes “And god forbid you do anything legally.” Fraser laughed; “I just… I can’t…” He pulled you to him and placed your hand over his heart; “What even… is… I just…” “Breathe!” You giggled “Did they tell you what happens next?” “Oh… yeah!” He still kept your hand in his as he pulled you into the kitchen, gathering another piece of paper “I take this cheque and this letter to the bank. Apparently the letter is very important. And I guess it all clears and the money is mine.” “Well, what does it say?” “I dunno, looks like jargon to me.” “Yeah, and a diving manual would look like jargon to anyone else…” You held your hand out for it and he gave it over. Although you realised your mistake instantly as your eyes widened. “Sorry-! That’s nearly 21 mil-!” You stopped yourself and looked across to him “Who the hell said two!?” He gave a shrug “That was the ballpark, grossly underestimated.” You turned back to the paper and read it; “I’m gonna go with you, you better take every form of ID you have an be on your best behaviour.” Fraser tiled his head like the notion of him behaving otherwise was foreign to him; “I’m always on my best behaviour. You folded your arms and raised an eyebrow, amused as you were you couldn’t help it; “Oh yeah? Wanna tell that to your criminal record?” *** You'd never seen Fraser look so excited. You also hadn't seen him bounce off the walls like this since you used to dive together - and it was easy for you to realised how much you missed it.

This time it was about money though; as his cheque came through for the gold - he might just have held his breath until it cleared... And then he really was allowed to think about what he could do with the money.

"Just be sensible..." "Sensible was always my first thought..." He gave a smile "I'm taking you away." You were between raising your eyebrow in confusion and the sweet ‘aww...’ You felt at him telling you the very first thing he wanted to do was go on holiday with you. "...You want..." You couldn't keep level headed about that - and relapsed into a wide grin that wouldn't disappear. "I know just the place... But you have to promise to dive with me." You looked back to those beautiful blue eyes pleading with you. "Not too deep." "Sweetheart, I know your limit... I just need you to do this with me... Please..." You walked over slowly and took his hands in yours; "Baby... Of course I will... Now go on." You gave a wink "And tell me nothing but the dates." He tipped his head, with a disbelieving smile "Oh? You trust me?" You thought it was a silly question, but humoured him anyway, pulling yourself into him you brushed your lips to his "...With my life..."

 **

 He did remarkably well. And you knew exactly where he'd got the idea from. Every so often if Fraser was out at sea your friends would take you away themselves to make sure you weren't all alone in your house for a long period of time. Even though Fraser wasn't massive on his social media - you knew he always saw the pictures, because he always asked where you had been.

 Fraser had been planning something like this for so long. Sure, he could get paid for diving usually - but that didn't mean that on occasion the two of you didn't scrape by. It wasn't like he was getting work anywhere else. Your lifestyles weren't exactly lavish - you were just conscious savers. And that was before he thought about any time he was in prison or picking up fines. And he wasn't happy with you paying for everything either. But if he wasn't taking you diving (which since your accident had been a few times but nowhere near as many times as he wanted), or he was allowed to take you on a job (also occasionally they'd allow spouses to come), Fraser hadn't been able to take you on holiday.

 But he could now. And he could give you clear, warm, tropical seas that would hardly put your skills to the test - but that you would be more than happy to dive in. The white sugar sand just off the promenade made everything picture perfect - and even though he was holding hands with you as you walked, Fraser knew you were somewhere out there. And he got to watch that for himself this time. The hotel had a number of private flats that overlooked the beach and each had its own private strip. There were other couples you'd both interacted with around the resort, but it was so out of season that everything seemed deserted. So you revelled in how much alone time you got with him - and that he could enjoy the beach, for once.

 You liked just being in his company for so long - there was no threat of him being called away out here, and even less threat of prison. For which you were extremely thankful. Even on the flight out you'd got to curl up with him and wind yourself around his arm in a way you hadn't for nearly 5 years. And he knew how significant that was; leaning his head on yours and running his thumb over the back of your hand soothingly. That was good for him too, in fact, this whole break was good for him. Fraser got to occupy himself with just about everything. There wasn't a day yet where he hadn't been up before you and wandered back into the bedroom with a smile "Hey! Y/N! I've been thinking we could do this today... I just went up to the hotel and they said..." "...Honey, whatever you want, just come back to bed for a bit - yeah?" And so he did, often.   Then you got to revel in him in a different way for a little bit.

 Today you'd managed to persuade him not to drag you out of bed so early, so you could spend the day on the beach. Which meant you actually woke up before he did; but you didn't move. Why would you when he looked like this?

Fraser's name shouldn't really ever have been uttered in the same sentence as 'calm' - because he didn't have a calm setting. He was high energy, when he was sat still... Well, he was never still. Something always had to be going on, either with objects in his hands, or with how fast he would talk. Fraser needed something to stim with, and that was how the knife had started – other than it obvious utility – only, now that was somewhere in the Black Sea, you guessed. That was about as "calm" as it got. And because you ran on a wavelength similar, that's how you had always ended up in fights. No matter how 'in the past' that notion was. Because Fraser didn't wind up; Fraser just snapped. And that was a hard thing to deal with if you didn't know him well. Which also pissed you off about him spending half his life on a claustrophobic container in the depths of the ocean. Fraser noticed when he was on that edge and he could talk himself down. But in the process of doing so, if you irritated him again he would cross that line. And Fraser over that line was never merciful.

 It was a line you'd witnessed him cross enough, but you'd only crossed it once. Fraser could get angry and hate you - but you'd never ever been on the receiving end of a dangerous and violent psychotic episode. Nope - you'd crossed that line diving. Because you were still a teenager when you'd met him, and you were still a teenager when you'd become dive partners. And thought you were both invincible and too old to be told what to do by someone clearly more experienced. Your snap backs to every careful comment he made were on occasion downright rude; and he had every right to go off on one after telling you multiple times to stop. Because there was nothing Fraser cared more about than the people he dived with. So, you learned the hard and fast way that Fraser screaming at you over a comlink on the sea bed wasn't exactly your idea of a good time. (Yes, you'd been good at pushing his buttons back then too.) But by the time you surfaced he'd calmed down to a more manageable level of mad, and decided he'd rather not talk to you for three days than do that again. But it scared you enough to let you know to never do it again. And also had you learning a lot more about him. Now here you were. Ironically the only other time in your entire life you hadn't listened to him you had been hurt, but it had let to him laying here with you now. So that didn't feel all that bad.

 So sleeping with one arm tucked up under his head and the other reaching across the bed so that his hand grazed your stomach, yes, Fraser looked calm. You took the hand on your skin in your own and kissed his fingertips delicately. You realised a long time ago how hard it was to repay this man for saving your life. Staying by his side through everything and trying to protect him from the world seemed like an agreeable thing to do. Even though sometimes you thought that's what he was trying to do for you. "I love you..." You shook your head gently; "And even I don't think I realise how much..."

 **

 The beach meant only one thing to Fraser. Ice Cream. No beach visit was complete without it; and when he'd announced that to you in his strong Australian accent, you knew it was the Britishness in him talking. "Oh. We converted you somewhere along the way then?" He gave a smart shrug "I guess!" It was about the only thing he enjoyed when you would drag him to a beach in the UK - because half the time he would grumpy about the amount of people. High energy yes, but social? No way in hell. You and The Boys. That was Frasers social group, and in all honesty the only one he wanted. He only hung out with your own friends on occasion because his status as your partner demanded it of him. So, ice-cream it was. And you were surprised how long you had to sit and wait for him to return, considering the lack of people out here. Maybe he'd just had to walk a long way for it. Maybe he'd stopped to admire the sea... You hoped you hadn't missed that...

"Can you believe it?!" Was how he announced his return, holding the cup of ice-cream up "Even all the way out here they still use these stupid plastic spoons!!" Fraser settled back next to you on the beach towel and held up the tiny fluorescent yellow "spoon".  "Whose idea of a joke were these things!?" "Makes it last longer." "Nah!" He took a spoonful and pointed it at you "That's what they want you to think! Truth is your ice cream is liquid about 6 spoonfuls in. and then it becomes even more useless!!"You gave an amused shrug and leant on your hand "Go on, Mr.Holmes, what's the theory?" He bent it between his fingers "Look how easy that is to snap..!" You took his wrist "Well don't do it! Or you'll have to go get another!" He laughed "Would you like some?" "Mmm... I wouldn't say no..." "...Oh, to answer, I have no theory... See you'd think it could be for the kids... Only, talk about a choking hazard. Also I'm NOT a small child!" "You sure about that?" He gave you a warning look "Just because I love you doesn't mean you're getting any ice-cream if you're just gonna be plain rude... Y/N!" "Rude?” You teased “I thought it was quite funny." "Ha. Ha." But his sarcastic laugh made you really laugh and he leant forward with the spoon, "Now come on... It's pretty good." "Oh. I don't get the whole cup then." "I'd never get it back!" He did know you well! You opened your mouth and were met with the taste of your favourite ice-cream; "Mmm! No that is good!" "So you want more right?" "Is that why you decided on my favourite, huh?" "No." His smirk was gentle, “it's because you aren't getting any of the other.” "The other?" You questioned; "Going back for seconds, are we?" "Obviously..." He scraped the spoon around again; "Just two spoonfuls for you mind." "Too kind." "Well... At my own expense..." You accepted a second plastic spoonful of ice cream and then let him sit contentedly to finish the rest on his own.  Not without stealing his cap though. "Hey- Aw, forget it..." "Not fighting me now, huh?" "Oh, we gave up on that..." Fraser tipped the cup back like a shot; "See! Liquid!" He set it down and eyed you "...No... I've just always thought you looked good in that..." "Aw..." You pulled it down a little more to shield your eyes from the sun "...Do I get to keep it?" "NO!" He pushed you gently "Look after it, by all means!" You noticed he used the same tone with you then as he did when he asked you to do so before he left for a job. "Yes Skip!" "Damn right - not that you ever listened!" "I did 98% of the time...!" You whined with a pout "Yeah and that other 2% was hell, thank you very much!" He continued his lean forward and captured your lips with his. "...oh-!" "Thought I better kiss that pout away..." And so Fraser did it again, and again - and you just kept accepting his kisses.

 Fraser did, eventually, get back up and wander away again. By this time you were laying down, shades on, eyes closed, music in. That didn't mean you didn't notice when his presence left your side. You opened an eye and shook your head after him. What did he need more ice cream for anyway? Again it took him an age to stroll back to you. And when he sat back in the sand he tapped you; "Y/N..." You slid your shades up to rest on his cap and sat up. "Now what...?" "Come here a sec..." He patted the towel next to him. That made you suddenly suspicious, and your eyes narrowed; "Fraser I am literally right here..." "Yeah I know, and I want you a little closer, darling, c'mere..." Even with your suspicions you weren't about to resist the pull to be closer to him, and took the two steps needed to be on his towel, where you sank back to his level. "What?" He turned his body so that you were facing each other and he held out another spoon of ice cream; "Do you want some?" "You just said I wasn't getting any of this one..." "I know what I said, I'm feeling generous..." He gave a wink that you also felt you shouldn't trust. But stupidly did. "Okayyyy..." Fraser gave you a winning smile and held out the spoon for you. But you should have known better and he teased every time you tried to take a bite. "Seriously!? And you say you're not a child!" "-Just playing into the spoon!" "Will you hold still!?" "Okay... I will now I promise..." He didn't. And this time instead of moving his spoon out of your reach, you ended up with ice cream on your nose. But the cooling sensation on your skin made you at least giggle. And this time when Fraser leant forward, he licked it off you.

"Oh." It was of both realisation and surprise. And you realised exactly why he'd bought a second helping. And why you were also in a pretty secluded part of the beach under palm trees "Fraser I..." "I figure it's yes or no..." He murmured kissing you gently again. You weren't sure, but something in you was curious. Fraser knew you and sensed that; so the spoon left marks across your jawline and down your neck; and his lips followed the trail his hands were making. Your eyes fluttered closed as you focused on him. "Yes..."

  As he continued his trail of ice-cream and kisses, your body trembled as the feel of his tongue gliding over your skin. And you closed your eyes – sighing. Fraser pushed the straps from your shoulders and pushed you gently down into the warm sand and you knew this was heading exactly where expected. You quivered again at the thought of making love to him somewhere so public – you’d never had that before with anyone, and for a moment you were curious as to whether he had. Considering his background, where he was raised, and everything that remained a mystery to you, it wouldn’t surprise you if he’d done this before. But never with you… The ice-cream was finished before he’d got half way down your body; but not before he’d managed to completely undress you. And he afforded you as many touches as you would allow, before you wanted his shirt and shorts off him. He wasn’t about to give into that request either…

 Fraser admired you a little longer in the sunlight than he usually did. He liked that you weren't afraid to show that scar. There was a confidence in that he admired - and how you could easily have it tidied up, or nearly gone, but refused it... There was a tragic beauty in it... And a constant reminder to him of how much he should protect you. How delicate you really were; even though you'd always been a tough girl. And had to be, to be with him.

He took your hands in his as he kissed it - just as delicately. He whispered against your skin. I love you? I'm sorry? You couldn't make out the movement of his lips. But it didn't matter - you knew why. You ran your free hand into his hair. And that was Thank you.

 ***

 He got the idea to take you out on a boat. Eventually you knew that would mean diving, but for now Fraser was going to whisk you away to a tiny private island. And you meant tiny. You stared at it questioningly from the boat and turned to him; “I think I liked it better on the mainland.” “…I didn’t say we were going to live on a private island.” “Fraser that thing is barely inches wide.” He shook his head at you; “You’re not seeing the bigger picture here.” You laughed at his choice of words and turned, with a grin; “Help me out…” “It’s private, Y/N. That is literally the only word here that matters.” You leant on the boat and stared hard at him, but that smirk on his face wasn’t moving. Oh, it was gonna be one of those days…

 “…Damn… I swear this is clearer than it looks over there…” You shielded your eyes from the sun, looking across to the main shoreline from the dock. “Whatever you say.” Fraser joined you to stare at the water, hands in his pockets and his eyes traced over to you. You noticed this, and couldn’t help your smile under the weight of his gaze; “Stop looking at me like that.” “Like what?” Though Fraser was well aware of what he was doing. “That…!” “Why…?” “It makes me feel…” you bit your lip gently, and shied away from him “…Like I’m about 18. Again.” A smirk threatened to cross his face; “What did I do?” “…Nothing… My heart hasn’t raced like this… well… I mean… since yesterday, but…” He looked back out to the sea again with a snort; “This sounds like some damn romance novel.” You folded your arms and turned towards him; “You asked the questions!” You couldn’t help your smile though, “This is entirely your fault Fraser. Now get the HELL over here!” ‘Over here’ was about five steps, but he still put a little swagger in his walk as he strolled across the tiny ‘pier’ to you. You almost shook your head watching him. “You wanted me to say that.” He gave a gentle shrug; “Maybe.” “Shut up!!” “No. You, shut up.” He wound his arms around you, pulling your body close to his, his lips grazed yours gently, nowhere near good enough… “Damn…” you sighed against Fraser’s kiss as he left your lips – kissing your forehead, to your temple, across your cheek to your nose, before claiming your lips again. But each one was a ghosted kiss, and you knew that was on purpose. And so did he, by the way he liked that you whined. But he was strong enough to keep you back from him. “No… No… don’t do this…” “Mhhm?” “Fraser…” you whined again, voice soft, “Please…” He smiled again, and answered by kissing you once more. But you weren’t ever going to let him just get away with that! He wasn’t in control of you – he wasn’t about to start thinking that either-! You’d show him-! All it took was one movement, and before he could stop you, or even react to what you were doing, you’d pushed him backwards off the end of the pier and into that crystal clear blue salt water. By the time Fraser resurfaced you were laughing so hard it almost hurt; “Y/N! WHAT! THE! HELL!” “Oh my God! That was TOO good to pass up!” “GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!” “Why don’t you make me!?” The flash in his eyes as he moved through the water to the pier made you step backwards a few paces, and your breath catch. But you held firm and shook your head; “Just chill out, stay there a while sweetheart.” “Y/N!” there was a growl to that, sending a familiar tingle up your spine. “Say it.” Fraser knew exactly what game you were playing, and he sighed with a slight roll of his eyes, tilting his head back in the water “…Please…” “Uh huh.” You unbuckled the belt pulling your dress in belt first; it fell to the pier with a clink. Unbuttoning your sundress, as slow and sensual as you could make it, you dropped it, running your hands through your hair you watched him. Fraser was more than a little taken aback, but you knew he loved the way you were looking at him. “You gonna take off your clothes or what?” He frowned; can’t argue with that and nodded, his shirt was off in one swift movement. But his shoes took a little longer. You almost laughed “Bet you wished you’d taken them off to walk through the sand now, huh?” You slipped your feet out of your sandals as he shot you a look. You reached up and pushed the straps of your swim wear from your shoulders; and as a second gesture of goodwill pulled your pants down your hips just enough. You heard that gentle growl, and the rest of his clothing was on the pier in seconds. You bit your lip just thinking about it with a gentle hum, and the way those blue eyes were looking at you expectantly.  But that wasn’t quite good enough for him; so he swam back a little further, just to make sure he could get a real look at you. You unclipped the top half of your costume and stepped out of your pants nonchalantly. Running your hands through your hair one last time, with him staring at you like that, made you feel like you had all the power here. And that injection of confidence made you the one to smirk as you stepped forward to dive in. The water was warm; the sun has been hitting it right all day. You surfaced and breathed gently with a smile as you swam out to him. Fraser whistled gently; “Well, damn. What was that?” He took you back in his arms with another delicate kiss. “Well it’s not like I’ve been practicing or anything…well.. Mayyybe I have…” You made sure to kiss him back; smaller, butterfly kisses, because he should damn well know you still want revenge. “Oh, uh huh?” He attempted to deepen every single one of those kisses, but you continued to pull back from him. You knew you couldn’t keep control over him for long, so you had to own this moment whilst you had it. “Naw, Y/N, c’mon…” You refused him once more, and could tell he was just becoming more frustrated. And you were in his domain out here. And he was a stronger swimmer than you. Fraser caught you again; tangling your legs below the water, he began running his hands lower on your body; which instantly made you gasp his name. “F-Fraser---!” Your breathing hitched, twice and whatever control you had is gone. He could kiss you now – and Fraser knew he had won. He lifted you higher onto his hips, barely allowing you breathing space as his kisses became hungrier and hungrier. You brushed against him and gasp again; and you could feel the way Fraser started smirking against your lips. – He’d always been very good at not asking for it.. Not begging for it...  What happened between you after an argument involved so much push and pull, but when he was back from work now… All you wanted was him… So you were not; you’d never put up much resistance to him wanting you, anyhow. Your breathing hitched for a third time as he kissed down your neck, and your exposed shoulder, biting down gently – that was enough to have you moaning, eyes closed. “Fraser!” His hands were all over you, and all it made you want was friction. Your legs tightened around him. But you still didn’t want to entirely give up on that little bit of power… In your desperation you attempted to move your body lower down his, which only caused Fraser to chuckle again – of course he knew what you were doing… His hands moved quickly to your thighs and he attempted to loosen your lock around him to lift you a little higher. But you weren’t having any of that, either.

“Well, one of us has gotta give.” You hated that Fraser had voiced it the way he did. How he made your body tremble against his; and you could feel your cheeks heating up; “uh huh! I told you it was hot out here.” He virtually purred it, with a cocky grin as he kissed you once more. You hated that confidence as much as you loved it – you were both frustrating each other on purpose, only it was getting to you more. “Fraser…” your voice was barely audible, and he missed what you said “You’re gonna have to repeat that darlin’…” “...Don’t.” Of course he wasn’t going to listen, and he pushed your body again. Well, this time you were fighting him on that one. Locking your arms around his, your nails dug into his skin – enough to give him a visible wince; “NO.” For a second you were more in control than you have ever been before, considering how fierce the look you were giving him was. Fraser bit his lip – he hadn’t seen a look like that from you in a while, not since you used to fight. And reminiscing on moments like that didn’t help anything but turn him on even more, and he knew you could feel that. “D-Damn….Y/N…” “Please.” Knowing that neither of you were going to give up, and yet both of you wanted it, you were gracious enough to concede – you needed him; “Baby, please…” At least he responded to that, capturing you in another kiss; his hands ran through your hair and you sighed gently against his lips, tightening your embrace around him. Fraser felt your legs loosen around his waist and dropped a hand from tangling in your hair to guide you. The movement was gentle – but you whined through the kiss at the same as your body tensed for just a second. But you weren’t the only one making noises; and he groaned too, breaking the kiss to breathe deep – his eyes closed to you for a moment, and he traced his hand down your spine… Fraser always had this strange feeling that you were perfect, you were built right for him. He found that an odd thing - not something he ever thought about often, but he felt it now. Maybe it’s because he was here… Fraser was never more in tune than he was in the water. You placed your forehead gently to his, and closed your eyes too, your focus on his breathing, his heartbeat, this moment. When he opened his eyes again yours were still shut – and Fraser moved from you to trail kisses down your neck – now you tasted like the sea too. And that was all his favourite things in one place… He ran his hands lower on your body to support you against him, aware that he would be all you had out here. You were relying on his abilities once more.  That feeling persisted though; and the notion that you were built for him made the prospect of you ever being with someone else an odd concept. He realised if you had any ex-lovers he never knew about them. But Fraser was always aware of the crew’s teasing – that you could have whoever you wanted when he was away and he’d be none the wiser, or that they could simply win your heart from him. Your eyes reopened as you gasped gently again, as the train of thought he was on began to affect him. “F-Fraser! W-Wait--!” “Sorry! Sorry I didn’t mean…” You shook your head, smile setting back in – you gathered his face in your hands, eyes looking between his. People called him a psychopath - like it was just a word they could use… but behind those eyes of his was something wild and untameable; a stormy energy perfect only for the open sea. You weren’t sure what your role was in that… you only used to add to it – a squall that would attempt to destroy you both. Now you could calm it… but control it? That was a fabrication of anyone’s mind who dare think it… “It’s okay, don’t ever say sorry. I love you…” You let him go in order to claim kisses again; this time biting his lip gently. Pulling yourself into him tighter you took another breath; Fraser closed his eyes for just a second to adjust himself to you, and the water. Was he excited by this prospect, or not? Well yes… but the responsibility was all on him.  Your breathing slowed, as you slipped into the grove of his own. His lips brushed yours, to let you know he was ready, and your movement of reassurance was taken as an opportunity to move. “Fraser---! Dammit---!” but your sighs weren’t angry; just blissful and he chuckled gently. “If you keep saying my name like that, Y/N, we might just have to do this more often…” *** Even on the gentle boat ride out to the particular chartered area of water Fraser had decided on, he could see you were nervous. It was far from you not wanting to be there, though... This was just what happened every time you went now. The way you would eye the ocean and beg that this time it wouldn't finish what it started.

Obviously Fraser hated seeing you like this; given that there was never anything he could really do about it. You came to terms with it on your own and he knew you'd be right as rain after being in the open sea for a couple of minutes, but until that time you'd be internally freaking out. His attempts to distract you from it proved fairly futile, but at least you were standing close by him now - and he could put an arm around you. He wasn't sure if you'd ever get over it, but there was sometimes nothing he wanted back more than you by his side on deep sea diving missions.

He slowed the boat down to a complete stop and turned to you; "You sure you're going to be okay?" "Mmmm..." Though you didn't sound so certain. To you it was just a question Fraser always felt he needed to ask; he knew you'd be fine and that once you'd spent 5 minutes below the water it would be just like it always used to be. Still, he always gave you that option to back out, even when you were already fully dressed and kitted out. "Alright," he breathed, "we're gonna do this nice and slow okay? Always make sure we're in each other's eyeline and if anything happens..." He pointed to the back of the boat, "We signal or call for help; okay? Other than that - you know all the partnership rules..." He pushed his forehead to yours, "I'm gonna look after you okay, Y/N..." Those blue eyes studied yours hard, but he didn't let his own internal worries cross his face. "I promised myself nothing like that would ever happen to you again and I meant it. And I've still never lost a diver." But Fraser had always been diligent, and you'd always blamed your accident on your own mistake - whether Fraser let you or not... You nodded and accepted his short sweet kiss, before he stepped away to finish getting ready himself.

 You could feel the tightness in your chest - and your skin running hot and then cold. Your blood and heartbeat pounding in your chest, and through your ears. It all made you feel a bit nauseous and you had to steady yourself against the side of the boat. You found it ridiculous that even after all these years it was still that bad. The waves swelled under the boat, but it was all very gentle. And you knew Fraser was watching you again with the same worried look on his face. But those nerves made you hesitate - and you never knew why. You should have been more scared under the water than standing above it - but entering it was almost always the difficult part. And why?

Maybe it was the not knowing... Not until you were in it or under those waves what the temperament of the water would be. And that could always massively affect the success of the dive. But it had never fazed you before. You turned to him, now by your side and took a deep breath "I'm sorry this always happens." "Don't be..." He pulled you to him and sat you on the side for a minute; "Even now I can't imagine how hard this is..." "Should it be..?" Fraser gave a shrug, "I pray I never have to find that out..." he held out his hand "We'll do this together - okay?" "Mmm..." You laced your fingers with his, and gently pushed your forehead to his again closing your eyes. You knew this was as calm and steady as Fraser got, and you just wanted to bask in that energy as much as you could. He was home right here - and it still made you so happy to behold it. "...Fraser, I love you. So much." He chuckled gently, and grazed his lips against your cheek "How many times do you think you need to tell me that?" You reopened your eyes, "Well. How else am I supposed to get you to kiss me?"

Fraser got that immediately but the way he smiled and shook his head "...Well. I figured even then, you might have made it easier on yourself..." He gripped your hand a little tighter "Just let me make up for that and make it easier on you now, Mmm'Kay?" You gave a nod "Together? On three?" You nodded again - but were well aware he wouldn't even count one. You could have laughed at the predictability of it all, as he pulled you backwards off the boat as soon as you'd agreed to it. But the sound you made was enough for him to know that he had done the right thing.

 And that was his only aim; Fraser would always do right by you. You deserved nothing less.

---

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby​

_________________ This life is full of choices, Hard to make one all the voices, In my head... Those eyes that I'm in love with, Or that highway which ever I pick, There'll be regrets, I go one way I lose everything, I go the other way same thing... I'm torn and it's tearing me apart, I want to go but I don't want to break her heart, Like a sword with a double edge blade, It's gonna cut deep either way, This little town, that big old world, Chase my dream or keep the girl? More than once I packed it all up, But I break down blame it on the truck, Just couldn't go, Just wanna be out there making my mark, Lay down every night in her arms... I don't know why I can't have it all, Need to tear down that wall, Between this little town, that big old world, Go chase my dream and keep the girl

---

You ran your hands through your hair and your head almost hit the table “…But, baby! It’s so dangerous!! And this doesn’t even... the Black Sea?! I worry about you!!” “I know you do!” “ Do you?! It doesn’t stop you from going?!” “I was THERE!!” Fraser made the exact same exasperated face he always did when he raised his voice to you like that. Like he was mentally kicking himself “...I’m sorry... I... I’m sorry...”  he placed his hands lightly on your shoulders “This one... it’s... this one is huge... baby okay...? And not just for me...” he massaged his hands down your arms “... For us...” You bit your lip; you knew this one meant a lot to him. Since you’d decided to stop fighting about it, every dive came with a disagreement; arguing without screaming at each other. You bent to everything he did. It made Fraser happy to be out there and it made you happy knowing he was doing what he did best. But the Black Sea…? Russia!? “Fraser…” “Babe we’re talking... millions...” He kept talking like the money was something you cared about, you didn’t understand why he couldn’t understand you didn’t. “Fraser I don’t want you to-” “Millions! Can you imagine?!  Like potential of-” You were adamant this one was more trouble than it was worth, most of the time he could convince you otherwise. And sometimes you actually got excited about the places he got to go, if it didn’t sound too dangerous – sometimes he wouldn’t have to dive that far – or he sent you pictures from clear tropical seas where he looked SO gorgeous, where he was smiling. Where he could share with you every detail of every dive and tell you how much he wished you were there. But this one… This one sounded like the kind of dive you could lose him on. “Baby please... don’t go...” “I have to. I have to try. Please?” You sighed, you knew him too well, that was the problem. Would it even matter what you said at this point? If Fraser was already psyching himself up for it, he was going no matter what you said. So you had to smile, and push your forehead to his; “Okay... okay... but only because if I don’t agree you’ll do it anyway...” He kissed you gently, hands running through your hair; “Thank you... baby...” You shook your head; “Don’t thank me. Just come home.”

** You swung down the last bannister with his heavy rucksack over your shoulder. Minimal though the contents were, they were all vitally important. “Oh...” Fraser was coming out of the kitchen into the hallway as you came down “you didn’t have to bring it.” “I just wanted to check you had everything.” “Twice...” He held his hand out “Three times.” You unshouldered it and handed it to him, Fraser knew why. “But if you want to check again-” “I trust you. You were my partner for 5 years out there. You still are, Y/N... you might not ever want to go back to it but you are... I know everything is right and in order.” He gave a shrug and his eyes moved from you to the wall “... I just hate to ask you to drive me again...” “Driving you isn’t so bad...” “This time is.” His stunning blue eyes fell back to you “... I should probably have learned something from you.” You couldn’t help flash a grin “Zvezdochka you will do fine.” You took a step forward to kiss him “But I will worry.” His hand found your right side - over the still prominent scar beneath your clothes “... I know you will... but I will come back I promise.” “Don’t promise me anything you know damn well is that hard to keep. If it’s not state-of-the-art I don’t want to hear another promise ever again.” His face scrunched “That’s far less promises than I would like to make you.” “Then how about you promise me one thing?” “What?” “That you love me.” His head tip was inquisitive; like that wasn’t even anywhere close to top of his mind. ‘Don’t go off on one.’ ‘Don’t let them get to you.’ ‘Don’t do anything dangerous.’ ‘…Especially if it’s Robinson telling you.’ Those were the more likely candidates. His smile was crooked “I love you?” Then he laughed “... I don’t think I could ever hope to promise you that enough.”

 You left him in peace to psych himself up and finish getting ready. But you knew it was time as soon as you heard those heavy, one-at-a-time footsteps from the first to second staircase. You knew it was time for him to leave. And it took a good minute for Fraser to do the last three. He sighed “Alright.  We best get going to this damn chartered flight.” He scoffed at the notion that any of them should be getting a chartered flight to Russia. “Visa?” “Taken care of.” “When do you get back?” He watched you cross to the clock in the hallway “... I’m not supposed to promise you anything I can’t keep, remember?” You smiled, knowing he would eventually feed that line back to you “Go on. Humour me.” “Give it a few weeks. I tell you what, I’ll ask the charter. No, you know 14 days aughta do it.” “Just, text me.” You wrote yourself a note though, he saw that. “Also...” You turned back to him “Before you forget. Though I’m sure you didn’t...” “Could I, ever?”  He took the final step down as you held out the knife. About as significant to your relationship as his insistence to constantly take your hair bands. You knew early on that if Fraser didn’t have anything to preoccupy himself, he’d likely go clinically insane. Coupled with his paranoia, and the fact that goodness knows what trouble he could get into diving, having a weapon - or protection; the most important thing – (that you had imparted on him he was only to use when absolutely DAMN necessary) at least kept him in a safe space. If he had something to occupy his fidgety hands, you were also happy about that. “You have your licence.” “It’s not a gun.” You held it back for a minute “Fraser. You’re going to Russia for one thing, but you’re also going through an airport. Chartered flight or no if they find this on you…” He dug it out of his back pocket “Licence to carry. Happy now.” “Yes.” He took it from you carefully and clipped it to his belt; “Just, for God’s sake-” “Be careful.” You said in unison, and he pulled you to him again to kiss your forehead “I know... baby, I know.” ** “Say Hi to the guys.” “I will.” “Text me.” “Will do.” “When you get there too.” “No. I’ll call. I’ll call when we land and before we set out, okay...” Fraser opened the car door and then turned back “And I’ll let you know as soon as I know a solid date. Alright? 14 is a nice safe bet, we gotta get there first before we even set out... then we gotta find the sunk sub.. dive... get ba-” he waved a hand “you- You know the details.” You smiled gently and leant over to brush your lips against his; “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” He smiled again, stealing at least two more kisses; “No promises.” “Fair enough.” You sighed gently “What can you promise me...?” Fraser hopped out of the car and slipped his backpack on, pretending to think long and hard, before he bent with a wave goodbye, the significance of earlier conversation not lost - “That I love you.”

  You drove home a little nervous, but also with a smile on your face, even though you weren’t really sure you understood why it was there. But Fraser always made you smile. Now the arguments played out the way they did, it made him seem calmer. There were flashes of real arguments every so often but... you both backed off and gave each other space. You didn’t need anymore “leave” moments with him. Ever. You heard your phone buzz from where it sat in the cup holder, you flicked your eyes to it and couldn’t help but glow a little. As soon as you parked up you couldn’t read it fast enough; “The boys say hi. (At least the ones you LIKE do!) still always gonna wish you were here with me. I promise what I promised. Always.’ He never signed off with anything romantic. But the sentiment was as much in what Fraser didn’t say.  Your phone buzzed again, before you could even reply. with a single date. Even better! You exited your car, entered your house, and headed straight for the timer on the clock - punching in the date and pushing the start button. It began ticking down and you smiled. When those numbers hit 00.00.00 Fraser would be home. And in 10 years, he hadn’t let you down yet. -- Past… The prison guard approached the glass pane in the security door with nothing but sympathy on his face; “Oh my god. If there was one person I wish I never had to see here again, Y/N, you’d be her.” “Thanks.” You raised an eyebrow, “Can you please tell him that?!” “I mean every time I see he’s in again I just... my heart breaks a little...” He opened the door wider for you “...Still. He’s doing well.” “Gary, he always does “well.” Nearly everyone else is scared of him! Luckily they put him in the right place.” “Well, you know... psych evaluations...” he frowned “Now you mention it, they do all leave him alone to just get on with it... I think maybe the first time they didn’t. Soon learned them.” You folded your arms, recalling; “You know he never did say what happened. I just got a notice saying he’d been in for another few months, and visitors were denied...” “I’m not even sure anything violent happened. But geez, sometimes I’m not sure I even want to talk to the guy when he’s in here. Y’know? He’s not the biggest guy, he’s probably not the meanest either. But... he’s just... there’s something very intimidating about him. Soon as someone claps out the psychopath word and...” he paused, watching you “Does he... take something for that?” “... Don’t you have all his medical history?” “His doctors do, I’m asking for personal interest reasons.” “They kinda level him. It’s weird. Hard to get used to it. Fraser takes them when he really feels he needs to. He says he doesn’t like himself on them, who am I to argue with that?” “Is he stable without ‘em?” “Fraser is Fraser. He’s himself without them. If it’s working for him, I’m not inclined to mess with it. 10 years plus into knowing him and...” you gave a shrug “I just wanna see him again, Gary.” That was an end of conversation sentence if you’d ever spoken one. He led you down a series of small corridors. “He should be there.” “As long as you didn’t chain him to the freakin’ desk again.” “Y/N... we have to take precautions.” “... It’s ME Gary. Let him go!” “Look we’ve done the bare minimum. His psych says dangerous. It doesn’t matter who you are, but who he is.” Gary got to the next security door and buzzed you both though, you could do this yourself eyes closed, he knew. He knew you well by now.  As did everyone charged with Fraser’s cases and files every time things like this happened. But Gary was nicer than most, he liked to make sure Fraser was doing everything right - get out on the day your clock hit 00:00, if not shave some time from the sentence altogether. “How’s things otherwise?” “Going good, yeah. I mean the house is pretty empty - but it makes it look like I have space when everything is clean and tidy. I get to watch shows I want and take up the whole bed. Get to bed at a sensible time, don’t need to rush to work!” You laughed “I’m never late to anything. And works going well, you know? It’s a lot of fun. Better than the old job. The closer I get to something diving related the closer I feel to him and all that, y’know?” “Oh for sure!” “And you? How are the kids? Sara must have just turned...” “Seven.” “Seven! Right! Good birthday?” “Yeah we had a good weekend.” You both paused at the next reinforced door. Either you were the only one visiting or everyone else had left.... either way Fraser sat alone.

You sighed. They’d cuffed his wrist to the table, and then his wrists together. You turned to Gary, sadness filling your eyes and threatening to spill over into tears.   “If you treat him like a monster, he will be a monster. Mental health is an illness. Not a choice.” He swung the door open for you and Fraser looked up; relief and guilt flooded his face and although he said your name it was barely audible. He met your eyes and then he shook his head gently and his eyes fell to the table. Gary pulled the guard on the second security door over and muttered something to him as you sat down “Fraser... baby... look at me...” he shook his head again, bowing it over until he was almost touching the dull grey metal table. The second guard took his wrists and unlocked the side not attached to the table . “No sudden moves Fraser, or you go straight back.” “Yeah. Alright mate...” The misery in his voice sent a pang through your heart. You threw Gary the most genuine look of relief he thought he’d ever seen “Thank you.” Reaching forward you took Fraser’s hands in yours; “Baby, please… Will you look at me…” His head lifted, and there was nothing in those blue eyes but guilt. You pulled his hands towards you; trying to ignore the metallic drag of the chain across the table and pressed your lips to his knuckles. “How are you doing?” “…Oh. How I usually do when I get in here…” He bit his lip, and you knew he was on the verge of tears “I’m sorry…” Are you? Was your only thought. And you were warranted. He always said it, but he’d ended up in here enough times for sorry to barely cut it with you anymore. It was just something that you knew was going to happen. “I know…” Was what you opted for “…I just need to know you’re okay…” “Me…?! Yeah, it’s just day counting… but you-” “Day counting.” You repeated with a wry smile, and you knew he knew your countdown clocks. He took your face in his hands, and you slid your hands to his wrists, rubbing your thumbs gently over his skin. “I promise I’ll get out on time.” It was a promise he usually kept. “And I’ll be waiting with my car, baby…” “I know…” He leant across the table pulling your face towards him so he could kiss you. “…And you know I can’t wait…” You accepted his kiss, and afforded him another. “What are you thinking of doing when you get out?” “...What I always do… I guess… It’s the only thing I know how to do…” “Darling…” You knew that was an outright lie; there was so much that Fraser could do if he put his mind to it. But, putting his right mind to it… He needed an employer that understood that… Not easy. Diving got Fraser through because he had a skill set no one else did. “…There’s so much you can do…” He sighed and his eyes fell from yours again; “...With my record? With my medical record..? Y/N… You think I can just go down to the job centre an-” You cut him off with another kiss; “Do you want me to make a call or two...? So you know you have something when you get out?” Maybe not a long dive – or something deep… Maybe just instructing or guiding. So you’d know he’d be safe his first few dives back. But it made his face light up. “Really?? You would do that? I… Darling… But… You- Would really do that for me?!” Looking at how happy he was, of course you would. “…Yes. I’ll get Reynolds on the phone… ugh, even Robinson and Agora if I have to.” Fraser was much more a diver for hire than attached to a company, and you were thankful for that. Agora weren’t great, you never particularly liked what they asked him to do. They were usually dangerous, long, salvage missions where he wouldn’t be able to contact you. But the work and pay were always steady – which is what Fraser needed. Desperately. “How can I ever thank you enough?” You raised an eyebrow; “Well. One day… I won’t need to pick you up from places like this…” Your smile became a laugh; “Then I’ll know you’re thankful!” --

There was static on the end of the line, and the call fluctuated in and out but it still made you smile, to walk around your house with his voice on speaker. Letting him fill the room and echo around. You felt Fraser everywhere then; “H—Ey-! Y/N-!” “Where the heck are you?!” “Standing on a Ru---ssian Sub-! We----- 5 minutes!” “You’re calling me just before you dive!? Fraser!” “-------In order ---- Get going.” “Sorry?!” You couldn’t help but laugh; “You’re ready to go, right?” “Yeah--- Everything’s fine. I’ll finish this call and we go.” You were his final thought, and he had called just to let you know it. Your cheeks hurt and you tried to calm your smile; “Awww, darling… Aw-! Thank you. I’ll hear back when you’re done, right?” “Y---h, w---- do. I’ll see you soon, okay?” “I can’t wait to have you back.” “I know.” “Baby I love you.” “Y/N, ---- you too.” “No, wait! Fraser! You gotta say it again you cut out.” “I LOVE YOU TOO!” You laughed as he yelled it; “Okay. Get going darling, I’ll get you back quicker.” “I know--! Take care!” “I will. You need to be told that more than me!!” “I’ll take care-! Don’t you worry…” He laughed, “Besides, I got a great girl to get back to, right?” As soon as he’d hung up on you Fraser took a deep breath and smiled. Pocketing the mobile he wouldn’t use for maybe another week, until he needed to call you again. He stretched and looked across the expanse of water. This dive would be different. He already knew it and they hadn’t even sunk below the waves yet. But he was determined this would all go alright. You had told him not to promise anything, but he promised it to himself anyway. He’d come back to you – near enough 2 million richer by his own calculation. He smiled, he had ideas already. Of course he did, he couldn’t help that. He hadn’t told you anything, but he couldn’t wait to take you to all the places he’d vowed to take you for years. When he got the money… You deserved it. And after this one, he might make that money a reality… Fraser shook his head; he had to keep level about this. He placed his hands on the ladder; and looked up, drinking in those last few drops of sunlight before he descended. “Can we get Fraser set up first?!” Gittens was the first one to float the idea that Fraser knew was coming and he brushed it off with an eye roll. “Oh yeah - Fraser go set up man.” “Oh-! F**k off. The lot of ya.” “Wait? Why? What?” The American banker, Daniels? Fraser believed his name was but hadn’t been paying that much attention, was about as confused as expected. Why he was here Fraser didn’t know – he wasn’t experienced crew; surely he’d just get in the way. “At least tell us she’s half naked?!” Fraser raised an eyebrow and continued walking to the bunks – he guessed carrying pictures of you around had its privileges, if he got first pick. “What the f**k kind of pictures do you think I carry around of HER!?” “It’s gonna be a good f**king picture. She’s a good f**king girl.” Reynolds’ laugh carried, but Fraser thought it odd to hear him say something like that. Considering how he knew you. “-Or she could just be a good f**k.” “What the HELL did you just say?!?!” Fraser stopped mid walk and whipped back around in the enclosed space, far from happy. That at least made Gittens back up, red crossing his face in embarrassment of the thought alone. Good. He turned to Reynolds and flipped the picture over; “It’s okay... yeah.” Reynolds studied it for a minute, and simply wondered what the Russians, and the American would say. Fraser was certainly not the type of man anyone would envision you with; and Reynolds often thought it’d probably stemmed from a late-teenage crush into something much more. Still, 16 years was a lot to go on. He still remembered the first time Fraser had given that cocky little smirk as he told everyone he had a girlfriend, and almost choking on his coffee to find out it was you. Reynolds had known your father for a while – so had naturally known exactly who you were. And as an avid diver he didn’t know why he hadn’t put two and two together. But, that was by-and-by. Reynolds grinned at the picture; always up for teasing - “There we go. I’m bunking with Fraser.” “Oh for f**k sake. You so much as put your hands on your waist band whilst looking at that thing I’m gonna murder you!!”

 ** You’d been stressed about his dives a billion times. Always. Even in shallow water they could be dangerous. You and that scar of yours were prime examples of exactly why. If you heard the same thing had happened to him, or worse, then you’d never forgive yourself. But this was something even more unprecedented. No-one knew they were there. Except, you assumed, perhaps the crew’s significant others and whoever had hired them to do the job. Fraser was under the Black Sea. Not only was there a huge Balkan war flaring up, but there were Russian navy vessels cruising that stretch of water day-in-day-out. And they certainly would not take kindly to a bunch of British/Russian crew men under their sea… Looking for alleged lost gold. Oh yeah – British – that was a laugh. Fraser counted as #TeamBritain because of you, and because he lived here. He’d never particularly spoken about it with much Pride… it had you wondering… Still #TeamAustralia? Only, you couldn’t help but get paranoid. With shipping lanes, weather, sea conditions, Fraser’s own limited knowledge and absolutely every piece of information to you could garner about this trip sat on your secondary screen as you typed away on your main monitor. For the most part everything was calm. But every so often there would be a beep or flash of something. And you would stop everything to read it.

Sometimes you could turn back straight away, it was either nowhere near him or was something that couldn’t possibly affect his work. Not this one. You read it once. Twice. Three times.

 Movements detected below the surface. Request team to embark to check into it. You squinted at the depth. Certainly around Fraser’s diving range. You opened your top desk draw, feeling your chest tightening. Your hand hovered, and your colleague stopped working to look across to you. They knew what was coming. The second line of Russian had you pushing your chair back and grabbing the pack. “I need a minute...” You said it quietly mostly because you could barely find the air for the words and you left your desk. Unidentified object confirmed. Surveillance team on route.

 You stood outside your building for a minute. Cigarette to your lips. When did you start doing this?! You cursed the idiot who had suggested it as stress relief. They were your vice and your lifeline now. You inhaled warmth and exhaled smoke. The footfalls on the steps next to you made your eyes sweep to the pavement. “And you’re worried about dives killing him.” You took another drag and laughed your exhale as your boss joined you. “Well I know first-hand about that.” “Where is he?” “Russia. Isn’t that all you need to know?” “Ah-! Then...” he pointed to the cigarette “Forgive me, that’s certainly warranted!” You looked at it “It’s a disgusting habit. Can’t kick it now. Helps with jitters... with the way my body tightens whenever I read anything....” you looked across to him with a smile “Stupid? Right?” “Anything that helps is surely not stupid. Maybe not reading would?” “Oh you’re kidding I’d worry MORE!” You grinned “I already think about every bad thing that happens… I get so… In my head about it without him here. What could possibly go wrong with Fraser today? I’m surprised I don’t get nightmares-! Oh! No let’s not think about that!” “…May I?” “Good to know your day is going just as well as mine...” You held it out “Finish it. Please.” “Well. There’s a couple of trades that seem to have gone missing.” You tutted “Someone isn’t doing their job properly.” “No indeed. But I’m supposed to make sure that you all do.” “Better go sort it then, hadn’t I?” “...Y/N they aren’t your trades! And it’s certainly not your fault-!” “Oh come on now!” You patted his arm “It’ll give me something to do-!” He laughed, taking a drag of his own and calling after you; “Keep your eyes off of Russian seas-!”

** You ran the pendent on the end of your necklace across the chain again, holding it close to your lips. You’d been in the airport for the best part of 3 hours. The clock hit 00:00:00 this morning. You hadn’t heard anything since Fraser had called you before the dive. That could be for any number of reasons. You just prayed it wouldn’t be the worst you could think of. Fraser had said he would be here today. So here you would wait for him. As everywhere else, there were people who worked here that you knew well from simply having to be here so often. And they had kept you company while you waited. But you were starting to get worried. You were SURE he would turn up. But you and he couldn’t guarantee that. This was like waiting for him to come out of prison, as you had so many times. But worse, because at least all those times you knew where he was. (Relatively) safe in England. In Russia on some kind of ‘secret’ dive – that usually meant not legal, and certainly under the radar. – what if he never came home? What if they got arrested? What could you do if he was sent to prison in Russia!? … What if he died? NO. Stop it! You’re thinking about what almost happened to you. Fraser wouldn’t be that stupid. Fraser wouldn’t get hurt like you… You touched your side instinctively, as you knew he would if he was here, and bit your lip. You needed him back. You wanted to sit him down and TELL him to stay. If he’d done what he set out to do, 2 million was a lot of money. He could stop diving for a while. He could stop diving altogether. At least diving like this. Could you get him to promise to stop? Ever? You wondered if he found leaving you as hard as you found letting him go? You hated to admit it to yourself, but if he did… he surely wouldn’t ever leave you… Your heart began racing as you saw “MOSCOW-RUSSIA-LANDED” Flash up on the arrivals board. Please let that be a charted flight. Please let that be Fraser’s plane. … Please Dear God let him be on it…! Fraser looked tired as they all filed up the escalator into arrivals. How he scanned the airport as fast as he possibly could. He looked like he’d been through hell. And you realised he probably had. But then his eyes found you. And he lit up; and everything etched into his face suddenly melted away. You took a few steps forward – but he had already broken away from the group and was running towards you. Up close he was certainly battered; but the strength of the hug he gave you, as he lifted you from the floor, let you know that was the very last thing he cared about. From across the arrivals hall the other crew watched as he placed his lips on yours; the way your fingers gripped his shirt and Fraser kept his arms around you even after he’d put you down. When you broke the kiss you were laughing; pressing your forehead to his your hands moved delicately to his arms, and you laughed again at something he said, before pulling him carefully and checking for any injuries. Fraser watched you do this with a laugh of his own. And Reynolds could imagine that he was telling you he was fine. Though Reynolds didn’t think anything that had just happened to them could really be described as fine… When you embraced him tight to you again your eyes flicked back to the group; and you smiled. Of course, you were looking to him specifically, and Reynolds gave you a small wink back. But you mouthed ‘Thank You’ which made him smile and shake his head ‘I didn’t do anything…’ Although he knew what you thought. If you got Fraser back in one piece; you would be sure Reynolds had a hand in keeping him steady. “Ah-!” Fraser pulled back from you for a minute; “Is this a good time to tell you it worked out-!!” “What worked out?” “The gold-! We got all the Gold-! You work for a metal exchange right? Could I run it through you… I mean… That works…?” “You can run it through the company, not through me.” Then you shook your head “Anyway-! Baby-! It’s hardly the first thing on my mind! All I want to hear is that you’re safe! That you’re okay-!” But you smiled; “I’m glad though… I know it was important to you… How was the dive?” “Good. Yeah… Pretty… Awesome…” You had a sneaking suspicion he was trying to convince himself of that as much as you; “But?” “…I might have lost my knife.” “Lost-!?” That was nowhere near the whole story “…You coulda lost a lot more-!” He inhaled; “We didn’t all make it back…” You knew what you were supposed to say so you said it “I’m sorry…” He was likely to be counting friends amongst that number… “…But… I’m also glad that you did. Fraser… YOU made it back… Baby…” His eyes did his smiling for him; “…I would never forgive myself if I left you here alone.” Suddenly that bright blue you’d been staring into flicked past you, and he really did smile; “AH-! Keeping her company I bet!” You turned to see Aiden crossing the airport with a laugh; “Oh, Geez. I mean, thank God you’re back!” They clasped hands; “Well, for her!? Absolutely!” Your eyes flicked between them as they talked and you smiled – nuzzling into Fraser again you kissed his cheek gently and untangled yourself from him. He let you go, because he knew you’d want to see the rest of the crew too. With Fraser’s blessing to leave his arms you ran across the building. Reynolds had to brace himself for your leap into his arms; “AHAHA-! Y/N! God-! Okay! It’s good to see you too!” “And you-! I mean I got you both back so…” You grinned “I’m.. very happy…” then you turned serious “But I mean it… Thank you… For bringing him back to me.” “I’m not promising he’s intact. It was… tough.” “I’m assured it was. I’m sorry.” “Maybe it wasn’t worth it…” His voice was lowered “…But when I see him back with you… That almost makes up for it…” But he smiled “However, Y/N, I will thank you for your thanks… Ah-! Now, I have the pleasure of introducing you to those you never met-!” Reynolds walked you over to a tall kid, certainly a kid by his face alone and indicated to you “Tobin, this is the member of our crew that unfortunately never was! Please meet Ms.Y/N.” You looked back to Reynolds with a raised eyebrow “Shut it Reynolds, you never saw me dive either!” He snorted “If you’re as good as HE is then I didn’t need to see it!” and then nodded to Tobin “We coulda used ya, you know, but this one is a good diver, it just so happens.” You smiled, holding out your hand for Tobin to take; “Ah-! Good! A new member of the crew. Should you be taking them this young!?” “I’m 19. Not that young…” Certainly young; even if you’d met Fraser before you’d turned 19. For a dive like this one was sure to have been, Tobin, clearly from Liverpool by the accent, had been thrown in at more than just the literal deep end.

Your eyes couldn’t help but fall to the dark haired, dark eyed man staring at you inquisitively from just behind Tobin’s lanky frame. He was new too, and barely looked cut out for what these men – to be honest, you’d happily classify this kid a man after that – had just been through. “Oh. TWO new crew members for a job like this!?” The usual Likely Lads all seemed to hesitate and shuffle awkwardly for a minute; looking almost unwilling to introduce the man. Reynolds knew he had to step up to the plate; “He’s actually a banker… he’s not reaaaally crew.” You folded your arms, not accepting of that answer as a reason they would shun him. “Crew is crew.” Daniels was sweeping you, the dress you were wearing, your demeanour around a tough looking bunch of guys. He’d seen the pictures and heard the banter they keep throwing at Fraser. How coming up here they’d all been teasing him again about it and telling the two of them yet to meet you; “Look for the best-looking woman at this airport.” “A woman like that with a man like Fraser… ugh! Travesty!”   You took a step towards him, with an admittedly gorgeous little smile; Huh, I guess they’re right! She IS the best-looking girl here. “Y/N, It’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for being part of the crew to bring Fraser back to me.” He had to hesitate at that sentence. It struck him hard. But he held out his hand anyway “D-Daniels… It’s… nice to meet you.” You noticed both his nervousness and the way that his gaze swept you. The two were almost certainly bound to be related; you turned to punch Reynolds’ arm; “Alright. What the f*** did you say THIS time!?” By the time you got to the last man the banter amongst the crew was friendly and at ease. But this they had to watch. And another sentence popped into Daniels head; “Yeah, except Robinson, she won’t be nice to Robinson she hates him.” “Y/N…” “Robinson…” “…It’s good to see you… with him.” “I know.” “…I hope… that he takes care of you.” “He will. Thank you for asking him. Whether I mean it or not, it means a lot to Fraser. And that matters the most.” “I know… I will… Try to call on him less.” You raised an eyebrow; “If I had it my way, you’d never call on him again.” “Aye, I know.” He sighed, and offered you a hand to shake; “…I’ll try my best, to leave you alone, for a little while.” You looked to his hand with a shake of your head; “And I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. Don’t make promises you can’t keep…” You took a step, just a small one, forward and embraced him. It was quick. But significant. And had the rest of the men lapsed into stunned silence “Thank you. For bringing him back to me. Especially after this one. But I don’t want to hear about anything this dangerous again with your name tacked to it. Okay?” “…O…Okay…” Even he was astounded at your affection. You gave a nod of understanding before turning back to your man. Fraser was now standing alone, having finished the conversation with Aiden. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking at you expectantly; You hugged Reynolds one last time; “I gotta go. But, maybe I’ll see you guys again.” Maybe?! Who were you fooling? Of course you’d see them again. You were as stuck with them as Fraser was with you. With one last look back you crossed to him. Fraser took your hand in his and with a smile, lead you towards the exit. He didn’t even look back once. *** As expected, the first thing Fraser did after chucking his (now super heavy) bag into the back of your car was check your glove box. He knew the pack would be there. Because you’d light up if the plane didn’t get in. He opened it and did a quick count as you turned the key ignition; “Oh. This was a 4 cigerette trip... huh? That’s bad... even for me... geez I’m sorry.” “It’s okay. It’s me.” “Not it’s NOT okay...!” He shook the pack at you “You shouldn’t even need these! I scare you when I’m out there. But you don’t take these because of things I’m doing. But because you think what happened to you will happen to me.” He sighed and threw the pack back into your car “..Truth is. If I was more careful. That never would have happened to you.” He sighed “And that’s on me.” You winced; did he really blame himself for this? Without this would you have even ever got together? You’d make it a joke at the time, but you were serious. How long had you yearned for him to touch you as more than a friend and place his lips on yours before then..? “Fraser. It’s not just the dive… Submarines have their own problems... Hull breaches… Uh… Engine failure… What if they can’t surface again? Surely that’s a thing?” He watched you try to list off every other possible worry with a shake of his head’ “But it scares me.” You stopped talking and turned to his serious blue eyes, the way he reached for your hand to pull you back to him. “…Scares you?” “It scares me that these thoughts of yours scare you enough to...” His eyes flicked back to the pack of cigarettes and he shut the compartment with his knee “…I don’t like seeing you like this.” “You barely see it.” He chuckled; “Believe me. I do. I know you… You know how much you mean to me right…?” “I got a good idea…” you leaned into him “I mean I’ve known you for long enough…” “You’re my best friend. Y/N…” You opened your mouth, to say something like… I know… or you’re mine too… But it got lost somewhere else in every other feeling that was fighting for your attention. You bit your lip instead and almost shied away from him… “…Can I please get you home…” His hand left yours, and the glint in his eyes coupled with a smirk; “Of course you may.” You felt an involuntary, but certainly not unwelcome, shiver cross your skin at the sound of his accent saying those words… You knew what was coming. And you had a delightful drive home to fantasise it…  

**

It took less than a minute for both your feelings to engulf you as you closed the door to your house. How his hands ran under your dress and you pulled him up the stairs by the collar of his shirt all whilst making out and undoing buttons.

This used to be the best part of arguing with you; now it was just the best part of coming back. And with that gold forgotten at the front door now – Fraser’s thoughts were not on what he was going to do with it. Thinking; diving, tropics and making love to you on a sandy beach somewhere with no-one else around. But what he was about to do to you in this moment.

You were nowhere near the bedroom when he’d had enough of you pulling him there and lifted you, pinning you against the wall. He was strong, and balancing you there proved no trouble as he ran his hands up your thighs. The diving watch on his wrist beeped with his racing heartbeat and you were sure that yours was probably registering something similar. You groaned into his kiss and ran your fingers into his hair. He was right; you loved doing this; every time you got intimate; no matter how quick and rough or slow and sensual your fingers always tangled in it. And this time would be no exception.

Fraser was wasting no time; and you heard the clink of his belt buckle. You felt that throb of desire run through you just at the very sound. You needed him so badly now. It made you moan; and not very quietly. The smirk that drew itself across his face could not have been clearer. And you were clearly in anticipation of him doing something like this to you with what you were wearing… Perhaps because now he always did… He pulled down your underwear - black lace? Oh-! Fraser realised he might actually have been supposed to take your dress off. When he looked back to you, you were grinning. He growled gently as he kissed you again, pocketing them;  “Welcome home!”

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@dennismitchell @krnncsbtch @happyskywhale #MendoTagSquad. 

You say it's over, with a middle finger But then you're calling before I turn off my ringer And I answer 'cause I love to hear you're sorry for the 400th time Well, You try to leave me, but you can't do it 'Cause I'm the only one who puts up with your (censorship) I know that secretly you love making out with me right after we fight

We're always fixing something that was never broken We're on and off again like sobriety Get back together every time you're done throwing a fit So when you gonna quit breaking up with me? You think by now, we'd finally get along But we only feel right when everything is going wrong And we're back in the habit of cussing each other up and down I hate your daddy, you hate my momma, But one thing we don't seem to hate is all the drama... I don't know where you think you're going Because you're stuck with me forever and you know it!