#forever ever

Two years ago today, these flowers were delivered to me at work because the night before I literally had a complete and uttered mental breakdown over the LOML.

I had finally got to the point that I couldn’t push anymore. I was done, I had to choose myself over anyone else no matter how much it broke me. I had to let go of what I had wanted to be “my happily ever after”

I had text a few of my closest friends to tell them my decision although they hated the idea of it because they knew my feelings for him and they loved him for me, they understood and told me to do what’s best for me. It took a lil bit, but I eventually got to the point that I was ok not being apart of that situation anymore. Of course I still loved him, but as I said I had to choose and love me more that time. I got back home and literally broke down telling my mom about how I had to break it off with him and choose myself. Now to know my mom, she loved him so much and loved the duo of him and I, but she too understood what I was having to do for myself.

Now let’s fast forward to 6 days ago. He and I reunited after a long “separation” and it was like nothing had ever changed. Like we hadn’t missed a beat. It’s no denying it, I love this man FOREVER EVER. I can’t even fake it, I LOVE ME SOME HIM.

YOU LOOK THE SAME BUT I DONT RECOGNIZE YOU IM LOOKING YOU DEAD IN THE FACE BUT I CANT FIND YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY WE ALWAYS TALK IN THE PAST TENSE YOU CANT EXPLAIN THE PRESENT TIL YOU WORK OUT WHAT THE PAST MEANT 

THESE ARE THE DAYS THAT BIND US TOGETHER FOREVER AND THESE LITTLE THINGS DEFINE US FOREVER FOREVER OHH ALL THIS BAD BLOOD HERE WONT YOU LET IT DRY ITS BEEN COLD FOR YEARS WONT YOU LET IT LIE

THERES A MAN IVE KNOWN FOR YEARS BUT STILL TO THIS DAY DO I KNOW HIM I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH ITS VERY HARD FOR ME TO SHOW IT BACK THEN AND EVEN NOW I FEEL THERES SOMETHING THAT I OWE HIM AND THAT FEELING SHOULD BE GOING OVER TIME BUT NO ITS GROWING WE WAS KID MATES MAKING MISTAKES PLAYING GIVE TAKE BIG HEARTS BATTLING AND BIG SNAKES RATTLING THEIR TAILS HE WAS LIKE THE WIND IN MY SAILS I WAS LIKE THE WATER FOR HIS KEEL IT WAS REAL IT USED TO HURT MY FLESH THAT HIS WORN SCARS WERE HEATED STILL HE USED TO HURT HIS FLESH JUST TO SEE IF HE COULD FEEL TO CUT A LONG SHORT HE WAS NEVER REALLY THE STRONG SORT GOT INTO THE WRONG SPORT BIG SWIGS LONG SNORTS CAUGHT IN THAT SPIRAL SAW ATTEMPTS TO HELP AS SPITEFUL AND SOON HE GOT SO DOWN THAT HE GOT ON THE BROWN WORD GOT AROUND PEOPLE DID NOT LIKE THE SOUND THEY TOLD ME TO STOP POPPING ROUND TO SEE HIM I KEPT DISAGREEING SOON HE WAS A DIFFERENT BEING HE GOT INTO STEALING ROBBING I STILL SEE HIM FREQUENT OFTEN EYES ARE THROBBING WEEPING SOBBING FREAKING OUT WOULDNT SPEAK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MADE HIM WEAK CAUSE THAT WOULD STOP HIS THROAT MID SENTENCE FACE WOULD PAINT REPENTANCE BUT HIS ACTIONS SPOKE DEPENDENCE FRIENDSHIP BECAME DIFFICULT TO SAY THE LEAST HE PLAYED THE BEAST SO WELL I WONDERED HOW WED EVER MAKE OUR PEACE THATS WHEN WE DRIFTED NEVER ARGUED IT JUST BECAME CLEAR THE PARTS OF HIM I LOVED SO MUCH WOULD SLOWLY DISAPPEAR

BUT THOSE ARE THE DAYS THAT BIND US TOGETHER FOREVER AND THESE LITTLE THINGS DEFINE US FOREVER FOREVER ALL THIS BAD BLOOD HERE WONT YOU LET IT DRY ITS BEEN COLD FOR YEARS WONT YOU LET IT LIE

MACADELIC 4EVA.