โ you havenโt said a thing or given an order sinceโฆ well. since we lost rachel. โ those words were hard to swallow. harder to hear coming out. sheโd been a pain in his ass every since she became their commanding officerโbut never once did he wish her death upon her. and now he was seeing just what grief could do to a person. he hadnโt even known that rachel was married. and now heโs watching her husbandโฆ or whatever title that put on it. he was watching him fall apart. be it love or some other thingโit didnโt matter. as long as you knew the person enough to know that their existence suddenly ceasing caused the world to shift. jason didnโt have any words to say to ease his suffering. but he searched for them anyway. โ whatever you need sir. iโm hereโฆ even if itโs to shoot the shit about something else to get your mind off of shit. โ
๐ข๐ญ ๐๐จ๐๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ญ๐๐ค๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ก๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ญ๐ก ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ, and should you find yourself unlucky enough youโll sink into the pits of the earth and uncover secrets which werenโt meant for your eyes / ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ก๐๐ฅ๐ฅ, ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ? ๐ฒ๐๐ญ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ , ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ค. stalked by the ones who drink the blood of the lost. that noise, the repeated clicking . . . it replays in his mind, painfully driving him to the point of insanity. what a fool he had been, heโd let his ambitions lead him, hoping to achieve something unachievable, the world took its blows at him, and it seemed it wasnโt done ripping him apart โ it took and took and tookโฆ until he was left with nothing, and this timeโฆ it went too far, taking his rachel.
memories of her flood his mind, her smile โ her laugh, everything he could never have or hold again, her in whole gone. ๐๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐ค๐ฅ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐๐ง๐๐๐ซ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ. so no, he does not believe in god, because if such a person existed he would have saved her, out of everyone he could have saved. he would have saved her. he should have saved her. ๐๐จ๐จ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐ฆ๐๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค ๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐๐ฐ๐๐ข๐ญ๐๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ , you should have never been here โ it's far too late to back out now. so many lives were lost due to his mistake, and he has to live with this guilt โจ should he survive the creatures that hunt him โฉ eyes burning with tears that streaked his face, red with anger and sadness. it is true: there are stages to grief, but he couldnโt pinpoint which stage he was out nor could he remember the first because his emotions flooded him all at once and the worst one was this inhumane feeling as though she deserved it, he hated himself for feeling this way.
he wanted to scream and curse her name , because she took choice away from him. she may as well have killed him when she set herself ablaze.๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง , how could he continue when there was so much he was regretting. he wished he could rewind time ; if these creatures could exist couldnโt he find a way to bring her back? rachelโฆ rachelโฆ it took him a moment to realize he was repeating her name out loud. his throat was raw and dry. he was rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself down. he hadnโt noticed the lieutenant standing above him. eyes shoot to look at him, there's an odd look in his eyes when they meet jasons; he canโt seem to keep contact and he canโt make sense of what heโs sayingโฆ he desperately attempts to steady himself. you are the colonel, he reminds himself
โ lieutenantโฆ im... not okayโฆ โ he mutters. โ can you just, sit here for a while, with me. iโm having a hard time distinguishing what is real, and whatโs not. โ it was hard to admit this but he needed to face reality before facing the creatures that were beyond this point, he couldn't risk his life or his teammate's lives.
unprompted ask. always accepting. @forcerecon
