I'm devastated and he's out there laughing?? Giggling??? IN MY FACE!??! THE AUDACITY!?

I know I'm not the prettiest girl. I don't have the perfect body. My hair is never fixed right. My eyelashes aren't super long. My nose is big. I have breakouts a lot of the time. My neck is skinny and my collar bones poke out. My chest is small and my stomach bloats. My legs are fat and long. My butt is average, if that. My back is boney. And I slouch. But what is so wrong with those things? I may have a lot of ugly features but I also have beautiful ones. My eyes are pretty and big and blue. My hair is blonde and soft. My cheeks are full. My lips are nice. Sometimes I don't have as much acne as I do around my period. I have prominent collar bones. I have a small yet fulfilling chest with nipples that fit it perfectly. My stomach is most usually flat and my hips are wide. My legs go on for miles and when they're tan they are beautiful. My feet are small and cute. My petite figure makes my butt look good. My back is slim and pretty to look at even if it looks sad. I will never be the girl anyone pictures. I will never be the girl that someone looks at and thinks man she is beautiful. I will always have these features that are ugly. I will never be the girl with the perfect face or skin. Never the perfect body. Never the perfect life. This is why when I am dating a guy I try to hold on to him because he thought for a while that I was beautiful. A girl with such flaws is gorgeous and he looks at me with such wonder in his eyes that I never thought a guy could hold for me. That is why when I had you I couldn't yet let go. I saw all the passion you held for me but in a split second it was gone and I want nothing more than to have that back. Sadly I will not. I will have to settle for someone who does not see my beauty. For someone who does not see my perfection through my flaws. Someone who wants to use me just to say he did. Someone who cares nothing about me. I will have to settle for less and expect no special treatment of any sorts.

today all I have thought about is you. These are the things that have come to mind. The night everything happened. It was during the summer and I was so excited. I couldn't believe you like me. I was already head over heels. I thought about our first date. It was fun and I fell even harder. Even tho you beat me at bowling. I thought of our movie day after that and we had our perfect first kiss. I think of the time we went to the park and just swung and talked about our families. I remember every time you came to my house. The time we done the makeup challenge. The time you kissed my head while you held me close to you. The first time we made love. All the silly mistakes we made but we didn't just give up. The day you called me and cried and told me you didn't know how you felt anymore. The day we went to your grandpas grave and I watched you cry and all i wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and let you know you are loved and you are strong but I just sat there and let you tell me how angry you were and I watched you try and brush it off and I let you because I knew you didn't need to be coddled then. I think of driving around together. I think of conversations we had. I think of all the things and memories of you. Everyday and I do this because I love you and will continue to love you for as long as my heart wants to.